EDNOS Slip up

reachingforarainbow

So, I have not purged in 4 months and have been working on losing weight.
I do have problems with anxiety and having new things in my life. And there is a lot of that. My sister asked me to be her made-of-honor. I'm moving in a month and 1/2 (out of my parents house), I have my work review, I want to buy a new car. All of these things are kind of exciting and are good things. But still make me anxious.

Last night, I freaked out over a little amount of food. It is not logged:

2 peppermint kisses
1 apple
10 puffed wheat thins
1/2 container of PB2
1 can of Butternut squash soup
2 glasses of white wine

(This was all after a full day of eating)

So yeah. I made myself sick after. Which is pointless.
I'm feeling rather crummy about this. Does anyone have any advice. I don't want to go back to maintenance calories. I really really don't. But I don't want to slip into this craziness again.

KarenJanine

Do you have a doctor or dietitian who knows your case history? It sounds like you have a lot going on right now so it may help to speak with a professional about your concerns about a relapse.

reachingforarainbow

Nope, I have not seen anyone about this for atleast a year or 2 (recovered on my own somehow, because I have too much anxiety to deal with strangers)

lemon629

Maybe it would be better for you to eat at maintenance level until your life has calmed down. I find weight loss to be next to impossible when there is a lot going on. I do well not to gain! So I think you should probably give yourself a break. Just concentrate on eating healthy, exercising, relaxing, and taking care of your emotional needs.

tulips_and_tea

I'd also try prioritizing and minimizing the things in your life that are new right now. Example: work review is important and you have a date of when you are moving out. Those 2 items top the list. Can you put off the new car purchase until both of the first two things are done and you are settled in? When is your sister's wedding? If you have a while yet (or even if you don't) maybe talk to her about as much as you appreciate the honor and that you will do your very best, maybe one of her other bridesmaids can help with ALL the stuff the maid of honor usually does so that it's not all on you?

Make a list of these new things in order of importance, their dates, etc. and then they won't seem so overwhelming, hopefully.

reachingforarainbow

Basically, I just stress about everything. The car thing I could wait till fall/ my sisters wedding is also in the fall. I need to be her MOH because we are really close.

I think perhaps, I will just change my goal to maintenance for a week or 2. Might help me relax a bit.

tulips_and_tea

reachingforarainbow wrote: »

Basically, I just stress about everything. The car thing I could wait till fall/ my sisters wedding is also in the fall. I need to be her MOH because we are really close.

I think perhaps, I will just change my goal to maintenance for a week or 2. Might help me relax a bit.

Oh, I definitely didn't mean you shouldn't be her maid of honor! I just meant that traditionally it is a large responsibility and with all the other changes going on right now perhaps sharing some of the responsibilities with the bridesmaids but still being her maid of honor would lessen some of your anxiety.

LAWoman72

I wish I could give you some advice, because I feel for you, but I feel like I would be irresponsible if I did. You really do need to see someone about this, IMO.

reachingforarainbow

@LAWoman72‌ please do give me any advice you have. My anxiety prevents me from seeking help

Howdoyoufeeltoday

I know all too well what you're going through. What you could possibly do is up your calories to maintenance and instead focus on fitness. Do some strength training and cardio. It'll help a bit with the anxiety and help relieve some of the guilt you have from feeling like you are more then you should. Mostly just keep breathing. One bad day does not mean you've failed! You went 4 months you can do it again! Stay strong and stay safe!

LizDV2014

I don't have any diet advice but just wanted to add that when I'm TOO busy I struggle with my diet too. I find that after I need to be out in the world protecting my recovery time at home is really important. I enjoy being out in the world when I have first invested in myself and allowed myself that time to recover at home. I'm an introvert, maybe you are too.

cheshirecatastrophe

reachingforarainbow wrote: »

@LAWoman72‌ please do give me any advice you have. My anxiety prevents me from seeking help

Have you tried any self-help programs for social anxiety? Even just to get you to the point where you can see a therapist face-to-face? After all, you've taken the first step of reaching out on the Internet.

Kalikel

Go back to therapy. You have a lot going on. See whoever diagnosed you before, get a new diagnosis and talk it out. That's the smart plan!

RodaRose

Sign up for some yoga classes or learn some breathing and meditation techniques. They help with anxiety and body awareness.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sd94Gh4lKOA&index=1&list=PLhiNtEBsgk1SKo-3NnmoWMeu_BkRS_kgw

reachingforarainbow

None of this seems achievable. I was going to try for maintenance but was at my goal. And then worked out twice for an hour each time of cardio, so I atleast burned off yesterday's whoops. This is probably not good. But from a weightloss perspective its great

cheshirecatastrophe

reachingforarainbow wrote: »

None of this seems achievable.

Amazon.com: workbooks for conquering social anxiety

Start there. Or don't start, and quit complaining, because choosing not to do the (hard, awful, gut-wrenching) work was YOUR CHOICE. As my therapist would say: "Yes, that's a sh--y situation. But you are choosing to sit in your s--t, so you need to own that choice."

If you genuinely want help to change, you have a thread and a forum full of people ready to cheer you on and lend you a hand!

(Disclaimer: "Tough love" works for me; hence the quote from my therapist. OP, my apologies if that approach does not jive with you. I'll back off.)

reachingforarainbow

Tough love might work. I'm not sure.

I get what your saying. Although I'm not sure I've hit the low point where I want to try to get better.

cheshirecatastrophe

reachingforarainbow wrote: »

Tough love might work. I'm not sure.

I get what your saying. Although I'm not sure I've hit the low point where I want to try to get better.

In my experience, there are two options:

1. Want it. Want it more than anything else in the entire f*king universe.

2. Realize you don't want it, but trust other people when they say if you stick with recovery long enough, you *will* want it eventually.

I stuck with #2 for a long, long time. It was brutal, but I made it to #1. I will also say, be careful of holding out for a low point or rock bottom. There really *isn't* a floor to eating disorders. You just kinda spiral further and further down, never quite making it. I definitely did that with my exercise problems. "I'll stop when I get X. I'll stop when Y cares enough to say something. Y cared enough to say something? It only counts if Y *and* Z say something." And so forth.

I really, really hope you'll at least consider working on your social anxiety. Especially since you've got weddings coming up, yikes! It would also be a great boost for getting into actual therapy.