developing a problem with food!

faduma123

in my everlasting obsession with weight loss i have grown to see food as an enemy . I've lost weight but not in a healthy way. I'm afraid of where this will lead me.

cheshirecatastrophe

I'm sorry you found yourself on that path.

Do you have anyone in your life you could talk to? Maybe show them this post, if the words are too scary to say out loud?

faduma123

Thank you! no, they woudnt understand. they think that i just have to toughen up.

ana3067

Can you elaborate on how you lost weight, and what your obsession(s) entails, and how you view food as the enemy? The more detail you can provide the better people can try and provide some help. I used to have an unhealthy relationship with food but i have no idea if MY unhealthy relationship is like yours, or if how i got over mine would help you get over yours.

PurpleYFronts

I agree with Ana, it's important to know why you view food as 'The Enemy'. Food is an essential, nourishing part of life that is to be enjoyed, but like everything, moderation is the key. If you view food any other way then you would need help to find your way back.

faduma123

I just feel like whenever I eat I just gain weight . I just eat two hundred calories a day . it was 700 before. But now I just avoid it , and when I do eat its just to survive .

Sabine_Stroehm

faduma123 wrote: »

I just feel like whenever I eat I just gain weight . I just eat two hundred calories a day . it was 700 before. But now I just avoid it , and when I do eat its just to survive .

You eat 200 calories a day?
That's not good. You say you have no supports for this. How old are you?

My_Butt

faduma123 wrote: »

I just feel like whenever I eat I just gain weight . I just eat two hundred calories a day . it was 700 before. But now I just avoid it , and when I do eat its just to survive .

Take it from me who is currently beating an eating disorder. I've been sick with EDNOS for the past 17 years. Now, at 27, I have 2 heart problems, arthritis in my knees, hips, shoulders, and wrists, weakened muscles, and weak bones.
I did the 200 calorie diet too. I consumed nothing but 2 bottles of cranberry juice a day for 13 days straight, all for what? I have poor health, bad memories, and i am regaining everything I lost. You will lose precious moments because of your obsession with food. You will have no memories of your niece's 1st birthday, except for how you avoided that cake. That is a waste of life. That's not living. That is a way to die. I am now a 5'7", 150lb beauty. My body is a powerful, strong machine that needs fuel.
Figure out the reason you're fixating on food. Food is not the cause of your problem. It's something emotional and in your memory. You have me, if you feel you have no one.

faduma123

I am 20 years old.

LavenderLeaves

Don't lose hope, the fact you realize you have a problem is a HUGE step. Like someone else asked, how old are you? Most college campuses have help for EDs now.

faduma123

Yeah I have no control over my life. I turn to something I can control. I'm self destructing on purpose that's the worst part

Sabine_Stroehm

faduma123 wrote: »

Yeah I have no control over my life. I turn to something I can control. I'm self destructing on purpose that's the worst part

Are you in college?

faduma123

yes community college

ana3067

You should probably seek out your college's mental health resources, because this is clearly related to more than just weight fixation.

brianpperkins

Go seek professional help. http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/1392905/updated-eating-disorder-resources#latest

"MyFitnessPal believes food should nourish and be enjoyed, however we acknowledge that relationships with food are not always so simple.

If you are struggling with food or exercise issues or seeking help for yourself or a loved one, please check out our new Eating Disorder Resources page:

http://myfitnesspal.desk.com/customer/portal/articles/1575987-eating-disorder-resources "

My_Butt

faduma123 wrote: »

Yeah I have no control over my life. I turn to something I can control. I'm self destructing on purpose that's the worst part

That's what you need to focus on fixing. An inpatient/outpatient facility really only focus on fattening you up before your insurance kicks you out. And most therapists don't understand eating disorders well either.

faduma123

Thanks I'll try

Sabine_Stroehm

faduma123 wrote: »

yes community college

Go see your schools counseling or student health department. Tell them what you've been doing and what your concerns are. Worst case, go to the student crisis center. Get this sorted for your own sake.

faduma123

kojiro44705 wrote: »

faduma123 wrote: »

Yeah I have no control over my life. I turn to something I can control. I'm self destructing on purpose that's the worst part

That's what you need to focus on fixing. An inpatient/outpatient facility really only focus on fattening you up before your insurance kicks you out. And most therapists don't understand eating disorders well either.

Will I gain the weight back even if I eat in a healthy way

brianpperkins

faduma123 wrote: »

kojiro44705 wrote: »

faduma123 wrote: »

Yeah I have no control over my life. I turn to something I can control. I'm self destructing on purpose that's the worst part

That's what you need to focus on fixing. An inpatient/outpatient facility really only focus on fattening you up before your insurance kicks you out. And most therapists don't understand eating disorders well either.

Will I gain the weight back even if I eat in a healthy way

Health trumps weight at this point.

Sabine_Stroehm

brianpperkins wrote: »

faduma123 wrote: »

kojiro44705 wrote: »

faduma123 wrote: »

Yeah I have no control over my life. I turn to something I can control. I'm self destructing on purpose that's the worst part

That's what you need to focus on fixing. An inpatient/outpatient facility really only focus on fattening you up before your insurance kicks you out. And most therapists don't understand eating disorders well either.

Will I gain the weight back even if I eat in a healthy way

Health trumps weight at this point.

Yes. it does. Not doing permanent harm, not having a heart attack, not dying, not losing bone mass. All of those trump weight loss.
Your health HAS TO BE your number one concern. And if you eat at a healthy calorie level, and fuel your body, consistently. It will be good fore on all fronts.

cheshirecatastrophe

kojiro44705 wrote: »

faduma123 wrote: »

Yeah I have no control over my life. I turn to something I can control. I'm self destructing on purpose that's the worst part

That's what you need to focus on fixing. An inpatient/outpatient facility really only focus on fattening you up before your insurance kicks you out. And most therapists don't understand eating disorders well either.

This is not true and is a very dangerous thing to spout, especially in the words you chose ("fattening you up").

An ED inpatient program involves life-saving weight restoration for many, not all, patients along with intensive psychotherapy. Long-term outcomes (i.e. recovery and health) are far, FAR better when weight restoration accompanies therapy.

It is true that not all therapists specialize in EDs or are trained to handle disordered clients. It is also true that some therapists who do have that training are not a good match for a particular patient. However, there are many excellent, qualified counselors out there who generally present themselves as such. It might take some time, but if it saves your life, the effort to find a good match is worth it.

JasmineSchmidts

First off, I want to say that it's really great that you are realizing that you have an issue with food.

That being said, it's important do something about it now. I'm in recovery from a restrictive eating disorder, so I feel like I can really relate. My disorder actually arose because it was the only thing in my life that I felt like I could control. The rest of my life was spiraling, so I decided I would have control over this one thing that I actually could control. It was not a good idea.

Even if eating healthy means you gain some weight back (which it's likely you will, given the low calories each day), it is good and necessary weight. It's so important that you get to a healthy weight, and then just work to maintain that weight. My inbox is open if you want to talk or have any questions that you'd like answered more personally.