Arguing with bf - really want to eat something!

CaliforniaRower

I am in a long distance relationship with an exceptionally sensitive, moody man. He's starting to drive me nuts. Tonight he called me back to ask me what's the matter and when I said nothing, he got upset and said I was lying. (Nothing was wrong!) I'm not into drama, so I'm starting to lose interest.

Now he's stated he won't speak to me again today - childish! - and I am weary of his pouting and probably won't call him tomorrow.

I am about to force myself to go on a very long walk but right now, I want to bake a batch of cookies and eat half of them before I throw the rest in the trash in a fit of pique.

Any suggestions for when YOU feel like this? I'll read them when I get back from the walk. Grrrr! I am about to do the right thing, I know, but geez, it's hard. I'd prefer to call him back and give him a BIG piece of my mind...

Liftng4Lis

Dump him and have a cookie!

Packerjohn

If you're not into drama and you think he is, might as well forget about the relationship, things won't change.

misskarne

You will instantly lose quite a large number of pounds by the Dump Boyfriend cleanse. Guaranteed to cleanse your soul of emotional and controlling toxins!

techgal128

I'm someone that genuinely sucks at reading people's feelings and emotions. The first place to start is asking him why he thinks your upset. If he's anything like me, he could be misinterpreting something you did as you being angry.

However, Liftng4Lis's answer is good too. lol

nikkinoellemary

Life is too short for manchildren, but just long enough for something sweet every once in a while. Take a nice long walk, absorb some universe, come back and have a nice cup of tea and a couple of cookies.

booksandchocolate12

Hey! Are you having a long distance relationship with my husband??? What the hell?????

ObtainingBalance

I would advise communicating about it when you both aren't extremely emotional, but it's hard to do when he (and you?) shut off communication completely.
The "I'm not speaking to you today" and "I won't call you today" is very toxic in a relationship.
When either one of you feels hurt or lied to, the best thing to do is talk it out - not shut them out. The relationship sounds like it's in bad shape -- if he is unwillingly to work with you on improving the communication then it's likely to fall apart.

I hope for your sake and his that you guys find a way to improve the relationship. If all he is doing is dragging you down and you feel improvement is hopeless, then do what is best for YOU and walk away.

Good luck!

FatFreeFrolicking

This is why I don't date. Ever.

But honestly, it sounds like he is looking for something to be wrong. Maybe he is feeling insecure about the relationship and doesn't know how to say it. Long-distance relationships are tough. They aren't for everyone.

vixtris

Liftng4Lis wrote: »

Dump him and have a cookie!

What she said.

westcoastgrl21

Dump the whiner. Ain't nobody got time for that. Take your walk then have some coffee or tea. Avoid the cookie- you're back on the market, gotta get down to fighting weight!

TheKidd2013

ObtainingBalance wrote: »

I would advise communicating about it when you both aren't extremely emotional, but it's hard to do when he (and you?) shut off communication completely.
The "I'm not speaking to you today" and "I won't call you today" is very toxic in a relationship.
When either one of you feels hurt or lied to, the best thing to do is talk it out - not shut them out. The relationship sounds like it's in bad shape -- if he is unwillingly to work with you on improving the communication then it's likely to fall apart.

I hope for your sake and his that you guys find a way to improve the relationship. If all he is doing is dragging you down and you feel improvement is hopeless, then do what is best for YOU and walk away.

Good luck!

I agree with this, communication is key. I'm in a long distance relationship myself. Childish games need not apply in this situation. Shutting off because of anger is never the answer. Its normal to get in fights, talk about it when you are both cooled off a bit and address the issue.... if you feel there is a spark that is keeping you feeling its worth it don't give up.

booksandchocolate12

I didn't give up on my moody guy. We've been married for 23 years.

He has so many great qualities and I don't expect him to be perfect. I learned how to "handle him" for lack of a better phrase. His sister recently said to me, "My brother found the perfect person for him. I love how you manage to simultaneously coddle him and smack him in the head."

CaliforniaRower

westcoastgrl21 wrote: »

Dump the whiner. Ain't nobody got time for that. Take your walk then have some coffee or tea. Avoid the cookie- you're back on the market, gotta get down to fighting weight!

You're ALL so kind! Thanks a lot. I've loved laughing at these responses, esp the one above. I went for a walk to burn off the upset - to my astonishment, I made it 2.3 miles (for sure) in half an hour! That's pretty fast for me. I'm covered with sweat....and brewing some tea. Love to you all!

Liz

evileen99

There are more than four available men in the world, and lots of them aren't moody and passive-aggressive.

PensterHern25

Well said booksandchocolate!! Most men take a long time to grow up and mature when compared to their GF or wife. Emotional eating is awful b/c that's what I do. Try to take a walk or exercise instead, which is a positive habit to practice.

Oi_Sunshine

Just say no to drama llamas.

Merkavar

Sounds like a normal relationship except the sexes are reversed

Like he is over thinking something minor.

nesian_twin

If he's like this long distance, what will it be like in the future if or when you two start living together? He sounds like a pathetic little baby, sorry, but maybe he'll change if you tell him to shape up or F off, and you can have your cookie within your calories for the day (for one day a week I eat what I want, maybe this can be your cookie day! Enjoy them and dont let the drama queens or kings of this world make you miserable or not meet your goals.

LAWoman72

I think you're telling yourself there's a really good reason for overeating. I understand the reaction - I've done it - but it's really just that: a story you tell yourself; a rationalization. "I'm so mad. Now I just HAVE to pig out." Even after you "dump" this boyfriend, if you do, something else will come up that makes you want to overeat. That's really what you have to deal with here...IMO. Find a different way to deal with your feelings, because you'll be having negative feelings all your life - including negative ones.

Now if you're hungry because you've been severely undereating, the answer is obvious: eat, within your calorie goals.

haysavam

LAWoman72 wrote: »

I think you're telling yourself there's a really good reason for overeating. I understand the reaction - I've done it - but it's really just that: a story you tell yourself; a rationalization. "I'm so mad. Now I just HAVE to pig out." Even after you "dump" this boyfriend, if you do, something else will come up that makes you want to overeat. That's really what you have to deal with here...IMO. Find a different way to deal with your feelings, because you'll be having negative feelings all your life - including negative ones.

Now if you're hungry because you've been severely undereating, the answer is obvious: eat, within your calorie goals.

This

poohpoohpeapod

do not give him the power over your choices, that is what he wants with the pouting/ to make you feel bad/ I would say do somehing for you, and maybe a better life. Walk, take a hot bubbly bath. If you want to eat something do it because you want to, maybe a baked apple or something that aligns with your goals, or treat yourself. Do not eat over him. It will not help anything, it will just give him more power. IMHO

SexyKatherine73

eat a cookie and enjoy it ... dump him and find a man who adores you (one who does not live too far away, because seeing his face and getting hugs all the time is awesome)

booksandchocolate12

It's very easy for us to say "dump him". And I'm not saying you shouldn't. Only you know that. How long have you been in this relationship? Other than this sensitivity and moodiness, how is he? Meaning, do these characteristics dominate his personality, or are the bouts of moodiness few and far between?

When I met my husband, I could see what a great guy he was: generous (everyone who knows him says he'll give you the shirt off his back without hesitation)....kind....great with kids...hard working, etc.

But he was also moody, and I could see that his behavior was encouraged by his mother, who treated him like The Prince. If The Prince was unhappy, everyone had to tiptoe around him and speak in hushed tones until he was feeling better. When he was a kid, if he felt like sleeping late on Christmas morning, his younger brother and sister, who were chomping at the bit to open their gifts, had to wait until The Prince was ready to grace everyone with his presence.

Unfortunately, I am not kidding.

But I figured out pretty quickly to say, "F--k that sh-t!" You say you wanted to give your boyfriend a piece of your mind, but you didn't. I found it best to call my husband out on that kind of behavior right away.

Like I said earlier, we've been married for 23 years. Those bouts of moodiness have all but disappeared.

Only you can know if your guy is worth the effort of getting him to change this behavior. And I admit it will be harder to do long distance than it would be if you saw him all the time. Good luck!

kandell

The key to a successful, lasting relationship is open communication. My boyfriend is also very sensitive/emotional and can be moody, whereas I'm not a fan of too much emotional stuff. But we have an agreement that when something is bothering one of us, we sit down and talk it out.

If his initial reaction to you saying you're fine is to just shut down, it makes me think that something's bothering him, not you. And if he isn't man enough to talk to you about it, you don't need to deal with that.

RoxieDawn

Long distance relationship with a very moody person sounds depressing. Not trying to put something in this that is not there..

But it sounds like a bit of control trying to take over and trying to drag you down by making you feel a certain way that serves his moods etc... having someone not living with me or at least in the same city sounds very hard to do ..

Us girls need someone that compliment us not drag us down. We need compliments and sharing and conversation that motivate us and keep us going especially when it comes to giving and receiving love. And not having personal intimacy (touch) is very hard long distance..

I would write down the pros and cons of this relationship (all aspects) and see if this all positive and worth staying in.. Perhaps you deserve better if the cons out weight the pros in this situation. Just my 2 cents on this... I am in a loving relationship and been married for 15 years at the end of this month...

Edited to add... do not let a person make you eat something... he then has won his "control" and who ends up suffering from this.... YOU... don't give in that...

marine172064

misskarne wrote: »

You will instantly lose quite a large number of pounds by the Dump Boyfriend cleanse. Guaranteed to cleanse your soul of emotional and controlling toxins!

Awesome reply and sooo true.

williams969

Liftng4Lis wrote: »

Dump him and have a cookie!

^^This. Well, I don't give relationship advice to strangers on the internet. But seriously, I'd go for a long walk to relax/clear my mind, then make some cookies, eat one (or two), and freeze the rest.

SconnieCat

Liftng4Lis wrote: »

Dump him and have a cookie!

I'd probably throw in a glass of wine to go with my cookie

Honestly, I don't know your whole situation, OP, but after you said "I'm not into drama, so I'm starting to lose interest. Now he's stated he won't speak to me again today - childish! - and I am weary of his pouting and probably won't call him tomorrow", I'd have to wonder if you are dating a child.

If this is how he handles small situations, I'd be leery of how he would handle a big disagreement. Life is too short to be unhappy. Eat a cookie and go enjoy doing something that YOU love to do.

atypicalsmith

I have this posted on my bathroom mirror: "At your absolute best, you still won't be good enough for the wrong person. At your worst, you'll still be worth it to the right person. If the feelings are mutual, the effort will be equal."

DearestWinter

atypicalsmith wrote: »

I have this posted on my bathroom mirror: "At your absolute best, you still won't be good enough for the wrong person. At your worst, you'll still be worth it to the right person. If the feelings are mutual, the effort will be equal."

I love this quote. I also love your profile pic!