Did you find it hard to choose a goal weight?

xstephnz

Since I was a kid, I have been bullied for my size. If you look at my profile, you will see I was a normal size, and healthy, but I always felt like I was bigger than the other kids. I was always on the heavy side of the healthy weight range and usually had a permanent tire around my midsection.

After that, I was taller than my friends (and naturally bigger). I think I have a medium frame, so I'm bigger anyway. Girls at my school (when I was about 14) used to put their wrists next to mine and used to go ''wow, your wrists are twice as wide as mine'' or ''eww, your pants are a size 10?. These girls were athletic, and about the same height as me. I don't know what sizes are in NZ compared to American sizes, so you might have trouble comparing, but size 10 is probably a good size for someone who is 5'7. I'm guessing those girls were a size 2-6. They never told me.

When I was about 16, I used to sleep whenever I wasn't at school, and skip meals. I often only ate my evening meal (at about 3am), and it was easy to skip breakfast by sleeping in, and lunch because, well who was watching? When I was awake, I would go on pro-ana sites, and other blogging sites and save excessive amounts of thinspo to my computer.

Whenever I look at other woman, I am judging them on their size and on their beauty. I always think, oh she would be prettier if she got rid of her bingo wings or went down two dress sizes etc. I am also quite harsh on myself. Obviously I do not meet my own standards, because I am more than 45% bigger than my goal weight. I do not feel beautiful. I do not feel like I could be beautiful unless I was a NZ size 6 or 8. I have friends that are these sizes, but they are 2-3 inches shorter than me, and they look great. When I have asked people, they think a size 12 or 14 would be good for me. I find it hard to be realistic or kind to myself because I'm used to not feeling good enough. Even if I got to a size 6 or 8, I don't know if I would feel good enough. I also feel like maybe I am chasing after a teenagers body, when now I am an adult, and should maybe be comfortable being slightly bigger, or having more curves than I might have had at 16.

Because I spent so long on blogs about girls obsessed with their weight, I am used to girls saying they had to weight 100lbs or 110lbs or 115lbs. My goal weight is about 140lbs, and that seems huge. I could probably go up to about 175lbs with my height, and still be healthy but I don't want to be bigger than my friends. I want to be able to wear the smallest sizes in the store.

I guess I'm confused and unhappy. How do you give yourself a break on something you've been fixated on half your life? How do you stop objectifying yourself and others?

How did you find a goal weight that was easy to maintain and you were able to have a life outside of maintaining it?

Lounmoun

As a 5' 4" adult woman I have weighed 100 lbs at my lowest and 180 lbs at my highest. I chose 149 lbs for my goal when I started MFP because that was 30 lbs and would take me to the top of a healthier BMI. I felt at my best in the past at 125 lbs. I may try to get there again but I think I'd be pretty happy anywhere between 125 and 149.
I do not want to be less than 120 lbs at all ever again. I will be happy with a US size 8... not the smallest size in the store.
I don't know if it will work for you but when I hated my body it helped me to write out a list of 10 things I liked about myself. Then I started trying to notice good points of others more. After awhile I really felt more positive even though my size had not changed.
Try to get to get to your higher possible goal weight and see how you feel there for awhile.

Enjoy your differences. Maybe you will be bigger than some of your friends but it could be that you will be healthier, stronger or can run farther than they can. Clothing size or weight also doesn't make you more attractive or a better person.

pineapple_peach10

Hi there,
I have had many of the same experiences as you. I am 5'10 and went through puberty early. I had boobs and hips before everyone else and was a foot taller too!!

I started my journey at 234 lbs and am less than 3lbs to my goal of 160. I'm kind of stuck on choosing an ultimate goal weight as I want to give myself some wiggle room during maintenance.

I have also struggled with ED tendencies for many years so I understand the desire to be very low weight. I'm try to look at this as being healthy instead of skinny. I know if I get too skinny, I will not be healthy.

You are more than welcome to add me as a friend if you want some support

xstephnz

Lounmoun wrote: »

I don't know if it will work for you but when I hated my body it helped me to write out a list of 10 things I liked about myself. Then I started trying to notice good points of others more. After awhile I really felt more positive even though my size had not changed.
Try to get to get to your higher possible goal weight and see how you feel there for awhile.

Enjoy your differences. Maybe you will be bigger than some of your friends but it could be that you will be healthier, stronger or can run farther than they can. Clothing size or weight also doesn't make you more attractive or a better person.

Thanks. Good suggestions. What do you mean by 10 things? Do you mean anything, or physically? I can think of my eyes, my nose and my smile but that's it. I like my personal style as well.

And yeah, that's true. I wish magazines would take note and stop commenting on women's bodies. It would be cool if they mostly showed people who were confident and were unique in themselves, with a positive body image instead of making everyone compare themselves to each other, or deliberately printing photos of people on their off/no make-up days. I never used to notice photoshop, I used to think people's legs were really that smooth, now when I look at photoshopped pictures, the people look like dolls, or like their legs have been painted. It's weird.

xstephnz

pineapple_peach10 wrote: »

Hi there,
I have had many of the same experiences as you. I am 5'10 and went through puberty early. I had boobs and hips before everyone else and was a foot taller too!!

What was that like for you?

pineapple_peach10 wrote: »

I'm try to look at this as being healthy instead of skinny. I know if I get too skinny, I will not be healthy.

I wish I could see it like that. I guess I'm somewhat shallow.

pineapple_peach10

I just always felt like I was on display or something I guess. Like people were always thinking "she's fat" and that I stood out more because of my height and weight. I also had people make some mean comments throughout the years as well and it's hard to let go of those things.

To be honest, I think the real reason I am focusing on health is because I want to have kids in a few years. If it wasn't for that I would probably be much more obsessive and determined to be a much lower weight. I have always had self esteem issues about my body and I think it has a lot to do with people's words and actions about it.