How do you deal with being called too skinny?

WeaTheRgrlx0x

Hello, my name is Parthena and I come from a big fat Greek family. My grandmother and my aunt tell me I'm too skinny even though I'm perfect for my height. I gained weight after having my thyroid totally removed for Grave's disease and having finally gotten down to where I need to be. How do you deal with it? I eat enough, I love to walk, which they tell me not to do. I just can't deal with it anymore. What do you do?

Daiako

I tell them they're too fat.

Your milage will vary with that.

dym123

I punch them in the neck...oh wait, that's just what I want to do. Mostly, I just smile and nod and keep doing what I'm doing.

WeaTheRgrlx0x

I can't deal with it. I don't make fun of them, they tell me I eat "too little," which is a lie, they don't want me to exercise, which clears my head, tell me to gain weight, so I leave and cry once in a while. I just can't.

jennifershoo

Sounds like you need to toughen up and stop letting their opinion affect you that much.

AllonsYtotheTardis

For real, if they are making you feel that rotten, the next time they say you are too skinny, you should tell them they are too fat.

Mrsallen6_11

Tell them it's none of their business, even if it is family, and that you're happy with the way you look. It's your choice to be healthy. I would also maybe try to convince them that it would healthier for them if they lost weight. Maybe went on a walk with you every once and a while. They need to see that being healthy is a good thing.

DopeItUp

jennifershoo wrote: »

Sounds like you need to toughen up and stop letting their opinion affect you that much.

Basically.

jms14letgo

It used to bug the heck out of me when people would say that to me. My coworkers were saying that to me once and told me I didn't need to workout because I'm so skinny. I looked at them and said... "You've never seen me naked, I do need to workout." Now I tell people that I'm not too skinny, I'm healthy, and I flat out tell them that they are upsetting me with what they say. That usually shuts them up.

WeaTheRgrlx0x

If I ever stand up for myself, I get told I'm lying, and I need to stop having an "attitude," but It's perfectly fine for them to say whatever to me, however hurtful.

AllOutof_Bubblegum

How I do I deal with it? I blush and say "THANK YOU".

What's the big deal, here? You gained weight, then you lost it, just like you wanted. Now you want everyone to want the exact same thing you want for yourself, specifically from a group of people with strong ethnic beliefs about how a woman should look, that differ from yours? Wow, some people just want their cake and to eat it, too. Just be happy you are happy with yourself.

WeaTheRgrlx0x

Sorry if that's asking too much, I just want it to stop.

yesimpson

I wouldn't bother arguing with them about it. Just smile, nod, don't say much beyond 'OK' 'alright then', 'if you say so', and let it wash over you. You say you like eating well and walking so keep doing what makes you feel good and IS good for you.
Just because you're related doesn't mean you have to listen to their opinion.

deksgrl

Move into your own place and then you don't have to listen to them as much.

Codilee87

When I was told that I would just challenge them to an arm wrestle and win, then tell them that they were too skinny lol

Elise4270

That's a tough situation. I'm the skinniest at work and hear the same thing. It is frustrating. Is there a dog in the picture? You could always slip him the oversized portions under the table.
Otherwise, I'm afraid the only option is to toughen up and take a hard stance. Just by stating " Im happy with my weigh" or "i like my not so large backside" may help dispute any further arguments. It will at least affirm how you feel about yourself.

dakotababy

Do you live with these people? If you do - move out and start working on creating some boundaries. If you do live on your own or away from them - then start working on creating some boundaries.

AllOutof_Bubblegum

WeaTheRgrlx0x wrote: »

Sorry if that's asking too much, I just want it to stop.

You want a behavior from a group of people to stop. So what needs to happen to facilitate that? Think critically. We don't know your family, you do. Determine what needs to be done to reach a desired outcome, and then do that.

bizarrefish

WeaTheRgrlx0x wrote: »

If I ever stand up for myself, I get told I'm lying, and I need to stop having an "attitude," but It's perfectly fine for them to say whatever to me, however hurtful.

It's perfectly fine by *them*, of course. They are the people doing the criticizing, so they're going to think it's a good idea to criticize, or they wouldn't be doing it.

You're seeking their approval. Do you really need it? I get it that family could mean a lot to you, but they are people. People disagree with people. It'd be nice if your family didn't disagree with you on this issue, but unless they're threatening you or something, it's not your problem.

The fact that you have acted in spite of their recommendations and lost the weight (well done, by the way), to me shows clearly how you prioritise yourself higher than their approval. This means that you have already decided who you are going to listen to, and are probably more venting than anything else.
Venting is fine, but realise that's what you're doing here - this isn't a struggle, because you have already won.

junestarrr

dym123 wrote: »

I punch them in the neck...oh wait, that's just what I want to do. Mostly, I just smile and nod and keep doing what I'm doing.

Me too.

BetterThanExpected

WeaTheRgrlx0x wrote: »

If I ever stand up for myself, I get told I'm lying, and I need to stop having an "attitude," but It's perfectly fine for them to say whatever to me, however hurtful.

Tell them that's it's your body and that you'll do what you like with it, and that they need to mind their own business and worry about themselves. If they tell you you have an "attitude" tell them you'll stop having an attitude once they start minding your own business. You do need to stand up for yourself and let them know that they are crossing boundaries and that it is not okay. I know that it can be really difficult to do that, especially if you're the kind of person who is prone to feeling guilty every time you stand up for yourself, but you DO need to do it. What you allow is what will continue. When they tell you you have an attitude, they're trying to shame you for standing up for yourself. Do NOT let them. It is your body and no one has a right to make you ashamed about it. NO ONE. Not your family, not your friends, not random strangers, not even your significant other. It may take a while for them to catch on and stop harassing you, but if you keep it up, they will eventually realize they need to stfu (hopefully.) Good luck.

hill8570

You're not going to change the attitude of the people of the people around you. However, you can change how you react to that attitude. C'mon -- it's not like they're beating you with crowbars; they're just being well-intentioned busybodies. The world is crawling with such individuals, you gotta learn to how to filter out the bad advice from the good.

kathleennf

I get that a lot. You are right, it is kind of frustrating. I tell them some combination of the following things:
1> My weight is normal. Sometimes I add to that the comment that so many people now are overweight that overweight seems normal, but it's not.
2> I tell them that I feel well and I am strong and healthy.
3> I tell them that my doctor thinks my weight is perfect. (That's true BTW.) Sometimes I add to that, gee, I have a normal blood pressure and my cholesterol is fine. HAHAHAHA.

junestarrr

I had this problem when I was a skinny teen working as a cashier at a supermarket. I ate like a pig, had a high metabolism, but was always really slim. For whatever reason, probably just from being stressed, I passed out 2 times at my register. I heard that these older, elderly cashiers were calling me anorexic behind my back. I was pretty upset about it, but I went on living my life. They were just ignorant hags, imo.

Uncle_Barry

If your doctor is telling you you're too skinny, listen. Anyone else, screw 'em!

WeaTheRgrlx0x

My doctor says I'm perfect, my endocrinologist is happy with my thyroid levels, I had my thyroid totally removed a little over three years ago. I'm fine. Thanks to everyone for listening to me vent and for the advice.

irretrievable_

I get told this too. I deal with it by pretending to listen to them, but really thinking about other things while they talk. Or changing the subject. For some family members I just say "Thanks!" and flip them off, but that is my family...

Please don't let yourself get attached too strongly to their opinions. The truth is, your family is talking from a culture and viewpoint you don't share. It's not relevant to you, and you shouldn't let their beliefs hurt your relationship one way or another. But don't let it harm you. If you find yourself in tears, you are taking their words too much to heart. They are your family, yes, but they should love you even if they think you're too skinny. Because they criticise your weight does not mean they are trying to hurt you. Again, their values are just coming from a different place than yours.

Changing the subject strategy might work for you. It will take a little work and practice to get good at it, because it should be subtle, so they dont' realise you've started talking about something else. Try asking them questions about things you know they like to talk about (besides weight). This way, you might deflect the conversation before it even has a chance to begin.

JayRuby84

It's along the same lines as my girlfriend saying "Just don't lose your butt!" and "You're not going to become a muscle head, are you?" I let her know that it doesn't make me feel good. Then last night she let me know that she was really impressed by the work I've done with my body. That actually made me feel good.

WeaTheRgrlx0x

Great idea irretrievable, thanks. JayRuby84, that was sweet, and it must have felt good to be supported.

FatFreeFrolicking

Tell them, "I'd rather be skinny than fat."

This shouldn't bother you, by the way. As long as YOU are happy with your body, that's all that matters. Your opinion of your body is the only one that matters.

irretrievable_

JayRuby84 makes a good point. Sometimes just letting people know their words make you sad or are hurtful can make them reevaluate how they talk with you.