Weird notion of what a 'good weight' is from family
Francl27
Posts: 26,368 Member
I know I'm not alone in this boat because I've seen a lot of threads about it... but my mom is driving me bonkers.
I'm a bit above the average of normal BMI for my height. I still think I have too much fat on my hips and lower back but can't say I've aggressively tried to fix it in the last few months... because I love food, I have a huge sweet tooth, and tend to binge too much on sweets. Anyway, because of that, obviously I'm still weighing my food and logging all the time, because it's extremely easy for me to gain weight.
We just had a 15 minutes chat about how she thinks I need to stop losing weight and should stop obsessing about what I eat. We ended up talking about my twin sister too (same build, but probably 10 pounds heavier and 5% more body fat or something). And she thinks she looks great. I'd honestly put her in the overweight category.
I don't get it. We're French! It's not like there are that many overweight people over there. Where does she get that weird notion of what's 'fine' from? She's never been thin herself though... but always blamed her twin pregnancy for her big belly (to be fair, I take from her, and we could have skinny legs and arms and still have extra fat in our belly and hips). Nobody in my family really exercises.
Can anyone relate? I see her 3 times a year (she stays here for a week), she's always bringing way too many sweets that I love (I have better willpower this time though, and I've been doing well with moderation after the first day), and we always end up arguing about my weight, my diet, or me weighing my food.
Maybe it's my perception of what's healthy that is wrong and I should just be glad to be at a normal weight?
I'm a bit above the average of normal BMI for my height. I still think I have too much fat on my hips and lower back but can't say I've aggressively tried to fix it in the last few months... because I love food, I have a huge sweet tooth, and tend to binge too much on sweets. Anyway, because of that, obviously I'm still weighing my food and logging all the time, because it's extremely easy for me to gain weight.
We just had a 15 minutes chat about how she thinks I need to stop losing weight and should stop obsessing about what I eat. We ended up talking about my twin sister too (same build, but probably 10 pounds heavier and 5% more body fat or something). And she thinks she looks great. I'd honestly put her in the overweight category.
I don't get it. We're French! It's not like there are that many overweight people over there. Where does she get that weird notion of what's 'fine' from? She's never been thin herself though... but always blamed her twin pregnancy for her big belly (to be fair, I take from her, and we could have skinny legs and arms and still have extra fat in our belly and hips). Nobody in my family really exercises.
Can anyone relate? I see her 3 times a year (she stays here for a week), she's always bringing way too many sweets that I love (I have better willpower this time though, and I've been doing well with moderation after the first day), and we always end up arguing about my weight, my diet, or me weighing my food.
Maybe it's my perception of what's healthy that is wrong and I should just be glad to be at a normal weight?
0
Replies
-
Have you thought of telling her that your weight is not up for discussion? You can choose not to engage, and it can be done in a way where you keep the respect you have for your mom. A simple, "Mom, I appreciate your concern, but I'm not available for this discussion," can do wonders.
You are an adult and you get to choose what you want to talk about.
0 -
Take her to Paris ...that'll quieten her down0
-
Oh that is really strange coming from a French family. I am from Switzerland and here french people have a reputation for having "thinner standards". For example, French sizes are much smaller than German/Swiss sizes.
That aside, if your mother is heavy herself she might have some distorted view of what is normal, to protect herself from feeling bad. Denial. Sometimes people who are heavy don't like their close ones to lose weight because it forces them to question their own habits/ body weight etc and makes them feel uncomfortable.
I have the reverse problem: my parents are both very thin, and for them I am overweight (even though I am not). I have been getting comments about my weight since age 14 (165cm and 55kg). It took a few fights and tears for my mum to understand that she should not try no fix me or make comments about my weight.0 -
Tell her to go bug your sister and leave you alone!0
-
It's a lot easier for people to make excuses for you to fail than to join you in succeeding. Not that she consciously wants you to fail, but acknowledging your fitness issues might force her to face her own. Misery loves company.
0 -
I think there are a lot of negative associations to food weighing and logging; before MFP and similar sites it seems it was just something that anorexics would do. So it may be some of that stigma around the activities of weighing and logging as opposed to how you actually look.0
-
I have the reverse problem: my parents are both very thin, and for them I am overweight (even though I am not). I have been getting comments about my weight since age 14 (165cm and 55kg). It took a few fights and tears for my mum to understand that she should not try no fix me or make comments about my weight.
Wow I would have loved to be 55 kgs... ever lol. I was that much once for maybe 2 months when I was 21... now I'm trying to be happy at 60kgs (I'm 165 cm also)... although I guess I have a medium/large frame. Still, that's really messed up from them...
ETA: I love the cat in your avatar.0 -
It sounds like your mom is insecure about her own size and is probably threatened by you being more succesful at managing your weight.
Maybe tell her flat out that you will not talk about weight or diet anymore with her. Tell her that you have consulted with a doctor and decided together on a weight that is healthy for you and you are working to maintain that. It it is not a rejection or judgement of her or your sister. It is a personal health decision and none of her business. Tell you'd like to have a pleasant visit with her and change the subject.0 -
The great thing about tinnitus is that I always have something to listen to when people around me start spouting inane drivel.0
-
Oh and I forgot to mention... she was always pestering me about being too fat before! I mean, I can't win...0
-
-
My family's kind of the opposite. Not that my mother's ever pressured me to lose weight or anything, but when I was thinner I mentioned that I couldn't give blood because I would have to weigh 120 (I'm 5'3 and 1/2) and I was about 105 at the time. She said something like "of course you don't weigh that much, that's ridiculous! 120 would be huge!". We are all quite small-framed, and it wasn't said with any sort of ill-intent.
Of course, I feel awful that I've gained this much weight now >.>0 -
sounds like your mom needs to focus on herself and her issues with weight and leave you the hell alone. You, as a grown adult, need to tell her to shove it and be happy with yourself.
If my family was telling me to stay fat (or the opposite) I'd tell them directly where to go.![:\](https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/resources/emoji/confused.png ":\")
0 -
I think maybe it's because most French people love or at least respect food as art and pleasure, and from that perspective, the idea of weighing every morsel might seem obsessive or weird.0
-
From my experience, when people are too big themselves, they tend to have a distorted view of what is a normal weight. If they agree that someone smaller than them has several pounds to lose, then they have to face the reality that they do to. And they don't want to face reality.0
This discussion has been closed.
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 396.9K Introduce Yourself
- 44.2K Getting Started
- 260.9K Health and Weight Loss
- 176.3K Food and Nutrition
- 47.6K Recipes
- 232.8K Fitness and Exercise
- 454 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.7K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153.3K Motivation and Support
- 8.3K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.5K Chit-Chat
- 2.6K Fun and Games
- 4.5K MyFitnessPal Information
- 16 News and Announcements
- 18 MyFitnessPal Academy
- 1.4K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 3.1K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions