Dating and the curvy body...anyone afraid of the weight loss

ucbycindy

I know this is going to sound very weird...I have always been 'full figured' and never had a problem dating, actually the men I have dated, have always like my size...weird I know.

BUT is anyone else afraid of what comes after the weight loss...

vanartsdalen2

A lot of it is confidence! When I lost weight I felt better and was a lot more confident and I KNOW that's why I got guys. Just stay confident and rock who you are!

krawhitham

Yeah, it's all about self-confidence. I met my current bf at my highest weight, and he's never had an issue with my weight even though I lived most of my life 35 lbs lighter!

If you lose a bunch of weight and suddenly feel self conscious and not confident anymore, that could certainly limit chances of dating. So important to just be the most confident and healthy YOU you can possibly be

KharismaticKayteh

Not sure this will answer your question at all, but my husband is happy with my present figure. He's also happy when I'm thinner, or when I'm thicker. As long as I'm happy, he's happy, and even when I'm not happy, he still finds me attractive. What I'm getting at is that the only people who are worth dating are the people who are interested in you for you. Even if you end up dating someone who usually appreciates thicker girls, as long as they're into you for YOU and not your size or shape, then you may have found someone worth spending a lot of time with.

vanartsdalen2

^That 100%

seltzermint555

KharismaticKayteh wrote: »

Not sure this will answer your question at all, but my husband is happy with my present figure. He's also happy when I'm thinner, or when I'm thicker. As long as I'm happy, he's happy, and even when I'm not happy, he still finds me attractive. What I'm getting at is that the only people who are worth dating are the people who are interested in you for you. Even if you end up dating someone who usually appreciates thicker girls, as long as they're into you for YOU and not your size or shape, then you may have found someone worth spending a lot of time with.

I really like this, and I agree.

OP, I can relate somewhat. I was always plus-sized even in my teens, and never had trouble finding men who were interested in me including physically.

When I met my husband several years ago, he was 100% into my then size 22 body. I am now size 10-12 and he is equally into me...not more, not less, he says. He is happy that I'm more confident about my body. He is also very happy that I did not lose my curves, and he won't lie about that. We actually discussed this in the past when I was losing the majority of my unwanted weight and was afraid I might get too thin. Now at a healthy weight with huge hips and large chest intact it's clear that will not happen unless I went to some extremes, which I don't plan to do.

If you have felt confident and attractive in the past/present with your body it's very likely you will continue to feel that way if not more so when trimming down a bit. I find in discussing this with friends and reading these forums, the people who seem to be most unhappy with their bodies BEFORE weight loss are the least satisfied after weight loss. Of course there are exceptions, but it sounds like you will be just fine and continue to have pretty good experiences in this area.

TR0berts

KharismaticKayteh wrote: »

Not sure this will answer your question at all, but my husband is happy with my present figure. He's also happy when I'm thinner, or when I'm thicker. As long as I'm happy, he's happy, and even when I'm not happy, he still finds me attractive. What I'm getting at is that the only people who are worth dating are the people who are interested in you for you. Even if you end up dating someone who usually appreciates thicker girls, as long as they're into you for YOU and not your size or shape, then you may have found someone worth spending a lot of time with.

jasonmh630

Not sure about other guys, but from MY standpoint... Confidence is the key to all of it. I couldn't care less whether she's thin/curvy/athletic/whatever, as long as she's confident in herself as a woman and is happy regardless of her size. Confidence IS sexy.

jasonmh630

KharismaticKayteh wrote: »

Not sure this will answer your question at all, but my husband is happy with my present figure. He's also happy when I'm thinner, or when I'm thicker. As long as I'm happy, he's happy, and even when I'm not happy, he still finds me attractive. What I'm getting at is that the only people who are worth dating are the people who are interested in you for you. Even if you end up dating someone who usually appreciates thicker girls, as long as they're into you for YOU and not your size or shape, then you may have found someone worth spending a lot of time with.

Bingo. Nail on the head.

dosesandmimosas

Interesting topic. My wife wants to drop 20 lbs of delightful curves. Of course, if it makes her happy I'll be supportive...but I'll miss them.

K8yMac

Agreed! I too was a size 22 and now a size 10. I was not confident with my body and felt awful about myself. I got attention at my heavier size but I will say it's increased quite a bit with the weight loss. I still am not happy with my shape or seeing myself naked, for sure. So if you were super confident before you should have NO problems now. I also think it's individual, as well. Some people can snap out of it and gain confidence. I did gain confidence but I think I will always see that fat girl in the mirror, no matter what.

AskTracyAnnK28

I haven't had much luck before or after my weight loss.

Thank god for Netflix!!

sophiek1964

Why would you find that weird OP? Men love women in all shapes and sizes.

yopeeps025

I know for me what comes after weight loss. Shirtless if I can year around.
That is one of the many things that will go down.

Lezavargas

Im with ya! Im a bodacious girl. I may lose weight but im never going to be a size 2, and thats ok with me! For me, i dont ever want to lose my boobs and my butt, but j want to have toned arms and legs and a trim tummy. You can lose weight and still be curvy and sexy!!

Lezavargas

Confidence comes in all shapes and sizes! Confidence = sexy
So do what makes you feel sexy and be confident and youll never have a shortage of men knockong down your door

yopeeps025

dosesandmimosas wrote: »

Interesting topic. My wife wants to drop 20 lbs of delightful curves. Of course, if it makes her happy I'll be supportive...but I'll miss them.

Tell her this.

Adc7225

In response to your question. Yes, I understand how you feel, I didn't really think about it too much but it has definitely made itself known with the ending of my relationship - out of the blue! He never said anything but I know what he likes.

While I feel better and may look better I still haven't come into totally owning it yet!Apparently to the outside world it seems like I do but I am much more withdrawn and lonelier than I was when I was larger. I have lost 94 pounds and I have noticed a shift in the type of men that look and speak to me now, part of my problem is that I feel sort of slight and very vulnerable so dating is not on my radar at this point.

The reality is that we are attracted to what is physically pleasing to us and while confidence plays a part in that - there are still things we don't find physically attractive despite the confidence one projects.

tibby531

my T&A were the first to go; in fact, for a while, I had NO curves. but I kept at it, and now I'm getting my curves back. only this time... they're better.

and, like everyone keeps saying, it really is all about the confidence. if a guy makes a rude comment that makes you second-guess your body or yourself, well... there's obviously a reason he's still on the market, and he doesn't need to be a part of YOUR life, either. (...I feel like there should be some finger snaps right here. for emphasis. )

UCCrista

I don't know what to make of this subject, actually. That is probably why I am reading these posts.

I have always been confident, and my friends and acquaintances have commented on this occasionally. However, whether 132 lbs. or 324 lbs. or anywhere in between, I don't remember a time when I didn't have "a shortage of men knockng down your door". I am fine with who I am and I have been comfortable with my body while 265 lbs. or less, but that doesn't seem to make a difference.

Some of my girlfriends say my confidence is intimidating, but - wth - you either have it or you don't. Apparently, it's because I just don't care what other people think. I think it might be that I am more driven than most, and possibly my worldview. I don't know that confidence has anything to do with it.

Like ADC said, you like what you like. Sometimes the package just falls short for whatever reason (physical, intellectual, emotional, whatever), and you are not interested. Other times, the rare ones, you find exactly what you want even if you didn't know it.

"Thank god for Netflix!!" --tracyannk28

missprizz

Confidence is definitely key. My best friend is full figured and she has amazing confidence and loves her body as is. Life is too short. The most important thing is to try to eat right and exercise...just try to live a healthy lifestyle but if you sometimes want to eat cake then eat cake. Its all about moderation.

jasonmh630

UCCrista wrote: »

I don't know what to make of this subject, actually. That is probably why I am reading these posts.

I have always been confident, and my friends and acquaintances have commented on this occasionally. However, whether 132 lbs. or 324 lbs. or anywhere in between, I don't remember a time when I didn't have "a shortage of men knockng down your door". I am fine with who I am and I have been comfortable with my body while 265 lbs. or less, but that doesn't seem to make a difference.

Some of my girlfriends say my confidence is intimidating, but - wth - you either have it or you don't. Apparently, it's because I just don't care what other people think. I think it might be that I am more driven than most, and possibly my worldview. I don't know that confidence has anything to do with it.

Like ADC said, you like what you like. Sometimes the package just falls short for whatever reason (physical, intellectual, emotional, whatever), and you are not interested. Other times, the rare ones, you find exactly what you want even if you didn't know it.

"Thank god for Netflix!!" --tracyannk28

I know and understand where you're coming from... I've always been confident in who I am, but for some reason (with me) it doesn't seem to make a difference. Maybe it's the area I live in because most of the guys down here are athletic or at least somewhat in shape. That seems to be what the ladies around here want. I know not all of them do, but it seems to be the consensus.

MellowGa

yep, it's about confidence in yourself. Be confident in whom you are and people will like you for who you are.

Sure looks are important, but Personality trumps the looks any day.

Women like confident men, Men like confident women.

Never think you are not "worthy" of someones attention.

as I say to all my female friends who are single, "keep your head up, Smile and always say HI! " you never know where it might lead, and if a guy makes small talk...when you do that..keep it going and see where it leads to.

When I met my wife I was not interested in her, but we alked and chatted at work.....25 years later, three teen kids.....it was her personality...and she is better looking now, then when I met her....because she is mine.

yourradimradletshug

I am just scared of loosing the weight I have up top. Just want my tummy gone haha.

laineybz

When I started losing weight, I was happily single. My confidence was growing and it caught the eye of a lad I met working a show. We got together, I continued to lose weight. Had a happy year and a bit together. I believe we never would have got together if i wasn't happy within myself. I wasn't looking, but i was pleased it happened.

shaynepoole

I thought the same thing about the weight. Oddly enough I still see the same guys I was seeing before I lost the weight - you know, the ones who liked bigger women. Must be my stunning personality

LAMCDylan

But your weight loss should be for health reasons. Being overweight, especially long term and into your later years of life is not good for you. While some men may like bigger women, they also like thinner/lighter women too. You gotta make a choice. Who's more important them or you?

ucbycindy

I am glad I am not alone...my weight is part of my identity...curvy fun lovin Cindy...so in my head I know that it is about personality...but really is a scary change and I think part of the reason I am struggling.

oxers

Yeah, you want someone who is happiest to see you at your healthiest, whatever weight that may be. Anyone who is less attracted to you because you're less curvacious but happier and healthier isn't someone you want in your life. If you were chronically underweight and it was taking a toll on your health, would you have any patience for someone who'd want you to stay thin at the expense of your well-being? Hell no. You'd kick him to the curb.

I get worrying about your identity changing, though. It's rough! It's scary. We spend so much time thinking we know who we are, and it's hard to divorce that from external things like weight. Even if you don't like it, it's hard to let go of it and think of yourself as anything else.

It's hard.

MummyKate85

I'm scared. My partner is and always has been attracted to curvy women. Im kinda worried he wont find me attractive when I've lost weight. I need to lose weight to be healtheir, and he knws this and understands but im still worried

xstephnz

I'm big and not curvy at all. I don't think many guys find my figure attractive. Curves certainly help!