Hurting words from someone you care about

mumblemagic

JSurita2 wrote: »

herrspoons wrote: »

The truth is no one really cares about your weight other than yourself.

Do this for yourself, not other people.

Totally this!

This doesn't have to be true. My family , friends and many of my colleagues all care about my weight because it matters to me. If it didn't matter to me they wouldn't care, but they do because it does. I'm sorry you feel alone.

LAWoman72

mumblemagic wrote: »

JSurita2 wrote: »

herrspoons wrote: »

The truth is no one really cares about your weight other than yourself.

Do this for yourself, not other people.

Totally this!

This doesn't have to be true. My family , friends and many of my colleagues all care about my weight because it matters to me. If it didn't matter to me they wouldn't care, but they do because it does. I'm sorry you feel alone.

I agree with this - some people will care about your weight because they love you.

In the OP's situation, though, the friend was jeering at some stranger. This obviously didn't come from a position of loving concern.

But, yes, I also feel it's untrue that it's impossible for anyone to care about a given person's weight due to love and concern.

RavenLibra

Boo HOo.. put on your big girl pants and get over it... sometimes other peoples world's are about them and not you.

Alatariel75

People are funny creatures. We live in a bubble, varying in size, inside which is the people we know and/or care about and outside is "everyone else". Some people have big bubbles and care about many people, even those they've never met and others have smaller bubbles and their care is restricted to a select few.

Your friend wasn't talking about you, she was talking of someone outside her bubble. She doesn't equate you with the person outside the bubble. Her comment was thoughtless, and I'm pretty sure she'd be mortified, or at least a little more considerate, if the fact that her comment about a stranger hurt you was brought to her attention.

There are a billion stories a day where someone makes a throwaway remark which could be hurtful to those around them if it was taken to heart. I know I used to get really miffed when a much smaller friend would complain about how fat they were and how horrible they looked. But really - none of us are ever going to be able to look outside ourselves at all times, and people are going to make self absorbed comments. He comment probably came from a criticism of herself, in fact. I know I have judged people on their appearance and weight, not because of them but because they reminded me of me.

If she's your best friend, let her know that it hurt. Not jhust for your own sake, but for hers - maybe she needs to be told that making negative remarks without considering her audience needs rethinking. I've got no problems saying to a friend whose just made a comment like that "Geez, if that's what you reckon, I'd hate to know what you think of me!" - it's amazing how it snaps them out of it and makes them see it's not just a stranger they're ragging on, but also anyone who may identify with that stranger.

callsitlikeiseeit

much like my deflated boob syndrome.... no one but me cares. same for your weight. You have to want to lose weight for YOURSELF, and not be relying on other people to motivate you.

i would bet money that she didnt MEAN to hurt your feelings, and wasn't even THINKING about you.

bulk_n_cut

you know what, when i was fat, people around me (especially loved ones like family etc) said you need to work on that.
Then when I lost most of the fat, they said I was too skinny and weak, i need to do something about it.
Now that I've put on a little healthy weight they say what the heck are you trying to become, there's no reason to be bulking.
LOL who cares what others say, no one is ever satisfied, always have some *kitten* to say about others.
You do you, keep on pushin

MelRC117

rlzwakenberg wrote: »

newmeadow wrote: »

rlzwakenberg wrote: »

My "best friend" just looked at a picture of a woman that is 5" shorter than I, wears the same size pants, but weighs slightly less than I.

Then, my "best friend" proceeded to talk about how the girl was "beyond fat" and "there was no excuse to get like that".

Mind you that my friend is over weight too. Not to such an extreme amount, but over weight nonetheless.

This is the person that I try to use as motivation because I don't have many friends and she is the only one who understands the desire to lose weight. Now I feel like crawling into a ball and dying. It's very difficult knowing that people look at me like that. If she didn't know me, she'd have no idea that i was counting calories, exercising, and trying to be healthier. She'd make the same crappy judgement on me and think I'm some fat lazy slob that can't be bothered with health. Maybe this is why I have no friends, because people are so quick to judge that they don't even want to take the chance to get to know me.

Well, now that I've lost all of my "support group" I can say this will be a lot more difficult. Not that she was much of a "support group" to begin with.

Your photo features a beautiful young blonde woman who is engaged to be married.

And some assholic comment made by a critical friend who also happens to be fat herself causes you to want to crawl into a ball and die?

If this is all it takes to destroy your emotional equilibrium I suggest you make sure your fiancé knows how fragile you are. It's his future too.

Chikkity Check Yo Self Before You Wrickity Wreck Yo Self, jerk.

Oh. How very mature of you.

If you put something on a forum and don't add "I'm going through some emotional things already and have depression" you will get plenty of "suck it up buttercup". People don't know your whole story,true, BUT you posted a snapshot and a 23 woman crawling into a ball over one comment from her best friend that wasn't directed towards her doesn't sound very....an over reaction. People are going by what YOU post.

Which...you also called someone a ****and a jerk who called you beautiful. So...yep, I would consider both instances an over reaction. Time to grow up and talk to your friend about her words instead of throwing away a friendship.

Lounmoun

When I hated myself I also saw other people negatively in my head. I would focus on how fat they were or whatever other bad point I could come up with. I thought that way about myself and it just extended to the rest of the world. I wouldn't have thought I was judgmental of others. I did not make the comments out loud so no one ever called me on it.
When I changed my thinking about myself I realized how I had always also been judging others and started focusing more on their good points too.
Maybe your best friend needs you to help her realize that her thinking is too negative and making comments like that can be incredibly hurtful to others. Let her know how she hurt you. If she is overweight she may be stuck in a negative thought loop that she can work to change.