Trying not to fail.

aliciahollinger

Hi everyone, my name is Alicia and I am trying not to fail.

It is a daily, sometimes hourly struggle. I am a self proclaimed control freak and procrastinator (the struggle!!!) yet feel completely out of control when it comes to my weight and food choices. I have been overweight my entire life, since kindergarten really. Food was my friend, my security in a troubled childhood, my crutch and support in early adulthood, and now, when I finally have my *kitten* together, I feel as though it is my nemesis as a real life grownup (35 is what I consider a grown up apparently). I feel that my weight would no longer be an issue if I could just stop eating all together like I have stopped smoking or any other vice. However, since that is not necessarily possible, I have ended up here to try and tame my beast. One week down, and I'm ok. It's the long haul that I have a problem with, and keeping my eye on small goals, not where I want to be at the end. That seems so far away and unavailable... That, is where I lose myself, looking at the finish line instead of the first checkpoint.

Anyway, that is where I am. Thank you for letting me vent and be a part of this community. I hope that maybe someone can relate to my feelings. Oh, I guess I should say a little about me. I am almost 35, I have an amazing husband and 3 kids who keep me balanced between insane and overjoyed. I love to cook, watch movies, spend time with family and friends, and football! I'm working on loving exercise. I'm not there yet, but it's a process. I'm very sarcastic, and am told that my best quality is my honesty. Sometimes, that is also my worst quality.. :-)

jadumz

You sound like my kinda girl! You'll get there! Edit: WE'LL GET THERE!
Trying not to fail is a very negative thought though, get that out of your head! I'd suggest something else but I'm poop with words hahah

hmcbride68

Alicia, you may not even realize it, but you're already moving forward. Just the simple act of self-reflection and being honest about your tendencies is further than most people ever get their whole lives. You know what you have to do. You recognize that it takes time and patience, and that it's not easy

I could sit here and tell you that you need to start looking at food as fuel and not as an emotional reward and all that typical stuff, but beside that being a very difficult thing to do, it's not even necessary. You love food. So do I. So does just about everyone here. And that's not a bad thing. Food is AWESOME!! It tastes great, gives us comfort mentally, and nourishes our bodies. Don't make food your enemy, it's not. It's your friend - still. Embrace it. Find ways to make it just a little healthier, make it taste good, and enjoy the hell out of it

Also, congratulations on not being perfect. You are officially human, and you are among friends. Control freaks are great because they care about results. Procrastinators are great because they don't burn out. Combine those two aspects of you, and you got a pretty powerful combination. Use the force, young jedi

Ohwhynot

You got this! I, too, and a major control freak and an emotional eater. I am down 12 lbs by NOT being perfect. You know what, it's SO HARD to let go, but it's OK to cut yourself some slack!

aliciahollinger

Thank you all so much!! I'm trying really hard to change my perspective to be more positive and using food as fuel instead of as comfort and it getting better. Food is AWESOME, but I need to be in control of it instead of the other way around. That is why you all are so amazing to understand that. Some people just don't. It's a struggle that if you have never experienced it, you really don't understand it.. I need people who understand. :-)

Thank you for understanding me!!

Ohwhynot wrote: »

You got this! I, too, and a major control freak and an emotional eater. I am down 12 lbs by NOT being perfect. You know what, it's SO HARD to let go, but it's OK to cut yourself some slack!