Confession & temptation...

Litebritemamma

So me and my mom were recently looking at picture albums. We were looking at high school pictures of me and my brother. When we got to my graduation picture--I wanted to throw up! I looked freaking awesome. The dress I was wearing was a size 8 and hugge my curvy hourglass body so nicely. I have always been hour glass. I have always had big breasts. I haven't been below a c cup since middle school and have larger hips as well. Even now overweight my waist is way way smaller than hips and chest.

Anyways- in my mind I was thinking damn I looked good. Then my mom said it. "You looked great baby, EVEN IF YOU WERE THROWING UP! When I was in high school and early college I was bulimic. I would throw everything up.

As horrible as it is... I'm still tempted to fall back into that habit especially when i ger discouraged.And I could really use some encouragement because my son and my amazing husband are the only reasons I'm not right now. But since that conversation I can't get it outta my head... Anyone else still struggle?

For the record--I'm not starting it again. I wanna be a healthy happy mamma-- but it's a hard subject... Just kinda needed to say it out loud.

janelle1993

Good for you for not going back to your disorder! Just remember although your outside doesn't look exactly how you want it not your insides are doing and looking so much better than when you were bulimic. If you want to lose some weight it's great that your doing it a healthy way. Keep going on the track of better health and your family is the best inspiration for that! Keep up being strong!!:::)

grimendale

Doing it this way is better for you and you know it, or you wouldn't have stopped. I get the temptation though. At the end of my college career, I pretty much stopped eating for about six months. I lived off of a multivitamin and 200-300 calories a day, tops. Partly, I justified it by being poor, but mostly, I just wanted to be skinny for once in my fat life. It worked...sort of. Yeah, I was a lot thinner, but I was tired all the time, I got constant headaches, I was irritable, I was obsessed with beating my "addiction" to food by going cold turkey. Eventually, I met my girlfriend, who convinced me that what I was doing was unhealthy, so I started eating again. Since I had never learned to eat healthy, I blew up to previously unbelievable weights. I was tempted to fall back into old habits, but I went the healthy route instead. I'm now within 10 lbs of where I was when I wa anorexic, but I eat five or six times as many calories and I feel a thousand times better. Falling back into bad habits might give you the figure (though it might not), but it will definitely wreck your health and ruin your relationships - I doubt your husband could sit passively by and watch you destroy yourself. You've got this. Eat healthy and you'll be healthy. Stick to it, eat right, get the exercise you need, and you'll get to where you want to be and you'll be able to feel good about it. Good luck.

kimosabe1

you need to see a councilor honey.

Litebritemamma

Thanks guys... I know I'm doing it the rIght way. I just let myself get discouraged--didn't do so great as far as calories today. And now I'm laying out clothes for one of hubby's work get together a tomorrow and feel kinda blah lol. Like we said--my family means more to me than to start up again. But it's that little thought of hey it worked before. Thanks : ) I just needed to get it off my chest : )