Suggestions for how to deal with people's comments?
christinehuds
Posts: 42 Member
Hi! Need some advice on dealing with people's comments near the end of my 2 year weight loss journey. My tolerance is really running low.
I've been on MFP for about a year now, but I was on Weight Watchers for about a year and half before that. At my highest weight, I was about 260 pounds. I'm currently 160 pounds. So, I'm no stranger to comments, compliments, questions and everything of the like regarding my weight and appearance. At first it was nice that people took notice, but I'm reaching a point where I'm not interested in people's commentary on my intake, diet preferences or appearance. It's beginning to feel intrusive and unwarranted instead of helpful or encouraging like it did when I first starting losing weight in 2013.
I'm 160 pounds, 5'6 and I wear a size 8/10. I'm just barely in the overweight category based on the BMI scale. (Not a big believer in the accuracy of the BMI scale though). I'm coming off a running-related injury, but I workout fairly often and did a lot of strength training before I had to take a rest to heal up. I have a decent bit of muscle on my frame, especially in the lower body, so perhaps I appear lighter than I am on the scale.
At the beginning of the year, I was back up to 170 pounds and since January I've lost 10 pounds. I'd like to get down to around 150 over the next several months. I'm in no rush to get there, I eat 1600 calories a day and I only have my goals set to lose .5 pounds a week. I eat often (6 times a day) and I eat to fulfill my macros. I do not appear to be underweight at all. I look quite normal. (Check my photos, I'm not small.) Also, since I'm nearing the end, I have to pay close attention to what I'm eating, as I don't have much left to lose. I've said all this to say, that I'm about at my wit's end with people's comments. I'm feeling frustrated and angry. Here are comments I've gotten just in the last two weeks.
From my Dad: (I'm living with my parents for 3 weeks while I wait for my new apartment to become available) "What are you going to fix for dinner? You do eat, don't you?
From the CEO of my company, when he saw me microwaving lunch: "You mean you actually eat? I thought you'd given up on eating altogether."
From my boyfriend, when I said I wanted to have oatmeal, peanut butter and Greek yogurt for dinner: "I don't like watching you starve yourself."
From co workers, when they saw me weighing food on a scale: "Are you doing a science experiment? It looks like you're going to blow up the kitchen. Why are you doing that? Who weighs their food before they eat it?"
From coworkers: "Why won't you ever go out to eat with us? Why do you eat healthy? You make us feel bad!" (My coworkers eat restaurant/takeout food about 3-4 days a week for lunch. Most are overweight.)
Just this morning, donuts were brought in and everyone gave me *kitten* for not having one. (I save my indulgent foods for a weekend meal, so it appears to my coworkers that I eat 100% "healthy", 100% of the time, which is certainly not true)
I've put up with a good amount of intrusive and invasive questions and comments on my food/eating habits for years now, from people who frankly have no idea what they're talking about when it comes to health and nutrition. I'm used to turning down office food and lunch invitations. I got used to that two years ago. That doesn't bother me at all. But I'm reaching the end of my tolerance when it comes to these types of comments.
Does anyone have any suggestions for how to politely tell these (nutritionally ignorant) people to stop commenting on my food intake, preferences and practices? I want to say "Go *kitten* yourself," but I'd honestly rather do so in a way that is more constructive -- and less hostile. Haha. Any help is appreciated. The next person who comments on my food scale or healthy eating habits just might get strangled -- so it may be to their benefit too.
Cheers.
I've been on MFP for about a year now, but I was on Weight Watchers for about a year and half before that. At my highest weight, I was about 260 pounds. I'm currently 160 pounds. So, I'm no stranger to comments, compliments, questions and everything of the like regarding my weight and appearance. At first it was nice that people took notice, but I'm reaching a point where I'm not interested in people's commentary on my intake, diet preferences or appearance. It's beginning to feel intrusive and unwarranted instead of helpful or encouraging like it did when I first starting losing weight in 2013.
I'm 160 pounds, 5'6 and I wear a size 8/10. I'm just barely in the overweight category based on the BMI scale. (Not a big believer in the accuracy of the BMI scale though). I'm coming off a running-related injury, but I workout fairly often and did a lot of strength training before I had to take a rest to heal up. I have a decent bit of muscle on my frame, especially in the lower body, so perhaps I appear lighter than I am on the scale.
At the beginning of the year, I was back up to 170 pounds and since January I've lost 10 pounds. I'd like to get down to around 150 over the next several months. I'm in no rush to get there, I eat 1600 calories a day and I only have my goals set to lose .5 pounds a week. I eat often (6 times a day) and I eat to fulfill my macros. I do not appear to be underweight at all. I look quite normal. (Check my photos, I'm not small.) Also, since I'm nearing the end, I have to pay close attention to what I'm eating, as I don't have much left to lose. I've said all this to say, that I'm about at my wit's end with people's comments. I'm feeling frustrated and angry. Here are comments I've gotten just in the last two weeks.
From my Dad: (I'm living with my parents for 3 weeks while I wait for my new apartment to become available) "What are you going to fix for dinner? You do eat, don't you?
From the CEO of my company, when he saw me microwaving lunch: "You mean you actually eat? I thought you'd given up on eating altogether."
From my boyfriend, when I said I wanted to have oatmeal, peanut butter and Greek yogurt for dinner: "I don't like watching you starve yourself."
From co workers, when they saw me weighing food on a scale: "Are you doing a science experiment? It looks like you're going to blow up the kitchen. Why are you doing that? Who weighs their food before they eat it?"
From coworkers: "Why won't you ever go out to eat with us? Why do you eat healthy? You make us feel bad!" (My coworkers eat restaurant/takeout food about 3-4 days a week for lunch. Most are overweight.)
Just this morning, donuts were brought in and everyone gave me *kitten* for not having one. (I save my indulgent foods for a weekend meal, so it appears to my coworkers that I eat 100% "healthy", 100% of the time, which is certainly not true)
I've put up with a good amount of intrusive and invasive questions and comments on my food/eating habits for years now, from people who frankly have no idea what they're talking about when it comes to health and nutrition. I'm used to turning down office food and lunch invitations. I got used to that two years ago. That doesn't bother me at all. But I'm reaching the end of my tolerance when it comes to these types of comments.
Does anyone have any suggestions for how to politely tell these (nutritionally ignorant) people to stop commenting on my food intake, preferences and practices? I want to say "Go *kitten* yourself," but I'd honestly rather do so in a way that is more constructive -- and less hostile. Haha. Any help is appreciated. The next person who comments on my food scale or healthy eating habits just might get strangled -- so it may be to their benefit too.
Cheers.
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Replies
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They honestly sound jealous that your able to stick with it rather than cave for a donut in the office. I have no nice way to tell them to you know what either but I would come up with clever sarcastic things to say back to them and then maybe when you shock them with your words they will actually think about what they just said to you! I have an example of this not pertaining to weight but to pregnancy. I was with my 3 children at the time at my local hospitals lab for some blood work for my current pregnancy and this elderly woman saw my 3 children with me standing waiting to get checked in she was behind me in line and she said and I quote " you need to find a different hobby looking at my children" I then turned and faced her and said " I love my hobby while rubbing my
Pregnant tummy!" The look on her face as her eyes went from my tummy to my face to her jaw hitting the floor was priceless! Lol she was speechless after that and the other folks in line were either snickering under there breathe or like her! Best day ever!! I hope that helps you to come up with things to say in response to your co workers and families awful comments as well! Good luck! Oh and you look fantastic keep doing you and you'll get the last laugh and word!0 -
most of the time people just don't know what to say. Occasionally going out with them or partaking in festivities may help you not alienate them so much. much of our society's celebrations center around food. I've never turned down a donut at work, and I make it to most happy hours...just because I show up doesn't mean I have to have 5 beers and chili cheese fries...... my advice is...laugh it off and be happy you've made the kind of progress people feel they need to comment on.0
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http://personalexcellence.co/blog/naysayers/
I really liked this article on "Nay Sayers". Check out tip #5. Give it a read, sounds like nay sayers comment critically out of fear. You determine weather or not the comment is coming from a loving place. Remember, you are the only one in control of how you feel about something, don't allow others that power over you. Good luck and best wishes to you!0 -
I would tell them : "Thanks for your concern. But it has nothing to do with you."0
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I just smile, nod and go on with my day. It doesn't really piss me off because I just don't care what other people think that much (especially coworkers).
I would have a chat with my boyfriend to explain why I'm not starving myself. Just so that we are on the same page.0 -
christinehuds wrote: »Why do you eat healthy? You make us feel bad!"
(I save my indulgent foods for a weekend meal, so it appears to my coworkers that I eat 100% "healthy", 100% of the time, which is certainly not true)
Yup, I've had these things too. I've been accused of eating clean ONLY to make somone feel bad. In work, I usually just take the donught- say I'm saving it to have with a coffee and then wrap it up, put it in my bag and ditch it in an outide bin on my way home. I used to take it home for the husband but i stopped that.
People would make comments IF i did take a cookie- they'd say ' I thought you were one of those - my body is a temple- people'. They were also convinced I was vegetarian because I eat a lot of salads- they somehow miss the chicken or pork steak on it!
People can be weird sometimes.
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Most of those just sound like little jokes or for ways for people to say they noticed you lost weight without making a big deal about it. You should just laugh it off and not let it get to you. The boyfriend saying he doesn't like you to starve yourself is just silly. You were eating something, just not something many would consider "dinner" foods. I'm sure it was just poorly worded. As for the co-workers, next time just tell them straight up that you are eating what you want to eat and it doesn't bother you what they eat so they shouldn't care what you do for lunch. Sometimes people don't realize how intrusive they are being. They may not even realize it so just keep it light when you do say something.0
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OP admire your dedication and can relate.
Its slightly easier at this point as I have found a good lie. "I"m planning on doing a competition soon"
They usually stop with that.
Another way I've fought back, passive aggressive style of course.
Is I take all my Macros: I use what i need to get my Nutritional requirements and nutritional guidelines in check, then I create and/or prep a full meal in the kitchen. Yes, in the bag I have the "unclean" (LMAO) foods that I have chosen to fit in and there is a bunch.
Now after seeing the volume, the results, the flexibility. The questions turn from a jealousy derived and/or focused comment to more of an inquisitive nature.
"you can't eat that?" - Says who?
"Are you going to eat all that?" - yes and its all counted for
"what are you making today?" - explain and smile
"thats bad for you!" - whats bad about it? Its Carbs fats and has no nutritional value but I've already hit my targets for the day and I choose to fit this in.
So I guess my advice is be open still: think of them as merely uninformed masses and you are their shining example, you are the one who is accurately tracking for guess what.. YOU. So when in 2-4 years they are on leave due to illness or whatnot, you are hopefully and undoubtedly happier to have sustained your goals and those illnesses are not present in your life.
I know its hard to hear, but keep at it. You said you had 1600 to spend, if you're open to it be flexible a bit and really show them and soon enough they'll be begging for you to tell them your secret. haha.
Best of luck OP0 -
I know exactly how you feel. I slimmed down to 135 (at 5'6) from 190 in 1988 and I became so sick and tired of all the comments, all I wanted to do was go places where no one knew me so my weight wouldn't be a topic of conversation. Sometimes the "comments" weren't comments at all. I would get groped, in public, by powerful men in companies I was associated with. It was 1988. Men got away with that back then.
All the comments here are very sensible. Sometimes people feel like they need to say something to validate what you've done. Usually, they say the wrong thing. Sure, they mean well, but well-meaning people can often be the most annoying.
You have every right to politely say you're kind of over talking about your weight loss. Tell people you feel good, you're very healthy and then change the subject. I used to plan breaks from the chorus of comments by seeking out places where nobody knew me.
However, if anyone touches you or says something inappropriate, you might not want to be so polite. It's 2015. Sexual comments and innuendo and touching are absolutely not acceptable.0 -
The reality is that most people don't really CARE about your weight loss/gain/maintenance goals. It will ALWAYS be commented on and even MORE behind your back. So the resolve? Let it roll off your back. Don't let it control you. That's EXACTLY what people want from you............a defensive response.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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Laugh all the way to the gym. The fact is people like us to be ok but not better than them...so if you are healthy and slimming down you are making other uncomfortble BUT that is their problem. LAUGH ALL THE WAY TO THE GYM....really!!!0
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You're nicer than I am. "go **** yourself" would have already come out of my mouth.0
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Whitezombiegirl wrote: »christinehuds wrote: »Why do you eat healthy? You make us feel bad!"
(I save my indulgent foods for a weekend meal, so it appears to my coworkers that I eat 100% "healthy", 100% of the time, which is certainly not true)
Yup, I've had these things too. I've been accused of eating clean ONLY to make somone feel bad. In work, I usually just take the donught- say I'm saving it to have with a coffee and then wrap it up, put it in my bag and ditch it in an outide bin on my way home. I used to take it home for the husband but i stopped that.
People would make comments IF i did take a cookie- they'd say ' I thought you were one of those - my body is a temple- people'. They were also convinced I was vegetarian because I eat a lot of salads- they somehow miss the chicken or pork steak on it!
People can be weird sometimes.
Haha, well I am vegetarian. So people get hung up on that too. That's a whole other set of questions. Those don't bother me at all anymore!
And yes, I've gone the route of accepting food and throwing it out later. It's oddly satisfying.
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http://personalexcellence.co/blog/naysayers/
I really liked this article on "Nay Sayers". Check out tip #5. Give it a read, sounds like nay sayers comment critically out of fear. You determine weather or not the comment is coming from a loving place. Remember, you are the only one in control of how you feel about something, don't allow others that power over you. Good luck and best wishes to you!
Very interesting article. Thank you for sharing!0 -
I keep a snack drawer at work because snacking is my hardest issue. If I can keep good, healthy snacks around, it makes staying on track easier. Anyhow, I had a co-worker see my snack drawer and say, "Well!!! What's this? You have food? I thought you were on a diet?" Um, well ... First, it's not a "diet." Second, what do you think I eat, air?? This same co-worker, every time he "caught" me eating, he'd come at me, grinning mischievously, and making some snarky comment about me eating. Really? I just had to count to 10 and take a step back. He wasn't intentionally being mean. He thought he was teasing me in a friendly manner. I simply didn't reply when he'd say something. Or I'd say something like, "I'm hungry, so I'm eating." He hasn't said anything to me in weeks. My other co-workers have been better. If they get pizza or something, they'll invite me, but then they'll say, "We know your weight loss is important to you, so if you don't want to, that's fine." I've been lucky that they are so supportive.
You realize that these people are probably being snarky because of how they feel about themselves, right? It's not you. So try to not take it personally. I know, that's hard. Maybe you could share with your co-workers how good your meals are and ask them if they'd like to try something you've brought to work or ask if they'd like the recipe. And if they go out, go out with them occasionally so that you don't seem standoffish. You don't have to eat what they do. Or, heck, eat what they do. Indulging every now and then won't be the end of the world. Sometimes it's more about social obligations. Even though I would decline some offers to have lunch with my co-workers, I made sure to accept others. I don't want to alienate them. I love the people I work with. It's important that I keep them on friendly ground!
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- people who are overweight often believe weight loss is impossible, because they've tried crazy diets that didn't work. therefore, they reason, only very extreme measures must work, and if you are losing weight you must be using extreme measures
- weighing food publicly does tend to support this interpretation, because most people don't weigh food and it does look obsessive to people who don't get it. maybe do that at home and portion things out in tupperware
- food is a social thing, it's not just fuel. so many people connect sharing food with generosity, and other kinds of mutual exchange. calorie counting/portion control is kind of unusual and does put a wrench in the back and forth when you say "no". (like how many moms have told their kids, it's rude to say no if someone offers you food?) so the way to shut people up is just to be really nice about it imo. best thing with coworkers is to smile and use humour0 -
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I'd like to help but I have no experience with being polite.Does anyone have any suggestions for how to politely tell these (nutritionally ignorant) people to stop commenting on my food intake, preferences and practices?
However, if you are doing any "explaining" at all when you encounter these situations, then it just invites even more of the questions/comments because people take that to mean it's their business.0 -
As an adult male, I'm loathe use Taylor Swift as a font of wisdom but "Baby I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake. Shake it off, Shake it off."0
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Please add me because I have 72 pounds to lose and I love your story. I am fifty years old and cannot fix stupid comments from the human race so I am no help for your question because after age fifty comments do not seem to bother me.0
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You will get some comments that are well meaning and some that are blatantly nosy and intrusive. You can simply laugh them off and not reply, which will give them a message. Or you can say I'm glad I lost all that weight so I can just live and not talk about it anymore. They'll get the message either way.0
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christinehuds wrote: »I'm used to turning down office food and lunch invitations.
That's likely a big part of the problem. Food for humans is a highly social thing, and if you are consistently turning down food/lunch, you are signalling rejection of the people who are inviting you.
I know, it's not an easy thing to manage when trying to lose weight....
Good luck!
:drinker:0 -
BrianHageman wrote: »As an adult male, I'm loathe use Taylor Swift as a font of wisdom but "Baby I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake. Shake it off, Shake it off."
EXACTLY MY THOUGHTS!0 -
christinehuds wrote: »I'm used to turning down office food and lunch invitations.
That's likely a big part of the problem. Food for humans is a highly social thing, and if you are consistently turning down food/lunch, you are signalling rejection of the people who are inviting you.
I know, it's not an easy thing to manage when trying to lose weight....
Good luck!
:drinker:
Yes, that's a good point. I also turn down frequent lunch invitations because eating out is way too expensive. And I turn them down often because most restaurants aren't good at offering balanced vegetarian meals, so it usually throws off my macros for the day. Which makes me grumpy. Haha. But, I can certainly afford to go once a month. You're right. Food is very social for people and I've been turning invites for so long that I've kind of forgotten that. Thanks for your input!0 -
Ha Ha Ha!!!
The way I handle all of this is I look at them but I'm never listening to what they are saying. I wander in my thoughts. Because what they are gong to say I'm anyway not going to follow so might as well why even bother and waste time comprehending and having a conversation.
On the other hand because they see I have paid alot of attention to what they have said they think I'm following their advice.
As for donut party @ work - I'll only go for a glazed donut. I'm very picky. I sometimes cut it in to half with a fork and knife (yeah that nasty donut cutter that's me) and eat only half b'coz that's what I'm in mood for.0 -
If people are trying to bring you down, it only means you are above them
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LiftAllThePizzas wrote: »
I'd like to help but I have no experience with being polite.Does anyone have any suggestions for how to politely tell these (nutritionally ignorant) people to stop commenting on my food intake, preferences and practices?
However, if you are doing any "explaining" at all when you encounter these situations, then it just invites even more of the questions/comments because people take that to mean it's their business.
Good point. Engaging in conversation makes it their business... and it's not. Thanks!0 -
I'd kind of give your dad and boyfriend a pass, but those co-workers....grrr.
At the suggestion that you eat something awful, and the whining "why not?" I would slowly look the person up and down and then just say "because" or "I have my reasons."0 -
http://personalexcellence.co/blog/naysayers/
I really liked this article on "Nay Sayers". Check out tip #5. Give it a read, sounds like nay sayers comment critically out of fear. You determine weather or not the comment is coming from a loving place. Remember, you are the only one in control of how you feel about something, don't allow others that power over you. Good luck and best wishes to you!
Thank you!
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Sometimes when I get invited to lunch with co-workers I'll just say that I brought my lunch from home, but offer to walk over and spend the time with them and eat my lunch at my desk later. If anyone pushes, I usually give a financial excuse ("pinching pennies for a trip this fall!") and people seem a bit more willing to relate to that. It's not wrong either, eating out for lunch is expensive!0
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