Yesterday's, long story post was the second half of this, this is both post in one.

Adpalangi

I made a post last night that was only the second half. Thought I had posted a part one as well, but most of done something wrong, so here is the whole thing in one very long post.

I've had Venus for about 10 months now. At the same time registered with my fitness pal as calorie counter, but have used other aspects of the program to further educate myself along with Venus regarding nutrition. I was successful at loosing 30 lbs in about 6 months, but have not followed the program, despite my many attempts to bring myself back for at least 3 months. . Is that considered loosing too fast? I couldn't seem to meet my protein goals of about 70 the the entire time. And not at all without going over my daily calorie goal. (However my previous eating routinely healthy at all, before Venus included very very little meats of any kind. It was truly a no cook routine, which meant fast foods, no cook, frozen meals, several bowls of cereal, and junk, if any meals at all, for a very very long time. The broiled vegetables, the protein bars, salads are not even appetizing now. Five ft tall, at 148 starting programs. And got as close to my Venus goal of 109 at 113. My personal goals were: to be healthy so that I would be able to be active and able to play with my three young grands.
To help with my major depression
To look great at my sons key west wedding which was 7 months away
To be more comfortable
To be more attractive and desirable to a healthy, toned athletic male person I was very attractive too.
This help signifently with my long term depression, not a cure, but a definite big step to begin pulling me out, and having me work hard, invest lots of time to improve my eroded self confidence, energy, self doubt and social life of time with just family, which had been all that was left of my so called social life.
I felt great, and starting at about the 3 month time received many many complainants.
I felt healthy
I felt kinda attractive again (which I hadn't felt in years).
I was thrilled at going from a size 10 or 12 to a size 0 or 2 comfortably.
Which resulted in some shopping and purchasing some "fun" new clothes, (had been years, and I had no longer enjoyed or even went shopping).
I felt good around my "friend"

Around 5 months the compliments made a u-turn, to you've lost so much wieght, how much have you lost? How did you do it? Your not going to loose anymore are you? You need to stop seriously Angie, it's starting to age you. Your face is all sunken in. You look sickly.
My fitness pal people were telling me I had an illness, was loosing too much weight too fast. They cont on with I had a lack of important nutrients, my daily diet was like I was starving myself (I was going for the 1000 calorie goal which Venus had suggested, and so many have used and did not have these problems, lean and healthy.) and I needed to see a doctor for a eating disorder. Why didn't I understand, they asked?" and they became very argumentative, I was going to loose my hair and damage my brain. Now don't get me wrong MFP also had some supportive, encouraging, insightful as Venus was filled with.
I began to notice many wrinkles on my face, with loose droopy skin. Which also showed on many parts if my body. My stomach, my arms, and thighs.
And then my hair began to fall out, and hasn't stopped since, the back of my head has two, an inch or inch and a half spots that look bald, and is getting worse. My hair is overall looking pretty bad, and is quite devastating.
My friend had only once commented on my weight loss, earlier on "hey skinny". I had asked early on if I looked better, (embarrassed to add, but I'm baring all now, for some reason, I guess help) as in the bedroom, after all he was the only one other than myself who saw all of me). He gave me a you look good, right here, which was somewhere around 119. Some time Later he had told me I was "sexy" (again embarrassed to share). Not feeling sexy, I asked "what is it that makes me sexy?" I was replied with being very sensual, and not inhibited with our close times together. (And the not being inhibited in private with him was so true, other than never taking my Cami off, always rolling it down positioning it to cover my lower belly, I was SURPRISINGLY very comfortable.). We had spent many times together over the past four years. I was comfortable way before the loss. With that conversation being right around the 119 120 mark, I decided that might be a good maintenance point. But felt like alittle more, fore my face, and it turned into more and more and so in, with me not being concerned until it had gone to the 124 weight.
My daughter, (who is a mother of three, who feeds herself, husband and children very healthy foods, whole foods and organic as much as possible. She takes excellent care of her body, training daily with her her husbands guidance, he is, and has been a personal trainer, and now runs a very exclusive gym, along with having many faithful clients of his own ). The whole family is very fit and healthy. My daughter had told me over and over again to eat more, "Mom, just go to Chick Filet and eat a meal, it's not gonna hurt you."
Strangely prior to all of that, when I was in the loss stage, I wasn't horrible on myself. If I went over on my calories I did try to even them out over the week. I would go to the forums, seeking advice on what to do when this happened, how and where to get protein, or general moral support, and several other questions of the same nature, as I was taking advantage of what both programs offered. Replies from Venus were very encouraging, and had many suggestions, some from MFP as well, but along with that came some very harsh comments from MFP, referring to hair loss, brain issues, and having a real eating disorder that I desperately needed to see a Dr. For.
I had discussed my weight loss with my long time therapist whom i see weekly, faithfully. My psychiatrist, as I wanted to be sure my meds didn't need adjusted with the difference in weight. And my family practitioner, who did agree I was at a good stopping point, I was at 115, and to continue eating healthy. Prior to my physical I had a full panel blood test, with great results. I was referred on to gyn for hormone testing. And a dermatologist both to investigate my hair loss.
And finally, I didn't exactly shine in front of my ex of my 28 years marriage, five year ago divorced from me ex husband. I know this was a very superficial goal, but I'm only human and with a very bad relationship during and after the divorce, where he often slammed, humiliated me, and called me lazy, worthless and fat. I did have that as a goal.
http://community.venusindex.com/member.php?222696-Adpalangi1

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socioseguro

Hi:

I just want to wish you luck in your healthy journey. Focus on your family and friends. All the best

Spreyton22K

I'm not sure what you are trying to get across here......

Are you asking for help??? Do you feel that this Venus programme (I have no idea what this is by the way) has induced disordered eating to be a part of your life???

To me, this long and honestly difficult to follow post has raised the following red flags for me - You are losing hair, you look appreciably older and you are unhappy about how your skin looks now.

It sounds as if you are torn between the advice of those on MFP and your desire to adhere to this Venus programme and BTW the 1000 calorie allowance is very low, even though you are short and older and if you cannot get enough protein in to you regularly without going over this number then yes, there will be negative consequences.

I don't know what else to say.....but it sounds as though your family and friends are expressing their concerns about your health, please do listen open heartedly and reconsider the path you are on.

All the best.

Adpalangi

Sociouseguro, and Spreyton, thank you both for taking the time to reply.
As for what I was asking for, I'd say advice from someone else who tried maintaing too low, or had fell off the calorie counting and healthy eating. To hear their stories to be informative. I also felt like I was venting, which is why it may have been confusing and definitely to long.
My family did say my face has sunk in, and if I didn't stop soon, I would look sickly. My family never mentioned any thing at all about a eating disorder. They had been speaking of how I looked. Which is when I looked closer in the mirror, I decided to put back on some pounds, and to decide what to do by how I felt and looked. After beginning that with a huge family event for a weekend I started not caring or even counting the calories. When I got to a good stopping point, right around Xmas time, my family was proud of me and said I was looking great. I think I just decided, since I was putting weight back on it was ok to eat all that holiday treats as I wanted, as I was wanting to put some weight back in. Problem was as I said above, I just didn't have the disapline I had felt before, i cont and until I noticed my new jeans were starting to get tight. And until I realized i can't avoid my scale or measuring tape forever. And that's where I am now. And I can say it was alit easier to get going the first time. im not sure how that turned into a eating disorder here on MFP. If it's about the looking older, and going to look sickly or had extra skin from loosing the extra weight. I bet many of you would find no find any if those things as good and would work on doing something about it. Whether it was lose more weight put more weight on one or exercise extra to become strengthen muscles and shape. My only fault was, I was looking for suggestions from others, I became very angry that some people could actually have felt that I have an eating disorder and I had to see a doctor. No matter how many times I mention that I seeing a doctor, therapist weekly regularly somebody that would be able A eating disorder. And continued to inform me over and over again that I had a eating disorder. I went as far as to get a normal check in for bloodwork with my family practice doctor. Where everything went well along with the complement of my petite look. So all and all I continue to wonder why i feel I should defend myself. Truth is, I know my body, I know what eating disorders are, and I am not one bit afraid to ask for help with that. I feel real uncomfortable with the depressive bipolar and the stigma it carried, But I realized that it could not ignore it and I needed help. Not easy. So asking that same doctor or a different doctor about eight eating disorder would not be difficult at all. I decided to trust my self and review my health and take care of it. I appreciate your concerns, but I'm very tired of the eating disorder orderdiscussion. I'm going to quit discussing any of the above matters and move forward. I hope you do too. for any of those people who insisted I needed a doctor.