Comments: Helpful or Hurtful?

Kelll12123

Am I the only one who doesn't like when people comment on my weight loss? It's great to feel noticed for an accomplishment, but for some reason, I annoyed every time someone gives me the typical, "you look great!" What's even worse for me is when people ask how much weight I've lost.
I think it bothers me so much because whenever someone tells me I look great, they're pretty much saying I didn't look great before. I gained about 30 pounds when I started college and have lost all of it plus some. The "fat" part of my life was only for about a year, and maybe I was in denial about it, but when people note my weight loss, I feel like they're thinking my body looked like that for a longer period of time.

Does anyone else feel this way?

Bippsbabe2005

I can totally understand where you're coming from. From seeing your profile pic, I can honestly say, you looked great at both points in your life! Sometimes people that see you that haven't seen you in a while or maybe just cuz they "think" you want to hear it, will automatically just blurt out the words. It's almost the same concept when you're pregnant, and like 3 weeks from your due date, and people just automatically blurt out ridiculous comments like, "wow, didn't you have that baby yet"?...NO, but thanks for pointing out that I look fat and feel disgusting. Best thing I could say is, just take it for what it's worth and know the people that are making those comments, are probably doing it for an ego/motivation booster. You're doing good, girl. Keep up the good work!!!

Chelsie

itstimeRK

Nobody in my life except my husband seems to notice that I have lost 25 lbs. It makes me insecure, and I think that I probably still look as fat as ever. I wish someone would acknowledge my hard work, as they had no problems saying negative things about my weight when I was fatter.

Kelll12123

itstimeRK wrote: »

Nobody in my life except my husband seems to notice that I have lost 25 lbs. It makes me insecure, and I think that I probably still look as fat as ever. I wish someone would acknowledge my hard work, as they had no problems saying negative things about my weight when I was fatter.

People didn't start saying anything until I had lost over 20 pounds. Surprisingly, a lot of people are just starting to comment now and I've been losing weight since May. Don't worry, people will notice.

tlblood

I think it's the self conscious part of us that assumes the worst when people make comments, even positive ones. I just have to remind myself that most of the time people are wanting to compliment and encourage and they don't mean anything negative by it. I also take it as an affirmation that all of my hard work is paying off and making a visible difference.

leggup

I think many people comment on weight loss because it's perceived to be an incredibly difficult endeavor. Gaining weight is easy. We all do that pretty well.

Another angle- it's like a haircut. When you've had one, people comment, "I love your haircut!" They're not saying your old hairdo looked like crap. They're partly just saying they noticed a change.

Liftng4Lis

Actually, I enjoy the compliments, as it reminds me of the work I've put in.

sodakat

The other day I saw someone I haven't seen in a while and she looked great; smiling, bouncy step, healthy color, etc. I commented to her that she just looked wonderful. After I made the comment I realized she might take it like you did, that I didn't think she looked wonderful before, so I said something more, like, "not that you looked lousy before" but really, that made me feel awkward. Luckily she was gracious and thanked me. I am pretty sure she's lost weight but that really wasn't what I was commenting on -- she really did look great and I just wanted to acknowledge that I noticed. I think I mostly say, "nice sweater" or "I love your shoes" instead of complimenting the person. IDK, it can be awkward I guess.

kmccann357

I was a chubby girl at school, I have the issue with people now coming up to me and saying 'Wow, what happened to you", the other day I guy said he couldn't believe how 'hot i'd got'. For a while it gave me a slight esteem boost, being able to get the popular guys for once in my life. Then came the absolute soul destruction of looking back at old photos and being disgusted with the old me, thinking that I have gotten better but i'll never be the best etc. I don't think some people understand just how harmful it all can be.
Yes, they can tell me how much better i look now, but deep down i'm still the self loathing defensive b*tch that was created through years of being stigmatised for being 'fat'. I don't know if that can, sadly, ever be changed.

texasmom2013

kmccann357 wrote: »

I was a chubby girl at school, I have the issue with people now coming up to me and saying 'Wow, what happened to you", the other day I guy said he couldn't believe how 'hot i'd got'. For a while it gave me a slight esteem boost, being able to get the popular guys for once in my life. Then came the absolute soul destruction of looking back at old photos and being disgusted with the old me, thinking that I have gotten better but i'll never be the best etc. I don't think some people understand just how harmful it all can be.
Yes, they can tell me how much better i look now, but deep down i'm still the self loathing defensive b*tch that was created through years of being stigmatised for being 'fat'. I don't know if that can, sadly, ever be changed.

Ha! Yep! Sounds just like me!

PurpleYFronts

If someone pays you a compliment, take it as such and move on. You have made the decision to improve how you look and it stands to reason others will notice and compliment you for your achievement. I don't believe anyone pays compliments with the intention of reminding you how you may have looked in a previous life, simply that how you look now is worthy of acknowledgement.

cwolfman13

I like when people comment on my fitness and acknowledge my bad assness...

cheshirecatastrophe

I believe in self-improvement, so it's no truck to me if someone implies I'm better than before.

tinascar2015

I know exactly how you're feeling, and the last time I reached my goal weight, I had a terrible time with that. I was getting way more attention, even to the point of serious sexual harassment (it was 1990). A male coworker stopped me in a hallway and "complimented" me by saying, "Wow, your boobs sure are smaller!" Even my gynecologist got into the act and made all sorts of inappropriate comments during an exam. I never went back to him.

But even with my friends and family (especially my mom), I felt that I was more loved and appreciated when I was slim than when I was overweight. It was as though my value had increased. It's all anyone wanted to talk about and I got sick of the constant questions about what I ate, how long it took, etc. etc. etc.

I think that's why I still don't talk about it much. One of these days, people are going to begin noticing I'm losing, and I'm trying to figure out how to derail that discussion without being abrupt or rude.

jenncornelsen

when i had lost 50lb i got lots of comments. i was glad because i had worked my butt off to get to where i was. what can i say i did look better than i had when i was 50 lbs heavier. i can admit it. so i cant be surprised others notice as well.

TheVirgoddess

cwolfman13 wrote: »

I like when people comment on my fitness and acknowledge my bad assness...

Me, too. I've lost 70 pounds, I KNOW I look a heck of a lot better than I used to - and it's not just my weight. It's how I carry myself, how much more effort I put into how I look (clothes, make up wise) and how much happier I am in general. So yeah, I enjoy people noticing and commenting. It doesn't mean I looked bad before, it just means I look better now.

jemhh

I like the compliments. I just take them at face value, that I look good now. Plus, the truth is that I did not look good before. I know it and they know it. There's no point in pretending otherwise.

Kelll12123

I know they're all meant to be positive. I think I was in denial about the way I looked before I lost weight, so I guess pointing out that my body has changed reminds me that I used to look not so good.
I guess this isn't something that's relatable for most people.

tinascar2015 wrote: »

I know exactly how you're feeling, and the last time I reached my goal weight, I had a terrible time with that. I was getting way more attention, even to the point of serious sexual harassment (it was 1990). A male coworker stopped me in a hallway and "complimented" me by saying, "Wow, your boobs sure are smaller!" Even my gynecologist got into the act and made all sorts of inappropriate comments during an exam. I never went back to him.

But even with my friends and family (especially my mom), I felt that I was more loved and appreciated when I was slim than when I was overweight. It was as though my value had increased. It's all anyone wanted to talk about and I got sick of the constant questions about what I ate, how long it took, etc. etc. etc.

I think that's why I still don't talk about it much. One of these days, people are going to begin noticing I'm losing, and I'm trying to figure out how to derail that discussion without being abrupt or rude.

In response to this, I totally understand. People can get really insensitive with their questions and comments. Someone asked me if I "went anorexic" and meant it kind of jokingly, but it was his weird way of acknowledging that I lost weight. If I actually did become anorexic, that could have been really hurtful.

ncboiler89

Kelll12123 wrote: »

Am I the only one who doesn't like when people comment on my weight loss? It's great to feel noticed for an accomplishment, but for some reason, I annoyed every time someone gives me the typical, "you look great!" What's even worse for me is when people ask how much weight I've lost.
I think it bothers me so much because whenever someone tells me I look great, they're pretty much saying I didn't look great before. I gained about 30 pounds when I started college and have lost all of it plus some. The "fat" part of my life was only for about a year, and maybe I was in denial about it, but when people note my weight loss, I feel like they're thinking my body looked like that for a longer period of time.

Does anyone else feel this way?

People are giving you a compliment. Don't read too much into it and accept it!

areallycoolstory

itstimeRK wrote: »

Nobody in my life except my husband seems to notice that I have lost 25 lbs. It makes me insecure, and I think that I probably still look as fat as ever. I wish someone would acknowledge my hard work, as they had no problems saying negative things about my weight when I was fatter.

There's this quote about it taking 4 weeks for you to notice your body changing, 8 weeks for your family to notice, and 12 weeks for the rest of the world to notice. Hang in there, and remember you are doing this for you, not your coworkers. Feel free to friend me if you want. As I see the updates on those pounds coming off, I will be sure to tell you what an awesome job you are doing:-)