Family makes me feel guilty/ashamed

magistra12

Hi all,

I'm 26 and I've just rejoined MFP after a disappointing 4 months stint with WW. About 3 weeks ago, I started to work out at a women's fitness studio and really loved it! I'm also training for my first half marathon in October. I'm proud of my new-found dedication to working out and posted on facebook about my progress.

Here's the problem: my family is now under the impression that I've got some kind of body image issue now. A cousin of mine said I sounded "almost anorexic" (despite never having posted ANYTHING about my eating habits) and my sister apparently is of the same mindset.

I realize that at 5'9" and 145 lbs, I'm at plenty of people's goal weight and that I'm not fat by any stretch, but I don't see anything wrong with trying to lose 5 or so pounds and to try to be a fit version of myself. I've never liked working out before in my entire life and I was really excited about what I've been accomplishing until these reactions from my family.

Is anyone else dealing with family criticism? I don't want to care what they think about my hard work but I do.

MrsDangerousCurves

My husband and friends thinks I have a "problem" since I made goal and now want to lose 10 more' lbs. Do I have a problem for wanting to lose more weight? No. Does their opinion matter? Yes but mine matters more. You have to do what's right for you and ignore what others say.

SpazQ

I don't deal with criticism of any kind really. I am not afraid to use my sharp tongue and anyone who knows me is well aware of this. I'm 46, it is my life. Truth be told, if I wanted to see my family really happy, I would run out and gain 100lbs. Seriously. Even my own mom is jealous of me being in shape. It is really sad. It would kill her to tell me I look great.

I am just shy of your height and 132 lbs. I've always been a fitness fan. I don't diet really, my goal is to get leaner in the core. Whatever the scale says is just a number to me.

nellyett

You sould like you're more excited by the fitness progress that you've made than the number on the scale

I've made a mental shift like that recently too....I'm working on upping my running distance and speed, doing kickboxing, and throwing in some bootcamp style weights workouts here and there too.

Instead of focusing on what the scale says, I am trying to gauge how I feel. Do I feel strong? Flexible? Healthy? Etc. etc.....diet plays a very important role in how you perform and the fuel you provide for your workouts. If you feel like you need to justify your lifestyle, you can tell them that you have fitness related goals and this is how you need to eat to acheive those goals.

On the other hand, you can tell them to live their lives the way they want to live their lives, just as you will live yours the way you want to live yours!

Congrats on your new found fitness enthusiasm!! I swear that most days I get out there for the mental benefits over the physical ones.....I feel like a million bucks after a workout!!

tnicmorris

I deal with it a little, but in a different way. I'm very overweight, so when I started MFP and started seeing results, everyone was proud. Now, they all get annoyed because I look at nutrition labels on EVERYTHING and I'm very calculating about when I eat what. I still eat some bad things, but I don't do it as much and I only do it if it will fall in my calorie range. It makes them crazy. I just ignore them, though. This is about my life and my body and as long as I'm doing this the healthy way, what they say doesn't matter.

It should be the same for you. As long as you keep doing this the healthy way, don't let them get you down. If you want them to understand so they get off of your back, show them the website. Show them how and why keeping a food journal is important. You can even show them the many people on this website who are at their ideal weight or size and just want to maintain that. Or the people who are on the site just for support as they work towards goals like toning, weight lifting, health lifestyles, etc.

Good luck!

magistra12

My husband and friends thinks I have a "problem" since I made goal and now want to lose 10 more' lbs. Do I have a problem for wanting to lose more weight? No. Does their opinion matter? Yes but mine matters more. You have to do what's right for you and ignore what others say.

Thank you! I'm trying to ignore it but my sister is one of my closest friends. I was annoyed with my cousin but then it hurt when I saw my sister "liked" her comment.

redhead1910

Everyone in my family treats me like my diet is a direct inconvenience to them sinceI don't want t ogo out to eat anymore or eat everything that is set in front of me anymore. My grandma called me "a pain in the *kitten*" because I don't want cake on my birthday. The fact is, not everyone is going to be supportive, but you need to do what's right for YOU.

magistra12

I don't deal with criticism of any kind really. I am not afraid to use my sharp tongue and anyone who knows me is well aware of this. I'm 46, it is my life. Truth be told, if I wanted to see my family really happy, I would run out and gain 100lbs. Seriously. Even my own mom is jealous of me being in shape. It is really sad. It would kill her to tell me I look great.

I am just shy of your height and 132 lbs. I've always been a fitness fan. I don't diet really, my goal is to get leaner in the core. Whatever the scale says is just a number to me.

Good for you! I hope that I can muster up the guts to tell them to just back off. My dad's side of the family is pretty heavy so I just had the realization that if I didn't want to end up like them, I needed to make a change while I'm still young and it'll be easier.

auddii

It may be how you are phrasing things. As someone else mentioned, you seem excited about your fitness goals. Whether someone has 5lbs or 50lbs to lose, I think more people react better when they talk about positive things (oh, I can run faster now or walk farther without having to rest) as opposed to negative things (ugh, can't wait to lose this pooch or I hate my thighs). Focus on your goals, and try and stay positive. Those that are being negative, just try and let it roll off your back.

JRSchumaker

I've been getting the same thing for a couple of months. "You're not try to lose more weight, are you?" Yes, I am technically at a healthy weight. No, I am not approaching the bottom range of a healthy BMI. What I'm trying to do is get into athletic shape, which is a new and unusual thing for me. I'm enjoying the way a little of the muscle that I'm working for is starting to show, and I'd like to finally get rid of the squish on my mommy belly.

Luckily, my husband is supportive, as are my siblings. It's my mother, a few other family members, and some co-workers who only ever saw me pudgy who seem to think they should discourage me from losing a last 5 lbs. The thing of it is, I don't particularly care about that last 5lbs--the scale could stay right here for the rest of forever--it's my measurements I want to change, which is why I'm at the gym and still watching what I eat. If it comes off, great. If the inches come off instead, great. If I get both, well then, FABULOUS! I also don't want to gain any back, and I struggle to maintain, so I still track what I eat. I figure after a good solid year, maybe I'll quit and just check in once a month to see how I'm doing.

But yeah, I'm sick of hearing it.

magistra12

You sould like you're more excited by the fitness progress that you've made than the number on the scale

I've made a mental shift like that recently too....I'm working on upping my running distance and speed, doing kickboxing, and throwing in some bootcamp style weights workouts here and there too.

Instead of focusing on what the scale says, I am trying to gauge how I feel. Do I feel strong? Flexible? Healthy? Etc. etc.....diet plays a very important role in how you perform and the fuel you provide for your workouts. If you feel like you need to justify your lifestyle, you can tell them that you have fitness related goals and this is how you need to eat to acheive those goals.

On the other hand, you can tell them to live their lives the way they want to live their lives, just as you will live yours the way you want to live yours!

Congrats on your new found fitness enthusiasm!! I swear that most days I get out there for the mental benefits over the physical ones.....I feel like a million bucks after a workout!!

Exactly! I actually enjoy myself working out and I feel great when I get home and out of sweaty clothes. I don't understand why people have to project their own unhappiness and frustration on others.

magistra12

It may be how you are phrasing things. As someone else mentioned, you seem excited about your fitness goals. Whether someone has 5lbs or 50lbs to lose, I think more people react better when they talk about positive things (oh, I can run faster now or walk farther without having to rest) as opposed to negative things (ugh, can't wait to lose this pooch or I hate my thighs). Focus on your goals, and try and stay positive. Those that are being negative, just try and let it roll off your back.

My family says nothing when I post about how I ran a 4 mile route 7.5 minutes faster yesterday than the last time I ran, but jump down my throat when I say I quit WW because it was a waste of money.

JessHealthKick

I am about a 22BMI and my mum is always concerned I am going to get too skinny - 'your BMI is perfect, don't lose any more weight'. If you show your goals are about health, muscle gain, being stronger in the long term (do you know any women in your family with bone density issues?) and so on, that might help. In the end, exercise helps your energy levels and mental state far more than what you look like.

Just give it time I am sure your sister feels a touch of 'guilt' for not having the motivation herself to do it too!

Colliex3

Ive had similar problems with some family members and friends. At one time my sister in law would make fun of me trying to lose weight and say ill just be fat. And then ive had family (cousins mainly) tell me I should stop because its making them feel bad about themselves. At first I felt bad and kinda did stop... but then i realized its about me not them and they can go sit on a stick and spin for all I cared.. you cant let what other people effect how you feel, its easier said then done but when you accomplish that its a great feeling.

magistra12

I've been getting the same thing for a couple of months. "You're not try to lose more weight, are you?" Yes, I am technically at a healthy weight. No, I am not approaching the bottom range of a healthy BMI. What I'm trying to do is get into athletic shape, which is a new and unusual thing for me. I'm enjoying the way a little of the muscle that I'm working for is starting to show, and I'd like to finally get rid of the squish on my mommy belly.

Luckily, my husband is supportive, as are my siblings. It's my mother, a few other family members, and some co-workers who only ever saw me pudgy who seem to think they should discourage me from losing a last 5 lbs. The thing of it is, I don't particularly care about that last 5lbs--the scale could stay right here for the rest of forever--it's my measurements I want to change, which is why I'm at the gym and still watching what I eat. If it comes off, great. If the inches come off instead, great. If I get both, well then, FABULOUS! I also don't want to gain any back, and I struggle to maintain, so I still track what I eat. I figure after a good solid year, maybe I'll quit and just check in once a month to see how I'm doing.

But yeah, I'm sick of hearing it.

I'm glad your husband and siblings are supportive. We should WANT to feel good about our bodies and feel sexy.

carakit

As long as you are being healthy while trying to lose weight I dont see what the big deal is. You have to do what is right for you and no one else! I have quite a bit of weight to lose unlike you but I get the same thing from my family. They complain that Im over weight but when I try to lose weight they think I have developed an eating disorder!! lol I am reminding myself everyday that I am doing this for ME not them. Congrats on training for your first Mini-Marathon!!

Armyantzzz

Just a word of advice..... Always acknowledge their point of view with a sincere " Thank you for sharing" or "Thank you for caring" response. Hopefully you'll feel better and they will too. It works for me!