Looking for those battling anorexia

pebbleslaura1

Also tryin to recover from anorexia had it 17yrs now and its time to start living againan get rid of this illness

mymodernbabylon

http://forum.graceonthemoon.com/forums/forum.php?s=244d7f60d3779fe812a87196bb5e6821

letsgain01

I have to say, she obviously need a new doctor if he can't see her for such a serious issue until a month from now

rainbowbow

Eating disorders are purely psychological. I suggest you check out the resources above and continue her treatment. Do not let this go! I have seen so many girls lie about being "recovered" using heavy objects and weights at weigh-ins and continue to restrict.

I believe the basis for the disorder is not founded in reality and therefore simply "educating" her on nutrition from a dietician, GP, etc. isn't likely to help. A counselor/psychologist who specializes in this area is best!

Additionally, i don't suggest any support groups (or putting those who are not seriously interested in recovery yet together). Best to have one on one sessions.

It's important that you're there for her as well as everyone in her immediate family. When i dealt with an eating disorder in my teens I received little attention or affection for my efforts (starving myself) and this fueled me to get thinner and thinner. I desperately needed control over my life and was in an unstable environment. This was a power-game. Positive reinforcement (NOT punishment), acceptance, and non-judgement is key here!

Eating disorders can be deadly, so no matter how difficult it may be, stay strong and be ready to FIGHT!

linanneasley

Update: Saw another therapist last week that was suggested by the doctor. He was aggressive and terse and she shut down like a stone, put up her wall and was almost openly hostile to him, which is really outside her normal style. He kept checking his cell phone, knows NOTHING about AN and just kept downloading things from websites, I can do that. I didn't like him either. He of course now can't see her again until May 3. She asked why we even went there, and why she can't keep working with the CP I found. Which of course I assured her we would. She seems to be eating, if even just for my benefit. I'm using the methods from the Mausey (sp) approach. Her energy is already better and she is sticking to my rules. She eats with me, no more hiding out in her room, no showering or bathroom after eating, and I go with her to the restroom (for now). I'm not sure I can control what she's doing at school, for now, but when she's with me she's eating what I ask when I ask, and seems to understand the severity of her situation.

XC_Guitar17

maggieramee wrote: »

I'm 16 years old and was just recently diagnosed with anorexia. I have been being treated for 3 months. The treatment from doctors hasn't helped me much. What is really helping is aggressiveness from my family. At first my mom was timid about the ordeal, and she didn't want to hurt my feelings or make me think it was my fault (it's a disease, it's not the person's fault). However, my psychologist said that this just fueled it and made me think it was okay. I got worse. My mom and I then started coming to classes that my clinic provides together, and it teaches parents how to monitor and take care of their kids battling anorexia. Now, she grounds me when I don't eat, counts my calories, makes me eat in front of her so she knows I'm not lying, and sometimes forces food into me if I refuse it. It's stressful and a difficult thing to go through, but I've gained weight and am getting healthier. Your mother-daughter relationship will be tested, but if you're there for her in the long run, then this will only be beneficial. It may not be fun for you or your daughter, but if you want fast results, be extremely forceful and diligent about watching what she eats.

When you finally get to see your doctor, ask if they have treatment classes or clinics that involve both you and your daughter to make sure she's not going through this alone. Best of luck to both of you.

I can't offer much advice, as I've never struggled with an eating disorder personally - but I have friends who have overcome eating disorders, and I've studied eating disorders extensively on my own. However, maggieramee just offered you some awesome advice (along with everyone else who has responded so far). Like I said, I've never had an ED before, but I've overcome self-confidence issues and short-term depression. During those few months of my fight, my family was my rock - especially my mom - even after I started talking to a counselor. So I agree with Maggie's suggestion that you should try to find a clinical program that "involves both you and your daughter."

Also, if you want to gain more insight into how a person with an ED thinks, I highly recommend reading the book Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson. Although the book is fictional, it is very realistic. One word of caution though: read it before you allow your daughter to read it (if she is ever allowed to read it/feels comfortable reading it after a full recovery). Because the main character struggles with anorexia, the book can be extremely triggering for a reader who is currently battling or has struggled with anorexia.

XC_Guitar17

Also, thanks for the update. I'm glad to hear that your daughter is improving, even though the first therapist didn't work out. Best of luck.

Nezz123

That's a shame about her doctor. Nobody likes to be railroaded, and of course she shut down. People with anorexia tend to be especially reluctant to hand over control, and he should have attempted to earn trust before asserting himself.

I have another type of anorexia (stress-induced). But like your daughter, I don't like handing over control. She'll probably only listen to those who earnestly listen and have her best interest at heart. Moms are great for that--that's why I'm here!

I'm trying to gain 5-10lbs, but the idea of gaining any weight is probably really scary for your daughter. I would tell her, "We're not trying to make you fat. We want you to love your body. You don't have to get a muffin top or belly rolls if you don't want to. At over 100 lbs, you can have a slim, firm, beautiful physique."

A toned, firm 105-120 looks way better than a weak, saggy 75-95. Trust me! I've done both. And, for future reference, I have better luck with guys at 100 or above.

mumblemagic

I don't really have much experience of EDs myself, but I saw a documentary about anorexia which showed an interesting new treatment method based in Wales - I think the documentary was called Dying to be Thin or something. It's on YouTube.

booksandchocolate12

I do not have any experience with EDs, but I do have a daughter. I would do anything for her, as I know you would for your daughter. I just wanted to wish you both good luck and good health!

xoxo

rebecca_danell22

Ciao I want to apologize, because I know things haven't been easy for my Mom. (I can relate to your daughter). This is something your daughter will or won't work out herself. There is not anything anyone can do that will change her perception of herself. That isn't to say to insult her or call her "skinny" nor to not support or encourage her that she is strong and beautiful. What I am saying is she will have to overcome this on her own. It's the sad truth. All you can do is be there for her.

Milotic2015

I battled with aneroxia when i was a kid and my mom is now going threw the battle. If your daughter won't open up to the therapist, (and i don't blame her that she didn't) Maybe since your her mother she will open up to you and tell you why she took that path. As far as getting her to eat again, Start out small with her, Like you would have when she was just learning to eat solids when she was a baby. My mom had to sttart out small on eating again and what she started with was Yogurt and applesauce. Don't force her to eat, or she will stop eating completely again ( given if she is eating anything atm). If she starts eating like she did before all this happened she will get upset stomach and nausea. If she has a favorite between Applesauce or yogurt then let her choose which one and make sure that only she eats what she picks out and not everyone else eats her Jar of applesauce or container of Yogurt. That way she feels like she has the choice and she knows it's her own.
If you need to talk feel free to add me or Message me.

hyIianprincess

As someone who has suffered from an eating disorder for years and is currently in recovery, I'm so happy to hear you're taking this seriously. You seem like a great mother. Support from family and friends as well as therapy has been so vital in my recovery.

Therapy has helped me out tremendously. I go once a week. It can be a slow process though, so keep that in mind. You have your good days and bad days. And most importantly, please don't blame yourself! I'm glad so hear she's doing better. I wish you two the best of luck

TessaDear

Hello. I've been through what your daughter has gone through, it's really tough but in my case, the best help I got was in the form of support. It's all a mental thing really. I got therapy, talked to people, opened up, and had to be reassured about myself often. I also had some assistance from a dietitian and my doctor to help me gain weight and to monitor me but my support system is definitely what I owe my success in recovery to. Best of luck to you both x

hgycta

Wow, everyone's comments on here are wonderful - listen to these people!
I've struggled with eating disorders since I was ten, and now I'm nineteen and still struggling, but improving. It's hard, but the fact that you are both aware of this problem and ready to find a solution is a huge milestone towards recovery! The earlier you catch it, the better. Unfortunately mine was more than body image issues alone, my OCD made calorie counting just about impossible to quit (still working on it). I received therapy, but it wasn't enough (though it can be for some people). Everyone experiences this dreaded illness differently, so just encourage her to remain open no matter how tough it gets, show your support, and do whatever it takes to get her what she needs. Outpatient may be expensive depending on insurance coverage, but if it means she can get her life back I'd recommend it. I'll pray for you guys, I wish you all the best!

cosmiqrecovery

As someone who struggled with eating disorders since their preteens, I'm really glad she seems to be opening up about her problems to you and I'm glad you're trying your best to get her the help she deserves. That said, this is still a mental illness and one of the most insidious ones at that. It's entirely up to her whether or not she gets better. I've been put through inpatient programs, outpatient programs, group therapy, Eating Disorders Anonymous, a multitude of therapists, intensive programs with dietitians, even majored in nutrition when I started college just to figure out what the hell I could do to stop this, and it's still right here, whispering in my ear every day. If I had received help earlier, maybe it wouldn't be like this.

I'm in a place right now where I can't afford to be treated, but free and online resources are huge. NEDA has a treatment locator on their sight, and if money is an issue there are several scholarships available for people with eating disorders (these can be a bit triggering to the sufferer if they aren't chosen in my experience, but it's worth a shot). There's EDA as I mentioned, which has group chat meetings online that can be helpful. There's also 7 Cups of Tea that has self-help resources as well as 24 hour support chat from people who actually have been through the same struggles. Could be some decent temporary places of support until she gets into a solid program.

Like I said though, this is entirely up to her. As much love and support as I'm sure you have to offer, she's the only one with the power to get off this path. Be prepared to potentially be dealing with this and things like it for the rest of her life. I really hope not though. I wish you and your daughter the best, it breaks my heart every time I see people so young suffering.

linanneasley

hgycta wrote: »

Wow, everyone's comments on here are wonderful - listen to these people!
I've struggled with eating disorders since I was ten, and now I'm nineteen and still struggling, but improving. It's hard, but the fact that you are both aware of this problem and ready to find a solution is a huge milestone towards recovery! The earlier you catch it, the better. Unfortunately mine was more than body image issues alone, my OCD made calorie counting just about impossible to quit (still working on it). I received therapy, but it wasn't enough (though it can be for some people). Everyone experiences this dreaded illness differently, so just encourage her to remain open no matter how tough it gets, show your support, and do whatever it takes to get her what she needs. Outpatient may be expensive depending on insurance coverage, but if it means she can get her life back I'd recommend it. I'll pray for you guys, I wish you all the best!

Thats a great insight. I'm learning hers is tied to OCD as well. She is wicked smart and she knows what each bite counts out. She is getting better and is now open to a 1800-2000 calorie diet. At that range I'm able to fudge a few more calories in to her daily intake.

linanneasley

UPDATE: I can not begin to thank everyone enough for the thoughts support and encouragement. We had our 1st follow up appt since her original diagnosis. She started out at 81lbs which is lower that I thought she was to begin with. She currently weighs 95.7lbs. Thats a huge victory. And best of all she didn't freak out about it. We did decide to go on a supper small dose of meds to help combat the OCD component of the illness. So please if you have issues with meds, just keep it to yourself, we all heal in different ways. Her CT has been super and really managed to get her to talk about some tough issues, which she hasn't shared with me yet, but I know she will when she's ready.
Again, you all have been such a blessing with resources and support, I can not begin to that you enough.

letsgain01

linanneasley wrote: »

UPDATE: I can not begin to thank everyone enough for the thoughts support and encouragement. We had our 1st follow up appt since her original diagnosis. She started out at 81lbs which is lower that I thought she was to begin with. She currently weighs 95.7lbs. Thats a huge victory. And best of all she didn't freak out about it. We did decide to go on a supper small dose of meds to help combat the OCD component of the illness. So please if you have issues with meds, just keep it to yourself, we all heal in different ways. Her CT has been super and really managed to get her to talk about some tough issues, which she hasn't shared with me yet, but I know she will when she's ready.
Again, you all have been such a blessing with resources and support, I can not begin to that you enough.

Awesome! I'm so happy she's getting better!

BicepsAndBows

Get her help, now. The sooner the better. Look for specialists (physician, dietician, and therapist) with in depth training in eating disorders. I fought a 7 year battle with sever anorexia that almost took my life. If my family wouldn't have intervened , I would not be here today. She might kick and scream and fight you, but deep down she needs the help and is most likely scared.