How do I resist old habits?

lindseyrenee8

I have been doing pretty well with keeping under my calorie goal and making better alternatives for food. I love how I am feeling. I'm learning how to eat and I'm loosing weight.

My family however has not gotten use to my lifestyle change. Mom makes a breakfast already prepared for me before work, 2 boiled eggs, 3 turkey bacon and 3 buttered waffles. Instead of declining or telling her I only want half the plate, I eat it all so I don't hurt her.

In the evening, I told my husband specifically what to get for me for dinner. He brings back a large this and double that because in the past, that is what I'd get and eat and he thinks getting me large instead of small is better. Instead of throwing it away or denying it, i eat it. I felt so guilty. I am still under my goal however.

But how do I gain the courage to say no or not eat what my family bring/prepare without being hurtful or wastful?

ana3067

Why don't you say "hey mom, can I make my own breakfast" and "hey husband, can you get me a smaller of this" or just eat half of what he buys you?

You can't blame THEM making/buying this food for your eating behaviour/choices. You just have to SAY something and take control of your own choices. And there is nothing wrong with those foods, so hopefully the only choice you'll feel the need to make will be to monitor your caloric intake - try to force too many changes and you will probably have a harder time meeting your goals while still happy.

And there are no tips for how to gain the courage, you just have to do it. I'm going to Japan in the summer and it took me WEEKS before I finally told my mom because I feared what she'd say.. eventually me knowing how much I wanted to go and realizing the deadline for application (school thing) was coming up, the courage just kind of forced its way up: it was either tell her or don't go to Japan. So maybe you just need to find that moment for yourself. That's about as much advice as I can give for this

AmyRhubarb

Gonna have to learn to speak up for yourself. If they still give you large portions, just eat half or whatever portion you want, and leave the rest - maybe they'll get the message.

As ana said - you can't blame them for what you're putting in your mouth.

Mikey_Irish

Yep cut it in half and offer the other half to anyone who might want it....They may get the point after a few times.

Mikey_Irish

Or toss it in the trash without offering the unwanted half. That may make a better statement lol

jaykal001

I feel your paint, it's a very real struggle.
I know for me it's hard making 2 of everything if your partner is not eating the same (beyond just healthy choices).

It does get easier. My fiance and I used to eat the same thing all the time. We do a better job now that if she and I are going to eat 2 different things, that we make it together, each work on our own, and eventually it felt 'normal', as if that was our routine.

Sarasari

Tell your Mom before she makes breakfast so there isn't anything to feel guilty about. No thanks, or the eggs and turkey bacon are great but I'm having fruit with it this morning. I'm all about honest with Mom and husband , if you don't tell them they will never know. Just remember there is a way to do it where it can sound like you are blaming them or a way to do it where it sounds like hey I really need your help on this temptation. Good Luck!

lindseyrenee8

Thanks guys!

Francl27

Eat the eggs and the bacon and leave the waffles. Tell her not to make waffles anymore because you're trying to lose weight.

Eat half what your husband brings home and box the rest for later. You're an adult. They won't change if you don't speak up.

It's not a big deal if it fits your calories though, obviously.

AmazonMayan

They might not be taking you seriously since you tell them you are changing how you eat, but still eating everything anyway. Actions......

I agree with the suggestions to skip the waffles and decline what your husband brings home. Maybe make your own dinner and tell him not to bring anything at all.

If you feel it's wasteful, give the extra to them to eat if they continue to ignore YOUR feelings and ignore your requests.

HotPotato22

You are married but your mom makes you breakfast every morning?

I would grow a pair, say I am changing my lifestyle and I can't eat this anymore for the sake of my health.

lindseyrenee8

HotPotato22 wrote: »

You are married but your mom makes you breakfast every morning?

I would grow a pair, say I am changing my lifestyle and I can't eat this anymore for the sake of my health.

Did I say every morning or is that what you judged?

phogbear

I had to tell my mom repeatedly till she got it. Then she pouted for awhile. She has since moved on to the stage... "well if you insist we serve veggies you make them!". The only veggie she knows is potato.

My sister and I have taken over cooking more at her house and the meals are getting better.

Still no luck with the wife. She brought home cookies, chips and other junk food. I do the grocery shopping and cooking so it doesn't happen often but its hard ignoring all that food in the house.

ana3067

pengy7583 wrote: »

HotPotato22 wrote: »

You are married but your mom makes you breakfast every morning?

I would grow a pair, say I am changing my lifestyle and I can't eat this anymore for the sake of my health.

Did I say every morning or is that what you judged?

You gave no indication of frequency. By saying "my mom makes me breakfast" one would assume that means every time you eat breakfast, i.e. every day.

phogbear wrote: »

I had to tell my mom repeatedly till she got it. Then she pouted for awhile. She has since moved on to the stage... "well if you insist we serve veggies you make them!". The only veggie she knows is potato.

My sister and I have taken over cooking more at her house and the meals are getting better.

Still no luck with the wife. She brought home cookies, chips and other junk food. I do the grocery shopping and cooking so it doesn't happen often but its hard ignoring all that food in the house.

If it's hard to ignore it then you could just eat it, unless you plan to avoid them for the rest of your life. CICO.

lindseyrenee8

ana3067 wrote: »

pengy7583 wrote: »

HotPotato22 wrote: »

You are married but your mom makes you breakfast every morning?

I would grow a pair, say I am changing my lifestyle and I can't eat this anymore for the sake of my health.

Did I say every morning or is that what you judged?

You gave no indication of frequency. By saying "my mom makes me breakfast" one would assume that means every time you eat breakfast, i.e. every day.

I'm sorry, let me reiterate. "Mom makes a breakfast" One would assume if they actually read the statement it would mean one meal.

So again, is that what you're reading or judging? Either way, it shoud be of no concern to you or anyone else. My living arrangement wasn't up for question or debate.

phogbear

ana3067 wrote: »

pengy7583 wrote: »

If it's hard to ignore it then you could just eat it, unless you plan to avoid them for the rest of your life. CICO.

I don't deny myself anything as long as it fits my macros. I just don't have the best history with food.

Being home all day leads to temptation. Used to be depressed I eat...stressed I eat...and so on. Its not as bad as it use to be. I've developed a habit of subbing in tea or Coke Zero for food. This habit is only a year or so old. It gets shaky at times though the bad days are far fewer now. Food for comfort and poor food choices has been ingrained in my for decades by family.

r5d5

I'm sorry, let me reiterate. "Mom makes a breakfast" One would assume if they actually read the statement it would mean one meal.

So again, is that what you're reading or judging? Either way, it shoud be of no concern to you or anyone else. My living arrangement wasn't up for question or debate.
[/quote]

I don't think anyone means to judge your living arrangements at all! I think it's just that, from your original post, it sounded as though your mother made you breakfast every morning, so one person, (or a few) suggested you make your own breakfast daily.
If your mother only sometimes makes you breakfast, or if always, it doesn't matter. What matters is that you speak openly and honestly with your spouse and mother to tell them your trying to lose weight and you would appreciate the support. Tell them what you need from them (help with smaller portions, different choices, whatever) and tell them that this is something you want for yourself. And you appreciate their help, and appreciate their opinions, but you're going to eat what you want and how much you want.
Your choices, in the end, should be your own.

I don't think anyone meant to judge your living arrangements! Honestly, that has nothing to do with eating at a calorie deficit anyways

lindseyrenee8

r5d5 wrote: »

I'm sorry, let me reiterate. "Mom makes a breakfast" One would assume if they actually read the statement it would mean one meal.

So again, is that what you're reading or judging? Either way, it shoud be of no concern to you or anyone else. My living arrangement wasn't up for question or debate.

I don't think anyone means to judge your living arrangements at all! I think it's just that, from your original post, it sounded as though your mother made you breakfast every morning, so one person, (or a few) suggested you make your own breakfast daily.
If your mother only sometimes makes you breakfast, or if always, it doesn't matter. What matters is that you speak openly and honestly with your spouse and mother to tell them your trying to lose weight and you would appreciate the support. Tell them what you need from them (help with smaller portions, different choices, whatever) and tell them that this is something you want for yourself. And you appreciate their help, and appreciate their opinions, but you're going to eat what you want and how much you want.
Your choices, in the end, should be your own.

I don't think anyone meant to judge your living arrangements! Honestly, that has nothing to do with eating at a calorie deficit anyways

[/quote]

You're right. I need to be open and honest. I'm trying not to hurt them but in the end I'm hurting myself more.

cwolfman13

pengy7583 wrote: »

I have been doing pretty well with keeping under my calorie goal and making better alternatives for food. I love how I am feeling. I'm learning how to eat and I'm loosing weight.

My family however has not gotten use to my lifestyle change. Mom makes a breakfast already prepared for me before work, 2 boiled eggs, 3 turkey bacon and 3 buttered waffles. Instead of declining or telling her I only want half the plate, I eat it all so I don't hurt her.

In the evening, I told my husband specifically what to get for me for dinner. He brings back a large this and double that because in the past, that is what I'd get and eat and he thinks getting me large instead of small is better. Instead of throwing it away or denying it, i eat it. I felt so guilty. I am still under my goal however.

But how do I gain the courage to say no or not eat what my family bring/prepare without being hurtful or wastful?

For one, you may want to re-assess your definition of healthy...having a boiled egg (a nutrient power house) and some turkey bacon and a waffle (even with butter OMG) is a perfectly healthy meal. Saying you want half is called "portion control" and it's just about the most valuable lesson you can take from all of this...food elimination rarely works in the long run...portion control always does.

Also your family is in a routine/habit as well...you just have to be open and honest with them, there's no way around that.

Beyond that, hitting your calorie goals is numero uno...if you're doing that, you're doing fine. Don't sweat the small stuff.