Really sorry but I'm completely freaked out

27stoneofidiot

This will no doubt come across as idiotic but I am wigged out beyond belief at the moment. Last Friday I had surgery to reconstruct my ACL in my left knee and since then I have been a mental mess, let me try and explain a little more. Since June 11th 2012 I have been a different person to the person I was prior, I have eaten relatively clean, trained 3 times a week and do approximately 3hours cardio a week this has meant some huge changes in the way I look and my attitude to food, health & life. Since my surgery I have only made it to the gym once for a session with my PT where we discussed my rehab and did a little upper body work, he is now away on holiday for 2weeks so I can't turn to him to for help. I feel like I'm losing control of my diet, craving sugar and crap food, my water intake is down. I know a rational person would say its only a week after the operation give yourself a break but this time last year I was close to 400lbs and before the operation I was 30lbs off goal weight and I'm terrified I'm slipping into bad habits too easily. I have weighed myself for a week (I normally weigh every day 1st thing in a morning and have done for a year) because I thought while I'm recovering it would be better to focus on getting better rather than weight that I have limited ability to do anything about at the moment but I'm so worried about ballooning. I've just read this back and I sound like a nut-case but I am genuinely on the edge of a panic attack, I need to get control back or at least feel as though I'm in control.

fluffymcfluffster

You are right, a rational person would say it's ok and move on but we didn't end up here because we think rationally! That is how we ate ourselves big and it is a life change to do what you have done. You are normal though and feeling what most of us would. Try to get water in. Make good choices in food. Give yourself a break. The number one thing to remember is that if you do too much too soon, you will at the least not heal right and at worst, have to have surgery again. Do it right and focus on PT and sensible choices but give yourself a break. If you have lost 178 pounds, a little recovery time will not stop you in the long run. You are a machine!

anemoneprose

Ok my problem is nowhere near as bad as yours, but I have pain every day, all the time, it's worse with walking and exercise, and it stops me from doing things (figuring it out soon I hope). I TOTALLY slipped. I didn't gain weight, but also felt worse, psychologically and physically, and yup, it makes it harder to stay focused and not grab convenience foods. For me, cardio was a big mood booster, and it helped control appetite, too.

You've had surgery, and some guidance right? Maybe some physio? Focus on rehab. Do what you can within your limits - ask what you can/can't do. No matter how little it seems, it is better than nothing! And it will help some with mood, and make you feel like you're doing something. Might help you get a grip on food more easily.

Good luck!

emmythedagger

Hang in there.
fluffymcfluff is right, you've done so well that giving yourself some time to heal isn't going to turn you back into that guy again. Weigh yourself, but instead of concentrating on how far you still have to go, think about how far you've already come. A 178lb loss is amazing and you need to appreciate yourself.

tmpayne1

emmythedagger is right. You have done amazing things and you can't just turn that part of yourself off. Hang in there and you'll come out the other side of this worry. Take care!

greenmm1980

Surgery in general can cause mental stress. Add that to the up hill battle of losing weight and it feels like it is compounded even more. Breathe first of all. You have made it this far and you can continue to your goal. Try to focus your thoughts more, meditation might help you to relax and not feel so stressed. The recovery process is just that, a process and it is both mental and physical. Keep yourself hydrated and continue to work through the rehab. You will get your sense of control back. One good choice after another.

27stoneofidiot

Cheers guys, I'm not sleeping too well at the moment due to the knee and I don't think that is helping with my mood and general outlook. Hopefully the discomfort will ease and I'll get some quality rest. I spent time last night working on clean meal plans and a shopping list, hopefully this will give me a sense of control.

Sqeekyjojo

What's stopping you going to the gym to work on everything else?

Why do you need the trainer? He's on holiday, you're an adult who has done something pretty amazing over the last year - you don't believe that it's been the trainer and the gym that's responsible for your success, do you?

The only person or thing that is responsible for your change of lifestyle is you. Give yourself some credit here. And if you're the person responsible for all this, then you can make the right choices whilst your knee heals.

kmcgallery

I completely agree with squeeky. Add some Camomile tea, Kava tea, or Valerian Root caps to your shopping list, too. One or two of these herbs may help you to take the emotional edge off as well.

Do something to keep your "mental momentum" going on your healthy habits. Making the menu was a good idea..... just keep moving forward.... big or small. You already have the evidence that you have everything it takes to be disciplined and continue on a good path. It's just going to be altered for a bit for a while.

You'll be ok & good for you for asking for support!

jsiricos

Just do upper body, and definately go to Physio, its a MUST after knee/ACL surgery

Meds for pain didn't really work here either, I switched to straight Ibuprofen/Advil and dropped the heavy stuff like a bad habit.

Have faith in yourself, it's got you this far, right?

LorinaLynn

As much as feeling panicked sucks, in this case, I think it's a good thing. Your anxiety is a sign of just how motivated you are.

If you weren't afraid of slipping back into bad habits, THAT would be a problem. No one makes a conscious effort to lose control of their eating and exercise habits. It just happens. You're too aware of what's going on for that to happen.

Right now, recovery is the most important thing. Rest isn't laziness or apathy, it's healing.

retiree2006

All good advice above. We all fear, to a certain degree, the return to old habit. But your being aware of that is actually a good step so try to relax (deep breath! :flowerforyou: ), continue planning your meals and shopping list with emphasis on the healthy foods, and know that your determination will help you through this. It's just one stressor that is temporary and in life you'll learn to handle them when you see they can't make you fail. After all...with your success so far, you know who's in charge! As mentioned, do the exercises you can do safely, keep at the PT, and eat well to help you heal. Wishing you a full recovery very soon.

wbandel

Recovery will take time. Make a checklist of daily activities you can do, like weighing in and counting calories, physical therapy, etc. Write it all down, then check it off as you go, that way you know you're doing it and not wandering off track.

Getting over an injury can be really stressful and hard to handle emotionally. When I was recovering from a DVT I'd just try to focus on doing my physical therapy at home to a T, taking my meds, drinking water, etc. It can be really frustrating, but you'll get through this. Maybe try adding in some non-exercise goals, like finding new recipes to cook, or read a book you've put off for a long time. Maybe try yoga or something that won't use that joint.

niftyafterfifty

You're a different person now; you have different goals. You will get through this successfully! Continue to eat cleanly; your diet is the one thing you can control now. Start there, and work the upper body if possible. Don't do anything to damage your recovery from surgery. Breathe and believe in yourself. I don't even know you, but I believe you can do this. Blessings.

27stoneofidiot

Thanks for the advice and support guys. I can't drive for another couple of weeks yet so getting to and from the gym is a little problematic but there is always a way if you want something badly enough. I have been a little down for the last week or so since the surgery because it feels like a retrograde step but I know in the long term its what I needed to function and move up a level, I just think I underestimated how tough I was going to find things. I need to feel as though I'm in charge so I'm going to concentrate on the diet side of things and focus on the physio-type exercises the hospital gave me so I and get the range of motion back as quickly as possible and then kick on from there.

Thanks again for the advice.

runningcats

Wow, it is impressive how far you have come, and ... I agree with everyone here who has advised you to give yourself a break. BUT - that's easier said than done, right? When you are in a panic (or close to it), hearing those words can sometimes put more stress on.

I think you have the right idea of focusing on the things that you can control. Making the shopping list for good, clean, quality foods. Focusing on getting enough hydration. And focusing on healing - #1 priority. Getting the right nutrition and the right hydration will help you heal as fast as possible. Following as much of the rehab and physio exercises as you can will also work to strengthen and heal too.

You are doing great! Keep up the good work and keep focused on those things you can control. That can help get past the panic feelings. You've already proved that you can do an astounding job (losing 178 pounds!! well done!!) -- you can do this too.