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HeavysetPat
HeavysetPat Posts: 19 Member
in Getting Started
the fight begins long before you realize that you are losing....

Clothes dont fit, so you buy bigger - round 1
It gets harder to breathe when you move around - round 2
soreness - round 3
medication - round 4


You dont feel the punches, you wont feel them, its supposed to be that way. Well, thats until round 10, you know about the 10th round right. Thats the round you look in the mirror, oh i know you look in the mirror all the time, but for some reason, its this time where you see a stranger, a person you dont remember inviting into your home. You go from confused, to shocked, to pissed off, to sad, to enraged, but then, a tilt of the head and you realize.

It's you, it's been you the whole time. Makes sense now doesnt it, the size of your shirts going from 2x to 6x was no accident., your pants climbing from 38 to 52 wasnt a mistake in brand. There wasnt a person behind you breathing heavy yesterday, that was you. No one stole the rest of the cake, you ate it, no one broke the chair, you did, no one drove you to Burger King, Wendy's, Arbys's 5 Guys...You did, you did it all, it was all you.

You arent doing everything you can
You arent eating right
You arent working out
You arent going to the gym
You arent listening to your doctor
You arent drinking water

You arent doing anything you have known you are supposed to do, because laying there on the mat, blooding, beaten down, past those bright lights, the referee of life counting 6....7....8... you look and you finally see, it was you, it was always you who was beating yourself, round after round, you never even put your gloves on.


I saw something it that tall mirror i bought from Big Lots for 9.99, i saw something...and it was everything i am not supposed to be

1 week ago, i picked myself off the mat, went to my corner and put on my *kitten* gloves.

headache, soreness, sleeplessness, my brain telling me to eat more, my body telling me to fry it, cover it honey mustard, fries are better than salad, eat another, EAT MORE, EAT MORE, EAT MORE

i have blocked every punch

but only for 1 week

but you know what, to be honest....i feel it slipping, i feel it getting blurry, a voice whispering

"quit"

"give up"

"stop trying"


i close my eye and i try to place myself, not in a happy place, but it a place where i can hear anything, not a sound, a place where i can piece my mind back together, trying to make it less scattered, less weak, so when i open my eyes, i can be strong enough to be that thing i saw in the mirror

it's always been Me VS Me, and its time i walk away with a VICTORY




find me, friend me, join me

i can be in your corner, if you are in mine

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