Does anyone's partner have a problem with your weight loss?
mcibty
Posts: 1,252 Member
I'm not having 'problems' or arguments over my weight loss/diet/working out with my partner, but she's definitely adverse to talking about it. We originally started going to the gym together, in fact, it was her idea. Due to really, really long hours at work, she's stopped going, and doesn't really go out of her way to eat healthily (or unhealthily).
I think it's because we're both female, and since she's known me I've always been the bigger one so her self-esteem has taken a bit of a hit, but should that be enough of a reason to cut my goal down? I've got 7lbs to go, and I want to tone up whilst I lose that last 7lbs. She says her ex was tiny and toned and she much prefers the way I am now. I knew her ex and she was built like an athlete, and I'll never be like that, but should I expect more support in my quest to improve the way I look, feel and for my health? I try not to bring up what I've eaten for the day, or what I did to work out; but this also means I don't get to share my mini successes along the way.
I think it's because we're both female, and since she's known me I've always been the bigger one so her self-esteem has taken a bit of a hit, but should that be enough of a reason to cut my goal down? I've got 7lbs to go, and I want to tone up whilst I lose that last 7lbs. She says her ex was tiny and toned and she much prefers the way I am now. I knew her ex and she was built like an athlete, and I'll never be like that, but should I expect more support in my quest to improve the way I look, feel and for my health? I try not to bring up what I've eaten for the day, or what I did to work out; but this also means I don't get to share my mini successes along the way.
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Replies
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Could it be insecurity on her part? Maybe she thinks you'll leave her when you feel super confident about yourself. Maybe try giving her extra love and attention and reassurance. Otherwise it could be jealousy that you've managed to achieve weight loss when she hasn't. Hope things go well for you both!0
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Quite likely. We had an affair to get together, so it might very well be in the back of her mind that I'm getting in shape to bugger off again! Silly, she doesn't know she's my motivation so she has a girlfriend to be proud of.0
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My partner doesn't have a problem with my weight loss but her husband certainly does. He hasn't caught on to us yet and I'm fairly certain he's beginning to suspect something. My abs are getting more visible and I'm more inclined to walk around the house with my shirt off and his wife, my partner, Diane is checking me out a bit more obviously than usual. He let move in there a few months and I think I might have to move out as I don't want to ruin things with Diane.0
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Don't ever force yourself to be less than you want to be just because of someone else's insecurities. And if she loves you, she wouldn't want you to. Maybe she's just not as committed to it as you are but doesn't actually have a problem with it. Has she asked you to stop working out or does she just not want to talk about it because she feels like you are pressuring her to do something she doesn't want to do?
Do you have the right to expect more support? If you're trying to improve yourself and achieve a goal, then absolutely you do. But her not understanding and not wanting to talk about your goal does not equate to you needing to lower the bar for yourself. Eventually, you would come to resent yourself for doing it and her for making you feel like you needed to do it.0 -
Probably not the weightloss he has an issue with...just saying.
Anyways my husbands told me a couple nights ago that if I get to mygoal he probably wont be sexually interested in me anymore. I'm currently 255 and need to be at 160 to join the army which he approves of just not the weightloss needed to do it...that discouraged me but I figure he loved me at my worst and if he really loves me hell love me at my best.0 -
Probably not the weightloss he has an issue with...just saying.
Anyways my husbands told me a couple nights ago that if I get to mygoal he probably wont be sexually interested in me anymore. I'm currently 255 and need to be at 160 to join the army which he approves of just not the weightloss needed to do it...that discouraged me but I figure he loved me at my worst and if he really loves me hell love me at my best.
Are you serious? What a smack in the face that must have been. I'm kind of speechless..... :frown:0 -
Probably not the weightloss he has an issue with...just saying.
Eh?0 -
My fiance has a bit of an issue with it but I think that's because he's quite insecure. I try not to let it get to me. I think he's coming round to the idea now that is starting to diet and exercise though.0
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Don't ever force yourself to be less than you want to be just because of someone else's insecurities. And if she loves you, she wouldn't want you to. Maybe she's just not as committed to it as you are but doesn't actually have a problem with it. Has she asked you to stop working out or does she just not want to talk about it because she feels like you are pressuring her to do something she doesn't want to do?
Do you have the right to expect more support? If you're trying to improve yourself and achieve a goal, then absolutely you do. But her not understanding and not wanting to talk about your goal does not equate to you needing to lower the bar for yourself. Eventually, you would come to resent yourself for doing it and her for making you feel like you needed to do it.
Nope never stopped asking me to work out less, or eat more. She moans a little when I don't have a beer with her or if I have a little less at dinner, but it's not a big deal.
Thanks for the reply
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Probably not the weightloss he has an issue with...just saying.
Eh?
I think she was responding to the person who said her partner's husband has a problem with her weight loss.0 -
Probably not the weightloss he has an issue with...just saying.
Eh?
I think she was responding to the person who said her partner's husband has a problem with her weight loss.
Oh, duh, of course lol.0 -
My husband made the off comment : "Now I'll actually have to worry about you finding another man."
Seriously....that comment kind of irked me, because not only have I always been incredibly faithful, but it was like he was saying I was too fat/ugly to get anyone else before losing any weight, and presumably I'm someone with little or no virtue, which sets me off even more.
Oh well, it's likely just because he's insecure for some reason. Perhaps my losing weight will make him step up his game lol and thus will benefit me...Not that he needs to lose any weight - he's too thin imo.0 -
My partner doesn't have a problem with my weight loss but her husband certainly does. He hasn't caught on to us yet and I'm fairly certain he's beginning to suspect something. My abs are getting more visible and I'm more inclined to walk around the house with my shirt off and his wife, my partner, Diane is checking me out a bit more obviously than usual. He let move in there a few months and I think I might have to move out as I don't want to ruin things with Diane.
Wow! That's ridiculous. If you're sleeping with a man's wife and living in his house you should probably have the common courtesy to walk around with your shirt on!0 -
My wife likes the results, but at the same time she asks me why it is so important to look good. She thinks I am putting myself 'out there'. I wish she wasn't so insecure, and perhaps my personality doesn't help. I am friendly and have always had a lot of female friends (and male friends for that matter).0
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My partner doesn't have a problem with my weight loss but her husband certainly does. He hasn't caught on to us yet and I'm fairly certain he's beginning to suspect something. My abs are getting more visible and I'm more inclined to walk around the house with my shirt off and his wife, my partner, Diane is checking me out a bit more obviously than usual. He let move in there a few months and I think I might have to move out as I don't want to ruin things with Diane.
Why you posting about us on MFP!!!! *rage quits*
And OP, if she doesn't support you she doesn't support you. You just need you to get to where you want to be. You are doing this for you, not her. Sure, it's great if she'd be supportive but in the end you have to decide what is best for you.0 -
I'm not having 'problems' or arguments over my weight loss/diet/working out with my partner, but she's definitely adverse to talking about it. We originally started going to the gym together, in fact, it was her idea. Due to really, really long hours at work, she's stopped going, and doesn't really go out of her way to eat healthily (or unhealthily).
I think it's because we're both female, and since she's known me I've always been the bigger one so her self-esteem has taken a bit of a hit, but should that be enough of a reason to cut my goal down? I've got 7lbs to go, and I want to tone up whilst I lose that last 7lbs. She says her ex was tiny and toned and she much prefers the way I am now. I knew her ex and she was built like an athlete, and I'll never be like that, but should I expect more support in my quest to improve the way I look, feel and for my health? I try not to bring up what I've eaten for the day, or what I did to work out; but this also means I don't get to share my mini successes along the way.
I think you already answered your questions - insecurity. If you love each other, then you should support each other - in every way. Have a heart to heart with her and ask her if she is afraid that you will leave if you get fit, toned and slim. This may be the thing behind her attitude to your success. Honesty and truthful discussion will always solve a problem, but if you cant both communicate, then you're in the wrong relationship.
good luck.0 -
Quite likely. We had an affair to get together, so it might very well be in the back of her mind that I'm getting in shape to bugger off again! Silly, she doesn't know she's my motivation so she has a girlfriend to be proud of.
I absolutely understand this. When my boyfriend and I first met I was 112 lbs (honestly too small) and he was 170 lbs. Over the years we both gained. I have recently lost about 20 and am at 135 lbs but he is currently at 260 lbs.
We also started our relationship while we were with other people so I constantly hear "You are gonna get all hot and leave me" when just like you I feel like I am getting into a healthier state and that should make him feel like he has a more attractive girlfriend to be proud of.
I too think it might be a bit of insecurity on your partner's part but I wouldnt let that stop you. Soon enough she will realize that you aren't going anywhere and the more confidence you have might make her feel better and possibly motivate her :-) Best wishes0 -
My wife is losing weight with me. We are both down 60 pounds. Initially, she was upset at my weight goal of 180. She thought I was going to be "too skinny." Now I am nearly there, a mere 4.4 pounds away, and she can't keep her hands off me! I was never skinny in my life, so it's a new experience. I think it was a fear of change for her, but now that I am there, I think she is happy so long as I am being healthy. However, it sounds like that I might be in the minority here.0
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Thanks so much guys Great to hear different opinions. 0
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And also not being able to share your success - I feel you on this too. He barely notices that I have totally changed my habits and have been making progress...it is like he is resentful...which makes me feel like why am I even bothering...0
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My partner doesn't have a problem with my weight loss but her husband certainly does. He hasn't caught on to us yet and I'm fairly certain he's beginning to suspect something. My abs are getting more visible and I'm more inclined to walk around the house with my shirt off and his wife, my partner, Diane is checking me out a bit more obviously than usual. He let move in there a few months and I think I might have to move out as I don't want to ruin things with Diane.
REALLY?! OMG! IF YOU ONLY KNEW!! This is ACTUALLY going on in my world right now!!! A “friend” of mine has let her boyfriend move in with her and her husband because he has nowhere to go. (poor lil poppet—get a freaken job) Anyway-me being the person I am, I am of course going to let the husband in on the secret. (SHE KNOWS THIS!!! SHE HAS TO!!) I FIRMLY believe if you are not happy and are even thinking about cheating—leave, get divorced. You might wonder if I am worried about loosing this friend, but do I really want a friend who would cheat on her husband and have her boyfriend move in and mooch off him????? HE
um NOOO. The only thing I am pondering is should I tell her that I am about to let her hubby in on her little secret? The compassionate part of me says yes (very very tiny part of me I might add) The rest of me says NOOOO. :laugh: (wow aren’t you glad you aren’t my friend?)
And my hubby is glad I am getting healthy. He doesn't care what I weigh as long as I am happy.0 -
REALLY?! OMG! IF YOU ONLY KNEW!! This is ACTUALLY going on in my world right now!!! A “friend” of mine has let her boyfriend move in with her and her husband because he has nowhere to go. (poor lil poppet—get a freaken job) Anyway-me being the person I am, I am of course going to let the husband in on the secret. (SHE KNOWS THIS!!! SHE HAS TO!!) I FIRMLY believe if you are not happy and are even thinking about cheating—leave, get divorced. You might wonder if I am worried about loosing this friend, but do I really want a friend who would cheat on her husband and have her boyfriend move in and mooch off him????? HE
um NOOO. The only thing I am pondering is should I tell her that I am about to let her hubby in on her little secret? The compassionate part of me says yes (very very tiny part of me I might add) The rest of me says NOOOO. :laugh: (wow aren’t you glad you aren’t my friend?)
And my hubby is glad I am getting healthy. He doesn't care what I weigh as long as I am happy.
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Wow. OK, so yes, it's kinda crazy that your friend has moved her boyfriend in, and it's outrageous that it even happened. The husband will not appreciate you stomping in with your size 9's and telling him. Give the friend an ultimatum. Tell your husband within a week, or THEN I will do it for you.0 -
My partner doesn't have a problem with my weight loss but her husband certainly does. He hasn't caught on to us yet and I'm fairly certain he's beginning to suspect something. My abs are getting more visible and I'm more inclined to walk around the house with my shirt off and his wife, my partner, Diane is checking me out a bit more obviously than usual. He let move in there a few months and I think I might have to move out as I don't want to ruin things with Diane.
REALLY?! OMG! IF YOU ONLY KNEW!! This is ACTUALLY going on in my world right now!!! A “friend” of mine has let her boyfriend move in with her and her husband because he has nowhere to go. (poor lil poppet—get a freaken job) Anyway-me being the person I am, I am of course going to let the husband in on the secret. (SHE KNOWS THIS!!! SHE HAS TO!!) I FIRMLY believe if you are not happy and are even thinking about cheating—leave, get divorced. You might wonder if I am worried about loosing this friend, but do I really want a friend who would cheat on her husband and have her boyfriend move in and mooch off him????? HE
um NOOO. The only thing I am pondering is should I tell her that I am about to let her hubby in on her little secret? The compassionate part of me says yes (very very tiny part of me I might add) The rest of me says NOOOO. :laugh: (wow aren’t you glad you aren’t my friend?)
And my hubby is glad I am getting healthy. He doesn't care what I weigh as long as I am happy.
Why are you so unsupportive? Why are you trying to sabotage your friend's relationships and her boyfriend's weight loss?
What happened to you in your life that made you so mean?0 -
Hey I actually like that idea. I do feel sorry for the husband and really do not think he has a clue! I am not trying to say that someone who starts a relationship with someone while in another relationship are bad people, it can happen, and there are reasons in every situation. Just saying in this one I think my friend is WRONG and her husband should know. opps that was supposed to be in response to the OP's quote. Kinda new to this and hit reply instead of quote.0
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My partner doesn't have a problem with my weight loss but her husband certainly does. He hasn't caught on to us yet and I'm fairly certain he's beginning to suspect something. My abs are getting more visible and I'm more inclined to walk around the house with my shirt off and his wife, my partner, Diane is checking me out a bit more obviously than usual. He let move in there a few months and I think I might have to move out as I don't want to ruin things with Diane.
REALLY?! OMG! IF YOU ONLY KNEW!! This is ACTUALLY going on in my world right now!!! A “friend” of mine has let her boyfriend move in with her and her husband because he has nowhere to go. (poor lil poppet—get a freaken job) Anyway-me being the person I am, I am of course going to let the husband in on the secret. (SHE KNOWS THIS!!! SHE HAS TO!!) I FIRMLY believe if you are not happy and are even thinking about cheating—leave, get divorced. You might wonder if I am worried about loosing this friend, but do I really want a friend who would cheat on her husband and have her boyfriend move in and mooch off him????? HE
um NOOO. The only thing I am pondering is should I tell her that I am about to let her hubby in on her little secret? The compassionate part of me says yes (very very tiny part of me I might add) The rest of me says NOOOO. :laugh: (wow aren’t you glad you aren’t my friend?)
And my hubby is glad I am getting healthy. He doesn't care what I weigh as long as I am happy.
Why are you so unsupportive? Why are you trying to sabotage your friend's relationships and her boyfriend's weight loss?
What happened to you in your life that made you so mean?
I guess I am just a mean person. *shoulder shrug* Maybe I need help.0 -
Whenever change happens, one or another in a partnership may have trouble with releasing the status quo. She may be feeling her own anxiety that she was unable to keep up with the change herself.
Many times, even the spouses of alcoholics cannot handle it when the drinking stops. And let's face it, being overweight can be unmanageable, but it's sometimes hard for everyone in a relationship to let go of the unmanageability.0 -
It's clearly sabotage!0
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My husband has been trying and trying to get in shape along with me, but while I've been smooth sailing for over 2 years, he's fallen off the wagon over and over again. I think he just feels really disappointed in himself and so I'm assuming it's the same with your partner. My hubby also doesn't have the opportunity to work out like I do because of his work schedule (I am able to go to the gym on my lunch break and he's not and we work opposite hours so he can't go while he's off because he's with the kids). I'm sure it doesn't feel good to see someone else reaching their goals while you're not.
He has still been really supportive, congratulates me, etc. He has said that he doesn't really want me to get "bulky" which I'm sure will get lots of eye rolls! lol. But that's just the perpetual myth that ladies can get super bulky on accident. I told him not to worry!
Other than that, he lets me go for MY goals and not his preferences. 0 -
Firstly, starting any relationship while you are in another one will always lead to these issues. You can ten-fold that when one of you decides to get healthy and care about how you look.0
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My partner doesn't have a problem with my weight loss but her husband certainly does. He hasn't caught on to us yet and I'm fairly certain he's beginning to suspect something. My abs are getting more visible and I'm more inclined to walk around the house with my shirt off and his wife, my partner, Diane is checking me out a bit more obviously than usual. He let move in there a few months and I think I might have to move out as I don't want to ruin things with Diane.
Wow! That's ridiculous. If you're sleeping with a man's wife and living in his house you should probably have the common courtesy to walk around with your shirt on!
THIS!!!!!! Gross! :noway: I can't imagine being that kind of person! (and I'm not talking about walking around without your shirt)0
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