Boyfriend puts me down about my weight
squishy828
Posts: 3
What do I do when I have support from everybody except for the one I live with?
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Replies
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Not good at all. May be time to reevaluate your relationship with this person. Im all up for creative criticism, but putting down the woman whom you're suppose to respect, nope!0
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Nope nope nope.0
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Perhaps a conversation with him about what is helpful support versus demotivational? (assuming you haven't already had this conversation).
May I also suggest going to change your user name from squishy to fabulous? How you talk to and about yourself can have a profound impact and you deserve better than that. Don't allow it from him, but don't do it to yourself either
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Talk to him and let him know how you feel when he does it, it could be he's thinking he's helping but actually isn't. Ironically my husband was doing just that, being critical of whatever I put in my mouth but once I lost it (and I mean really lost it) we worked out he was just trying to help but it didn't come across this way. We then set some ground rules of how he can help me, yes he can ask how my week is going, no he can't ask me my current weight, yes he can 'encourage' me to go for a walk when I have skipped a day, no he can't say 'what boring food are we having for dinner tonight'. It's a tough conversation to have but well worth it.
If just doesn't get it then move on, you really don't need that in your life. Especially when you are trying to make improvements.0 -
I know how you feel.. I had a boyfriend like that its just terrible.. My current boyfriend he works out also just like my ex but he doesn't act like he's better then me he doesn't put me down just because I eat different from him. He supports me even if I eat differently.. He understands because he has people in his family who are vegetarian and says not everyone is the same. You shouldn't put up with that.. Easier said then done. I wouldn't even hang out with him much and tell him you have been busy working out and that its a priority for you right now and you still care about him. But he needs to respect tht your trying to look and feel better about yourself. My current boyfriend still tempts me sometimes but is more understanding.0
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It happens .. The only real support we get is from our parents ( in my case) others say oh you tried before too
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I think it's got to start with a conversation. Let him know it hurts, it doesn't help, it's not appreciated and he better stop. You don't give a lot of information, so it's hard to tell if he's being mean or just tactless. But if he is someone who you're close enough with to share a home, a bed and a life with, then you need to have that conversation.0
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squishy828 wrote: »What do I do when I have support from everybody except for the one I live with?
Dump him. If he does it once, he will keep doing it.0 -
This is the one person who should support you and be by your side no matter what. Is it possible he is insecure and scared of your losing weight?
Whatever the reason, it is wrong for him to be disrespecting you.
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My husband does as well, but it is not out of ill will. He just likes me better a few sizes smaller, and never had a very good way with words, coming off rude sometimes. We just had a talk about it the other day, and now he leaves me to it. I can get raving mad about his comments, but he does have the truth on his side. If he would not make those comments, I am sure i just would pack on more and more weight. He is a great guy, hard working, but he is honest rather than diplomatic.0
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you tell him to either support you or hit the road, honestly. I've been married for over 10 years now and that is the best piece of advice I can give you. That is a MAJOR flag and you don't want to be with someone who doesn't support you, let alone degrades you for it.0
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FaylinaMeir wrote: »you tell him to either support you or hit the road, honestly. I've been married for over 10 years now and that is the best piece of advice I can give you. That is a MAJOR flag and you don't want to be with someone who doesn't support you, let alone degrades you for it.
^^100% THIS!!^^
My husband has seen me in sizes ranging from a 4 to a 34W and he has ALWAYS treated me the same regardless of my size!0 -
squishy828 wrote: »What do I do when I have support from everybody except for the one I live with?
ask a bunch of random people on a diet and exercise tracking website who know nothing about the dynamics of your relationship-1 -
SomeGirlSomewhere wrote: »FaylinaMeir wrote: »you tell him to either support you or hit the road, honestly. I've been married for over 10 years now and that is the best piece of advice I can give you. That is a MAJOR flag and you don't want to be with someone who doesn't support you, let alone degrades you for it.
^^100% THIS!!^^
My husband has seen me in sizes ranging from a 4 to a 34W and he has ALWAYS treated me the same regardless of my size!
exactly!
I was like 22W when my husband met me, and at my highest a tight 26W and 298 pounds. I actually was talking to my husband and saying "oh once you get sexy abs you'll leave me for a cute girl at the gym" and in a serious and heart melting way he says to me that he loved me when I was bigger, and he will love me if I'm skinny. Big tits or no tits, he loves ME for me and it doesn't matter. He just wants me to be happy.
Pay attention ladies, THAT is the type of man you want, not one who makes you feel like crap because you're overweight. Same thing for you men, if your lady is a b--ch, give her a reality check or hit the road.
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I agree with the post that mentioned the way you talk to, and about, yourself. You should always "self -talk" as if you were talking to a dear friend. No matter what happens with your bf, you always have to live with "you". About your bf,...talk to him honestly and kindly about how his words makes you feel. If he cares, he will understand, and have his own thoughts to share with you about your weight loss pursuit,...in a respectful manner. If he is dismissive, or defensive, you may need to consider that he doesn't care enough about you,...and/or is insecure about the possibility of what will happen to your relationship if you lose weight. Give him a chance to step up and prove that he wants what's best for you. If he doesn't step up, you can likely find someone who is more supportive of you, no matter what your size.0
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My best friend is a man ... whom I have more than friendly feelings for. We've spent almost every weekend together for the past two and a half years. He's come right out and said to me that I could be his soul-mate, but he wants me to lose weight. He won't make any kind of commitment or consider me his "girlfriend" until I've lost weight. I think what he's trying to do is motivate me and give me inspiration. I admit sometimes my feelings get hurt, but I know it's not his intention to hurt me. He also discusses diets and exercise programs with me, so I do know his intentions are good. And, he praises me for even small victories. Being a fat girl is hard ... and when the person you love gives you a hard time about it, you can take it two ways: you can get all depressed and sad and "dump him" as someone suggested above, OR you can use it to motivate you and turn what felt like a negative into a positive.
I'm very highly motivated right now. I just signed up on this site late last night, so my weight loss started being tracked as of yesterday. In reality, I have lost 7 pounds since last Thursday. I know, it's hard to believe, but the numbers on the scale don't lie.
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Ain't nobody got time for that. Tell him what's up and if he doesn't change his tune ..0
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My best friend is a man ... whom I have more than friendly feelings for. We've spent almost every weekend together for the past two and a half years. He's come right out and said to me that I could be his soul-mate, but he wants me to lose weight. He won't make any kind of commitment or consider me his "girlfriend" until I've lost weight. I think what he's trying to do is motivate me and give me inspiration. I admit sometimes my feelings get hurt, but I know it's not his intention to hurt me. He also discusses diets and exercise programs with me, so I do know his intentions are good. And, he praises me for even small victories. Being a fat girl is hard ... and when the person you love gives you a hard time about it, you can take it two ways: you can get all depressed and sad and "dump him" as someone suggested above, OR you can use it to motivate you and turn what felt like a negative into a positive.
I'm very highly motivated right now. I just signed up on this site late last night, so my weight loss started being tracked as of yesterday. In reality, I have lost 7 pounds since last Thursday. I know, it's hard to believe, but the numbers on the scale don't lie.
You are worth more than that. My future husband loves me just as much at 200lbs as he did when we met, when I was 170lbs, and he'll love me at 140lbs. Why even bother dating someone who doesn't love you regardless? You'll live in constant fear of going over a certain weight because he might leave you. Screw that.
Lose the weight, feel happy with yourself and keep him a friend - find a man who loves you for you, all of you, and will support and love you at any weight.0 -
My best friend is a man ... whom I have more than friendly feelings for. We've spent almost every weekend together for the past two and a half years. He's come right out and said to me that I could be his soul-mate, but he wants me to lose weight. He won't make any kind of commitment or consider me his "girlfriend" until I've lost weight. I think what he's trying to do is motivate me and give me inspiration. I admit sometimes my feelings get hurt, but I know it's not his intention to hurt me. He also discusses diets and exercise programs with me, so I do know his intentions are good. And, he praises me for even small victories. Being a fat girl is hard ... and when the person you love gives you a hard time about it, you can take it two ways: you can get all depressed and sad and "dump him" as someone suggested above, OR you can use it to motivate you and turn what felt like a negative into a positive.
I'm very highly motivated right now. I just signed up on this site late last night, so my weight loss started being tracked as of yesterday. In reality, I have lost 7 pounds since last Thursday. I know, it's hard to believe, but the numbers on the scale don't lie.
You are worth more than that. My future husband loved me just as much at 200lbs as he did when we met at 170lbs, and he'll love me at 140lbs. Why even bother dating someone who doesn't love you regardless? You'll live in constant fear of going over a certain weight because he might leave you. Screw that.
Lose the weight, feel happy with yourself and keep your best friend JUST a friend - find a man who loves you for YOU, all of you, and will support and love you at any weight. You're worth love at ANY weight!0 -
OH MY HELL... some of these posts make me want to scream.
It is called emotional abuse and too many (TOO MANY) people are okay with that and quick to dismiss it or validate it...
WE DO NOT HURT PEOPLE WE LOVE.
Sigh.
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RedRockChic wrote: »OH MY HELL... some of these posts make me want to scream.
It is called emotional abuse and too many (TOO MANY) people are okay with that and quick to dismiss it or validate it...
WE DO NOT HURT PEOPLE WE LOVE.
Sigh.
???
You don't even know what he supposedly did
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RedRockChic wrote: »OH MY HELL... some of these posts make me want to scream.
It is called emotional abuse and too many (TOO MANY) people are okay with that and quick to dismiss it or validate it...
WE DO NOT HURT PEOPLE WE LOVE.
Sigh.
Sorry, I'm in the school of "have a conversation before you kick him to the kerb"? Especially since the OP gave NO detail whatsoever?0 -
I think it's very difficult to respond to this with much depth because you didn't provide any details so I'm inclined to agree with the majority of people who have said to talk to him first and see if you can resolve the issue.
From my perspective, I couldn't do this without my fiancé. His support has been crucial in my journey so far, and I really feel for you for living with somebody who doesn't encourage you.
I hope you can sort it. Good luck.0 -
I used to date a guy (I say date; we were living together for three years) who was constantly comparing me to his bulimic ex, constantly calling me chubby and putting me down. I can't tell you how much it knocked it my confidence, and it took me a long time to feel strong enough to get out of that relationship because I truly loved him. Now I'm with a guy who loves me no matter what size I am (I've gained about 30lbs since we first met and he genuinely doesn't care).
Every girl deserves a man who makes her feel confident and sexy. If they use your weight as an excuse not to 'get with you', then I hate to say it, but it is just an excuse; they don't love you and are just leading you on, or are clearly so self-centred and egotistical that they think you will lose that weight just for them. Ditch, move on, and fins someone who will treat you the way you deserve. I may not be able to judge every situation based on my own experiences, but it was the best thing I ever did.0 -
squishy828 wrote: »What do I do when I have support from everybody except for the one I live with?
/sever
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Errr get a new BF becayse he doesnt make the grade is my instinct.
In what life does anyone have the right to put you down?
You can try talking to him, but putting you down seems to smack of selfish,deliberate ignorance. Sometimes you cant change people or they arent worth the effort.
Context and more detail might change things.0 -
Talk to him and see if you can resolve it. If that doesn't help then it's a massive red flag. Even if the conversation goes well and he stops putting you down, make sure you're losing the weight for the right reasons - not the comments that were being made.
-My best friend is a man ... whom I have more than friendly feelings for. We've spent almost every weekend together for the past two and a half years. He's come right out and said to me that I could be his soul-mate, but he wants me to lose weight. He won't make any kind of commitment or consider me his "girlfriend" until I've lost weight. I think what he's trying to do is motivate me and give me inspiration. I admit sometimes my feelings get hurt, but I know it's not his intention to hurt me. He also discusses diets and exercise programs with me, so I do know his intentions are good. And, he praises me for even small victories. Being a fat girl is hard ... and when the person you love gives you a hard time about it, you can take it two ways: you can get all depressed and sad and "dump him" as someone suggested above, OR you can use it to motivate you and turn what felt like a negative into a positive.
I'm very highly motivated right now. I just signed up on this site late last night, so my weight loss started being tracked as of yesterday. In reality, I have lost 7 pounds since last Thursday. I know, it's hard to believe, but the numbers on the scale don't lie.
Oh my, well done on the weight loss but you need to ask yourself some questions about this guy. How thin is good enough for him? Why, if he's in love with you, does he require you to pass some sort of dieting test before you can be happy together? What happens if you gain weight? Maybe you need to ask him these questions in some form before dedicating your life and body to him. Is he also proving himself to you before you commit? Has he given up alcohol for you? Stopped eating meat to be with you? Does he no longer wear awful slogan t-shirts just to be around you? Please, please, please look out for yourself.0 -
drop him, it's as simple as that. if he cannot be seen with you as your boyfriend until you lose the weight, to me it sounds as though he'd be embarrassed to be seen with you. Not being nasty, its just my opinion, and some guy logic. Drop him, lose the weight, and watch him crawl back
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There are alot of factors to this and you didn't give much info to go on....but my basic rule is if someone is going to make me feel like crap then they need to go. Life is way to short to waste on stupid people.0
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squishy828 wrote: »What do I do when I have support from everybody except for the one I live with?
Before I recommend beating him repeatedly with a large stick in his man regions, you should talk to him first and explain how you're feeling. It really shouldn't need explaining to someone that you shouldn't be a d**k to the person you supposedly love. But sometimes people don't seem to actually be able to realise how they're being. Which I guess is like people with mental disorders who don't realise they need help until someone tells them.0
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