Bad experience at Gym today. Need Suggestions please.
Replies
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Hi snehagupta984, some of the post made sense, I apologize for most the guys being immature idiots. As a husband of a beautiful wife and a father of 5 girls I dread the position you were in. First of all I would definitely carry some mace and make sure you know how to use it in the case of an emergency. It could become a useful tool to a perp if you afraid to use it. I would never have something like a box cutter unless you’re prepared to use it and deal with the courts trying to defend yourself and justify using it. If any of my girls were in that situation I would tell them to let the guy know that you noticed him by looking right back at him, look around to see if there's something near you that he's staring at, and then say What??? I think this will blow away his fantasy that you’re attracted to him and want him to "take you". It sounds like he's some perv fantasizing that you want him. Once your firm with him he'll probably crawl back home to his pathetic life. Try to mix up your workouts like a walk (daytime, lunchtime) at the park or with some co workers. Don't forget your doing something for you and your accomplishing something you desire and nobody should interfere with your goals. Good Luck0
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stop wearing extremely tight yoga pants that shows your camel toe?
Right, because
a) you were there, so you know what OP was wearing, and
b) it's always the woman's fault when she gets creeped on.
I'm so glad to hear that avoiding extremely creepy/potentially dangerous situations is as simple as changing the pants I wear! Thanks for the clearing that up!0 -
please never ever say that to a woman. many of us are trained to "be nice" and to "give people the benefit of the doubt" while all the while our creepy-meter is going off like crazy and we ignore it. i'm not sayinng that this guy was a creep or just clueless or whatever - i don't know, i wasn't there - but what i am saying is that if she had a creepy feeling then she had a creepy feeling and shouldn't be told that she is overreacting.Maybe you overreacted a bit? Maybe not... I was not there so I have no idea. If you felt unsafe or creeped out and you are not overly sensitive, then I would tell the management.
<jumping off my soapbox>
to the poster who asked - please talk to management !
totally agree with this. She did nothing wrong, the dude was a complete creep.
to the OP, any male friends you can get to come work out with you? Other neighbors in the complex? Otherwise I'd call security or the police. Seriously.0 -
Say something to the manager and next time face him directly, look him in the eyes and ask him what his deal is. He will probably feel really awkward and never go in the gym again.0
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Eat a lot of beans and broccoli before you workout, then gas him out of the gym!!!0
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Report it to your manager. I stopped going to the gym in my apt for this very reason. It makes you feel uncomfortable and gross. And you know they are staring at you, too. The guys at my gym made it pretty noticeable that he was staring.
If you can, join a gym. Its not going to stop it, but I think always being around groups of people, you'd feel more comfortable0 -
management and mace!0
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stop wearing extremely tight yoga pants that shows your camel toe?
Golly, I never realized that simply wearing different clothing would prevent harassment and rape. Thanks for clearing that up for me. *rolls eyes*0 -
Report him and let him management know you fear your safety and to make special precautions for you...such as having the management tell him to work out during certain times so that you are free to go on different times to stop further harassment.
FYI- ask yourself if you are just scared and self conscious to begin with then tell management. You don't want to start drama over having your own mental issues about men or working out. Sounds like you are fearful you can't take care of yourself to begin with so this may be an issue. Try self defense or karate...it's a great workout too!0 -
Sneha, unfortunately such things are a reality in the United States as much as it is in India.
However, what is different (especially if you live in the Northeast United States) is that the "blame the victim" culture is much less. I say file a report with the management, and if action isn't proper, then file a report with police regarding the negligent management.
From an Indian-American with close ties to the homeland and a love for working out
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Like everyone else said, tell the management.
Don't work out when the gym is empty. Change your schedule. Go when other people are there or take a friend. It's inconvenient and you might have to get there at 6:00 a.m., but safety comes first.0 -
if you see him again tell him to f*** right off.
he'll then get the picture.0 -
I don't have any friends in this apartment complex. This is such a quiet place.
Although I did see some girls working out at my time last week. I will definitely make them friends if I see them again.
That's a good idea, tell them about what happened to you, maybe they've had a similar experience. I'm sure they would be creeped out as well and may be nervous to workout alone too. Mace is a good idea also, you never know...me personally, I would be nervous to say anything to him in fear of setting him off because he may have been waiting for you to give him a reason to retaliate. But I hope he was just a regular old creeper and not a rapist. That's scary, I'm sorry you have to deal with that.0 -
Mace, yes! Confidence, definitely!! Rapists are less likely to target someone confident and ready to fight - mace will help with that!!
Love the beans and gas suggestion :-D
But seriously. If you see him again and he creeps you out again, take his photo with your phone. Get a good shot so management/police can see who he is. And intimidate him. ;-)0 -
Next time you see some other women working out, ask if they'd like a workout buddy in the evenings, too. Safety in numbers and all that. Back when I was in my 20s, there was a 40-something lady who'd do laundry with me in the evenings after I had a bad experience. So some of the older ladies at the complex might also be up for working out. Sometimes just another person with you is all it takes to scare off the creepers.0
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There is a lot of good information on here, but, always follow your first impression. You should feel safe at all times. There are a lot of creeps out there and he sounds like he was just "flexing" for you. If you are not comfortable, your'e not. However, the management is not going to suggest he work out at a different time. If you are working out alone in a virtually empty building you need to carry some protection on your body at all times, find a workout buddy and always be aware of your surroundings especially when going to and leaving the workout room. You can always join a women's fitness center. Good luck!0
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Wherever you live it is the same planet and in today's world you can't take any chances. Your personal safety comes first. Complain if you want to but when it comes down to it you need to follow your instincts. If you don't feel safe there don't go there. If you continue to use it do not stick to a routine and do not trust other guests. This might not be anything but a wakeup call. I don't use the gym in my complex for similar reasons. The cameras might not be working or they might not be manned except there is an incident. Be safe! Good luck!
Also, it is unlikely that the management will tell you if there have been incidents there before!0 -
i'm a woman and have been all my life. i dont understand how if someone is making you feel uncomfortable and crowding your space you just can't tell them to back the eff up?
i personally dont think it's valid having management police the situation because someone was just looking, especially if you're somewhat certain they also live in the building. although i definitely agree with listening to your intuition about the situation i'd also advise if you were uncomfortable to have just turned to the guy and been like "what?"
maybe my post is going to come off as a bit harsh or uncaring but for real girl, you are the first line defense of your personal safety in a situation like that. someone makes you feel uncomfortable then tell them to back away. dont be afraid of being perceived as a b****0 -
I had this happen to me in a hotel where I was staying. It also was monitored. I told the guy to look up at the camera and smile so I could ID him better if he didn't leave. He left immediately, without smiling for the camera.
Carry your phone with you so you can call for the police the next time it happens. Take his picture if you can to show the police who is stalking you. Let management know so that they can save the video.
Good luck and keep safe.0 -
From now on you should go to the gym with some protection. I suggest a personal body alarm, mace/pepper spray, box cutter in your pocket or waistband of your pants, whistle. Also practice your meanest mug (face) in the mirror. Most times I walk around with such a look on my face that people think twice about approaching me about anything! Report it to your building management.
Liked the pepper spray idea and the box cutter idea. I should keep them along.
No to the box cutter!!! You have to get in close to use it. You may as well go buy a Glock. At least with a gun you don't need to get that close. With a boxcutter, if he is that close, he can overpower and take it away or use it on you.0 -
It sounds like you've got some good ideas here - I second getting some mace and learning how to use it, and also NOT carrying a box cutter or other such bladed weapon (this seems VERY overreactionary, and also dangerous. And it could get you into trouble down the road to have to justify using deadly force on someone, especially if you are not trained to do so.) It also sounds like a good idea to interact with some other women at the gym and see if you can sync up times... my guess is that if it's happened to you, it's happened to someone else. I would not aggressively interact with this guy (that's not my personality, and also, you live alone and don't want to cause a bunch of unnecessary trouble), but it's not a bad idea if it happens again to politely but firmly ask if you can help him with anything. Some people just like to get a rise out of you (scare you), so if you can show that you are aware of him/will remember him, that might be enough to get him to back off. Ultimately, the complex should know that they need to be responsible for the safety of the patrons - if it seems like an unsafe situation, maybe look into other gym options in your area? I hope all goes well!0
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Get management on it plus have them run his address to check if he is a sex offender. The fact he didn't try to talk to you and just stared gives me, a guy, the creeps. If he was hitting on you verbally, he could be seen as a cocky jerk, but he seemed to come off a little serial rapist to me. Than again he could of been trying to act confident and mysterious like the creepy leads that are the stars in Romance novels. But than again most characters in those type of novels would be too forceful in real life and eventually be charged with rape, hence why those books are fiction. Good luck and be careful
What does being a sex offender have to do anything? Not all of them are on the hunt to hurt people.0 -
Stay calm and regain control. Others may disagree with my suggestion, but try this: I would tell a friend I'm going to the gym, and that when I call to play along. If stalkerboy shows up again, wait a few minutes; let him start is antics. continue your workout, then act like your checking your cell phone. Oh look, A missed call from my boyfriend, who works at the local Police department. Call said boyfriend back. Have a detailed conversation with said boyfriend regarding your workout and whats going on today at your apt complex. Get as detailed as you feel comfortable in your phone conversation. Let Stalkerboy sweat it out and let him worry about YOU. Finish up with: Bye Honey, see you in a bit and I'll tell you more when you get here. ... See how stalkerboy reacts, if he's unphased, you may have real problems, and might have to go to the police and file a real report. If he a garden variety weirdo, this should do the trick0
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Definitely be on the -phone...talk about how it just you and a random guy in the gym .
...joke about 'it's ok, there's cctv everywhere here. That one of the things you checked on before moving in."
Mention your boyfriend who works rotating shifts and will join you in the gym when he can.
Keep it conversational but loud enough for the creeper to hear you.0 -
Is there a residents' committee? They might be able to tell you if anything like this has happened before, or suggest improvements in security. Can anyone get into the gym or do you need a card to enter? If the latter then they should know if it is someone from the complex or not.0
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Hi snehagupta984, some of the post made sense, I apologize for most the guys being immature idiots. As a husband of a beautiful wife and a father of 5 girls I dread the position you were in. First of all I would definitely carry some mace and make sure you know how to use it in the case of an emergency. It could become a useful tool to a perp if you afraid to use it. I would never have something like a box cutter unless you’re prepared to use it and deal with the courts trying to defend yourself and justify using it. If any of my girls were in that situation I would tell them to let the guy know that you noticed him by looking right back at him, look around to see if there's something near you that he's staring at, and then say What??? I think this will blow away his fantasy that you’re attracted to him and want him to "take you". It sounds like he's some perv fantasizing that you want him. Once your firm with him he'll probably crawl back home to his pathetic life. Try to mix up your workouts like a walk (daytime, lunchtime) at the park or with some co workers. Don't forget your doing something for you and your accomplishing something you desire and nobody should interfere with your goals. Good Luck
Thanks Robert. I did look right back into his eyes keeping my eyes big and then he moved from being besides me.
I will be more careful in future. Also, btw what is Mace? I have never heard about it before?0 -
Eat a lot of beans and broccoli before you workout, then gas him out of the gym!!!
Lolzzz good one!!
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Sneha, unfortunately such things are a reality in the United States as much as it is in India.
However, what is different (especially if you live in the Northeast United States) is that the "blame the victim" culture is much less. I say file a report with the management, and if action isn't proper, then file a report with police regarding the negligent management.
From an Indian-American with close ties to the homeland and a love for working out
Its up to human's nature and doesn't depend whether he is in US or India or in any other country.
I am thinking of filing a report with management now. Thanks and happy working out!!0 -
Thanks a ton again pals for the ideas and support!!
Because of this I made a couple of new friends at gym and would be more careful from now on also keeping the suggested ideas in mind.
Thanks again!!0 -
Is there a residents' committee? They might be able to tell you if anything like this has happened before, or suggest improvements in security. Can anyone get into the gym or do you need a card to enter? If the latter then they should know if it is someone from the complex or not.
No there's no residents committee and anybody can get into the gym. May be they are not much bothered to know who he was coz I didn't get a positive reply from them. They ask me to complain again if this happens 2nd time or if I see the guy around again.0
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