This time it's different....

HannahsMother2012

I am a 27 year old mother of 3 trying once again, to lose weight. This time though, it's different. Something's "clicked"...My goal isn't to be skinny, but healthy. I'm eating to nourish my body, not to starve it. It's been a long time coming, and unfortunately took some very sad life events to make me realize food can be my saving grace, not my enemy. My first daughter was born in 2012, followed by a bout of postpartum depression. Nasty stuff! I have a family history of postpartum depression, and knew that with more children, would most likely come more severe post partum depression. I was "lucky" with my first, I guess you could say. I was an emotional wreck, couldn't stop crying, and the smallest of tasks felt like climbing a mountain. But I knew it could have been lot worst. With time it passed and life become as normal as it's gets with a child! Fast forward 2 years later, I had finally been brave enough to become pregnant again. A sibling for my daughter, which was my main motivation for conceiving again. During my 20 week scan, as we excitedly waited to hear if we'd be painting pink or blue, we instead learned that our baby was very sick. Within 5 days we were having another ultrasound at the high risk perinatal clinic. Grace, our second baby, had passed away in utero. I delivered her the following day. There are no words to explain the pain. Initially I had no appetite at all. But after the initial shock had worn off, I began to self medicate with food. I was already overweight, had gained weight from my 5 month pregnancy with her. More then I had with my entire first pregnancy. I had a mind set of entitlement. I lost my baby, surely I could eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. This went on for another whopping 25lb gain, until I found out I was expecting again, just 3 months later. I somehow made it through that pregnancy, and my little guy is now almost 8 weeks old. During my pregnancy with him, my mother in law suddenly passed away from stage 4 cancer, just 4 weeks after being diagnosed. It was a year of great loss and sadness. It showed all over my body. As much as I tried to eat healthy during my pregnancy, I also doubted on a daily basis, that I'd ever take a baby home at the end. I gained more weight again. I was, and still am, anxious about the very deeply complicated emotions behind the birth of my third child, my son. I was aware the entire time I carried, him, and I probably will be forever, of the conflicting feelings connected to his existence. I know, had Grace lived, he'd never be. Painfully beautiful irony. Knowing I am faced with a very high risk of postpartum depression, and the strange emotions I have to sort through because of the reason of my sons birth, I know something has to be done. I have a 3 year old who watches my every move. I don't want to medicate if I can avoid it. I want to be present and plugged in. So, I realized about a month ago, I could use food. Not in the way I did before, and have my whole life, but in a way that nurtures my mind and body. I knew from previous "diets" I feel so much better when I eat healthy. So I began...and here I am. In the last month, I've felt so much better, I've also went further then I ever have with any diet. I've cut out almost all refined sugars, gluten, and dairy (other then greek yogurt for protein!). I make mostly paleo recipes for granola bars, wraps and "breads". I am eating any fresh meats, vegetables, and fruits, as well as nuts and seeds. I'm feeling mentally more stable then I have in years. My energy levels are incredible. Juggling life with a 3 year old and a newborn, I've managed to do the night feedings, early mornings, all the housework, get my kids out of the house daily, cook everything from scratch and get to the gym. I'm down 7 lbs since my last weigh in, but I feel like I've lost 100lbs in emotional baggage. I'm hoping to join some of you on your journeys to health! We get one life, which is terrifyingly fragile I've learned, let's make it the best one possible!

I should also add, my current weight and goal. I'm currently 218lbs. Started at 225, a month ago after losing most of the baby weight. I'm 5'4, and hoping to make it to 150lb. I have no time I am working towards, just to get to 150lbs in a healthy, sustainable way. I do have a mini goal, to be 199lbs by the May 24th long weekend. (Yes! I'm Canadian )

afacetocallhome

Hi.

It sounds like you've been through a lot, but it sounds like you're ready to take on this challenge. You can do it!

We have similar goals (I'm 224lbs at the moment, aiming for around 150lbs) so I've sent you a friend request. Hopefully we can help each other along the way

All the best.

kindrabbit

Thanks for sharing, that's quite a few years you've had. Reading how you've turned it around and taken control is inspiring.

Taking control of your body and mind is a liberating experience and is so empowering. You're children will be watching every move you make and you are helping to shape their lives as well as your own. they will see their mum have a good relationship with food, exercise and her own mind and body and you cant give them a better gift.

HannahsMother2012

Thank you Ladies! I'm looking for all the encouragement I can get!