Body image issues in bed

girlalmighty08
girlalmighty08 Posts: 130 Member
edited November 12 in Motivation and Support
I've recently started losing weight and although I am happier with my body as a whole, I'm still feeling insecure when it comes to being intimate. I just feel "floppy" and as though I can't fully express myself with a partner because I'm preoccupied with how my stomach looks, or that I'm squishing him.

Does anyone have any tips on how to overcome this?

Replies

  • queenliz99
    queenliz99 Posts: 15,317 Member
    When the lights are out, no man will care.
  • NoelFigart1
    NoelFigart1 Posts: 1,276 Member
    Eh, sex isn't performance art. Your partner is there because he wants to be and totally knows what you look like. Even porn stars only look the way they do because of a lot of prep work.

    Is there anything physical you love for the sheer sensual fun of it? I mean out of bed here. Swimming, dancing, stretching out to sexy music, being in a hot tub -- anything you do where it's about enjoying being in your body.

    That's a good headspace for the sex, too.
  • NoelFigart1
    NoelFigart1 Posts: 1,276 Member
    newmeadow wrote: »
    Just stay lying down flat on your back so you won't flop. Your breasts will fall to the side under your armpits and your stomach will naturally flatten out and no one will know. And if you drink at least one bottle of champagne (or two or three if necessary), you won't feel the need to express yourself. Fully anyway. Keep the lights out and sneak out at dawn before your partner awakens.

    GOD NO!!!!!

    EWWW. I'm sorry but what kind of sex life can you have if you're spending all your time hiding your body, drunk or only having sex in one position.... *shudder*

    The idea that one should anesthetize oneself from expressing oneself in bed is awful.

    I reiterate to the OP. Your partner already knows what you look like. They're choosing to be there knowing what you look like. Keep reminding yourself of that. Play, have fun with it.
  • NoelFigart1
    NoelFigart1 Posts: 1,276 Member
    newmeadow wrote: »
    NoelFigart1 wrote: »
    EWWW. I'm sorry but what kind of sex life can you have if you're spending all your time hiding your body, drunk or only having sex in one position....

    If it worked for Joan Crawford it could work for the OP.

    IF you wanna turn yourself into a sex delivery system rather than have FUN, sure...
  • KCoolBeanz
    KCoolBeanz Posts: 813 Member
    Learn how to love your body and be confident with yourself. It's always better with the lights on anyways. :)
  • maroonmango211
    maroonmango211 Posts: 908 Member
    KCoolBeanz wrote: »
    Learn how to love your body and be confident with yourself. It's always better with the lights on anyways. :)

    Completely agree, while my body image issues actually got worse after losing most of the weight (I guess I thought weight loss would "fix" me) I had to accept that my man loves me for me and that means my body.

    To put it bluntly if he's um at attention and not mentioning anything like being squished then go for it and have fun clearly there's no problem but whats going on in your head.
  • LeanButNotMean44
    LeanButNotMean44 Posts: 852 Member
    edited February 2015
    I read somewhere once that a man won't care nearly as much as you do, because after all, you are NAKED. ;)
  • MoiAussi93
    MoiAussi93 Posts: 1,948 Member
    edited February 2015
    Just don't worry about it. If you're focused on how you look, you aren't going to enjoy it which kind of defeats the entire purpose. He probably won't enjoy it as much either.

    If he wasn't attracted to you, he wouldn't be with you. It's really that simple.

  • SteampunkSongbird
    SteampunkSongbird Posts: 826 Member
    NoelFigart1 wrote: »
    Your partner is there because he wants to be and totally knows what you look like.

    So much this. No matter how bad you think your looks are - and I sympathise with your anxiety, because I feel the exact same way at sexytime when the light isn't off - your partner loves them, because he is choosing to be there and enjoy lovemaking with you, and he knows full well what you look like.
    I for example have big, curvy hips, which are worsened by love handles, and I hate them, but my fella loves gripping them! He says I feel great, and that I look awesome to him, and his reaction (wink wink) clearly shows he means it. Just because we are not our own personal physical ideal, doesn't mean someone else can't feel differently.
    If it helps you to relax, try some positions where you're not on full display all the time, like spooning on your sides, or doggy if you're self-conscious about your belly, and then when you're really into it and your mind is hopefully on nothing but the enjoyment, you could switch it up to another position where he gets to see you more. Finally, don't be afraid to talk to him about it!
  • awolf2011
    awolf2011 Posts: 265 Member
    I've been there too. I actually felt more awkward about my body when I lost 40 lbs and was way smaller then when I had my 4 kids and my body was larger and fuller. It's weird, but it was true. My husband would tell me that I look great but I wasn't hearing any of it. It did hurt our intimate relationship for about 3 months until one day I told myself and it doesn't matter, he's here WITH me to BE with me. That is all that matters and if that man in your bed only cares about your looks, well then, kick his butt out of your room!! Period.
  • knittnponder
    knittnponder Posts: 1,953 Member
    I finally realized one day that he's too preoccupied with the things he likes to notice the things about me that I think are issues. He's not perfect either but I don't see that stuff, I just see him, why would he be different? Like someone above said, learn to love yourself right where you're at. It makes it so much more FUN when you're not all focused on what you look like! B)
  • Lindsay_the_great
    Lindsay_the_great Posts: 209 Member
    Choose a partner who's floppier than you! :wink:
    But really, you are most likely more aware of your faults than your partner is. He or she is probably a little preoccupied by their own flaws.
  • girlalmighty08
    girlalmighty08 Posts: 130 Member
    My concern comes from the fact that he may not really know what I look like underneath my clothes. Case in point, the guy I'm seeing right now. We hit it off great but we haven't hit the bedroom yet. When I have clothes on you wouldn't necessarily know what I look like underneath... it's hard to see loose skin and stretchmarks when you're covered up. So I'm worried that when we finally do take that plunge he may be turned off and it will be awkward.
  • Lindsay_the_great
    Lindsay_the_great Posts: 209 Member
    girlalmighty08 wrote: »
    My concern comes from the fact that he may not really know what I look like underneath my clothes. Case in point, the guy I'm seeing right now. We hit it off great but we haven't hit the bedroom yet. When I have clothes on you wouldn't necessarily know what I look like underneath... it's hard to see loose skin and stretchmarks when you're covered up. So I'm worried that when we finally do take that plunge he may be turned off and it will be awkward.

    I've totally been there. Had one partner who saw me after the light came on and never called me again. That was from my pregnancy belly. Be open and honest. Tell him you've worked hard but you're never gonna be a supermodel. Ifs he really likes you he will not care. If he does care then he's not mister right.
  • meganjcallaghan
    meganjcallaghan Posts: 949 Member
    sorry....i have so much excess skin hanging off a rather skeletal looking frame that i can pretty well guarantee i will never let anyone see me nekked. ever. so i have no tips other than "find a bag of about $20,000 and get you some contouring done". that's what i hold out hope for. lol
  • shannonbun
    shannonbun Posts: 168 Member
    If he's too immature to not handle the person going to bed with him having a tummy or whatever, then he shouldn't be getting any. If he's not a supermodel, you don't have to be either. Start by learning to like your body on your own, and go from there :)
  • Codilee87
    Codilee87 Posts: 509 Member
    big_lindsay wrote: »
    girlalmighty08 wrote: »
    My concern comes from the fact that he may not really know what I look like underneath my clothes. Case in point, the guy I'm seeing right now. We hit it off great but we haven't hit the bedroom yet. When I have clothes on you wouldn't necessarily know what I look like underneath... it's hard to see loose skin and stretchmarks when you're covered up. So I'm worried that when we finally do take that plunge he may be turned off and it will be awkward.

    I've totally been there. Had one partner who saw me after the light came on and never called me again. That was from my pregnancy belly. Be open and honest. Tell him you've worked hard but you're never gonna be a supermodel. Ifs he really likes you he will not care. If he does care then he's not mister right.

    If someone cares about you and is attracted to you for more than your physical qualities then he will not let stretch marks and loose skin scare him off.

    If you don't trust someone enough to know that he/she will stick around after seeing how you really look then don't have sex with them.
  • dailytopic
    dailytopic Posts: 1
    I get it. It really is all about how you feel in order to enjoy yourself. Your lover can tell you a million times that it doesn't matter, and they are probably being sincere, but YOU are still uncomfortable. Of course, self-love is the answer, but it's not an easy as it sounds. My advice is this: You don't have to be naked to have sex.

    There are lots of really sexy lingerie for plus sizes and some of it will make you feel terrific! It lifts breasts and also can cover and flatten a tummy. It isn't so much about hiding as it is about FEELING sexy while you're wearing it. Men are visual and they usually love it when you dress up for sex. It's a WIN-WIN.
  • funjen1972
    funjen1972 Posts: 949 Member
    I have a very good friend who is skinny-thin & gorgeous, but has her own body issues. She opts to wear a black sexy lace cami to cover what she perceives as unattractive. Lingerie is a good option until you're more comfortable with your partner. I've never had anyone object >:)
  • FatFreeFrolicking
    FatFreeFrolicking Posts: 4,252 Member
    Wear lingerie that makes you feel sexy.
  • fireguychris
    fireguychris Posts: 58 Member
    If he cares what you look like at that point get rid of him.. honestly if someone is comfortable with me they will have no problem showing me all of them.
    if you dont feel comfortable showing your body to him, than dont.
    although, he may be more appreciative than you think, honestly.. i doubt he would notice.. as hed be so excited to get some anyways...
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