weight double standards

magsmichelle

I have been on both sides of this. I was fat, now i'm thin. However I like to call myself fit and healthy.
It seems now that I have gotten to this great point, people feel it is acceptable to verbalize their opinions on my body. "woa, you're too freakin thin" I heard that today. No, I am not too thin. I am 5'2 and 120.8lbs. that is a healthy weight for someone my height. Yes, I am thinner than I use to be, but it is not too thin.
Has anyone else had people in their life who thinks now that you are a "smaller" weight it is OK to talk to you about your weight? When I was fat, no one said "woa, you're too freaking fat" or "here eat this celery" they may have thought it, but they never had the guts to tell me that to my face.
Just ticks me off a little.

tulips_and_tea

Personally, I've never dealt with this, but from what I read here it is very common. Read some other threads on this topic. There have been many. I think you'll get some good advice.

I am fit (and according to others "thin"), but I've never had anyone comment on my weight - to my face. Perhaps they do it behind my back (yep, talking about you, mom & sister, who are both obese and blame it on 'genes" when neither will workout or change their eating habits). Anyway, I have been told that I give of a "standoff-ish" vibe overall, so I think people just don't say anything to me out loud. Not sure what that says about me, but I also don't care.

StephMDtoo

In a Parents Magazine I read once a mom was being harassed for being too skinny for a mom. The advice was too tell the offender that the gym time had paid off with lower cholesterol, better heart health and more than likely being able to spend more time with the kiddos growing older. (Not sure if that applies here).

cwolfman13

No, I'm fit...the only time I've been called skinny or whatever was when I was skinny...don't get me wrong, I was a healthy weight...but very skinny at one point. Then I got really fat...then I cut the fat and hit the weight room and otherwise got my training on and now I just kick *kitten*...I mean I'm no greek god or anything...but I'm reasonably awesome.

JPW1990

I only got it from people who didn't matter. Fortunately, my family and friends weren't idiots. What irritated me more was things like co-workers who thought me noticeably losing weight was a free pass to ask me how much I'd lost and what I weighed that week.

mburgess458

Up until a few years ago my wife used to naturally be very thin. When she was younger some people (usually people old enough to be her parents or grandparents) would tell her she should eat more. I think people assume that being thin is a choice that people have to work at... so giving advice makes sense to them. Even when it is unwanted advice. People are clueless.

More people understand that overweight people probably aren't that way on purpose so they don't offer advice as often.

riffraff2112

I don't get told that I am too skinny very often (cause I am not). But many people do say "You are not dieting anymore are you? cause you look good"...
I am glad they think I look ok now, it definitely makes me shake my head sometime. What was I before I was 'ok'?

What should they say though? I am not sure there is a way to compliment the 'new' you without comparing it to the old you.

flumi_f

5'2'' and 120....that is pretty much my goal too and I will be slim, healthy and fit, but not skinny. I have about 6lb to go and when people hear, I want to lose those...oh no, but you look great already....They won't notice those last few lbs, but they will give me a bit of wiggle space on the scale and in my clothes.

You're doing fine!! Sometimes people can't keep up with the changes in our bodies, because they aren't used to seeing you slim. They need time to adjust ;-)

esjones12

It's just their jealousy showing through! Tell them off and/or don't let it bother you. Their opinions of you shouldn't matter anyways. If people ask questions you don't want to answer tell them it is none of their business. Because it's not.

Tip: I have found it easier to let those comments go now that I have a strong support system of fit and strong friends who have the same goals as I do. I actually hang out with a bunch of personal trainers and group class instructors LOL.

**Now if you ARE an unhealthy weight or have unhealthy habits....please seek medical attention.

ahoy_m8

BZAH10 wrote: »

Personally, I've never dealt with this, but from what I read here it is very common. Read some other threads on this topic. There have been many. I think you'll get some good advice.

I am fit (and according to others "thin"), but I've never had anyone comment on my weight - to my face. Perhaps they do it behind my back (yep, talking about you, mom & sister, who are both obese and blame it on 'genes" when neither will workout or change their eating habits). Anyway, I have been told that I give of a "standoff-ish" vibe overall, so I think people just don't say anything to me out loud. Not sure what that says about me, but I also don't care.

Are you my long lost twin?

BusyRaeNOTBusty

My dad said I looked "anorexic" last summer. At 5'9" and 160lbs. Whatever. People are dumb.

callsitlikeiseeit

i haven't gotten to that point yet (give me time ) but I *AM* starting to get comments (and hear second hand comments) about how much better i am starting to look and how 'proud' they are of me or how 'motivational' I am.

really? ive only lost 22 pounds and its already starting. and i have (literally) a hundred more to go.

please, tell me how bad you think i looked. LOL

but at this point, the comments make me happy, cause it means people are starting to notice. at 120 i might feel different

Ftw37

Yeah, I've had people say "you look too skinny" to me. My BMI is right in the middle of normal. I guess they were just used to seeing me gigantically fat.

usmcmp

It's even worse if you are a female who has some muscle. People call my body gross or manly. I don't take any of it personally. That's their opinion and I do this for me, not them. Just ignore comments unless they are from close family that seem concerned.

Liftng4Lis

The correct response to this person is "Wow, it must suck to be so ugly inside and out". Grr I would have throat punched them!

joeboland

The one that bothered (and still bothers) me the most is when people talk about "how fat I used to be". Believe it or not, guys, the self-conscious part of me still twinges every damn time you say that. Like, is that REALLY what you thought of me? Makes me wonder what you might still find "wrong" with me that you're not saying anything about.

cwolfman13

usmcmp wrote: »

It's even worse if you are a female who has some muscle. People call my body gross or manly. I don't take any of it personally. That's their opinion and I do this for me, not them. Just ignore comments unless they are from close family that seem concerned.

usmcmp

cwolfman13 wrote: »

usmcmp wrote: »

It's even worse if you are a female who has some muscle. People call my body gross or manly. I don't take any of it personally. That's their opinion and I do this for me, not them. Just ignore comments unless they are from close family that seem concerned.

Holly_Roman_Empire

cwolfman13 wrote: »

usmcmp wrote: »

It's even worse if you are a female who has some muscle. People call my body gross or manly. I don't take any of it personally. That's their opinion and I do this for me, not them. Just ignore comments unless they are from close family that seem concerned.

Yeah, this.

Liftng4Lis

cwolfman13 wrote: »

usmcmp wrote: »

It's even worse if you are a female who has some muscle. People call my body gross or manly. I don't take any of it personally. That's their opinion and I do this for me, not them. Just ignore comments unless they are from close family that seem concerned.

Right!

cwolfman13

usmcmp wrote: »

cwolfman13 wrote: »

usmcmp wrote: »

It's even worse if you are a female who has some muscle. People call my body gross or manly. I don't take any of it personally. That's their opinion and I do this for me, not them. Just ignore comments unless they are from close family that seem concerned.

airborne18th

it is also that people are trying to be sensitive. so they will generally avoid talking about weight and most physical issues if there is a not a positive comment or compliment.

It is no different when people see someone with a walker, cane, or wheelchair. If they are elderly you don't think anything of it.. but when they are younger people tend to not comment and even avoid them. however; if you saw them months later and they were not getting around in a wheelchair you would comment.. because you can make a positive. "it's great you are getting around so much better".

iRun_Butterfly

Just experienced this recently myself, twice actually. One of my cousins told my father that I look "anorexic" and one of my friends said that I look too thin. I'm 5'3", and hanging out at about 140. I don't think either of those accurately describe me. I had a really hard time with both of those statements, they really hurt my feelings, but I reminded myself to first of all, consider the source, and secondly appreciate that people hate change, especially when it reminds them of their own issues.

CooCooPuff

usmcmp wrote: »

It's even worse if you are a female who has some muscle. People call my body gross or manly.

You should take that as an invitation to show of your guns.

alastria

BZAH10 wrote: »

Personally, I've never dealt with this, but from what I read here it is very common. Read some other threads on this topic. There have been many. I think you'll get some good advice.

I am fit (and according to others "thin"), but I've never had anyone comment on my weight - to my face. Perhaps they do it behind my back (yep, talking about you, mom & sister, who are both obese and blame it on 'genes" when neither will workout or change their eating habits). Anyway, I have been told that I give of a "standoff-ish" vibe overall, so I think people just don't say anything to me out loud. Not sure what that says about me, but I also don't care.

Aww, I have two very big sisters, and one sister who is slim, but the other two just refuse to do anything about it. My father is muscular, but also has way too much fat, and my mother is very, very slim, but they are definitely not supportive at all. The two big sisters blame it on genes I think, but honestly, obesity doesn't really run in the family. I'm working hard to take it off without a doubt.

I never experience anyone telling me I'm too thin (and I was 5'6 and 125 pounds before) simply because in the city I live, it is absolutely imperative one is small and thin. Not just "fit", but the emaciated look in my city is the "in" thing. We have the lowest obesity rate in country, and we are second lowest in North America (roughly around, the 1-4th cities/provinces/states fluctuate in stats), and without a doubt, our numbers of obese people come from the range group: age 40+.
The smaller/skinnier you are, the more praise you get. No one ever seems to think someone is "too thin" here.

As for those who live in cities that DO have that sort of mentality, I say, just shrug 'em off. Some commenters mentioned jealously, and honestly, that's probably a factor.

ddixon503

Maybe I'm being too blunt (and I apologize for it) but perhaps you should worry less (or none at all) about what other people think about you. By letting their opinions 'tick you off', you're just letting them affect you. You see yourself as 'fit and healthy' - end of story.

Khukhullatus

My personal opinion is that we are way way too sensitive about body issues as a nation, at least here in the US. It sucks to be singled out for your weight be that too thin, too fat, healthy but appearing too thin, too muscular, or even having a perfect body sculpted of Italian marble.

Obesity is now health culprit number one, and as a fun corollary anorexia is on the rise. This needs to be something we talk about, even if that means that occasionally our individual weight comes up in conversation. It really sucks that is where we are at, and it's not going to be fun to have it come up more, but it needs to happen.

silentKayak

I don't think it's right to comment on other people's bodies, and I am sorry that insensitive people hurt your feelings.

However, being thin you will receive many advantages over being fat. That's why so many people are here trying to lose weight, and only a miniscule number trying to become more fat (muscular yes, but not fat).

For every 1 person who will discriminate against you in any way for being "too thin" there are 10 or more who will discriminate against you if you are too fat (for society's standards). So yes, there are haters and everyone feels that they're entitled to an opinion. But I have a hard time listening to people complain about all the discrimination against thin/attractive people, in the same way that I don't listen to people complain about discrimination against men, white people, or rich people.

ON BALANCE, when you add everything up, if you think you were treated better when you were fat, I'd love to hear about that. Similarly, I have yet to hear a person complain about "discrimination against white people" who would agree to accept an instantaneous race-change procedure to become black so they could enjoy all the many and varied privileges that come with being black in American society

Take the little bit of bad with the tons of good. Congratulations on your loss. I'm looking forward to losing 30 more lbs so my body will be socially acceptable again and I can get on with the rest of my life.

jim180155

The people in this thread should get together with the people in this other thread: community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10097216/how-long-was-it-before-others-noticed#latest

3furballs

The only time anyone commented was a friend of my husband's who made a comment about how I should put on some weight. I just ignored him. I don't like him to start with and since I'm just shy of 5'7" and usually around 140 lbs (pretty muscular), and he's about an inch taller maybe and probably weighs 20 lbs less than me I found it very ironic and kind of funny. Specially knowing I could wipe the floor with him.

Though I thought about it and if the comment had been that real women have curves I would have been tempted to say real men have muscle. Just to piss him off and remind him that words can hurt.

Unknown

This content has been removed.