The Great Wall of Booty is back!

CallaBooty

I have tried MFP before and failed... wah wah
But I have taken up roller derby, and it has done wonders for my attitude, self worth, and problem solving skills. And I WILL be blogging about roller derby later. Promise! But...
I am over 250. Previously when I "failed" I left at 230 thinking that my life was over...
It isn't. Not by a long shot! But I did make some mistakes.
See if you disagree or not. Feel free to sound of in either direction.

1. I let the stresses of (my former) job impede upon my health and self worth. I can recall one of a thousand instances very clearly. My former, but at the time boss pulls me into my backroom, yells at me for a solid hour about my sales numbers, and money losses for the month. THEN pulls me into my office to look at the totals, realizes that they were fine after all. He says "good work" and walks off. NOW I'm stressed and angry and surrounded by candy bars. (I worked at a gas station.) Although, I have gotten out of that terrible job situation, I am haunted by the stress weight I put on during that time. My boss was a jerk, NO doubt. But the way that I handled the undue stress was wrong! And I am determined to never let that happen again.[/i]
2. Not acknowledging the obvious. I am a food addict. THERE I SAID IT. I cannot, until recently say "no" to food when it is offered. I have never been able to. It was considered the worst manners to refuse food in my family growing up. My mother's self esteem ran alongside of her cooking. If you didn't get seconds, she felt useless. NO matter what she made I felt it necessary to fill two big plates in order to prevent my mom from sobbing. (She was also, not healthy.) My grandparents enforced the "clean your plate" rule with a passion. As a small child, they made me sit in a public restaurant and finish my pancakes and chocolate milk. I now realize that the waiter sent me adult portion pancakes. NO ONE FINISHES PANCAKES. They made me sit there and eat until I threw up and felt like a failure. And they refuse to speak to me for hours because of all the food I'd wasted. This was my childhood, and I never realized the damage, and I have never taken steps to recover and change until recently. Plus, I have only taken baby steps. I can acknowledge that I am finishing a plate because it needs to be finished, but I can't stop in the middle on my own accord. I am compelled to finish it unless someone tells me to stop, no matter how full I am. But at least I recognize it. At least I know it is there. I just need a way to stop once I see it happening.
3. Befriended the wrong (for my needs) people on MFP. My previous adventure on MFP was stressing because I accepted every friend request. "The more the merrier." But there were problems with that. There are those on MFP who are on a different path than I. I am a person who needs to lose over a 100 pounds in order to be at her ideal weight for her height. This is science. This is a specific weight loss struggle. I'm not here to lose a dress size, and I am not here to get below 100 pounds or avoid food entirely. I mean no angst to those folks, but for my experience here to be a good one, I need to only befriend those with the same struggle as me.

So what do you think? Will I make it? Will I flop? Will I make smart decisions?
Who knows!
But I am ready to try again.
Love,
Booty