I have it up to here...

mommy2maddox

I want to reply to all of you but I am going to force myself to do one reply. First of all, thank you ALL so much. This support has been AMAZING! From the empathy, sympathy and even the blunt "get off your azz", it has all sunk in. Most of your replies evoked some pretty strong emotions. I have cried some tears today and I've even laughed at myself. I will try to respond to some of your advice and questions.

So, first thing this morning I woke up and took my son to a movie. I signed us up for a weekly Friday 9:30 am movie at the theater (10 weeks of movies for a total of $7!!) and we got there early. It was so fun. No phone, no computer, just me and my kiddo. I even took him for ice cream when we were done. We got home a little while ago and I got right to laundry and getting things done around the house before my husband gets home tonight from a business trip. I feel pretty good.

Yesterday, I was at my dental office and they asked me to send in my resume as they needed some extra help. Today, I got a call for an interview on Tuesday!!!! I have sent out over 30 resumes without even one phone call back and all I've wanted to do was get back into a dental office and now I have this opportunity! I'm so excited and nervous but, mostly, I'm hopeful. I think that I need this. I need the time to define myself as an individual. Away from being just "Mom" or "Honey". I think many of you are correct that I've lost my identity. So, thank you to those that suggested activities and hobbies and even looking into getting a job. I totally agree with all of those suggestions.

As far as seeing a doctor for depression and such. I have been to psychologists and psychiatrists and I have been diagnosed with ADHD and mood disorder. I'm not bi-polar but I do go into cyclic stages of low moods. I don't really reach highs and lows like bi-polar but I do get more energy WHEN I'm diligently watching what I eat. Crazy, eh? Good food can cause good moods. I was on Celexa but I was weened off of it last summer when my husband and I started trying for another baby. We got pregnant in July and I miscarried on Nov. 5th. Needless to say, this is where a large portion of my sadness has come from. Top that with moving away and it can kind of spiral out of hand. I am not, however, a danger to myself or anyone else and, aside from kind of feeling lonely and discouraged with myself, I am not at my lowest low for SURE! I think I am just hiding in a shell that I need to step away from. I am one of the most extroverted people you'll ever know (according to my psychology professors and the Myers-Briggs tests they give. ;P) and I don't have any problem meeting people or making friends. My trouble comes in keeping friends. I think I will talk to my doctor about going on a low dose of the Celexa again for a while. I totally agree that this is something that could help.

I also agree that exercise (even light walking or just getting up and moving) is the best form of treatment for me and my depression. The natural endorphins have always proved to be a sure thing when lifting my mood. Again, I need to "JUST DO IT" and start forcing myself to move and not allowing myself to fall back into the slump, even if I don't feel good. I know that most of my issues are mind over matter. I wish I had someone to break me free from the prison that I let my mind create for me. I am my own worst enemy in this instance, for sure.

As far as seeing a doctor for thyroid and hormones... I saw my regular MD for these issues back in April and all tests came up mostly normal. Nothing was overly high or low on the blood work and she said I was "fine" and she'd see me in a year. So, because I do have some pains and migraines, etc. my husband and I discussed going to an endocrinologist to do some further testing. My sister has hypothyroidism and they didn't discover it for almost 3 years. They were treating her for depression when, in reality, it was thyroid issues all along. So, yes, I will be seeing someone for some of these other issues. (I have some other things going on such as temperature issues where my body temp goes nuts and I'm freezing when I shouldn't be or vice versa. I also have some female issues going on as well. I will spare you all the details.)

And, yes, we have spent a lot of money on trainers and Weight Watchers and I even went ahead and bought the Polar F7. I can see now where my hubby would be frustrated. He hates that I talk down about myself and I know he's got to be at the end of his rope from just hearing that negativity. Now, based on some of your responses, I'm considering returning the HRM. I just received it yesterday so it's still new in package. I guess, for me, I've been told that I'm a "point monger" so the number may be of a benefit for me so that I know I'm accomplishing something...if that makes sense.

To all of you, I just want to thank you. You've all brought a lot of ideas, insight, and wake up calls to me. I really appreciate you all responding. I would love to be "friends" on here if you don't mind. I think hearing different advice is one of the best ways for me to become stronger. It's always nice to get different points of views.

Again, thank you and I really look forward to getting to know more of you.

mommy2maddox

Feel free to add me. I have been on the other side of a relationship suffering from a facebook addiction. Yes, Facebook can kill motivation and relationships. It really is important that you break away, and don't replace it was MFP!

Also, I have been that tired, cranky, insecure and lazy mom. (Not calling you lazy, just saying thats how I felt.) It makes you feel like crap about yourself. But it is a mental thing. You can hate yourself, beat yourself up, WANT IT SO BAD.... But that switch has to flip before you really get that Dedication you need for this process. BUT YOU CAN DO IT!

EDITED TO SAY: When I say dont replace it with MFP, I mean dont go looking to add 700 friends to show you attention here. If you are missing that attention from your relationship or soemthing, talk it over. I wish my fiance had done that. Instead, all the jealousy and problems we encountered due to his facebook addiction truly ruined our relationship. I had no trust in him, he literally told me he would pick the computer over me if I pushed the issue... That hurt me more than anything. You would pick all these RANDOM PEOPLE who DONT DO ANYTHING TO SUPPORT OR CARE FOR YOU OVER ME???? It is important that you detach yourself, and just limit your time on social networking (that is what he had to do, to even make time for our children.)

^^I can see that. I'd never pick the computer over my family, however, I'm sure he feels that I've already done that. I am so sorry that he did that to you and I hope that you are happier now. Thank you for that insight.

RM10003

That's great news about the possible job--fingers crossed! And good work getting going with setting up appointments, going to the movies with your son (that sounds like such a deal, and a great way to spend some time with him away from electronic distractions).

One thing I wondered, with you talking about feeling shaky and nauseous, etc, is if you're getting enough calories to support a more active lifestyle. I know MFP set me up at first on 1200 calories a day--I did it for two weeks, lost 8 pounds or so but felt like hell, and then realized I am better off in the lightly active category, which then gives me something like 1520 net. Much, much better. The weight loss may not be as rapid but I find myself wanting to kill people from hunger-related mood swings much less often. Which is good.

And glad you're seeing an endocrinologist--I've been through the whole hyperthyroid then RAI and now hypo on Synthroid cycle, and it can mess you up GOOD, emotionally as well as physically.

fitjules35

I have been in your shoes. I echo the sentiments of the other posters in that you need some time for yourself. If money is an issue, find another like-minded mommy and offer to swap babysitting time. Also, find opportunities where you can take your son, but also have some time for yourself. For example, a gym with child care so you can spend an hour on exercising by yourself. I used to live in Phoenix, and I went to lifetime fitness in scottsdale. Next, check out a moms group - I used to go to MOPS at La Casa de Cristo Church in Scottsdale. If you don't live close to there, just google mops and you can find a group near you. Lots of support from other moms in your similar situation.

As for the fitness, are there any fitness activities that you enjoy? It doesn't have to be a chore. I stay at home with three kids - working out is my only release for the day, and I look forward to it from the minute I wake up in the morning. there are tons of biking and running groups in phoenix. take your son on long walks in the stroller. Have you checked out stroller strides? In the summer, you can walk the malls in Phoenix in the early morning where the a/c is blowing. Go explore your new surroundings and take a hike with your son, go to the botanical gardens or zoo and walk around. If I were you, I would emphasize exercise in your fitness journey since it helps your lose weight, plus has the added benefit of boosting your mood.

A heart rate monitor is a helpful tool, but really not necessary for your journey. Your husband's comments were harsh, but having learned to appreciate my "tough-love" husband, I encourage you to listed to his constructive criticism. YOU are the only thing standing in your way to a healthier life. Only you can make the decision to not give up. Your husband needs to support you, though, and you should ask him for his support. Ask him to watch your son at night, while you go out for a walk or run, or go to the store to shop healthy options. Ask him for help for whatever you need.

Keep reading this boards for inspiration, and if you need outside accountability, find a friend who will commit to losing weight with you. Even people on here will help keep you accountable if you just ask.

Good luck to you. The years taking care of young children are tough. Hang in there and things will improve soon. I promise!

Jacole18

I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time, but it's a great step that you are on MFP and ready to take the plunge! Tell hubby to back off and support you no matter what. Use his comments to motivate you to prove him wrong. I live in Goodyear AZ so we're neighbors! feel free to add me!!

mommy2maddox

I'm not ignoring anyone but I just wanted to let you know that I'm going to shut down the computer for the weekend. My husband gets home in a couple of hours from Texas (business trip for three weeks!!) so I want to be sure to focus on him and our kiddo. Thank you all so much and I just...I'm just very thankful.