When your weight becomes the reason for your breakup

Shreshy
Shreshy Posts: 1,263 Member
in Chit-Chat
If your partner had to break up with you because of your weight would you use that as motivation to keep going or spiral into a depression frenzy?

Replies

  • PoopieMonster
    PoopieMonster Posts: 295 Member
    Is he breaking up with me because I'm too fat or too skinny?

    Either way, I would say good riddance.
  • _noob_
    _noob_ Posts: 3,306 Member
    yeah, even though I was fit (more fit than now actually) when my wife and I got together, she was more annoyed at me while getting fit (again) than when I was un fit.

    Mainly because I'm obsessive though...
  • coliema
    coliema Posts: 7,646 Member
    Mainly because I'm obsessive though...
    That's my problem too.
  • harleydall76
    harleydall76 Posts: 586 Member
    If someone breaks up with based solely on my weight, then I say don't let the door hit y ou on the way out.
  • LonLB
    LonLB Posts: 1,126 Member
    If someone breaks up with based solely on my weight, then I say don't let the door hit y ou on the way out.




    Sorry I find this to be lame.


    I agree that in a marriage there are more important things than appearance, HOWEVER it is important.

    I just don't think it's OK to date someone, marry them, then pack on 75lbs and pretend that it's perfectly OK, and the OTHER person is wrong if they think it isn't.


    And NO I'm not talking about women doing this to men. I'm talking about couples who do this to each other. Me included.
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
    If someone breaks up with based solely on my weight, then I say don't let the door hit y ou on the way out.




    Sorry I find this to be lame.


    I agree that in a marriage there are more important things than appearance, HOWEVER it is important.

    I just don't think it's OK to date someone, marry them, then pack on 75lbs and pretend that it's perfectly OK, and the OTHER person is wrong if they think it isn't.


    And NO I'm not talking about women doing this to men. I'm talking about couples who do this to each other. Me included.

    You can gain weight and still be attractive.

    I am fortunate that my husband still sees the 23 year old he started dating 23 years ago when he looks at me. Regardless of what my weight has been, he still finds me just as attractive as he did when we met.

    I am very lucky that I don't have a husband who bases his love for me on how much I weigh. Instead, he loves me for me and I love him for him.
  • celtbell3
    celtbell3 Posts: 738 Member
    You and your dh make a good team, hbrittingham!
  • LonLB
    LonLB Posts: 1,126 Member
    If someone breaks up with based solely on my weight, then I say don't let the door hit y ou on the way out.




    Sorry I find this to be lame.


    I agree that in a marriage there are more important things than appearance, HOWEVER it is important.

    I just don't think it's OK to date someone, marry them, then pack on 75lbs and pretend that it's perfectly OK, and the OTHER person is wrong if they think it isn't.


    And NO I'm not talking about women doing this to men. I'm talking about couples who do this to each other. Me included.

    You can gain weight and still be attractive.



    Sure you can. But I still find it silly when people say it shouldn't matter at all.
  • LonLB
    LonLB Posts: 1,126 Member
    And also, I'm not really talking about changes that happen over the course of 23 years of marriage. You both look fine.

    I'm talking about couples who marry and then one or both pack on 50+lbs in a few years or less.
  • harleydall76
    harleydall76 Posts: 586 Member
    If someone breaks up with based solely on my weight, then I say don't let the door hit y ou on the way out.




    Sorry I find this to be lame.


    I agree that in a marriage there are more important things than appearance, HOWEVER it is important.

    I just don't think it's OK to date someone, marry them, then pack on 75lbs and pretend that it's perfectly OK, and the OTHER person is wrong if they think it isn't.


    And NO I'm not talking about women doing this to men. I'm talking about couples who do this to each other. Me included.

    You can gain weight and still be attractive.



    Sure you can. But I still find it silly when people say it shouldn't matter at all.

    I agree that it can matter, and for both sides. I get what you said in your other post about someone packing on the pounds after and thinking it's okay.

    I answered from my experience, and mine was not me thinking it was okay to do that because 'hey I'm married now, who cares'. I just didn't care to elaborate on why it happened to me. But no, I don't think a person should think 'hey I snagged myself a spouse, so I can let myself go now' and expect the spouse to be okay with it.
  • LuisZ81
    LuisZ81 Posts: 77 Member
    Well I had to break up with someone during my weight loss, because she didn't like the attention I was getting from other women. Even though I paid no attention to their advances. It got to the point where she couldn't trust me, and that got old real quick.
  • celtbell3
    celtbell3 Posts: 738 Member
    There tends to be some insecurity from the other half when progress is made in any way that is physical and sometimes even progress that is mental and professional (college, promotion, etc.). Most people are still excited about how their other half is progressing, even though they feel unbalanced because of the changes. If it's meant to be, it will continue on.
  • kimmie185
    kimmie185 Posts: 550 Member
    If all of a sudden I didn't want to take care of myself, blew up to be big enough where I couldn't function properly (like the only way I could get around is an electric scooter) then I wouldn't blame my husband if he left me. Haha, it's hard to say though because he loved me literally through thick and thin from when I was 250 lbs to 140 lbs so I'm proud to say he looks deeper then what is on the outside.

    I have on the other hand seen relationships fall apart because both partners have bad habits and only one person was willing to change for the better. It would put a big strain on a relationship. Lifestyle change agreements are just as important as agreeing on money, religion, values, etc....
  • Justme030
    Justme030 Posts: 255 Member
    Hmmm...I think if someone breaks up with you over weight they didn't really love you. I do see that you should try to look good for your spouse etc. but breaking up over it? I would never do that but would maybe try to work on improving ourselves together.
  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
    If someone breaks up with based solely on my weight, then I say don't let the door hit y ou on the way out.




    Sorry I find this to be lame.


    I agree that in a marriage there are more important things than appearance, HOWEVER it is important.

    I just don't think it's OK to date someone, marry them, then pack on 75lbs and pretend that it's perfectly OK, and the OTHER person is wrong if they think it isn't.


    And NO I'm not talking about women doing this to men. I'm talking about couples who do this to each other. Me included.

    You can gain weight and still be attractive.

    I am fortunate that my husband still sees the 23 year old he started dating 23 years ago when he looks at me. Regardless of what my weight has been, he still finds me just as attractive as he did when we met.

    I am very lucky that I don't have a husband who bases his love for me on how much I weigh. Instead, he loves me for me and I love him for him.

    I disagree. Overweight is not attractive to me. And for the people that try to say that looks/weight shouldn't matter, give me a break. Attraction is a MUST. But then again, my type is someone who cares about their appearance and takes pride in the way that they look, for me and for themselves.


    ETA: This is MY opinion on what I personally find attractive. Different people are attracted to different things. Some people DO find overweight attractive. So therefore, attraction STILL matters, it's just a difference on what each person finds attractive.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    My aunt gained over 100lbs within the first year of their marriage. That matters, imo. It put a huge strain on their relationship (who wouldn't?). They survived it. She had gastric bypass at one time, but has gained much back.

    I think physical attraction is one of many important components to a marriage. Right along with fidelity (as agreed upon), communication, trust, honesty, a love of cheese, etc...
  • yummy_
    yummy_ Posts: 248 Member

    I disagree. Overweight is not attractive to me. And for the people that try to say that looks/weight shouldn't matter, give me a break. Attraction is a MUST. But then again, my type is someone who cares about their appearance and takes pride in the way that they look, for me and for themselves.

    Thank you for being honest with regard to what is certain to be a controversial subject.

    In addition to appreciating the aesthetic of well-maintained physique, I find that fitness is generally indicative of lifestyle choices. Often, people who have gained a lot of weight in a short amount of time are making poor dietary choices and/or spending a good deal of time being sedentary. I'm simply attracted to people who see life as an opportunity to kick *kitten*.

    Additionally, there are just too many health issues that link back to obesity, and in a spouse, I want someone who takes care of their health, mentally and physically.
  • spade117
    spade117 Posts: 2,466 Member
    I think physical attraction is one of many important components to a marriage. Right along with fidelity (as agreed upon), communication, trust, honesty, a love of cheese, etc...

    My wife and I love cheese.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member

    I disagree. Overweight is not attractive to me. And for the people that try to say that looks/weight shouldn't matter, give me a break. Attraction is a MUST. But then again, my type is someone who cares about their appearance and takes pride in the way that they look, for me and for themselves.

    Thank you for being honest with regard to what is certain to be a controversial subject.

    In addition to appreciating the aesthetic of well-maintained physique, I find that fitness is generally indicative of lifestyle choices. Often, people who have gained a lot of weight in a short amount of time are making poor dietary choices and/or spending a good deal of time being sedentary. I'm simply attracted to people who see life as an opportunity to kick *kitten*.

    Additionally, there are just too many health issues that link back to obesity, and in a spouse, I want someone who takes care of their health, mentally and physically.

    I agree. I feel sexier (and therefore more sexual) when I feel attractive and confident. Likewise I find my husband more attractive when he feels attractive and confident. When we take better care of ourselves we take better care of each other, when we find each other more attractive there's a greater physical intimacy in our relationship. When there's more physical intimacy in our relationship there's more overall intimacy in our relationship. Over the past 10 years we've been up and we've been down and our relationship does best when we are active and take care of ourselves.
  • LeilaFace
    LeilaFace Posts: 390 Member
    I married my husband as a big boy with no intention of changing him. We eat well but he's sedentary and he has been since we met. He has had 2 knee surgeries for a genetic disorder and therefore can't walk or stand very long. We're getting bikes since it's the one activity that doesn't make him ice his knees but lifestyle changes are personal ones. I can't force him to go to the gym with me and I find him handsome and attractive with the most beautiful blue eyes either way. He's my man. Loved me at 165 when we met, married me at 185 (thanks super stressful wedding) and has loved me at every weight in between. What I do for myself is just that I work out for me, to feel better. I don't think I could ever leave my husband because he got too big but that's me.


    I think if anyone broke up with me for my weight it would spur me to lose it without them, never for them.
  • jenny95662
    jenny95662 Posts: 997 Member
    I think it depends on the situation. I met my husband after I lost 90pounds, I was still trying to lose when I met him (was never stick thin lol) but ended up staying the same for a while. I got pregnant gained and then lost it all. Then for medical reasons i packed on about 30 then got pregnant with my son. After that I lost my dad suddenly and never lost the weight from my son and added more. But with that being said I am also trying to lose it and have been trying. He still is attracted to me (even though I dunno how lol) as I am with him even though he is losing his hair. That being said I think it depends on the reasons if they are trying to better themselves and everyone is different. Some wont want to stay with someone who has let them selves go and others will.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    I think physical attraction is one of many important components to a marriage. Right along with fidelity (as agreed upon), communication, trust, honesty, a love of cheese, etc...

    My wife and I love cheese.

    I could never marry someone who didn't eat a block of cheese with me while standing next to the refrigerator ...
  • LeilaFace
    LeilaFace Posts: 390 Member
    I think physical attraction is one of many important components to a marriage. Right along with fidelity (as agreed upon), communication, trust, honesty, a love of cheese, etc...

    My wife and I love cheese.

    I could never marry someone who didn't eat a block of cheese with me while standing next to the refrigerator ...

    Word.
  • El_Cunado
    El_Cunado Posts: 359 Member
    I think it depends on the person. For me personally, weight has never been an issue in dating someone.
  • redhead1910
    redhead1910 Posts: 304 Member
    I am more attracted to intelligence then looks. And someone who is intelligent would not dump me if I got fat. Because they know I would kill them. :)
  • d9123
    d9123 Posts: 531 Member
    I am more attracted to intelligence then looks. And someone who is intelligent would not dump me if I got fat. Because they know I would kill them. :)

    strong post to hair colour ratio ;)
  • d9123
    d9123 Posts: 531 Member
    Mainly because I'm obsessive though...
    That's my problem too.

    good problems to have brahs
  • Shreshy
    Shreshy Posts: 1,263 Member
    i had an ex who would go on about how i should change myself. For instance try to get a thigh gap. He really lowered my self esteem and he was a complete jerk. Now that i have lost a lot of weight he wants me back but im not that naive. After we broke up (one of the reasons was my weight) i started to see another guy who kind of encouraged me to adopt a healthier lifestyle. I have to be honest if both people in the relationship lead a healthy lifestyle the relationship does tend to go smoothly. I mean imagine being with someone who is too lazy to be intimate with you. The passion will fade. You have to keep that fire alive. Im not saying appearance is the main component in a relationship but it is a component that will help the relationship flow. I am speaking from experience. Im not saying its okay to break up with someone because of their weight either. You just shouldn't think its okay to lose yourself and let yourself go when you're in a relationship.

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