It isn't just about the weight...

nettam3re3

Howdy from South Texas! I'm 38 and am working to drop 120 lbs... but it isn't just about the weight.

I started from a place of shame, apathy, frustration, guilt, poor confidence and emotional burn out. I'm working on me as much as I'm working on my weight. It's a package deal- else anything I do related to weight loss will be temporary and fleeting.

I've always been big- 180 lbs by the time I was 16 or so and it's been up and down ever since. (mostly up...) At my largest I was 280. I'm at 260 now and have been making small positive changes for a few months now that are really starting to add (subtract?) up and I'm feeling like I can really move forward.

I've learned that I'm a comfort and reward eater.

"I deserve that candy bar / cookie / whole freaking cake because I had a bad day / had a good day / had an average day. I'll have this one bad meal because I earned it but I'll be better tomorrow (said everyday)."

Lying to myself daily was devastating and inflicted a huge amount of guilt, shame and doubt.

"If I can't even manage what I eat / my weight / my own perception of myself how can I be successful at anything / expect others to like me / be happy? "

Yeah- I got issues.... but we all do!

I've been shifting my mindset. The item on my plate does not get to dictate my emotional well being positively or negatively.

It is simply fuel.

I can choose to fuel up with crap or I can choose to fuel up with healthy stuff. Both have consequences & results. That's just a fact.

What I do in my own head is also my choice. I can choose to make myself feel guilty over a bad decision or I can choose to make myself feel great over the good decisions. Both have consequences & results. That's also just a fact.

It's a steep learning curve but I'm learning a lot about myself, food and just how addicted to pasta I really was! I'm making the choice to be positive, to care about me and to see progress as more than the number on the scale.

If any of this rings true for you, please feel free to add me. Together is definitely better!

MythicalMe84

I have really been trying the last 3 weeks and have only lost one pound. This is why I am giving MFP another try. But there is a lot in that one pound lost. I feel better and have more energy. I do think I have gotten smaller so the weight is just a number. In the past I would have given up already.

nettam3re3

Feeling better and having more energy is a good sign you're on the right track!

Lounmoun

It is great to get your head in a more positive place.

RhondaDesiree

It seems sometimes the scale is the last place to show success. Take it one day at a time. And rewards? Rethink your rewards ... New workout clothes, new workout shoes, exercise equipment ( small things like a Swiss ball, or dumb bells. I started adding Brighton Charms to a bracelet. My favorite charm is a lion that has a tag that says courage. It reminds me to have the courage to make the changes I want to see. My next one.... Can't wait.... Is a hippo. His tag says strength. Find something besides food that works for you. Just never give up no matter what!

ksolksol

I find that disconnecting from the outcome of weight loss and focusing on self-care has served me well, whatever the scale says. We all deserve self-compassion. You are right. It is not just about the weight.

emdeesea

You have to keep doing it and trust in the process. Remember that. YOU HAVE TO KEEP DOING IT, every day. One foot in front of the other, even when the scale says nothing is happening.

Today is the day I finally reached my FIRST goal - and I started this in November of 2013.

It takes time. But you either do or you do not - there is no try. You just do it.

nettam3re3

That's a great idea Rhonda! Love the charm idea Got to think of a good first reward when I make 250

nettam3re3

Self care is a new mind set for me. I'm moving in that direction though. That's a great point Ksolksol!

Congratulations emdeesea on reaching your first goal!