How to Feed My 4 Year Old Dessert?
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I'm a clean your plate mom. They don't have to eat it all right then but they will not be eating anything else until it's gone. IMO it's a no, you eat what you take or are given or you don't eat treats.0
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I would set some sort of limit with dinner. She needs to eat so much before she can have dessert, to ensure she's not trying to fill up on snacks, regardless of how healthy the snack is. My son tries this trick with me --- tells me he's full at dinner and 10 minutes later asks for a snack. You just have to determine how much dinner is enough to ease your mind about the clean plate overeating and make sure she's getting enough nutrients from an actual meal.
It seems like all of us who had parents raised in the post-Depression/WWII era seem to have been part of the "clean plate club." "Eat your dinner, there are starving children in Africa/China/wherever." I always wondered why we couldn't send the food to them instead LOL.
On a more serious note, it does suck to waste food. Maybe serve your daughter smaller portions of whatever healthy foods the family is eating and if she is still hungry after, she can have a smaller portion of a dessert item? I dunno...when I was a kid most of the time our "dessert" was fruit, but on occasion we'd have homemade cookies or pie or going out for ice cream--we DID have to eat our healthier food first to get that. My mom made very healthy meals, incorporated a lot of "health" foods like sprouts and tofu which were more exotic back in the 70s and 80s, and limited the junk that was kept in the house, which backfired a bit when I went to college and went nuts with all the junk and sugar for a while.
"Thisismeraw" just wrote basically what I was thinking, I just type slow
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When I was helping raise a friend's kid, conditionals worked, provided that it was apparent that we were being manipulated. Sometimes, kids get full. Sometimes they're crafty.
Kid: I want a cookie.
Parent: If you want a cookie, you have to eat (all of the beans / two more bites of the potatoes.)
Kid: No. I don't wanna. I want a cookie.
Parent: (restates "If you want a cookie...") followed by "Do you want the cookie?"
Kid: Yes.
Parent: So what do you need to do?
Kid: Eat two more bites. But I don't want to. I want a cookie.
Parent: Well, you may have a cookie after you've had two more bites.
Or, you can bargain.
Parent: You can have half a cookie if you eat one more bite. If you want the whole cookie, you have to eat three bites.
It worked when we used it and taught the kid negotiation works better than tantrums.0 -
How involved is she in planning meals? It may be that she would eat a differerent variety of healthy foods and then naturally not want the Fiber One bar.
Alternatively, you could offer fruit salad for after dinner dessert during the week, do a chart and tick off every day she eats veggies..and if she reaches at least 50% of the days eating veggies, then the Fiber One bar for a Sunday night treat.
My parents made me clean my plate...but my plate was soggy veggies, pork chops and Wonderbread. After I went to college, I lived almost entirely on processed foods and it wasn't until I well into my adulthood that I begin to eat veggies daily.0 -
Is desert a regular thing with most people? we dont do dessert only on rare occasions,so why not just stop dessert?Its not necessary!0
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I went through this with my kids. It depends on how much she is eating. If you are monitoring and she is eating balanced, then yes. However if she is not eating enough good stuff and only wants the dessert, then no. That can be just as bad. You need to try to get her onto a routine to eat at regular intervals or she will have issues once she is in school
I always made a deal with my kids, depending on what they had eaten throughout the day would determine how many bites of whatever we were having for supper (4 bites of meat, 2 peas and 2 carrots, or whatever it was). Worked at my house.
Although we rarely have dessert, this also played into their evening snacks as well.
This!
I have a two year old. Our "dessert" is usually just fruit (watermellon, berries). When she asks for it, I assess what she's eaten and if I feel she's not eaten "enough" dinner, I tell her she can have the fruit if she'll eat 3 more bites of a vegetable that I know she likes, which usually results in her inhaling the rest of the vegetable on her plate so she can have unlimited access to the fruit.0 -
No, she gets LOTS of fruits and veggies (and the only time she gets white bread is when we go out and she won't eat it 'cuz she thinks it's yucky). But I figure if I'm going to give her a sweet, it should at least have SOMETHING going for it..? :ohwell:
It kind of sounds like she's eating a variety of food, is at a healthy weight - and maybe the concern.... isn't really a concern?
If she eats well all day, isn't interested in dinner but wants a Fiber 1 bar and that's what you endorse, maybe there isn't anything wrong with that? Clearly, past generations haven't always gotten it right or we wouldn't have the obesity epidemic we have.0 -
When I was helping raise a friend's kid, conditionals worked, provided that it was apparent that we were being manipulated. Sometimes, kids get full. Sometimes they're crafty.
Kid: I want a cookie.
Parent: If you want a cookie, you have to eat (all of the beans / two more bites of the potatoes.)
Kid: No. I don't wanna. I want a cookie.
Parent: (restates "If you want a cookie...") followed by "Do you want the cookie?"
Kid: Yes.
Parent: So what do you need to do?
Kid: Eat two more bites. But I don't want to. I want a cookie.
Parent: Well, you may have a cookie after you've had two more bites.
Or, you can bargain.
Parent: You can have half a cookie if you eat one more bite. If you want the whole cookie, you have to eat three bites.
It worked when we used it and taught the kid negotiation works better than tantrums.
Glad it worked but IMHO you shouldn't negotiate with children and you shouldn't just back down and give into what they want. Let them throw their tantrum.0 -
Is desert a regular thing with most people? we dont do dessert only on rare occasions,so why not just stop dessert?Its not necessary!
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
If I think my kids have eaten enough of the good food (even if the plate itsn't empty), I will give them dessert. However, I don't give them as much as if they had eaten everything. If my son ate 2/3 of a meal, he can have 2 cookies, instead of 3. My kids normally don't eat a lot of "junk" food anyway. They actually like yogurts and raisins over cookies at times. I grew up with the "clean your plate" mentality, so it's hard for me to throw food away, too. I try to save what I can, to eat another day.0
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My three year old gets dessert if he made a real effort at dinner. I certainly don't require a clean plate and try to set that example as well. My son does not get dessert every day because it's not a choice every day - but occassionally- sure he can have it. Clean plate or not.
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I love that my profile picture happens to be myself, my kid, and his GIANT birthday cake.:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
I think there are two issues here- Either your daughter is not hungry, but still wants dessert or your daughter is full and wants dessert anyway. Neither scenario will go over very well in my house! I, like you, want my kids to have a good relationship with food. If they are not hungry for dinner, than they are not hungry for dessert. And if they finish dinner, they need to let their bellies "rest" before eating dessert. I never make my kids finish a plate unless I KNOW they're hungry and they're just not eating because they don't like it (salad, veggies, etc) which is avoidable if I ask them to eat their veggies first
You're not pushing bad habits on your child if you make them finish dinner before dessert because, like I said, if they're hungry for that Fiber One bar than they have room in their belly for dinner, too! Hope this helps! :flowerforyou: 0 -
I don't do dessert....and if I did, a Fiber One bar would be the LAST thing I'd give them....they are full of chemicals....fruit is big in our house....if they don't finish their plate (I have one who does and one who rarely does unless it's something she REALLY likes) they can have fruit or raw veg later on....or yogourt...if they've made an effort and are not telling me they are full, I don't mind a "treat" after.0
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My children's meals go like this - meal (all of it. I don't give them a plate full of stuff they hate. They get a 4 year old portion), THEN fruit, THEN "dessert." Dessert may be a snickers mini (45 calories) or something like that. They have to finish one course before going to the next -- no exceptions. If they're not hungry enough for dinner, they're not hungry enough for fruit.
I don't negotiate with bed/nap time either.
We work full time and our life is pretty good. No bedtime meltdowns, no mealtime meltdowns. Ever. There's a lot to be said for boundaries.0 -
Excellent question.
I didn't read all the replies, and I don't have kids, but I love the fact that you're concerned about not forcing them to eat their whole dinner before they get dessert.
So I like the idea that dessert is not a "reward" for anything, especially not for eating a bunch of food for dinner. I guess my answer would be that you decide kids can have dessert X times per week, and you decide on a limited portion.
I think the main fear of parents was that kids would want dessert, and end up filling up on that, rather than more nutritious food. If you control the portions, and the times per week, I think you can remove that fear, without the arbitrary finish line / reward of having to finish your whole meal. If you can answer, "You've had dessert twice this week, you only get one more until next week, are you sure you want it tonight", you can start to teach kids about responsibility.0 -
I was a "clean your plate" mom for years (10 years, and 10 years too many) until, in a shining bolt of lightning, I saw how unhappy it made my son. To equate food and mealtimes to torture, how could I have done that to him? I hated myself for it. We are much cooler about meals now. I make sure he has his fruits, veggies and protein, and he pretty much eats whatever he wants on the site.
By the way, his favorite snack is a Fiber One brownie 0 -
I'm pretty much from the same background as you and have a 4 yr old daughter too. I was keen not to get her into the finish your plate attitude and have let her guide her own eating while providing mostly the healthy options. I'd like to see her eating more fruit and that may be due to the fact that I don't much but she generally eats her veg and main course. But, I don't do desert as a rule. It's not something that she expects. She may ask for a cake or something but it's not ingrained that after dinner comes something sweet. So she only asks for something if it occurs to her if you see what I mean. I am amazed at her appetite control because she can start a bag of sweets say and eat 2 and leave the rest. I can offer her cake, sweets, ice cream and she doesn't say she wants them unless she really does. Yes, some days I get a little concerned that she's eaten more of the 'bad' foods than the good but that's rare. Maybe I'm lucky though and this approach only works for her because of her personality!0
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No, she gets LOTS of fruits and veggies (and the only time she gets white bread is when we go out and she won't eat it 'cuz she thinks it's yucky). But I figure if I'm going to give her a sweet, it should at least have SOMETHING going for it..? :ohwell:
It kind of sounds like she's eating a variety of food, is at a healthy weight - and maybe the concern.... isn't really a concern?
If she eats well all day, isn't interested in dinner but wants a Fiber 1 bar and that's what you endorse, maybe there isn't anything wrong with that? Clearly, past generations haven't always gotten it right or we wouldn't have the obesity epidemic we have.
I think overall, she DOES eat well. Perfect? No. (She's at 55% on weight and 95% on height.) My question was actually a bigger issue than getting her to eat more veggies or fruit. It was asking for advice about developing her relationship with food to be a healthy one. As someone said above, many of us who grew up either in the post-Depression era or were raised by people who did (the past generations you refer to) do not really know how to eat and I'm trying to break that with my daughter. Teaching her to listen to her body and respond appropriately to its needs. And I'm REALLY sorry I threw FiberOnes out there. 0 -
I know my parents were like that i once tossed my green beans my step dad made me eat them out of the garbage i was tramatised for awhile. I have issue not wanting to toss food or have left overs. As for your daughter make dessert something healthier like make some pudding that has an avacado base you dont taste the avacado but its there hide the good stuff in tasty things until she is able to eat more. Kids tummys are tiny!
I disagree with this. Tricking them into eating healthy isn't teaching them anything.
I'll agree that "trickery" is not teaching the child anything about proper nutrition, but sometimes a mom has got to do what a mom has got to do (or a dad, as the case may be!) Our youngest was an extremely picky eater who could vomit on demand. He absolutely refused to try new foods and would become ill at the mere suggestion. We tried the whole letting him help shop, help prep, choose our menu, etc., to no good end. Rather than depend on vitamin tablets that I could dissolve in water for the rest of his days, I resorted to sneaking in other foods wherever I could. Spaghetti sauce covers an awful lot of sins! I used to hide pureed carrots, broccoli, even eggplant in it! Once he was a little older, I came clean with him about the hidden foods and why I did what I did, and guess what? Suddenly, he was quite willing to try new foods. No fuss, no muss. He still has a ways to go but it is better than what it was.
My point is, there is time later for teaching. I just wish I had thought of avocado pudding!
(Before I get bashed, his pediatrician is the one who made the suggestion!)0 -
Dessert should be only after a complete and balanced meal. It doesn't have to be a lot of food, but she needs healthy nutrition first! I would say there needs to be an agreed upon amount that she is required to eat (to ensure health) before dessert. Always check with her pediatrician to be sure she's getting enough nutrients in her diet. While not forcing the clean-plate-club is a good thing, just a bite here or there is really no better.
this 100%. even if its a bite of the meat/veggies, shes gotta be eating the good stuff. Fiber One bars are pretty much just as processed as a hamburger bun so its not really a win.0 -
Why are parents 'making deals' with their children? You're the parent! No deals, you make the rules!
I totally agree.
Who is in control here? I was a psychologist for many years, mainly helping children.
It is nice that you want to not pass on your food problems from growing up to your child, but on the flip side, you are adding problems by giving choices that maybe not necessary.
I have read some of your replies, that your child only eats dessert a couple of times a week. Other times they are eating fruit n veggies as snacks.
Why give the choice of dessert if you are giving them a substantial and healthy meal?
Later in life when they are a teen and let us suppose that the same child wants to bring a boyfriend or girlfriend over and they want to sleep in the same bed, then, how are you going to instigate control? Do you say once or twice a week is OK because my parents would not have allowed it?
There are a lot more situations I could give you but I am sure you get my drift.
It really is important to create boundaries, even if you feel mean doing it.0 -
OP, my mom was the same way. If my plate wasn't clean by midnight, I got it for breakfast, lunch and dinner the next day until it was all gone. She sent me to school with a bowl of oatmeal on my head in the 2nd grade because I didn't want to finish it. It took me a really long time to get over the "need" to clean my plate, and when I had kids, I told my mom she was NEVER to force my kids to eat something they didn't want. We never made a big deal about dessert with our kids. Usually they would've had a jell-o or something in the middle of the day, but if they had asked for something after dinner, they would've had to have at least made a reasonable effort to eat what was on their plates. It's the one thing I can say I did right in raising them. It actually makes me crazy that they can have candy in the house for months that goes untouched. I envy that in them.0
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Adding this: Our son is 11 and we never make him clean his plate. That kid can eat 1/4 of a cookie and just leave the rest cause "I've had enough."
I think one of the dangers of the clean your plate strategy is you get a kid who doesn't know his/her own hunger signals.
Adding this:
Yes, indeed, you are the parent (as I am), but what I want to teach our child is how to make good choices...not to force choices on him. You could sit down with her and say:
You know it is important to eat healthy foods so you'll continue to grow and be healthy. Someday you might want to (play soccer, be a ballerina, be the strongest geek in the library). Eating veggies and fruits are a part of that.
So, you give me 3 ideas about how you can get more fruits/veggies into you during the day. And, then modify the ones which work for you.
I've found that our son is actually pretty resourceful at figuring out ways to do what we want him to do if we present it to him as being in his best interest.0 -
She sounds like she already has a pretty good relationship with food if she is not asking for treats every night after supper. It sounds like you have taught her well. I never really had dessert in my house growing up, but maybe just have her eat her dinner until she is full and then give her a choice of mom approved snacks for a little while after when she may still be hungry. You are the mom and can still dictate what her snacks are and still give her a bit of choice, so if she ate well that day and two hours after supper she wants a treat, make that a choice, if she didn't eat well don't make it an option.
In the end sometimes it doesn't matter what you do environment can ruin good habits. I grew up with no sweets in the house and very little access to them, until I went to grade 7 and my school was across the street from the mall, and I was allowed to go to the store by myself, and then I got a job and had my own money, etc.
Basically what I am trying to say is that is sounds like what you are doing is working and if she wants a treat now and then and it's not all the time, that's great. Keep doing what you are doing.
P.S. You don't have to listen to my advice, I am not a mom, but I spend a lot of time with my brother and his 6 kids and I see a lot of patterns there too.0 -
I think it is a very dangerous idea to tie rewards to eating or not eating. I think that rewarding eating certain items or cleaning their plate sets kids up for an unhealthy relationship with food. Food should really not be a reward, nor should eating or not eating be special behavior.
We don't really have "dessert" at our house. We usually have a night time snack. Sometimes it's healthy food, sometimes it's not. If you are hungry at 7:30, you have a snack. If you are hungry at 5:00 or 6:00 you eat dinner. If you're really hungry you eat everything on your plate (and maybe have seconds). If you're not very hungry, you stop eating when you're full. No one needs to eat stuff that they hate, regardless of how "healthy" it is.0 -
I think it is a very dangerous idea to tie rewards to eating or not eating. I think that rewarding eating certain items or cleaning their plate sets kids up for an unhealthy relationship with food. Food should really not be a reward, nor should eating or not eating be special behavior.
Agree.
And to the OP - It really sounds like you and your little one are doing WELL with food and she's got a pretty balanced intake. My opinion is honestly maybe kids know best and are still in touch with their hunger signals.
It may sound like a ridiculous comparison, but I've got 2 80 pound dogs. We feed them exactly 1 cup of their exceptionally balanced food twice a day. They get 1 "cookie" or dog biscuit every day. On our active hike days, they also get an extra cookie.
I'm constantly amazed that some days - they leave their 1 cup in their bowls. Don't even touch it. I, for one, couldn't do that --- if you put it in front me, I'm going to eat. I know this about myself. On the days where they don't eat their food, they still eat their cookie.
Maybe nature has it right.... they eat when they are hungry. Most days that's 2 meals and a treat. A few days it isn't. The vet says both are at perfect weights. If I could master the eat-only-when-you're-hungry, I could also probably eat what I wanted - as long as I stopped when I was full. It's an interesting topic for debate.0 -
You may like this article, it's about how one mom is teaching her kids to be good eaters
http://reelgirl.com/2009/12/girls-and-food/0 -
My kids have to finish their plates to get dessert, but we don't put a lot at all on it. I don't like it, honestly, but it's the only way we got them to eat veggies.0
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I don't have any children but I am really not a fan of forcing children to eat or not letting them leave the table until their plate is clean. That's one of the reasons obesity is so high. If your child eats as much as they can and they are full then let them leave. Don't force them to it there. If they want a little something a few hours after dinner let them have it. Telling them no because they didn't finish their meal is wrong IMO. There shouldn't be a "reward" because your child stuffed themselves with dinner and a "punishment" if they don't clean their plates. This can lead to a whole mess of other problems down the road, obesity being first and foremost.0
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honestly maybe kids know best and are still in touch with their hunger signals.
Maybe nature has it right.... they eat when they are hungry. Most days that's 2 meals and a treat. A few days it isn't. The vet says both are at perfect weights. If I could master the eat-only-when-you're-hungry, I could also probably eat what I wanted - as long as I stopped when I was full. It's an interesting topic for debate.
The problem with that is, nature doesn't always have it right for that specific individual. As a parent, you need to be aware of roughly how much your kid should be getting per day and make sure that they're getting at least close. If they are, then sure, let them pick and choose when and how much they want to eat. If not, then you need to get them to eat more. I was one of those 'failure to thrive' kids from 2-6 yrs old, and my parents were constantly trying to get me to eat anything. If you'd left me to my own devices, I wouldn't have starved, but I'd have stunted my development horribly and been deficient in several vitamins and nutrients.0
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