Not Focusing on the Right Things

IamUndrCnstruction

Having a hard time staying focused on what I can do. Reading through the forums, or even my friends list, I get so discouraged by what I can't do instead. HIIT workouts sound so effective, but impossible for me at this stage of my pulmonary health, and I hate that. The desire to lift heavy things is strong in this one! Doctor says "yeah, go ahead and blow your heart up" (not literally, but it would cause some damage, something to do with pressure gradients). All of this pisses me off.

Do I work out, yes. On the treadmill, 45 minutes a day 5 days a week, with some strength training 3 of those days (lightly weighted squats, kettle bell stuff for upper body and some machine work at the gym, nothing more than 50 pounds is allowed). But I feel like.....I don't know, like a weakling. Considering I was pretty much bed ridden a year ago I know logically that well, I AM a weakling, and that is ok and kind of expected. However this does not stop me from feeling like a wuss and being angry about it.

Anyway, I am sure this is tl;Dr, but I needed to vent.

IamUndrCnstruction

Hmmm....so much for the "support" section of the forums....guess it's good that I don't need any motivation other than what comes from within.

queenliz99

You need support for venting??

brianpperkins

IamUndrCnstruction wrote: »

Hmmm....so much for the "support" section of the forums....guess it's good that I don't need any motivation other than what comes from within.

So sorry everybody didn't rush to see ... and immediately respond to you. Ok ... I'm not.

If you have medical conditions, do what you can within your personal limits. Even with a 50 pound limit, you can burn a lot of calories and place your muscles under enough stress to maintain lean body mass if you eat properly. Or you can continue to compare yourself to what you perceive others as doing and generate rants like your first post.

azulvioleta6

It's very early on a Saturday morning...the lack of response is probably just a function of the fact that most people are still sleeping or doing other things. Many forums are slower on weekends too since people are not checking in while they are at work.

I'm sorry that you are struggling. Your situation SUCKS in a major way. It's unique and incredibly hard, and unfortunately I don't think you will find many people here who can relate in any kind of meaningful way.

I know what it is like to be stuck in a holding pattern when your health holds you back. It's really hard, but you have to keep doing what you can do and just try not to get too frustrated by your limitations. I'm really impressed by what you ARE doing--give yourself some credit!

Please don't compare yourself to anyone else--nobody else here has the challenges that you do. I am amazed that you are able to get on the treadmill at all, much less keep it up for 45 minutes. There are a lot of perfectly healthy people who can't or won't do that. When you do get your transplant, you are going to be in great shape because of the work and effort that you are putting in now. Focus on that rather than on what you can't do.

((((hugs))))

IamUndrCnstruction

Hahaha....very nice indeed. True forum style. No one responds at all until you say something worth attacking. Though I do appreciate what info was given as I wonder whether or not what I am able to do is even going to be effective for anything. It's to early on to be able to tell I guess.

@newmeadow‌ thank you, I know you are correct and I do follow what I am told, it is just very frustrating. I was just looking for some support or commiseration.

azulvioleta6

It's OK to be angry. It's fine to be utterly pissed off.

Rage for a day and then get yourself back to work. Do you really have any other choice?

IamUndrCnstruction

Nope. None. And I do it regardless of whether or not it pisses me off. I just want to do MORE. Umm..patience is not one of my strong points LOL

cwolfman13

IamUndrCnstruction wrote: »

Hmmm....so much for the "support" section of the forums....guess it's good that I don't need any motivation other than what comes from within.

Do you even MFP? Do you know how much traffic this site gets? Sometimes you have to "bump" your tread...a lot of people...I would say the majority of people just look at the first page of the "recent" threads so posts can get buried pretty quickly.

Maybe focus on understanding that there is a process...focus on that process and just being and doing more today than you could yesterday. People want instant gratification and medical issues or not, that's not how it works.

cwolfman13

newmeadow wrote: »

cwolfman13 wrote: »

People want instant gratification and medical issues or not, that's not how it works.

Ah, yeah. Considering her medical issues I think she kinda already knows that.

Ummm...yeah...

Umm..patience is not one of my strong points LOL

So like...ummmm yeah...just reminder her and stuff...yeah....'cuz people lose site of the process and stuff...ummm yeah...

IamUndrCnstruction

Ahh...he's right to an extent. I do lose sight of how it all actually works. Maybe it's because when I got sick it happened pretty fast and I went from "all out" to " face plant" figuratively speaking. So I guess in my flawed logic I want to get better just as quick, and EVERYTHING about this has been a hurry up and wait kind of thing. From the transplant process to the weight loss to....everything.

Thank you @newmeadow‌ and @cwolfman13‌ yes, I do even MFP : P but you are right...patience + me, does not always =

Sandcastles61

You have heart and proven dedication.... Despite your health issue you have lost 22 pounds! That is AWESOME

My best friend's nephew had a double lung transplant a couple years ago due to CF, and I have to say there is no way he could do 1/16th of what you are managing before the transplant! You are truly an inspiration and will be miles ahead in your recovery because of it!

All my best wishes for your upcoming surgery and your soon~ to~ be new lease on life

Tami

PS~ feel free to vent any time you want

IamUndrCnstruction

Thank you. I know I have to do it now, because there is only a finite amount of time that I will be well enough to do so. Maybe that plays in to my lack of patience as well.

I am so happy for your friends nephew and his gift of a new life. Please hug him and wish him the best!!

cheshirecatastrophe

I read your OP and I am not quite sure what kind of support you are looking for? If you need your vent to be heard...I read it; I hear you. I have my own long- and short-term health issues, although it is other organs that malfunction.

You are awesome for doing everything that you are! It might not be as sexy as setting a squat PR every other week, but the dedication, effort, and *mental* strength that you're demonstrating each day is its own incredible. I absolutely recognize that.

Once upon a time my own medical issues made me feel like a wimp and a failure, albeit for restricting me in different ways. So I did a tandem skydive, and subsequently learned to jump on my own. If you can get medical approval and be off oxygen long enough for freefall+parachute ride, a tandem jump would be an AMAZING way to realize how awesome you truly are inside and out. Or you could sign up for a flying lesson. That's pretty badass and anti-wussy. Learn archery! Or to shoot a handgun! Get certified in advanced home pyrotechnics displays (i.e. shooting off professional-quality fireworks)! It's not lifting heavy things and it's not running a marathon, but ain't nobody gonna call you a wimp on the Fourth of July.

49Elle

It must be very hard to face such a major health issue and to live with it when you so much want to get on with life & living- can fully understand your impatience.

But you are doing a great job with your physical limitations and showing great dedication to maintaining your fitness - sometimes it is hard for your head to accept your body (as a senior aged person this is hard to adjust to as well via the aging process)

Enjoy your beauty - your lovely skin your rich hair.. this may sound silly but as an older person I miss those things, I guess what I am saying is appreciate what you do have and you will get better with medical assistance. Good luck to you I so wish you well

IamUndrCnstruction

@cheshirecatastrophe‌ yeah, I guess I wanted someone to just say they heard me. I regret even posting now, but was a very angry early morning person this morning. Not able to fly or jump, however the pyrotechnics sound pretty bad *kitten*.

@12dream‌ Thank you, I do appreciate those things and most days it doesn't bother me so bad. Today was just not that day.

Thank you both though.

cheshirecatastrophe

Hey, no need to apologize! I *definitely* understand where you're coming from. I just wanted to be able to give you what you were looking for, if I could.

(Sorry for the improper recommendations--I thought low-pressure stuff might be iffy, but I do jump with one woman with CF so I thought maybe.)