I'm starting to be afraid of food.

nightglo

I started counting calories again around the beginning of January. I've lost the same 40-60lbs more than once over the years- and now I have ballooned to waaay higher than I ever was before and I need to lose a bare minimum of 100 lbs. Anyway, I know that counting calories works for me, and once I feel in control of binges, I start working in exercise and all is well (until I fall off the wagon, of course). My problem is that I go from one extreme to another - so binge eating like you would not believe and then restricting too much (gee, I wonder why I can't sustain any weight loss..).

Messed up eating patterns aside - I have recently gone through a personal loss and it's been hard to eat (I never thought I would say that because I usually use food for comfort). Now I am starting to feel hungry again and I am afraid to let myself eat the roughly 1700 calories MFP has me on. I know I'll lose at that amount (this past summer I lost 25lbs on 1800 calories but of course gained that back too) but I feel like I have control over one single part of my life by only eating 1200 or so (some days more, some days around 900). All I can think of right now is take out food - a huge binge of it. I'm terrified of letting myself have a treat and yet I know I can't sustain this ridiculous situation I've put myself in. I really did not mean to get super controlling with my restriction, it just happened from being so upset and now I feel stuck.

How do you keep your weight loss/restrictions sustainable? I feel like such a @#$% idiot.

kramrn77

I had to learn that there is no such thing as "bad" food- just calorie dense vs nutrient dense. I had a big meal today including chocolate pie. I just don't splurge as often and I split the pie with my hubby and my litte girl, who really ought not count since all she ate was the chocolate "sparkles". Other wise, break things up into smaller manageable bits. I am concentrating on losing 10% of my weight and changing one habit for four weeks before trying to change the next.

The biggest component, I think, for you might be seeking therapy. There is a lot going on for you- you have a lot on your plate and support might be good for you.