I used to be a success story.. Then i gained it all back.

AshleyLeaa

My name is Ashley, I'm 23 years old. I have struggled with weight since i was a teenager. Some pretty traumatic things happened when i was growing up, up into my preteens and the way i decided to cope with my emotions, was with food. By the time i was 20 years old i had reached 250 pounds and was extremely unhealthy. I finally hit my breaking point and was tired of feeling sad, lethargic, and unmotivated. I was tired of looking in the mirror everyday and hating the person i saw staring back at me, i was tired of being in relationships and not wanting to be touched in certain areas that i was the most embarrassed about, or having to practically stay fully clothed when i was intimate with my boyfriends.

I wanted to be healthy and feel confident in myself. I wanted to look in the mirror and see the beautiful person who i was on the inside reflected on the outside as well. So i decided to join a gym, i ended up joining LA Fitness and just changed my lifestyle completely. I only ate whole grains, veggies, fruits, and lean meats. I drank A LOT of water every day and slowly started incorporating exercise into my every day routines. After about 3 months i was going to the gym 5 days a week for two hours at a time, by the time a year had rolled around i had lost 112 pounds. I still hadn't reached my goal weight, but i felt amazing and had a whole new level of self confidence about myself. I was dressing better, taking better care of my self and met someone who i have been with for two years now. The next month at the gym i began to plateau at the gym and was getting extremely frustrated, so i made the "smart" decision to take a break from the gym to give my muscles time to forget the every day routine, which as you can imagine turned into me not going back to the gym for a year. Other things in my life including stress factored into my excuses on why i couldn't or didn't feel like going to the gym that day.

Now it's March 28th, 2015 and all of the hard work i put into changing my life is pretty much gone, i have gained probably 50 pounds back of what i had lost and now im back at square one. I just joined the gym again about a month ago, i have gone maybe 10 times. It's also affecting my relationship i have right now too, it's obvious that i have gained weight, and i feel like it's putting a strain on our intimacy also.. I have done it before, i know im capable of doing it and sticking to it, but this time around i just feel so discouraged, i don't seem to be as sore as i was in the first few months of working out, i don't feel like i'm losing as much as i was in the beginning this time around as opposed to before. I don't know what to do, besides google different ways and ect.. I would love some feedback/support/suggestions/motivation. Anything would be great. Thank you..

sunshinemcf

Just keep trying. Do you do weights and HIIT work outs. Have you ever tried Jillian Michaels work outs. I add them to my week when I can't get to the gym. Also do you have a food plan? I find planning ahead helps me be successful. Keep trying. Maybe your partner can do some exercise with you. Plan something active and fun to do on dates. Try not to be negative towards yourself because you wee probably very positive when he met you.

ShastaOC

I'm workinng out with the University of Texas Get FIT program and part of their program included education on fitness from exercise to nutrition. Pain and soreness are definitely validating when you busted your butt in the gym but they don't have to be present for your body to be changing. Also, it's been a month and you also have less to lose to your GW than the first time. Please don't get discouraged and be kind to yourself. I know that's so easy to say but I'm having to constantly remind myself of it, too. Maybe try a new workout - jogging, HIIT, or some kind of interval training. Hang in there, lady!

AshleyLeaa

It's very difficult to not be in a somewhat constant state of negativity every time i walk past a mirror and catch my reflection. I'm so disappointed in myself, every time i have looked at myself lately i just see all the hard work i did is gone. I'm also finding it very hard to be kind to myself or not put myself down. I don't know how to not feel bad about undoing a good amount of what i worked so hard for in the first place... What is HILT? Thank you for the kind and encouraging words as well! It means a lot to me.

dtsbrown

Take a deep breath, and recognize you are capable you have done it before and all is not lost. You are still down from your original weight. Find a supportive local friend to go to the gym with you. When you look in the mirror and feel disgusted remind yourself that you are doing something about it today and take each day as it comes. Your weight does not define who you are. Dig deep and find your inner strength, it's there. It's one day at a time one workout at a time. Find what you love to do for exercise and do it. Best of luck and try not to beat yourself up over it, the cost of that is constant pain.

D_squareG

AshleyLeaa wrote: »

Now it's March 28th, 2015 and all of the hard work i put into changing my life is pretty much gone, i have gained probably 50 pounds back of what i had lost and now im back at square one.

D_squareG

You're not at square one! You are still 62 pounds lighter than when you started. 62 pounds! Don't dwell on the weight you've gained. You can apply the same techniques and lose the weight. You know how!

Try not to compare this time to last time. Just do the right things. Weigh, measure your food, log it and exercise. Eat at a deficit and the weight will come off.

I'm in the same boat. I regained about 10 pounds of the 35 I lost. I was discouraged, but couldn't see to get back on the wagon. Then I realized that I was spending more time and effort worrying about my weight gain than I would logging my food and exercising. And the stress of wondering what in my closet would fit was worse than telling myself "no".

Just keep going.

RHachicho

I sympathize I gained 34lbs over the winter after losing like 120lbs last year and some part of me feels like a failure. But I've been training thought and have once again declared war on my fat *kitten*. My advice is don't dwell on the weight you gained. Just say to yourself .. this far waistline .. this far and no further and go get it done As for your boyfriend. Atmosphere, Sensuality and Confidence can so beat 50lbs of weight gain. Any day. Your own self doubt and insecurity is probably playing more of a role in that regard than the fat is.

trina1049

Hi, Ashley! First of all, you are NOT back to square one -- you did not gain back all the weight you originally lost. Secondly, calm down. You're putting yourself into panic mode and that, in itself is not healthy. Third, once you get a grip on yourself look at your situation realistically and work on the solutions.

We all want the weight off immediately, if not sooner, and that's just not going to happen. Develop a healthy, sustainable plan. Losing weight is calories in/calories out, so changing your way of eating is first and foremost.

Then develop an exercise plan. A plan that is sustainable and reasonable for you. It's not necessary to spend hours upon hours in the gym unless you're really into that. Start slowly to build up your stamina. Exercise is for health and aids in weight loss but it's not immediately necessary in order to make changes. Soreness does not count for anything.

You've done this before when you were 20 years old but remember you're older now and your body isn't the same as it was three years ago. You want a life change not a short term change.

Move past the disappointment and channel it into positive food changes. Speak to your significant other about your fears if you can. You may be surprised and pleased with the support you can find.

Please slow down -- look at your nutrition and how to create a deficit that you can live with. Be realistic, it will take time to lose what you've gained. You're young, you have all the time in the world. Be mindful of what you need to do and how to get there.

Best of luck to you -- you know you can do this. Breathe.

bernalgirl

Hi Ashley, I'm in a similar situation. I lost 70 pounds a few years ago and then slowly regained them plus a few extra and I, too, have recently recommitted to a healthier lifestyle. I've started working out again and logging my food every day. It is easy to fall back into old unhealthy habits when we are stressed but we pay a price for it. But we're NOT at square one. We are armed with all that we learned that first time around and we have a community of supporters here to cheer us on! We can totally do this!!! Plus you have youth on your side; it's much easier to lose it in your 20s than in your 40s (trust me). I would recommend trying to find several types of exercise that you enjoy and mix them up so that your body doesn't get bored with the same workout routine. You may need to increase your intensity level if you're not seeing the results. Our bodies change over time, our metabolism can shift, so what worked before may need to be adjusted now. Be sure to eat enough nutritious food to support your workouts. HIIT = high intensity interval training. Good luck!

jlouisj

I believe I know how you feel. Several years ago I lost 100 pounds and was just about at my goal weight within a year. I wasn't losing anymore but managed to maintain for at least 6 months. I continued to walk for my exercise and for a while I still kept a log of my food intake. I wish I had MFP back then! Anyhow, I gradually gained back the weight I lost plus 40. In June 2013 my sister introduced me to the MFP app and I haven't stopped using it since. I've almost lost 90 pounds since I started in 2013. I hit that wall again of no weight loss two months ago but I feel so much better that I just won't stop. Just get back to it. Don't dwell on the past and take your time. Good luck Ashley.

Jeff

AshleyLeaa

Thank you guys so much for then encouraging words, it's a lot easier to not be so hard on myself when i know im not the only one who has or is currently going through this struggle.

Spreyton22K

Ashley, please try not to be so hard on yourself.

I wondered rather than focusing on your weight gain, whether you have sought counselling over the abuse you suffered. I speak from experience that without some clarity and insight over the nightmare that you have suffered it is often very difficult to break free from the past.

Is it possible that when you lost the weight initially the confidence you felt changed into a fear situation...sadly, the lessons we internalize when abused is that we are at fault or at least brought it on ourselves....maybe that new found self-confidence and love that you felt for yourself was at some level uncomfortable and too challenging.

Sorry if this comes across poorly or rambling.....I know what I want to say but just can't put it into words. My sister and I were both abused....she gained and lost weight many, many times....the weight gain was a protective measure, a barrier if you will. For me, my way of trying to *control* the situation was to NOT eat.....

Maybe it's time you sought help to heal from the past. You most definitely have NOT failed anyone, especially yourself. Growth and understanding ourselves on every level is never failure....many people avoid the pain of the past and keep repeating the same self damaging behaviour over and over.....You deserve to be free of that.

I wish you well.

slapshotgolf

Sounds all familiar - kudos to you though for not gaining it all back - I wish I had pulled out of my nosedive halfway back to where I am now. After losing 134 lbs in 9 months I gained 139 in 4 years. The fact that you're addressing it now can only benefit, not hurt you. Here are some thoughts, given my experience.

1. Achieving dramatic weight loss can come with the disadvantage of being able to do it again "anytime", or "when you're ready." Self inflicted procrastination can be a detriment. Tomorrow is today.
2. Rely on the math. Losing 2 lbs a week is a healthy target - however it means you need to consume 1000 less calories per day than you burn. Know what you burn (there are plenty of calculators you can google where you can enter your gender, age, weight, activity level, and you can at least know what your base burn rate is. Eat 1000 calories less than that. If you need to eat more, workout.
3. Find non-scale motivations. Organize your closet from the stuff you love but can't wear because it doesn't fit any more, right up to the stuff you might still having kicking around "just in case" you put on more weight. Trash/donate all the big stuff. As you lose weight, clear it from your closet. Don't give yourself a cushion in your wardrobe, refuse to buy bigger clothes, and reward yourself every 10 lbs or so with a new garment that fits a bit tight.
4. Don't get frustrated with a bad day. We're human. Start again tomorrow. (Today)

cj94404

I feel for you. I did the same thing. A very slow yo-yo. When you are ready to take control again you will. You know what to do. And this does sound trite but of course you must know you are more than your weight. Your interests and humor and hobbies are all still there. Don't beat yourself up for being human.

lavrn03

Ashley BIG hug for you!!!!!
Please listen to the previous posts there is a lot of great advice.
I can understand your situation.
I'm now at 39 getting it for the first time. That I need to do small chances and just moves. When I could i increased my activity and continued to critique my diet. I've had good weeks, great weeks, and no weight loss weeks.
In 7 months I lost 50lbs. I still have 40 more to go. But boy do I have energy and confidence. It has made me a better mom and wife.
You can friend me if you want.
Remember you are only 23!!! Deep breathe you have time to find the "real you". She is in there. You need to relax so she can start to come out.

AshleyLeaa

I'm meeting with a personal trainer this coming Monday! I'm so ready to take back control of my life and start getting into shape and eat clean again! I WILL reach my goal weight this time and i WILL keep it off! Cheers to a fresh start and thank you SO much for all of your support and kind words!

amritalahiribhattacharya

That's the spirit girl... Keep moving!! Even I am aiming to lose 11 pounds by 6th of May. But I m too lazy to hit the gym or even exercise at home. Need motivation badly!!