Getting Frustrated (long post)

Codilee87

If you are doing the shopping, are you also putting the food away?

Yes I try to put his snacks on the highest pantry shelf, way in the back where I need a step ladder to get at them - or I ask him to keep them downstairs in his office or at work or out in the shop.

999tigger

You ought to read your own post back and just deal with each issue one by one. Theres plenty you can do. Imo you are letting your husband distract you and lose focus, it becomes an opportunity for you to waste invaluable emotional energy in getting annoyed that could be better used on your weight plan. Thats 100% your choice. Just choose how you will react to it.

If he isnt listening you have one opportunity to sit down and sort it out with him once and then draw up an agreement if he wasnt to be involved. Print it off and post it on the wall or somewhere you can see it. Get him to sign it.

If he cnat follow the agreement, then your fallback is making that agreement with yourself and doing your own thing. I didnt see any biggies there that cant be easily resolved or ignored, which should leave you in a good place to focus on your plan to lose weight.

nerdymathgrrl

My husband also does not have a problem with his weight. I do all the menu planning and food shopping, so that makes things easier, but that's probably unreasonable for most couples. I buy things that are for my husband and our daughter--he usually drinks a soda with dinner, and I buy candy and cookies that they like but are not my favorites, so that if I do want them it is unlikely I'll eat multiple servings. I do not buy certain foods like chips because they're a trigger food when my willpower is low. If he wants them, he gets some out of the vending machine at work--and he's ok with that. If he weren't ok with it and decided he wanted them in the house, we'd figure something out--he could keep them somewhere hidden (he's done it before with chocolate) or buy a flavor I don't like.

When I make something like baked chicken or steak, he usually gets a larger serving than I do. Most dishes I make are weighed out, and he knows if he eats more than one serving he has to figure out his own dinner at some point because I'll still be eating leftovers. He also isn't particularly into fitness--we go for family walks, and we go hiking together when the weather is warmer. When I lift weights or do Zumba, I either do it while our son is napping or my husband takes him into his room to play with his toys so he's not under my feet (15 months). I'm sure this feels inconvenient to him at times, but he doesn't complain because he wants me to be healthier, and he knows that I'm happier when I exercise. He also knows that if he wants to work out I'll do the same for him, and I also make sure he gets alone time when he needs it (most times without him asking for it).

I do feel that what I eat is my choice, and no one else is responsible for my choices. However, he supports my efforts, he sees how hard I work, and he does not want to feel like he's making things more difficult. I also make sure he knows how thankful I am that he works with me. It doesn't always work perfectly, and we each get frustrated at times, but we each feel like this is a reasonable compromise. I know the exact details wouldn't work for most couples, but it works for us.

sparklefrogz

Codilee87 wrote: »

We have talked about it, and he always says all the right things. He admits that he is being selfish, he agrees that if he made a few simple changes it would make my life a thousand times easier, he knows that I appreciate it when he cleans up after himself, he says he'll try working out with me more - or at least watch the kids so that I can do it without distractions. But after a few days or weeks he always goes back to his old habits.

He also says constantly that he thinks I don't need to lose weight, I look great, I shouldn't be 'starving' myself for no reason, lifting weights is just gonna make me bulkier and things to that effect. (to be clear, I am not starving myself at all, I eat between 1500-2000 calories per day depending on my activity level) So when things are getting tough, when I haven't lost weight in weeks and I'm stressed out, tired or injured and I have a family event or birthday to bake for, its a lot harder to stay on track.

Yeah, that does suck. At this point all you really can do is focus on just doing it and ignore him as much as possible. I wouldn't even talk to him about your efforts to lose weight or get in shape at this point, just spend the energy focussing on what's best for you. It's going to be tough but you need to do this for yourself.

Also, you might be able to work the kids into your workouts if childcare is an issue. It's currently above 0 where you are, if your profile page is accurate -- they can go sledding/tobogganing, snowshoeing/skiing, or just walking and playing in the snow with Mom depending on their age. My mother never stopped us from going outside until it got below -35. I'm sure someone in the territories will laugh at that but for SK it was a pretty decent cutoff. Not sure what kind of community rec centres you have up there but we had ones with classes for kids, and there were pools in some too. So they could go do something while you did your gym stuff/your own class. Do you have a weight set at home you can use? (Not sure how far along you are with it -- I know this can get more expensive with time, and I was never a huge lifter; I preferred bodyweight.)

Francl27

You won't be able to change him... You're going to have to deal with it. My husband is a big evening snacker and always ends up snacking on stuff after dinner. It wouldn't matter if he put it out of the way, he'd be eating it in front of me anyway... That's going to have to be up to you to resist. I do the grocery shopping and typically asks him what he wants though, so if he's craving something, I'll make an effort to buy it but I know it's HIS stuff, not mine (like I have my own snacks that are in a separate cupboard and he knows not to eat without asking).

For the leftovers, I'd just make it clear to him that you've packed yourself some lunch and would appreciate it if he didn't touch it. Heck, put your name on the container if you have to. If he doesn't respect that, well, your marriage has more issues than we can help with. And make extra food, enough for 3 meals or something... this way it shouldn't be as much of an issue.

About his cleaning (or lack of), yeah, you're going to have to get used to it too. Apparently my husband hasn't learned how to load or unload a dishwasher, do dishes, or wash pans. Doesn't matter if he cooks or I do, I end up having to do it (or I get passive aggressive and let his dirty piles pile up in a corner of the kitchen and nag him until he does it).

Codilee87

Also, you might be able to work the kids into your workouts if childcare is an issue. It's currently above 0 where you are, if your profile page is accurate -- they can go sledding/tobogganing, snowshoeing/skiing, or just walking and playing in the snow with Mom depending on their age. My mother never stopped us from going outside until it got below -35. I'm sure someone in the territories will laugh at that but for SK it was a pretty decent cutoff. Not sure what kind of community rec centres you have up there but we had ones with classes for kids, and there were pools in some too. So they could go do something while you did your gym stuff/your own class. Do you have a weight set at home you can use? (Not sure how far along you are with it -- I know this can get more expensive with time, and I was never a huge lifter; I preferred bodyweight.)

I definitely get outside with the kids as much as possible, we live on a farm so its usually just building snowmen, having snowball fights and pulling them around in their sled (they are 2 & 5 so I don't keep them out if its below -25) But spring/summer/fall we are outside all day, every day and plan to be out even more this year.

The closest available gym is about 2 hours away so that is not feasible but I do have a pretty good collection of fitness equipment - but since its in the basement I can't use it without having an allergic reaction. I usually just go grab a few dumbells and a stability ball and do my workout in the living room. We live fairly close to a few nice lakes so going swimming in summer is a fun workout, as is jogging in the sand.