Frustration.....Need Advice/Help/Suggestions

mellenthine2014

Let me start off by saying my eating habits are atrocious!! I do not really know how to cook which is very sad for me because I have a 6 and 8 year old so in turn we go out to eat a lot and eat a lot of fast food! I am not very knowledgeable when it comes to what we should be eating. I have tried Weight Watchers multiple times and it does not work for me because I get overwhelmed when it comes to the food and portion sizes. To make matters worse is my horrible eating habits is now instilled into my children. They are ridiculously picky! No fruits or vegetables besides corn and potatoes. I feel like it is a losing battle and get frustrated and throw in the towel over and over again! To add one more added issue I am allergic to milk and all milk products so that limits me.

I really, really don’t want to quit…..I am starting to get crazy heavy and I feel as though it is just going to continue to get worse. I am 41 years old, my husband and I work opposite shifts, I work 7:30-3:30 Monday thru Friday….So on my own with my children every night.

I thought of Nutrisystem and Jenny Craig – but that does not help my children at all. They are thin and active not concerned with their weight at this point –but if they continue to eat the crap we eat – they will definitely start to become overweight in due time! I use to be a twig until my 20’s always ate this way and it never bothered me to now…..

Does anyone else feel this way?? Overwhelmed with their struggles and life challenges?

PinkCoconut

It can definitely be a challenge for SURE but the trick is to not let it get to you! Please shoot me a friend request and let's chat! I'm certain we can work on a way you can achieve your goals without dieting and get your kids on board at the same time!

LAWoman72

I don't really know how to motivate you. Yes, I have been very, very like you for a lot of my life. For me, I don't know why, but I finally said "enough." You may have to get to your "enough" point.

As far as children...it's time to crack down, for your child's health. Not in a mean way...but crack down. I get you. My middle son is autistic and he is picky and borderline-bizarrre about certain foods and textures. It had come down to him basically eating ONLY snacky, wheat-y, pasta-y things. And he did become overweight. Not huge, but overweight.

I finally said "ENOUGH...I am the one who is the parent here" (said this to myself, I mean). If my son is unhealthy, who is to blame? I am his mother. He is a minor and I do have control over what he eats. If he's overweight, sluggish, tired and underperforming, that's on me. That's my fault.

So I started to tell him, "We have X, Y and Z to choose from for lunch and if you don't eat it, you'll be quite hungry by dinner time. So I'd like you to eat something now. That will give you energy and make you feel good." Sure, he whined a lot about it. But I knew he wasn't going to starve to death. When he was hungry enough, he was going to eat. And it wasn't like I was trying to force wheatgrass smoothies down him or anything. It was all very normal foods. Oranges, for example. I mean come on.

And I always gave him a choice, to give him some control. I never sat him down and said, "You're going to eat these broccoli florets, or you don't eat until tomorrow morning." I said, "you can have broccoli, green beans or corn." That sort of thing. I also offered him these items in conjunction with something I knew he did like, so I knew he'd feel emotionally happy and would also be getting calories, not starving and wasting off the face of the earth. So for example, he might get a palmful of popcorn as a treat on the side with his lunch. Or have pepperoni slices or cheese, or yogurt.

The first time I offered him an orange instead of some junkola bar he freaked out and cried. I told him I loved him and when he was ready for the orange, let me know.

Six months ago he ate from maybe three or four different foods. Today he eats - happily - from among literally dozens of different foods, of all types (veggies, fruits, dairy, protein).

Your children won't starve to death. Offer them healthy choices, stay strong against the "But I NEED Doritos" tantrums - but you have to do it yourself too. It does come down to you.

Branstin

You have to start with baby steps. There are a ton of free recipes online. Start by cooking a few days a week. Casseroles and crock pots meals are the easiest. Look for one-dish meals with simple ingredients. Your children are used to eating a certain way so it will take time to retrain them to eat those foods. Set-up a rewards system so every time they eat their fruits and veggies, you give them a small reward.

Lose25now

Ok just my thought: you are looking at all the negatives and are getting overwhelmed. You can purchase many healthy foods already cooked as the market. Let's make a list of the things you can eat for a start. Then go to recipes and see what is available to make. I don't cook but learned to bake chicken and potatoes in the oven. I make chili and soups in the crockpot (so easy really). Then I looked up some frozen food that was healthier then their fast food counter parts such as sweet potato raviolis. Do you grill, my husband does and cooks extra so I can have lunch. Don't take this wrong but knowledge is key to losing weight, so ask often what people are eating and how they cook it. I think every one will share their knowledge with you. Friend me and I will give you some other things I cook to help you.

Boganella

My first suggestion would be to learn how to cook. There are youtube videos and numerous websites that teach the basics. Once you start cooking your own food you become more in control and less overwhelmed imo.

ThatMouse

I'm not a mom, nor do I look after kids, so please take my suggestions with a grain of salt - they may or may not work.

Programs like Nutrisystem, Jenny Craig and even Weight Watchers fail to teach adherents one crucial aspect of weight management: proper nutrition. Most of those systems have pre-packaged, pre-made foods that you buy and eat out of the box. You'll know how many calories are in them, the ingredients in them, maybe even the macros. But you won't learn how to cook or prepare healthy meals on your own, which is key to maintaining weight loss. I've had several older lady friends (I'm in my 20s) who've successfully lost on Weight Watchers or some other packaged nutritional system, but when they reached their goal weights, they didn't know what to eat to maintain that success and they ended up gaining back a good portion of their lost weight.

Especially for kids, it's important to teach them about food and vital to teach them how to cook their own meals. I really like this recent CBC.ca article on "Eating Education" in Japan that shows how powerful food education can be when it comes to teaching kids to be mindful of what they eat and how it affects not only themselves, but the greater community.

For me, I work 40 hours a week, go to the gym in the early morning and am often out of the house until 9-10PM. On Saturdays, I'm out of the house in the mornings until 1-2PM and then usually out and about until 10PM. Sundays are my only "stay home" day during the week. I know it's no comparison to having kids, but I'm hoping to show that I understand how time-crunches can pull the ability to prepare out of things.

But even being busy, I make the time to prepare my meals. I plan out a meal plan well in advance - sometimes I plan a whole day's worth of food in advance so I batch-cook everything, sometimes I compile a list of "modular" meals so I can mix-and-match if I get bored. It's heavy work up-front, but once you know a list of meals to fall back on, it gets easy and time-saving.

I recommend you take the time to put together healthy recipes that meet your calorie and macro-nutritional goals. Figure out what fresh foods you like, what meals you enjoy cooking, what healthy snacks you can prepare in advance to take to work.

Better yet, if you have evenings with kids - provided they're old enough - involve them in cooking, too! There are a ton of recipes online that are kid-friendly and include instructions on how to get kids to help out. Make home-made chicken nuggets (basically grilled chicken breast that you cut into shapes using cookie cutters before cooking), get kids to take care of laying out cut veggies (you do the cutting, unless there's an older kid who can use a knife safely, then they can be "chef") or arranging them in a dip-cup. Make meal preparation a family affair and have fun with it.

Not only does it help you spread out the prep work (measuring out ingredients is usually a task younger kids can help with and it saves a ton of time), it gives you and your kids a fun bonding activity that also serves as food education for everyone. After a snack or meal, when no one is hungry, maybe even try hitting a farmer's market or a grocery store and have them point out veggies or fruits they've never tried and want to taste. Look up recipes and prepare them together.

Cooking fresh meals together with your kids will help you learn how to control your portions and intake - especially using the Recipe Book here on MFP - and give you a way to not only spend time with your kids doing a fun activity, but to ensure they're learning how to cook healthy meals for the future.

allieallieoxenfree

People have given lots of great advice about cooking for kids, so I'm going to focus on the not knowing how/what to cook part of your post.

I would suggest Skinnytaste as a great resource for tons and tons of family-friendly healthy recipes that are also totally delicious. She has an enormous comprehensive website and also a cookbook.

I couldn't really comprehend not knowing how to cook until I got married and watched my husband try to make things (lol). But it makes more sense to me now--there are lots of things that I just "know" that really I learned from cooking with my grandma growing up, watching Food Network all the time, and just practice, I guess.

My biggest piece of advice re: cooking is FOLLOW THE RECIPE when you're first starting. Just because cabbage looks like lettuce, or turnips look like radishes, or whatever, does not mean you can substitute one for the other. If you're not sure what you can substitute for some obscure ingredient, just Google it!

I would start with things you bake in the oven or put in the Crockpot, as I think those kinds of recipes are much easier.

Try to watch some YouTube videos for how to chop veggies quickly--this is one of the big hurdles for a lot of beginning cooks, I think, because freshly chopped veggies are in a lot of recipes and if you don't know how to cut them, it's ridiculously time consuming.

Um... start with the heat under your pan on medium and don't be afraid to turn it up or down if things are burning or seem like they're never cooking.

Use cooking spray or oil every time you put something in a pan.

Don't use metal tools on a nonstick pan.

duqtape

This year, I have found a renewed success not seen in the past with Eatthismuch.com. It took a bit of clicking to get it to work for me (I suggest the walk thru in the Help menu). In the last three weeks, I've come across two recipes I won't make again and am down 6 lbs (two pounds a week). The recipes are easy enough, customizable, you can enter your own recipes, drag and drop meal changes, and each one is scalable to less servings then the whole recipe. (I usually have 1 serving during the day and 2 at night to create leftovers.)

It is free to do one day at a time, or there is a monthly/yearly fee. I loved it so much, I paid for the year.

*I am in no way associated with these folks. I just highly support their site and mission.

ourtruelovewillneverdie

As a mom of 5 under 7 I find that incorporating them in cooking helps them want to try different things. We will watch cooking shows sometimes and they pick out recipes to try. Try buying cookbooks for kids that teach healthy cooking or find ways to lighten up recipes. My 2 year old hates fruits and veggies, except applesauce, so I try to incorporate smoothies or I add veggies to meals by putting them in a food proccessor first and then make meatballs and things like that they can be easily incorporated in. I also sometimes bake with homemade applesauce instead of using oil in some recipes.

jgnatca

Get yourself some measuring cups and a scale and start measuring one meal a day. Baby steps as others have said. You can't get anywhere until you understand the portions you are feeding yourself.

Then start adding more vegetables and good things to your diet, easy recipes. Here's a great place to start.

http://www.pinterest.com/pin/361132463843521611/

Many obese people like you and me have trouble with "all or nothing thinking". You haven't even started because you can't do it all. Good news, you don't have to do it all.
http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/perfectionism.htm

Even small changes in what you are doing now will make your life better.

wkwebby

Allrecipes.com has all sorts of recipes that are free. You can sign up for other services, but to look up recipes and get ideas, it is totally free. Substitutes are perfectly fine (greek yogurt for sour cream, etc.) and the reviews are very helpful from people. It takes a little time to learn to cook, and it costs nothing but patience and time...with yourself.

Maybe make it fun time with the kids, and have them help. Get them involved and see if this doesn't interest them.

Good luck!

4bettermenow

I am also a mom...my boys are 9 & 7. One loves veggies and dislikes most fruit. The other loves fruit and dislikes most veggies. It can be increasingly frustrating. My boys also get the "choice" menu on veggies on the side. And with whatever I cook, there is a try it twice rule. Meaning, you must try it the two times I make it. Because some nights they like something that they hated three weeks ago. AND for us it is crucial that just because Daddy doesn't like something, he always tries it and always eats all of his veggies. If Daddy likes it, then my boys are pretty much on board with it. I also don't buy soda or junk food. If we want sweets, I make them.

Cooking is a continuous learning process. Crockpots are wonderful. I use mine a lot, especially when I know the day is full of school and karate and homework. Growing up vegetarian, it was difficult for me to learn how to cook meat correctly...and I am still learning. But the oven and chicken go hand and hand.

We stopped eating fast food, except for once a month. Typically when we go out to eat, we choose a sit down restaurant and the kids pick what they want from the menu. They love to impress the waitress by ordering on their own. I am happy to say that most of the time, if they choose a corn dog or chicken nuggets, they will also choose mandarin oranges or apples as their side.

You can do this. It can be so overwhelming and frustrating, but little by little it will get easier. I am on the one in my house that needs to lose weight. And the rest of the family participates. My kids ask me almost daily if I did my workout or on days off, they do it with me. My husband never ever complains about anything I make, because he knows I am making us all healthier. Good luck. You can friend me if you want.

mellenthine2014

Thank you so much everyone for all the kind words, support and advice! I really enjoyed reading what everyone posted! I see a lot of you suggested the crock pot...is there a good website out there for easy crockpot meals, one better than another that you have found that you really liked? Also someone mentioned MFP had a recipe book...where would I find that? I will defiantly have to do some research, prepping and better time mgmt when it comes to our meals if I truly want to be successful which I do!

mangrothian

I will admit, cooking skills were instilled in me at a young age, so I haven't had to face the issue, but I taught quite a few friends when I was in university how to cook basic dishes. Do you have any friends you can invite over who can cook with you?

Additionally, I'm not sure where you're based, but Jamie Oliver has the cooking classes and the mobile food truck to help people learn how to cook (even complete beginners) healthy balanced meals on a budget. They also have kids classes, so what better way to get your kids to learn to like their fruit and veg other than to cook it themselves?

NewHopes

Pinterest has great ideas for the crock-pot, snacks for kids and a lot of other things too. I also been searching for different low calorie recipes, snacks and even sweets.(its one of my downfalls, I have a bad sweet tooth). But taste of home has good ones for the crock pot too.
Hope you find recipes you and your kids both enjoy, my girls don't make it easy for me either, there always nick picking at everything I make and there 5 and 2 1/2.
Good Luck

wkwebby

withpeanutbutterontop.blogspot.com is a website with all sorts of lower cal recipes.
allrecipes.com has any recipe that anyone posts so that has a great assortment

And then worst comes to worst, I just Googled "crockpot" or "slow cooker", the type of meat you want to use, and "easy" all in one search and it usually pops up some recipe sites. The amount of hours that you want the crockpot to be set is also good to determine if you can use the recipe (i.e. work 10 hours home in 11 hrs so you want the cooking time to be no less than the 10hours on a setting not 8 otherwise things can get dried out a little). I've done 8 hr recipes in 10 hrs, but it isn't the optimal thing to do especially with picky eaters.

Good luck with your experimentation!

rides4sanity

Easy Fast go-to meal...

I by pre-cut "Stir Fry" veggies in the produce section: Broccoli, Carrots & Snow Peas and large frozen shrimp (peeled and deveined). Stir fry it with a little EVOO and cajun seasoning... Low cal (~350), low carb, high protein and FAST! Heat skillet add 1 T EVOO and veggies cook ~ 8 Minutes. Add 10- 12 large shrimp and Cajun seasoning, toss with veggies for a minute or 2. Put a lid on and steam 2 more minutes. Done and delicious!

brightsideofpink

Small, but meaningful steps.
Realize that there is a whole lot of ground between constant take out and turning into a professional chef.
Cooking is easier than you think.
My tips:

Make counter/prep space in your home a priority. I always find it harder to motivate myself to cook if it means cleaning before hand.
Start simple, with as few utensils/dishes as possible. It will be hard to like cooking if it means needing to clean up a million dishes afterwards.
The microwave is not evil. Use it.
If it fits your budget, don't be afraid of short cuts. If sodium isn't a concern, use a rotisserie chicken rather than trying to roast one yourself. I sometimes grab precut veggies from the salad bar for a stirfry rather than cutting up various peppers, onions, carrots, etc.

Start simple. Go light on ingredients to start. Remember that many foods are easier than driving to a restaurant.

Some quick meal components with reasonable calorie counts:
Microwave a potato or sweet potato.
Toss chicken breasts into a shallow baking dish with lemon juice and black pepper.
Scramble eggs. Lightly oil pan. Cook eggs.
Salad- so easy.
Turn canned chicken into a yummy buffalo chicken with a little Franks.
Pierogies can be grilled.
Many veggies are easy on the grill.
Chicken sausage is yummy and feels indulgent. Grill, or pan fry. Done.
Pork loin, quartered apples, and onions into a dish in the oven with maple syrup (the real stuff). Even your kids will love it, so sweet.
Like fish? All you have to do is put in in a baking dish with liquid. I like a mix of lemon and orange juice.
Homemade pizza- get the kids involved. Grill for yummy crunch.
Lasagna can fit your macros- try the recipe on the Barilla pre-cooked noodle box subbing out light cheeses. Its really just mashing stuff together and layering, then turning on the oven. So simple.


Start simple with few ingredients and few dishes and build up your confidence. There are a lot of great recipes out there, but for starting out, I recommend the ones with the least amount of words. There are also some great recipes on this board that are fantastic because posters simplify them as they type them out.

Missy022014

I can relate to this. I'm a horrible cook, and I hate doing it. My kids are 3 and 5 and are okay eaters. My 5 year old loves broccoli and my 3 year old loves eggplant!

I also recommend a crock pot. I personally don't use one because meat gets a little mushy and I don't like that but everyone else raves about them. I also recommend freezer meals. They are quick and healthy. Try to find a local Tastefully Simple rep (I'm not one). I know one around me that does freezer meal workshops. You go, make 10 freezer meals and take them home to freeze and use later.

Hopefully some of this helps!