What would you do?
Belle8312
Posts: 2,151 Member
So I have gained about 25 pounds since November, and am headed to see my best friend and her husband for the first time since December (when I saw them, I had only gained like 5 pounds, so they haven't seen me since I have gained an additional 20).
Her husband is incredibly judgmental and while he won't say anything to my face, I know that he will be judging me for how I look. My best friend is drop dead gorgeous and I am so nervous to see them after gaining so much weight. I suppose I could just cancel going, but I would feel horrible about that because she is so excited to see me.
Any thoughts on what you would do?
Her husband is incredibly judgmental and while he won't say anything to my face, I know that he will be judging me for how I look. My best friend is drop dead gorgeous and I am so nervous to see them after gaining so much weight. I suppose I could just cancel going, but I would feel horrible about that because she is so excited to see me.
Any thoughts on what you would do?
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Replies
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Haters gonna hate. Gators gonna gait. Potatoes gonna potate. Nothing you can do about her judgemental husband, but try to not let that bother you. Focus on her and gettin caught up and enjoying your time together ^^0
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Potatoes gonna potate!0
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I've been there. What I've found after the initial hugs and greetings any thoughts on my weight disappeared.
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you don't know that...you think that and it's because you are judging yourself....I can't believe you are considering not going to see your best friend due to weight gain...wow.
I would be there like white on rice.
If gaining has that much negative affect on your life why let yourself gain the weight?0 -
I would do two things:
1. Decide to give exactly zero *kitten* about what her husband thinks
2. Decide to have an amazing time with my friend
You may literally have to get out of the car thinking to yourself "I give exactly zero *kitten* what he thinks of how I look." Hold your head high, this isn't about him.
He can think what he wants, but I suspect that if he says anything to your friend about it, she'll straighten his *kitten* out in a hurry.0 -
you don't know that...you think that and it's because you are judging yourself....I can't believe you are considering not going to see your best friend due to weight gain...wow.
I would be there like white on rice.
If gaining has that much negative affect on your life why let yourself gain the weight?
Wow....rude comment there. Sometimes you don't just "let yourself" gain the weight. Things in life happen. I take it you're on this site because your life is 100% perfect and you haven't struggled with your weight ever.0 -
if she is truly your best friend then she won't care what you look like. she may be concerned about your health but out of love and as long as your healthy, I'm sure she'll be STOKED to see you! Go and have a great time!0
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If he ain't your husband, it's none of his business.0
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Couldn't have said it better myself.PeachyPlum wrote: »I would do two things:
1. Decide to give exactly zero *kitten* about what her husband thinks
2. Decide to have an amazing time with my friend
You may literally have to get out of the car thinking to yourself "I give exactly zero *kitten* what he thinks of how I look." Hold your head high, this isn't about him.
He can think what he wants, but I suspect that if he says anything to your friend about it, she'll straighten his *kitten* out in a hurry.
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"Never explain yourself to anyone, because the people who like you don't need it and the people who dislike you won't believe it."
"Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter."0 -
I don't think your best friend is going to judge you or love you any less if you put on 25 pounds and are working on taking it back off. I kinda think they will likely welcome you with love and not care about how much you weigh.0
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Have a great time with your friend!!!0
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If it makes you feel any better, I never notice when my best friends gain/lose weight if I haven't seen them for a while. All I see is their familiar smile and it makes me ELATED to see them. Please don't cancel. Your bff loves you and is excited to see that smile and catch up. Don't worry about what her husband could possibly be thinking. He's not your husband so like a previous poster said, you should give zero ***** about him.
Have fun! 0 -
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He will probably judge you no matter what size you are. You've gone too thin, you've gained weight!! People who feel the need to judge will always find a reason to judge!! His problem, not yours!! Have fun with your friend 0
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Act as confident as f**ck. Wear sexy shoes. And yeah...the potato thing :-)
20lbs isn't all that much and I am sure you look fine anyway.0 -
you don't know that...you think that and it's because you are judging yourself....I can't believe you are considering not going to see your best friend due to weight gain...wow.
I would be there like white on rice.
If gaining has that much negative affect on your life why let yourself gain the weight?
Wow....rude comment there. Sometimes you don't just "let yourself" gain the weight. Things in life happen. I take it you're on this site because your life is 100% perfect and you haven't struggled with your weight ever.
not rude but blunt....life happens yup but you knew you were gaining and didn't do anything to stop it even tho you are here and know what to do.
I am here because I let myself gain weight....yes LET MYSELF...because I knew what to do to stop it and didn't...yup life was happening, I was getting married, my son was not happy, my parents were divorcing etc.
Guess what when I lost the weight life was happening, FIL diagnosed with cancer, father remarried to a nasty woman, son had heart break...life happens..
Good to see tho that's all you got out of what I said...0 -
dont worry what the jerkwad thinks.
why do people marry jerkwads to begin with? oh wait, i did... LOLOLOLOL0 -
Blunt as she is stef has a point, we tend to assume people are judging us when we are judging ourselves.
In the end, whats it matter what this guy thinks, he isn't your husband.0 -
If she is your best friend, talk to her about how you feel. I'm sure she will understand, and maybe even tell her husband before hand to shut it. Go!0
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So I have gained about 25 pounds since November, and am headed to see my best friend and her husband for the first time since December (when I saw them, I had only gained like 5 pounds, so they haven't seen me since I have gained an additional 20).
Her husband is incredibly judgmental and while he won't say anything to my face, I know that he will be judging me for how I look. My best friend is drop dead gorgeous and I am so nervous to see them after gaining so much weight. I suppose I could just cancel going, but I would feel horrible about that because she is so excited to see me.
Any thoughts on what you would do?
If your best friend died in a car accident the week you were supposed to visit and you could've spent this time with her but did not because you felt slightly embarrassed that you gained weight how do you think you would feel? Is your embarrasment level or what someone might think of your weight enough to keep you from seeing your friend?
Life is unpredictible. Things do happen. I've had people in my life die totally unexpectedly. Regret is *kitten*. You have a chance to be with someone important to you. Weight gain is nothing compared to that.
Get a nice outfit. Feel good that you are both alive and well. Have a good visit.0 -
PeachyPlum wrote: »I would do two things:
1. Decide to give exactly zero *kitten* about what her husband thinks
2. Decide to have an amazing time with my friend
This right here.0 -
personally i wouldn't go if i KNEW that someone was going to make me feel bad about the way i look. if you can overcome your insecurities and your best friend's husband's remarks, then go and have fun. otherwise cancel.0
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Thank you for your feedback everyone. I have realized that I was just being stupid and insecure. I will be going this weekend and will not cancel it. So what if I have gained some weight? My best friend loves me no matter what for who I am, not what I look like. Considering her husband has never liked me, eff what he thinks! It's not about him!
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WeddedBliss1992 wrote: »personally i wouldn't go if i KNEW that someone was going to make me feel bad about the way i look. if you can overcome your insecurities and your best friend's husband's remarks, then go and have fun. otherwise cancel.
I am with you I would never deliberately put myself in an emotionally unsafe environment.
If my best friends husband treated me badly and said insulting things to me...I would expect my best friend to correct him or go to my hotel alone to visit with me without the jerk.
If my best friend would not do that for me...I would not consider her my best friend...or a friend at all.
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So I have gained about 25 pounds since November, and am headed to see my best friend and her husband for the first time since December (when I saw them, I had only gained like 5 pounds, so they haven't seen me since I have gained an additional 20).
Her husband is incredibly judgmental and while he won't say anything to my face, I know that he will be judging me for how I look. My best friend is drop dead gorgeous and I am so nervous to see them after gaining so much weight. I suppose I could just cancel going, but I would feel horrible about that because she is so excited to see me.
Any thoughts on what you would do?
I wouldn't give a sh|t one way or another what anyone though about me, that's what I'd do.
Try it some time.
Life gets soooooo much easier when you're not living it for other folks' approval, right?
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Thank you for your feedback everyone. I have realized that I was just being stupid and insecure. I will be going this weekend and will not cancel it. So what if I have gained some weight? My best friend loves me no matter what for who I am, not what I look like. Considering her husband has never liked me, eff what he thinks! It's not about him!
The only reason I've ever had a close friend's significant other not like me - was because he was an @$$. Luckily none of my friends have married one of those yet. There is a reason you two are close friends. If he doesn't like you it's saying much more about him than you.0 -
you don't know that...you think that and it's because you are judging yourself....I can't believe you are considering not going to see your best friend due to weight gain...wow.
I would be there like white on rice.
If gaining has that much negative affect on your life why let yourself gain the weight?
highly doubt she "let" her self gain the wright. I myself gained 25 pounds and didn't even notice it until i got to about 20.. we bought a house renovated it ourselves (mostly me) my hubbie travels 80% of year. when you are not focusing on yourself sometimes you gain weight. Why are you letting yourself be so rude?0 -
if she is truly your best friend then she won't care what you look like. she may be concerned about your health but out of love and as long as your healthy, I'm sure she'll be STOKED to see you! Go and have a great time!
Yes indeedy! Who cares what her drop kick husband thinks! Unless you do care.....
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