New to the forums

nabbigail320

Hey, everyone.

Well, I have maybe an interesting story. (Or not... I have no idea if others will find it interesting!) I've been heavy my entire life. I'm 36. Despite an active lifestyle and a mostly healthy diet I just kept gaining weight. When I would be working hard to lose weight I'd still gain weight. I'd try trainers, Weight Watchers, I read all the books and websites and nothing worked. I finally found an endocrinologist who referred me to a bariatric doctor who diagnosed me with insulin resistance and told me that this was never my fault. Now, imagine being 32 years old, a woman, over 250 pounds, NEVER having been anything but plus-sized even as far back as middle school, having been told by doctors and parents and everyone your whole life that you just drink too much soda (I have always hated soda) and eat too much junk (really, didn't eat any more than the average kid) and finally having a doctor reassure you that it wasn't your fault? With his help, over the course of two years, I lost 75 pounds. His diet was pretty extreme, though, and eventually I hit a plateau I just couldn't get through. I'm not working with him anymore. I've gained some back but I've maintained a 60-pound loss for a couple of years, which is still a win, but I want MORE!

I did try to do it on my own again by eating 1100-1200 calories per day and working out, but I know that just wasn't enough; I lost a little but my body was not having it. I went to someone recently who gave me a plan that on the surface seems fine but honestly was extreme. He lost me when he told me that I should have left my boyfriend's grandmother's funeral and snuck out to eat in the car while everyone else was having lunch at the reception after the service. Just no.

My new plan, with my new endocrinologist's blessing, is to stick in the 1500-1600 calorie range and track with the MPF app. I'm going to eat as clean as possible. Fruits, veggies, meats, dairy, whole wheat, but minimal if any processed stuff. Maybe some this week while I work on gathering recipes and making a shopping list... I mean, I do have a full time job and other obligations.

This has always been an issue for me, what I just wrote up there. I need balance more than anything else. Looking at me, you'd see a medium-sized girl. I'm not a plus size anymore, I can shop in normal stores. Not winning any bikini contests anytime soon, but I'm at peace with that. I'm just tired of dieting being a full-time job and occupying so much of my brain space. Planning and tracking and preparing foods, of course, takes time. Obsessing and worrying, however, does nothing to help.

I'm seeing a therapist now for my body image issues and to sort out my unhealthy relationship with food. For now, my plan is to be consistent with my healthy eating, work out 4-5 days/week (I lift weights 4 days on a plan my boyfriend made me; he's a bodybuilder... and cardio twice a week), and put the scale away for a while. God did not put me on Earth to lose weight. I'm ready to let this occupy just enough of my life as it needs to but not so much that it edges out the mental energy I need for my job, my post-grad class, my hobbies, my relationship and my pets. A happy life means balance, at least for me.

So that's me. Oh, I also found out that I'm a whole inch taller than I've been thinking all these years. So... goal weight is that much closer. Go me!