I feel like it's a lost cause.

notnormallyacaloriecounter · June 2013

I joined MFP in April of last year, and by July I had lost 32 pounds. Little known to me, that was just enough weight to boost my fertility, and now I have Charlotte. She is the most beautiful,incredible, and frustrating little person in the world. But, I'm sure most parents feel the same way. I'm back at work now, and I feel like I have no time, and the time I do have I spend cleaning. Why does it never seem to stay clean? I'm finding myself stressed out between bills, Charlotte, work, housework, my boyfriend, and how disgusting I am. I get so overwelmed I just sit on the couch and eat. I feel like I'm getting no support, my mom tells me that it's okay because I just had a baby, my boyfriend tells me I look fine the way I am, and what girl doesn't dream of a man telling them they look fine? He's 6"2' and like 150 pounds, and just keeps losing it by doing nothing. When he's home he just wants to sit around and do nothing. I don't have any friends, I have acquaintances. I have no idea what to do. I don't want to be fat mommy, I want to enjoy how I look in clothes, I want to be a good role model for my daughter. I feel like I'm standing in quick sand, and my fat *kitten* keeps inching further and further towards the bottom.

tequila09 · June 2013

I know its tough but try coming up with small goals like taking the stairs instead of the elevator, eat more veggies, drink more water etc. You can do it!

77tes · June 2013

What?! You have a new baby and can't find time to exercise?!:noway: I hope you realized immediately that I was joking.

Try to eat healthy. Diet is 80% of weightloss, but don't do any crazy calorie cutting especially if you are still nursing your little one. Be patient. Pregnancy and childbirth are huge challenges for your body. Read a success story of someone who has been successful post pregnancy (read at least one per day).

Good luck :flowerforyou:

whierd · June 2013

Well, first thing, don't worry about cleaning, you have a little one to watch after. Ignore the messy house and just do what you can.

Same with the weight loss. Make a reasonable effort to eat better, but don't worry too much until the baby is finished nursing.

fittocycle · June 2013

First of all, you are not disgusting. You're a mom and there is nothing more beautiful than that. What you are is overwhelmed. You need a plan. Find a way to break up your day into manageable chunks of time and allot a certain amount to tackle housekeeping issues each day. Your house won't be perfect but that's okay. Who wants a perfect house anyway? Carve out 10 minutes a day just for yourself. During that time, read, listen to music, do whatever it takes to gather yourself up and recharge. Put your daughter in a stroller and go for a walk. You'll get some exercise and feel better physically and mentally too.
Things are a bit hectic right now, but they'll get better!:flowerforyou:

newlife6745 · June 2013

It is a tough situation and making the adjustments can some time take a while. How about splitting your lunch break for half to eat and the other half to exercise. Walk outdoors in the parking lot or use stairs. You can also keep a small set of weights in your car or at your job for when you walk. Ask for help from your mom and boyfriend. When your boyfriend is at home "sitting" leave the baby with him and talk a minute for yourself. Good luck. It's not easy but persistence will pay off.

MyChocolateDiet · June 2013

:huh: Dude, you should totally apply for a job as a doula because that's the exactly kind of thing they tell you. You sure you're not married with kids?

But actually yeah, he's right. All his advice is what I was gonna say, and I'm an actual mom who was a stay at home mom who nursed. It's a beautiful time focus on the baby and this beautiful time.

TheDoctorDana · June 2013

^^^ This

And congratulations on your little one. :drinker:

whierd · June 2013

Another forum I am part of has doula's and midwives. I pick up things quickly.

MyChocolateDiet · June 2013

Well son, you're ready.

whierd · June 2013

It is also partially why I know so much about menstrual cycles.

Dunkirk · June 2013

Congratulations on Charlotte ;-) I hope you are you getting enough sleep, I would make it a high priority.

MyChocolateDiet · June 2013

What about sore boobie massages. Where'd you learn that?

whierd · June 2013

That was learned through experience.

mtnstar · June 2013

I have 3 kids and do workout dvds during naps. At first it was really hard to motivate- I wanted to nap so bad! But eventually I realized a workout gives me WAY more energy than a nap would. It becomes a habit. My workout is interrupted- today probably 5 times to deal with kids, but I still did it. My 9 month old is a crappy napper and does not sleep through the night, so I am constantly sleep deprived. But I've found I can deal with less sleep if I'm well exercised. I could drive myself crazy trying to keep the house picked up, but at the end of the day your health is more important. Plus the dirt is good for your baby's immune system :happy: or so I keep telling myself.

kimosabe1 · June 2013

u are at the right place! I get support here and by counting calories and exercise the weight loss is so beneficial. It takes hard work but it's worth it in the end....:drinker:

gettinfitaus · June 2013

This, we all struggle with finding time once baby gets here! I have no idea what I did with all of my free time before bubs came along! Then I went and had another two! The trick though is to TAKE time for yourself. Your boyfriend can do his share and take Charlotte while you go for a walk, he can help with the cleaning. Rope your Mum into minding bubs while you get a rest or do some exercise. Do double duty and take Charlotte for a walk in a sling or wrap carrier, or the pram. Use her as counterweight for exercises (there is a DVD for that) they LOVE IT! I use my 16 month old as weight for bicap curls and squats.

But more than anything please understand that how you are feeling is NORMAL. everyone that I know has felt this way especially after their first baby. It gets easier.

MidnightDave · June 2013

It may have been a lost cause yesterday and it's sure not today because you recognize you're not where you want to be, you're on here posting about it and as you can see, you have an immediate and helpful support group already rallying with good advice and encouragement. P.S. Cut yourself some slack! You brought Charlotte into the world making it a better place and you'll make yourself better, too, one decision at a time. You already made a great decision to post on here, just keeping making the right choices and before you know it, you'll be helping other women who are then where you are now...P.P.S. Smile! Seriously, I keep telling everybody to smile b/c for some reason, there is magic in it. In your case, it's easy, just look at your darling Charlotte and smile! I'm smiling for you right now, b/c I'm picturing your posts helping others and talking about "back then"...

lastspen · June 2013

Focus on eating better first. You don't necessarily have to change what you eat overnight. Just try to cut your portions and then start replacing the junk food with healthier options.

As far as workouts are concerned, no one says that you have to do a structured workout routine right off the bat. Turn on some music and dance while your cleaning. At least you'll be active and hopefully it will help to boost your mood. Hell, most of the time I eat standing up and usually I'm dancing then too.

Most of all, you have to love who you are right now. You have people in your life who love you and want what's best for you and want you to be well mind body and spirit. Don't be afraid to lean on the people around you a little so that you can work on yourself.

1PoisonIvy · June 2013

She is right, and as your daughter grows she will really enjoy your walks together and her stroller time ! You can do it

mccbabe1 · June 2013

first off lets go back some... congrats on 32 pound Loss in JUST 3mo last yr!! thats awesome :drinker: and also proves that YOU yes YOU can do it!!! cuz... you already did once! :bigsmile: and yes its nice to have your man like how you look.. but you hafta like how you look to feel confident! which effects all areas of our lives!.... try to cook healthier and eat less/portion control is huge and go for walks on lunch breaks at work.. walk your daughter at nt? encourage your boyfriend to go for you and his health too! skinny doesnt mean hes healthy...
stay posotive!!!! i feel at a standstill myself.. lost 41 pounds in 4mo on mfp .. started last july
and i havent lost anything since Dec! gained a few/lost em and am up 5.. still far cry from where i was.. and i met my boyfriend who is an awesum chef and cooks for me.. and isnt 'lazy' but isnt active either.. and ive kept up my gym and all that and havent gained truly at least! whew.. HE HAS!! 20 pounds or so :indifferent: i encouraged HIM to join a gym and he did! nice to be healthy and fit not just for looks... but seriously attitude is a huge part of it.. and you are worth it.. and i know its hard.. but in the end you are the one holding the fork and the food you put on it!
:flowerforyou:

TheBaileyHunter · June 2013

From a totally MOM POV...

If you are feeling overwhelmed, down, stressed and starting to have some serious self loathing going on...ask your doctor about Post Partum Depression.

I suffered SIX years with this (that's what happens when you have kids every 21mths). I didn't know what it was, just thought it was all me until I finally talked to my doctor and told her how bad I felt. After some consultation she determined that I was suffering from PPD and that was the beginning of really starting to feel better. It didn't happen overnight but she gave me info and some support networks and such that helped. I learned to focus my energy better and start to truly enjoy being a parent instead of feeling stressed all the time.

You've lost the weight before and you are more than capable of doing it again. You have a lovely family (my daughter's name is Charlotte too!) and it will happen.

Good luck.

treagal · June 2013

You remind me of myself shortly after I had my son. I didn't know it at the time but now that I look back I was dealing with depression. It sucks when life seems so daunting! After 3 years of suffering and feeling like **** and not having the energy or the zest in life I went and got some prozac. Eventually I felt good again, felt like I could manage, then I got to a point where I was ready to lose weight (for the exact reason you have just mentioned). I didn't want to be a fat, lazy mom. I wanted my child to have a mom that was confident and on top of the world. Since joining in Nov 2012 I have lost 40lbs and finally feel like I think I should, I FEEL GOOD! You can do this, one day at a time...you will get there! It took me until my son was 5 years old to do it but hey, better late then never.

VBnotbitter · June 2013

Pop her in her pram and walk. When you are walking you can't see the piles of house work, you can't comfort eat. It's a bit of exercise and if you have got post natal depression ( get checked out) it will help with that. When you are trapped in your four walls everything will get overwhelming so get out in the fresh air and remind yourself of the big wide world. When your daughter gets older it will be quality time for you both. When you are at home cleaning put music on and dance while your doing it - babies learn to sleep through stuff like this so don't worry about waking her. Eat well and healthily.

Congratulations on your daughter, and it will get easier with every passing day

MzManiak · June 2013

You say you have no time, but then you sit on the couch and eat. I know it's hard. I'm a mom of 3, my youngest is 18 months and I've been struggling getting back into shape. I'm with you on the no friends thing- I was a military wife for a while and we moved too much and becoming a mom too often means losing touch with people. You have to want it for yourself. Your moms opinion doesn't matter. Your boyfriend's opinion doesn't matter. What your boyfriend does to stay in shape doesn't matter. ALL that matters is that this is what you want. ALL that matters is that you log your food. Make an effort to exercise. Try to make healthier choices. Drink your water every day. There is a reason people call it a lifestyle change, and not a diet. You really do have to change your lifestyle, including how you deal with stress and the choices you make regarding food. It's not going to happen overnight, but I promise, if you stick with it, you will see some major changes in how you think and how you feel in a month.

If you think you may have post-partum depression, please be seen by your doctor. It's common, nothing to be ashamed about. I had it after my 2nd son. Medical needs should be addressed before diet and exercise. Good luck!

I feel like it's a lost cause.

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