Guys! Will he always see me as fat?

zoomtech16

I have a guy friend that I like a lot, and as I lose weight I just wonder if he always see me how I was. I do believe that a physical attraction has to be there, and I'm wondering if guys see girls lose weight and like that or will they always see you as the fat friend?

arditarose

If you lose weight, I'm sure he will notice. It doesn't guarantee a physical attraction though.

pechepanda

I think he would

Alatariel75

I wonder - does he see you as fat now? Is that an issue? But for him seeing you as fat, would he be interested? and if so - do you really want to be with a guy who only wants you if you lost weight?

It's easy to think that if you pull off some rom-com trtansformation, the guy of your dreams who has been there the whole time will suddenly see you for the dream woman you are, and off you'll go into the sunset, but doesn't that ignore the fact that, until the transformation occured, you were below notice?

In actual answer to your question - who knows? Guys don't come with a manual and everyone reacts differently. Unless he's oblivious, he would surely notice a significant weight loss, but whether that means an attraction forms or it means something to him, or if he'll just notice and it won't otherwise mean diddly, is completely down to the individual.

Unknown

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Alatariel75

Death_Penalty wrote: »

I don't care what anyone says, you will not be the same person when you have lost X amount of lbs. Your confidence will be improved, you will take pride in what you are as well as what you have accomplished, you will look better and feel better. That is a huge change from someone with low self esteem, minimal motivation, and who is an overweight mess. He's not the bad guy if he notices the improvement and is attracted to the new you. Those good qualities are attractive whereas the bad ones are not. Why does there have to be a bad guy?

You are right, of course. Losing weight can bring a great deal of change and those changes may appeal to him or make you stand out. I apologise for immediately jumping on the villain trail. I just find it of concern that if someone doesn't like you until you look a particular way, what does it mean for a relationship down the track if you change back to the old way? But you're correct. My response was largely cynical (which I don't actually have any reason to be, funnily).

landfish

How does he see you now? Does he see you as the fat friend?

This is one guy's experience, but while I notice things like body shape, it fits into the overall picture as more of a data point than a deal killer. Personality is every bit of a determinant for desirability (and maybe more so) than body shape. For me, if the attraction was there after a woman lost weight, it was most likely there before too.

Morgaen73

I can only speak about my wife, but I can definately see the chages in her body and I definately find her more sexy. I know it is not a pc thing to say but it is the truty. A contributing factor though is the fact that she has MUCH more self confidence as she looses weight and becomes fitter. Self confidenceis VERY attractive.

deviboy1592

Tell you the truth, if he hasn't made a move, maybe he's waiting for you. Losing weight does add to the appeal, but maybe he just sees you as a friend, but what happens if that's as far as it goes? I hope your not losing this weight for him? Rejection will hurt, but the new you can open up a lot of new doors for you. (In the dating scene)

Morgaen73

deviboy1592 wrote: »

Tell you the truth, if he hasn't made a move, maybe he's waiting for you. Losing weight does add to the appeal, but maybe he just sees you as a friend, but what happens if that's as far as it goes? I hope your not losing this weight for him? Rejection will hurt, but the new you can open up a lot of new doors for you. (In the dating scene)

+1

zoomtech16

I'm not losing it for him, but I definitely would like some more self confidence. Like I said before I don't care how good of a personality you have I believe you have to look healthy for someone to be attracted to you. I want to look smoking hot for my future husband whoever he may be. I have thought about asking him out, but every single time I just can't. I've always been the fat girl and have never felt desirable, so I'm not even sure how to do that.

One of my favorite quotes is from The Perks of Being a Wallflower. We accept the love that we think we deserve. I believe this is so true, and I know it's sad, but I don't know when it's going to change in me to feel like someone could actually like me for me, no matter what weight I am.

WishesOnTheStar

so lose some weight then and see if his behavior changes. you only have one life, why not make the most of it.

what's your TDEE?

deviboy1592

zoomtech16 wrote: »

I'm not losing it for him, but I definitely would like some more self confidence. Like I said before I don't care how good of a personality you have I believe you have to look healthy for someone to be attracted to you. I want to look smoking hot for my future husband whoever he may be. I have thought about asking him out, but every single time I just can't. I've always been the fat girl and have never felt desirable, so I'm not even sure how to do that.

One of my favorite quotes is from The Perks of Being a Wallflower. We accept the love that we think we deserve. I believe this is so true, and I know it's sad, but I don't know when it's going to change in me to feel like someone could actually like me for me, no matter what weight I am.

Fu$k it, I say ask him out now! What do you have to lose? If he says sorry I think of you as a friend, then your in the same boat but atleast there's no more suspense. You can then move forward and focus on other prospects. Also he should know you well enough now that the weight shouldn't matter if he has feelings for you. Good for you for making the change for yourself and not for him. Now that being said, what if he says yes?

ryry2169

Don't lose weight for him, lose weight and get healthier for yourself! My wife is full-figured and curvy and I wouldn't want her any other way. It's preference... Don't go out of your way to attract him. We, as guys, usually don't respond well to that.

zoomtech16

Do guys really like when girls make the first move... or does that just look desperate? I've always been pretty traditional, but this guy is very shy.

Timshel_

zoomtech16 wrote: »

I have a guy friend that I like a lot, and as I lose weight I just wonder if he always see me how I was. I do believe that a physical attraction has to be there, and I'm wondering if guys see girls lose weight and like that or will they always see you as the fat friend?

If a wants you, fat or not, he will make it pretty clear. So weight is not the issue. Maybe he is shy, or just not that into you.

deviboy1592

zoomtech16 wrote: »

Do guys really like when girls make the first move... or does that just look desperate? I've always been pretty traditional, but this guy is very shy.

From my own experience, I always waited for the girl to make the first move, I don't understand why? Maybe I was like you afraid of the rejection, but you'll never find out unless you take that step! Better to know, then what could've been.

CherokeeBabe

zoomtech16 wrote: »

Do guys really like when girls make the first move... or does that just look desperate? I've always been pretty traditional, but this guy is very shy.

LOL. No, not desperate, simply confident. I've heard many, many guys over the years express frustration and shyness over the whole 'guy makes the move first' thing. Just be you and OWN IT. You know how you feel, all that's left is to act on it. I've been known to express interest first in some cases, not in an overly forward way, just a simple 'Hey, I like you, a lot'.

Screw that 'mystery' and waiting crap.