Long long, short story, with some repeat notes. Felt good to write it out.

Adpalangi

With ALL of this said (and alot of repeat posts. sorry, from other posts). I was concerned that everybody was right and I that i wasn't the "healthy, look I was gone for. I decided I should put on afew more lbs, till I saw my face back to normal. (It has yet to be back to normal), and then maintain. I began to go back to my old eating habits and worse, my drs had approved me to go back to work for a part time stress free job, this was right before holiday season, and my new job was a florist in a grocery store, which had a very very good bakery. Before I would leave work, I would purchase single serving deserts for my mom and myself. I would devour in no time. Then it turned into whole deserts, you know whole pie, whole cake and so on. I would devour in at least 2 days. With Not much else to eat for the day. I would tell myself, planning to go back after Christmas, then after New Years, and then start a new week on Monday, and then tomorrow. On and on. I have put back on 13 lbs. my lower stomach is at the beginning of sitting on my lap, my thighs feel much thicker, my neck is saggy, I am starting to see those bra roles on my back. And I am devastatingly loosing my hair. Oh and did I mention my face had like a sunken in area on each side just below my jaw bone. Not feeling to good about myself like this either, definitely not feeling healthy. I've been trying to give up something new each couple days. Started with donuts, and cookies, then cakes and pies. Next will have to be that ice cream, which also is gone in two days with help from mom. I have broken my daily Hersey chocolate almond bars into small pieces, and try very hard to only eat afew pieces, sometimes sucessful sometimes not. I haven't had pasta, beads, or fast foods in forever, anyway so that's no problem. I've been researching recipes with high protein, and have made some that require a bit of ingredients, and time. I have filled my fridg and cabinets again with poultry, fish, lean meats, cheeses, fresh vegetables, and fruit. For snacks I do have in my cupboard, pretzel rods, wheat thins and pickles, almonds and cashews. which I do indulge in, instead of sweets, but only in the single serving amount, and mostly just one serving a day. Still not under 1000 or 1200 calories, at all, but really trying all I can think of to get there.
My new goals are to simply look and feel healthy.
Side note, that 2014 when I was loosing weight I proudly and still have, without any set backs or slips:
Quite a eight year smoking habit, socialize and come out of my bedroom much more. Gave up sodas, coffees, fast foods, and started back to work after over 5 years of not being able to work, and in a job I enjoy instead if the one that may pay more money. A florist at Safeway doesn't just make pretty floral arrangements along with the home section inventory. , lots of manual labor receiving the flowers and prepping them. Always had a job that was behind a desk, with a day that would drag by, and only exercise would be to the fax machine or coffee machine. Doesn't pay a thing but I really enjoy it, and it is helping me to be less isolated as often, and to be social with other people. But that damn bakery, and Hersey chocolate bars at check out, are just killing me, probably literally.

I realize getting back off is all my fault, and struggling to get back on my responsibility. I can't figure why it is so difficult. I know I was unhappy with the final results, but I was beginning to really feel good on the inside, was even kinda proud.
Not sure what I'm needing or asking for, and if anyone at all reads
know if my story will actually help anyone, would like to think it might.

Am I going back on the Venus and fitness pal programs? I'm trying, but think it will be best to take it one day at a time for now. Moderation also seems to be a key thought as well.

Suggestions on what caused me to get back to this way? Why did I not look healthy after the end if the weight loss? What can I do now, am I right to get started back alittle slowly with giving up one thing every few dates.,

sugarnspice33

Sounds like u are on the right path and taking the necessary steps to regain your focus. Try not to talk negative to yourself and continue to plan your deserts and meals so that u don't feel deprieved and less likely to over indulge on deserts. You're human just like the rest of us and we tend to be creatures of habits

Have u shared ur health goals with ur mom? Are u keeping a food and exercisediary? Try to include how and/or what ur feeling when u and when u work out. This may help u understand what ur food triggers are.

keep me posted and be kind to yourself

Adpalangi

sugarnspice33 wrote: »

Sounds like u are on the right path and taking the necessary steps to regain your focus. Try not to talk negative to yourself and continue to plan your deserts and meals so that u don't feel deprieved and less likely to over indulge on deserts. You're human just like the rest of us and we tend to be creatures of habits

Have u shared ur health goals with ur mom? Are u keeping a food and exercisediary? Try to include how and/or what ur feeling when u and when u work out. This may help u understand what ur food triggers are.

keep me posted and be kind to yourself

Thank you so much for advice, and time. Mom knows the eating habits I had been following, and that I was trying to loose weight. I used to have no problem with her having sweet things, mostly her ice cream. I was able to eat 1/4 cup and be satisfied. So I know it's there, I've done it before. I'm trying real hard. So far I have eliminated pastries, which i would stop for on my way into work. It's been about five days. Struggling with the cake like foods, was doing well eliminating that, but past several days not very successful. I will certainly update here and there. Thank you again

paradi3s

It isn't about giving up the things you love to eat, but to eat it in moderation or so long as it fits into your calorie goal. If you've the time, you can also start lifting weights or exercising a bit, even a 15 minute walk helps!
I'm glad you're back on track! Good luck on your fitness journey! :-)

Adpalangi

paradi3s wrote: »

It isn't about giving up the things you love to eat, but to eat it in moderation or so long as it fits into your calorie goal. If you've the time, you can also start lifting weights or exercising a bit, even a 15 minute walk helps!
I'm glad you're back on track! Good luck on your fitness journey! :-)

Paradi3, thank you for your time, advice, and kind words. Yes, I agree totally with moderation. However right now, I haven't had myself disciplined to enjoy these foods in moderation. I understand allowing them into my diet, if I fit them into my calorie goal, but for right now, I just know I would fail. So, I am trying to eliminate different single sweets once every few days. I sometimes think my eating so much junk is out of boredom. And has just become a habit, with my drive to and from work, and at my computer in the evening. I have on occasion traded those things for grapes or melons. Many members here and on Venus have suggested the exercise. I'm doing some small exercise in my little bedroom, (where mom can't laugh at me and my lack of coordination). She's not being cruel, as I too begin to laugh as well. It beats the alternative, of getting angry with myself. So I'm doing jumping jacks, push ups, squats, lounges, and burpies. I do not have myself doing lots of reps, but hey it's a start. I know I can also improve my formation. Takes not much over the 15 min suggestion. It s only been 3 days, but so far that's the best I've done, and I don't get confused with the moves like this.

mycupyourcake

You are on the right track to losing the weight you had lost. I think it is great that you have an active job that makes you happy as well. One thing that I thought of is your snacking while on the computer at night. Perhaps until you get your sweet cravings under control you should try reading a book rather than being on the computer. At this point you are conditioned to eat while being on there. I'm the same way with TV at night, yet when I read a book I don't have the same association and I don't all of a sudden need a snack. Just a thought.

ndj1979

next stop …restrictionville..

OP - don't you have another thread about sugar going on right now, and haven't your started multiple about multiple topics over the past year….???

Adpalangi

mycupyourcake wrote: »

You are on the right track to losing the weight you had lost. I think it is great that you have an active job that makes you happy as well. One thing that I thought of is your snacking while on the computer at night. Perhaps until you get your sweet cravings under control you should try reading a book rather than being on the computer. At this point you are conditioned to eat while being on there. I'm the same way with TV at night, yet when I read a book I don't have the same association and I don't all of a sudden need a snack. Just a thought.

Thanks so much. I too gave thought about the computer. I don't think I'd be happy giving that up. I'm not a tv person, or a book reader. My only form of entertainment has been online, where I read posts and blogs on MFP and Venus, along with Cooking light, and any other recipe sights I come across. I also read on different depression/bi-polar studies and treatments. Lately, also reading on hair loss. And I've found some information on finding a partner, a crazy topic, with crazy advice, but it's entertainment. A lot of time on face book, where I keep up with current events in the news, being in touch with long ago friends from high school, and friends from the different duty stations we had called home, and with posts that have me laughing, that had seemed like forever ago. Part of the bipolar disorder, books do not hold my attention long enough, which is why, I think I don't watch tv anymore. Instead of giving that a try I think I should not allow myself to bring snacks into bed with me, or in my bedroom at all. I spend a lot of time on my iPad there. I just need my own space with peace. My mom is an awesome person, but it's very difficult to live together, as I am sure she feels often too. Never expected I'd be 50 some years old living in an apartment, never the less with family, other than my husband and children. I've lived huge distance away from here, MD, ever since I married at 18. Used to my own home, (which in Charleston SC, we had finally moved into the home we had been working years to have). A spot to spend time alone at my sewing machine, a home that I had decorated on my own. Or the porch to enjoy my am coffee. Having space for entertaining friends. And the friendly beautiful area in general. So reasonable so, the transition has and still is not easy for me. I guess that's the kinda thing that you never expect to happen, only that life throws a curveball sometimes, and our only logical choice is to accept and go with it. Sounds rather easy I suppose. It's not and hasn't been easy on me, as I'm sure many others have gone thru the same thing and others very much larger and harder life changes to deal with. I'm sorry to go on and on, think I'm finding writing about these things as a therapy for me. I suppose I should go back to journaling, as to not bother others. Also, think my eating might partly be blamed on stress, believe it or not, I hold a lot of feelings in, most of the time.
Thanks again, really, thank you.

paradi3s

Adpalangi wrote: »

paradi3s wrote: »

It isn't about giving up the things you love to eat, but to eat it in moderation or so long as it fits into your calorie goal. If you've the time, you can also start lifting weights or exercising a bit, even a 15 minute walk helps!
I'm glad you're back on track! Good luck on your fitness journey! :-)

Paradi3, thank you for your time, advice, and kind words. Yes, I agree totally with moderation. However right now, I haven't had myself disciplined to enjoy these foods in moderation. I understand allowing them into my diet, if I fit them into my calorie goal, but for right now, I just know I would fail. So, I am trying to eliminate different single sweets once every few days. I sometimes think my eating so much junk is out of boredom. And has just become a habit, with my drive to and from work, and at my computer in the evening. I have on occasion traded those things for grapes or melons. Many members here and on Venus have suggested the exercise. I'm doing some small exercise in my little bedroom, (where mom can't laugh at me and my lack of coordination). She's not being cruel, as I too begin to laugh as well. It beats the alternative, of getting angry with myself. So I'm doing jumping jacks, push ups, squats, lounges, and burpies. I do not have myself doing lots of reps, but hey it's a start. I know I can also improve my formation. Takes not much over the 15 min suggestion. It s only been 3 days, but so far that's the best I've done, and I don't get confused with the moves like this.

It's got to start somewhere, and for sure those reps will become even more in time. I get what you mean when you workout in your room, I do my workouts in my clothes room, no matter how cramped it is hahaha. Try adding in a 10 or 15 minute walk, or if you're feeling hungry, take a glass of water then walk to clear your mind.

Glad that you're replacing chocolates and sweets with fruits! It's a better alternative and fixes your sugar cravings. Try bananas and mangoes and go for smoothies, too! At least you get to eat more fruits than just settle for a small bar of chocolate.

Based on what I went through, it'll take 80% eating habits, 20% exercise and 101% motivation, so never give up. Seriously. You'll have a few binges here and there, but always remember to pick yourself back up! Success isn't a readily paved road, just let the downs become learning experiences and keep moving forward. :-)

Adpalangi

paradi3s wrote: »

Adpalangi wrote: »

paradi3s wrote: »

It isn't about giving up the things you love to eat, but to eat it in moderation or so long as it fits into your calorie goal. If you've the time, you can also start lifting weights or exercising a bit, even a 15 minute walk helps!
I'm glad you're back on track! Good luck on your fitness journey! :-)

Paradi3, thank you for your time, advice, and kind words. Yes, I agree totally with moderation. However right now, I haven't had myself disciplined to enjoy these foods in moderation. I understand allowing them into my diet, if I fit them into my calorie goal, but for right now, I just know I would fail. So, I am trying to eliminate different single sweets once every few days. I sometimes think my eating so much junk is out of boredom. And has just become a habit, with my drive to and from work, and at my computer in the evening. I have on occasion traded those things for grapes or melons. Many members here and on Venus have suggested the exercise. I'm doing some small exercise in my little bedroom, (where mom can't laugh at me and my lack of coordination). She's not being cruel, as I too begin to laugh as well. It beats the alternative, of getting angry with myself. So I'm doing jumping jacks, push ups, squats, lounges, and burpies. I do not have myself doing lots of reps, but hey it's a start. I know I can also improve my formation. Takes not much over the 15 min suggestion. It s only been 3 days, but so far that's the best I've done, and I don't get confused with the moves like this.

It's got to start somewhere, and for sure those reps will become even more in time. I get what you mean when you workout in your room, I do my workouts in my clothes room, no matter how cramped it is hahaha. Try adding in a 10 or 15 minute walk, or if you're feeling hungry, take a glass of water then walk to clear your mind.

Glad that you're replacing chocolates and sweets with fruits! It's a better alternative and fixes your sugar cravings. Try bananas and mangoes and go for smoothies, too! At least you get to eat more fruits than just settle for a small bar of chocolate.

Based on what I went through, it'll take 80% eating habits, 20% exercise and 101% motivation, so never give up. Seriously. You'll have a few binges here and there, but always remember to pick yourself back up! Success isn't a readily paved road, just let the downs become learning experiences and keep moving forward. :-)

Paradi,
Thank you so much for your thoughtful words and advice. That 101% motivation sounds so hopeful!

Adpalangi

ndj1979 wrote: »

next stop …restrictionville..

OP - don't you have another thread about sugar going on right now, and haven't your started multiple about multiple topics over the past year….???

I don't know, do I? What is actually a thread, what is restrictionville ? You sure have a lot of posts under your belt, what somewhere over 1500? You must be an expert on so very many topics. Would it be safe to assume that there are not any useful, thoughtful, or understanding, productive , post in there. Or very little. What do you care about a multiple topic? No one is asking you to read them. Actually I'd prefer you didn't, and maybe that would stop the meaningless, rude, nosie replies.

Maybe you should come off your pedestal and take the time to notice how you sound to others, I'm sure I'm not the only one not impressed or interested in anything you have to say. Nothing good comes from Negative thoughts words and actions.

Maybe you might want to see a dr, to talk thru your issues. I'm sure there is something there which causes you to behave this way. I'd refer you to my therapist, but she will see right thru your arrogant, worthless BS. She would call you out on that, and I don't think you'd like that very much. The message board is not there to have you judge people, maybe you should take that somewhere else. You might find other negative arrogant people who you can relate to.