Dealing with guilt

Greenbomb

I am so focused on losing weight and getting in shape that I sometimes feel very guilty. It seems so selfish and unimportant when you think about all the suffering and real problems people have in this world. It's important to me to be healthy, but the time I spend focused on my body makes me feel such guilt that my energies should be focused on others. Anyone else go through this? I don't want to sound like a martyr, I am just so aware of all the need in the world and I feel like my "diet" is so frivolous in comparison.

My_Butt

You're just staying focused on your diet. You actually don't spend a huge amount of time that it takes away from any volunteer work you could do. You're still eating like before, so that time is still the same. You still grocery shop, which is still the same amount of time before you were dieting. The only difference is you e added in some exercises.
I think it's more of an unconscious way of trying to reason why you should sacrifice what you're doing to be healthy. But that's just my opinion.

samthepanda

I kind of know what you mean. I have 2 kids and a very tolerant hubby, but we both work, and the kids have activities, and by the time we've done those and normal life like food there's not much time for me. I chose to use that time mainly for exercise, but I do feel guilty sometimes when I turn down invites to things, like a drink with friends, or church activity, but I know I need that time for me.

emdeesea

Nope. I can't save the world and furthermore, it's not my job. I take care of myself and help out where I can, but if I were to think about something like that every single day it would drive me crazy. To me, an important part of self-preservation and being happy is being able to say "no."

jemhh

Have you redirected any time/effort/money from helping the needy in order to focus on losing weight and getting in shape? I have not and, to be blunt, I am certain that if I were to stop focusing on being healthy, I would not increase my efforts to help the needy. There's just no link for me so I am having difficulty seeing the connection for you. Do you feel guilty for spending time teaching your dog to wear hats and beg for Beggin' Strips?

fitmomhappymom

You being unhealthy won't end any one else's suffering. If you are feeling compelled to help others than why not try to combine your new healthy lifestyle with a service would be of benefit to other? Such as volunteering to walk dogs at a shelter, or something of the sort.
I agree with the above poster about grocery shopping and eating not taking any additional time when eating healthy vs unhealthy. And really, exercise takes what? An hour out of your day? No reason why you can't be healthy AND volunteer.

cwolfman13

meh...i can focus on the goings on in the world and do what I can to make the world a better place and keep myself fit and healthy at the same time.

I fail to see how letting myself go and becoming unhealthy and unfit will solve any of the world's problems.

Not sure why anyone would really fell guilty about this.

Laura732

You can control what's in your life and not the world around you. It IS ok to take care of yourself. Don't feel guilty about the world around you. Let it go...

joeboland

Greenbomb wrote: »

I am so focused on losing weight and getting in shape that I sometimes feel very guilty. It seems so selfish and unimportant when you think about all the suffering and real problems people have in this world. It's important to me to be healthy, but the time I spend focused on my body makes me feel such guilt that my energies should be focused on others. Anyone else go through this? I don't want to sound like a martyr, I am just so aware of all the need in the world and I feel like my "diet" is so frivolous in comparison.

My friend, there are many ways in which you can use this as both motivation and power to give back to others. I'll give you an example.

When I was growing up, I was bullied and picked on a lot. I had no friends, was always hovering at ~50lbs overweight (at my worst - my 30th birthday - I was about 100lbs overweight), and generally felt horrible about myself.

Fast forward to today; two years later: I've lost 110lbs, I'm active and heavily involved in sports and other activities, and I've got paperwork in place to serve as a mentor and advocate for a few local anti-bullying initiatives within local schools and after-school programs. To me, there's a lot of meaningful ability to be able to serve as an example and inspiration to others that there can be a light at the end of the tunnel, especially when you have that "hey, I've been there" kind of credibility attached to what you're saying.

Secondly, there's a common saying: healthy body; healthy mind. If you've little to no control over your own health or wellbeing, you can't expect to meaningfully help others manage theirs. Being healthy will help you both physically and mentally, and will allow you to (to quote Elliott Hulse, whom I consider a mentor of mine) become the strongest version of yourself. Once you're on that track yourself, you can then really begin to help others. That, to me, is a hell of a good feeling.

Virkati

You might want to take a deeper look at all of this. Look past the guilt you're feeling on the surface and figure out if it's just a more subtle way of personal sabotage. Focusing on YOUR health has nothing to do with the rest of the world and it's problems. It DOES however, impact your ability to commit fully to getting yourself healthy and living a wonderful life. Is it possible you don't feel like you deserve to be happy? You don't deserve to be healthy? You don't deserve to spend a little extra money on the good food vs the cheap unhealthy food? I ask you these questions because I've been thru this to a certain extent. And yes. You DO deserve those things. But you will sabotage yourself until you can believe that you deserve them too.

Greenbomb

Actually the photo is my daughter. She taught our dog to beg. But I get your point.

tulips_and_tea

joeboland wrote: »

Greenbomb wrote: »

I am so focused on losing weight and getting in shape that I sometimes feel very guilty. It seems so selfish and unimportant when you think about all the suffering and real problems people have in this world. It's important to me to be healthy, but the time I spend focused on my body makes me feel such guilt that my energies should be focused on others. Anyone else go through this? I don't want to sound like a martyr, I am just so aware of all the need in the world and I feel like my "diet" is so frivolous in comparison.

My friend, there are many ways in which you can use this as both motivation and power to give back to others. I'll give you an example.

When I was growing up, I was bullied and picked on a lot. I had no friends, was always hovering at ~50lbs overweight (at my worst - my 30th birthday - I was about 100lbs overweight), and generally felt horrible about myself.

Fast forward to today; two years later: I've lost 110lbs, I'm active and heavily involved in sports and other activities, and I've got paperwork in place to serve as a mentor and advocate for a few local anti-bullying initiatives within local schools and after-school programs. To me, there's a lot of meaningful ability to be able to serve as an example and inspiration to others that there can be a light at the end of the tunnel, especially when you have that "hey, I've been there" kind of credibility attached to what you're saying.

Secondly, there's a common saying: healthy body; healthy mind. If you've little to no control over your own health or wellbeing, you can't expect to meaningfully help others manage theirs. Being healthy will help you both physically and mentally, and will allow you to (to quote Elliott Hulse, whom I consider a mentor of mine) become the strongest version of yourself. Once you're on that track yourself, you can then really begin to help others. That, to me, is a hell of a good feeling.

BRAVO! Can we get a round of applause here? Congrats to you for all you've accomplished and thank you for sharing! Sometimes I wonder where exactly a thread is going to go when I read the title and the posts, but I continue to read them regularly because there are always gems of knowledge such as you have added.

omelet2000

This world needs more love, and loving yourself is just as important if not more than any other kind of love.

krithsai

joeboland wrote: »

Greenbomb wrote: »

I am so focused on losing weight and getting in shape that I sometimes feel very guilty. It seems so selfish and unimportant when you think about all the suffering and real problems people have in this world. It's important to me to be healthy, but the time I spend focused on my body makes me feel such guilt that my energies should be focused on others. Anyone else go through this? I don't want to sound like a martyr, I am just so aware of all the need in the world and I feel like my "diet" is so frivolous in comparison.

My friend, there are many ways in which you can use this as both motivation and power to give back to others. I'll give you an example.

When I was growing up, I was bullied and picked on a lot. I had no friends, was always hovering at ~50lbs overweight (at my worst - my 30th birthday - I was about 100lbs overweight), and generally felt horrible about myself.

Fast forward to today; two years later: I've lost 110lbs, I'm active and heavily involved in sports and other activities, and I've got paperwork in place to serve as a mentor and advocate for a few local anti-bullying initiatives within local schools and after-school programs. To me, there's a lot of meaningful ability to be able to serve as an example and inspiration to others that there can be a light at the end of the tunnel, especially when you have that "hey, I've been there" kind of credibility attached to what you're saying.

Secondly, there's a common saying: healthy body; healthy mind. If you've little to no control over your own health or wellbeing, you can't expect to meaningfully help others manage theirs. Being healthy will help you both physically and mentally, and will allow you to (to quote Elliott Hulse, whom I consider a mentor of mine) become the strongest version of yourself. Once you're on that track yourself, you can then really begin to help others. That, to me, is a hell of a good feeling.

Standing ovation! Way to give back to the community!

yesimpson

I don't see why losing weight, getting fit, or maintaining any of those changes, really needs to take away a considerable amount of time from other people, or causes. Other posters have mentioned really good things that can combine these two priorities, like the dog walking for the elderly; if it's family time you're worried about, can you not all go for a walk/bike ride/swim or prepare healthy dinners together?

Also, you can't cause the suffering of others to ease through not worrying about yourself. There will pretty much always be someone worse off than you; that doesn't automatically mean you are worth nothing in comparison. That logic gets nobody anywhere. Not to get really dark and dramatic, but by NOT taking care of yourself now, you could potentially be setting yourself up for health complications in the future which would require others to take care of you. Now I have no idea whether you are overweight/unfit or not, but if we assume that not tackling your health now could cause things to escalate over time, you could actually say that by taking care of yourself now you are ensuring you're around to take care of and help others for a much, much longer time

Greenbomb

You all make very good points. I think being a "mom", taking care of two kids, my husband (soon to be ex) and a dog hasn't left much time for me. Oh...and I've always worked full time. Maybe it just feels strange to focus so much on myself.