Struggle with spouse not on same page

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  • ANewLucia
    ANewLucia Posts: 2,081 Member
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    I too am in the same boat. My husband and I were fit and in shape and then I got pregnant and he gained weight and a belly along with me. Now, I am working out and he just watches me. We were both at our heaviest a couple months ago and he has lost a little weight because he now eats a little better, but I would love to get him to workout too. Funny thing is when he starts working out, he looses fat QUICK...makes me kinda sick, but it is the motivation to get him started that is the issue.
  • Dive_Girl
    Dive_Girl Posts: 247 Member
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    I equate this to quitting smoking, which I did 3 years ago. I can tell you from personal experience that I was never motivated when someone wanted me to do it or asked me to quit for my health. It had to be from me and for me and only me. My spouse NEVER EVER asked me to quit and never gave me grief for smoking. He is not nor ever was a smoker. He loved me whether I smoked or not. So, in the end I quite for me. The same with my weight loss and fitness goals....they are for me. He is very supportive of my goals but if I slip up, or miss a gym date or run date or eat cake....no matter what it is, he is not there to scold me or remind me about it. I love him so much for this! I share with him about what I have learned as far as nutrition and metabolism and so on. But, I know that when I and if I get mad at him, I will not be reaching for cookies just because I know it would bug him because what I eat is not an issue for him.

    Does that make sense?
  • sabrinafaith
    sabrinafaith Posts: 607 Member
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    Oh, and my husband won't walk with me either. My 18 month old and I walk by ourselves every day. If he doesn't want to work out with you, then work out by yourself. Do dvds instead of walking or invest in a home fitness machine. I know its easier to get exercise with a spouse or friend, but if you don't have that, you need to motivate yourself and make it easier on yourself as well.
  • Gerkenstein
    Gerkenstein Posts: 315 Member
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    What I'm incredibly worried about is his health. He REFUSES to see a doctor or laughs off the suggestion when I speak up. He hasn't been to the doctor, probably since we started dating. I'm sure his blood work would give us more insight to how his health is being affected, but because he has normal blood pressure he says he's okay. Luckily nothing really runs in his family. I just stress about it.
  • Gerkenstein
    Gerkenstein Posts: 315 Member
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    Oh, and my husband won't walk with me either. My 18 month old and I walk by ourselves every day. If he doesn't want to work out with you, then work out by yourself. Do dvds instead of walking or invest in a home fitness machine. I know its easier to get exercise with a spouse or friend, but if you don't have that, you need to motivate yourself and make it easier on yourself as well.

    That's exactly what happens. And he is generous giving up our living room and one TV in our one bedroom apartment so I can get my workout in. I just wish he would join me :cry:
  • Gerkenstein
    Gerkenstein Posts: 315 Member
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    I equate this to quitting smoking, which I did 3 years ago. I can tell you from personal experience that I was never motivated when someone wanted me to do it or asked me to quit for my health. It had to be from me and for me and only me. My spouse NEVER EVER asked me to quit and never gave me grief for smoking. He is not nor ever was a smoker. He loved me whether I smoked or not. So, in the end I quite for me. The same with my weight loss and fitness goals....they are for me. He is very supportive of my goals but if I slip up, or miss a gym date or run date or eat cake....no matter what it is, he is not there to scold me or remind me about it. I love him so much for this! I share with him about what I have learned as far as nutrition and metabolism and so on. But, I know that when I and if I get mad at him, I will not be reaching for cookies just because I know it would bug him because what I eat is not an issue for him.

    Does that make sense?

    Absolutely.
  • BeerKahuna
    BeerKahuna Posts: 52
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    It has been a struggle for me. Over the past 18 months I've lost a total of 50 lbs, (26 since joing MFP this year) and my wife, although she appreciates what I've accomplished, she often times makes me feel bad. I'll stop and read a label, or pull one out of the trash when she's making dinner, and she'll scowl at me. She also will say thyings like, "you've lost enough already, why are you still worrying about it?"

    It's frustrating but I bite my tongue. We recently had a discussion, which she started, about her weight, diet, lack of excercise, and how diabetes runs in her family. I know she gets it but she just can't turn the corner and make the life change.

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