What I did not expect

farfromthetree

When I was 48 years old, I truly discovered myself. I lost 20 pounds (with the help of a physician), then continued to lose 25 more on my own using MFP. I exercise 4 times a week, made many new friends at my gym and it has become such a part of my life. I love that at the age of 49 I can see little muscles popping up. I would have never dreamed...

There is something else that happens too. Some friends begin to look at you differently. I have heard " you are not fun anymore" and " we miss the old you". I guess they missed being able to polish off a whole bag of kettle chips with me.

If someone brings up the gym in front of some friends, I quickly change the subject for fear that it will seem like I am bragging. I am embarrassed to wear clothes that they may think I am "showing off" in. I guess I have my own insecurities and I am still a work in progress. One friend has talked about losing weight for years, when I offered to help her, I was told very curtly "No thank you". I will not make that mistake again.

Last week at happy hour, I was sitting near a plate of cheese. In front of everyone, the host said very loudly to move the cheese...she doesn't eat cheese. What?? I never said I don't eat cheese! I eat anything and everything. I was embarrassed, hurt, angry and a little confused. These reactions were something I was not prepared for, I became afraid of our friendships changing.

But, I can tell you it is so worth it. Eventually, your real friends learn you are the same person, you learn it is their insecurities. Stay strong, be good to yourself and believe in yourself.

You are worth it.

KimWW

I definitely agree it sounds like their insecurities are to blame. You action highlights their inaction in this particular area.

palwithme

You find out who you're friends are, that is for sure. Some people are so happy for you, while others seem downright angry about it. I have lost 35 pounds and have gone down 3 sizes. How many people at work have said anything positive? 2. But I know they are gossiping about it because a friend told me. Fine, whatever. I feel so much better and look so much better. I just need to find healthy friends in real life. This is why I am on MFP so much.

kaotik26

They should be happy for you. It shouldn't be a sensitive subject that you need to walk on eggshells on. I have had a few people get bored with me because I don't want to go out and party every weekend anymore, I guess if they don't want to find something else to do with me that involves healthier recreation they really weren't good friends.

Gude2shoos

Misery loves company...in a scenario like this. What do you expect them to say...?? They are insecure and insanely jealous of the 'new' you. Human nature I guess. And let me just say, I am jealous of you. You are very thin, have muscles and have improved your overall health. BUT, I am also elated for you. That is all I have to say....XO

cocates

farfromthetree wrote: »

When I was 48 years old, I truly discovered myself. I lost 20 pounds (with the help of a physician), then continued to lose 25 more on my own using MFP. I exercise 4 times a week, made many new friends at my gym and it has become such a part of my life. I love that at the age of 49 I can see little muscles popping up. I would have never dreamed...

There is something else that happens too. Some friends begin to look at you differently. I have heard " you are not fun anymore" and " we miss the old you". I guess they missed being able to polish off a whole bag of kettle chips with me.

If someone brings up the gym in front of some friends, I quickly change the subject for fear that it will seem like I am bragging. I am embarrassed to wear clothes that they may think I am "showing off" in. I guess I have my own insecurities and I am still a work in progress. One friend has talked about losing weight for years, when I offered to help her, I was told very curtly "No thank you". I will not make that mistake again.

Last week at happy hour, I was sitting near a plate of cheese. In front of everyone, the host said very loudly to move the cheese...she doesn't eat cheese. What?? I never said I don't eat cheese! I eat anything and everything. I was embarrassed, hurt, angry and a little confused. These reactions were something I was not prepared for, I became afraid of our friendships changing.

But, I can tell you it is so worth it. Eventually, your real friends learn you are the same person, you learn it is their insecurities. Stay strong, be good to yourself and believe in yourself.

You are worth it.

First, let me say, I am PROUD of you! I am PROUD to call you my mentor. I am PROUD that you will not allow the naysayers to rule your eating life. You are a truly remarkable woman.

Second, I'm sorry. I did this to a friend about 10 years ago. She was losing weight and didn't tell anyone she was watching what she ate and exercising. It seemed like overnight she was thin. We talked to her out of concern. She felt devastated because she was expecting - "you look awesome" and we gave her "we're worried you might have an eating disorder". We were wrong. I was wrong. I quickly realized my mistake...others wanted to believe she lost the weight from binging or being anorexic.

Third, don't ever apologize for being you (new or old)! You learned to reward yourself without food-related rewards. Unfortunately, they didn't. You tried to help - they said no - move on. That's their issue. You tried to be a good friend. Maybe, they are scared, insecure, or just not at that point that you were when you decided to lose the weight.

Fourth, under no circumstances should you feel embarrassed or the need to overindulge to compensate for THEIR insecurities! They are they ones that don't have self control, not you. You've learned how to indulge, over-indulge on rare occasions. If it's not in your plan to do that on the day you go out with them, then don't. Because, guess what?, if you do over-indulge, they'll be talking about how much you ate...that at least seems to be the type of friends they are.

I know being healthy is worth it. So do you! I'm glad you decided to share your experience. I know it will help others in their weight loss / lifestyle change *journey*!