Need pity / ego massage - I've lost motivation

getinmabelly

Hi all,

As we all do from time to time - I need some pity and a kick up the backside. I've lost motivation.

Well - that's not entirely true. I am completely miserable with the way I look and how large my belly has become. I was taking group photos yesterday for an organisation I'm part of, and when I looked back at the photos or us all, I found that I looked about 6 months pregnant. I'm not pregnant. But I do keep getting asked if I am (from small children it's almost adorable. From random men in the supermarket asking when my 'bundle of joy is due', it's less so). Which is supremely insulting and incredibly demoralising.

Trouble is, I have absolutely no will power to either exercise or stop eating biscuits. If anything, my annoyance at the way I look is almost exacerbating my biscuit habit. I think I'm comfort eating. And then hating myself for my lapse of will-power.

I lost a load of weight two years ago - motivated by a desire to lose 3 st in a year due to a threat from my nurse about diabetes (it's in the family, and the nurse's response to that piece of news was to point up and down at my figure and say 'well then that's all wrong'. Nice). I managed to lose 1st in the first month, and then spent the rest of the year battling to lose a further 7lbs. Since then I've been treading water.

I got married last year and even the motivation of trying to look good in a white dress didn't manage to shift anything. As a result, 6 months after the wedding, I've put on 7lbs that I can't get rid of, and I hate all our wedding photos that we spent a fortune on. I mean I really hate them. The first thing I see in any of them are my jowels, my belly and my fat arms. I haven't posted any of the photos to social media, and I hate other people posting photos of me.

Yet despite all this hatred of how I look, I can't rally the energy to go to the gym (I'm a master at excuses) or the self-discipline to pass the plate of biscuits that occasionally gets left in our office kitchen after meetings.

So I need a kick up the a*se, and/or pity.

noobletmcnugget

You yourself need to commit to losing weight.

You have two choices.

1. Continue the way you are, and maintain at this weight (or gain more) and be forever unhappy.
2. Commit NOW. Become the person you want to be.

The fact is that both of those options are hard, for different reasons. Pick your hard.

NoIdea101NoIdea

Unfortunately nothing we can say is gonna kick your butt; you need to feel that motivation for yourself! I know the feelings you're describing though, so I'm sorry to have to say that as I know it is not what a lot of people want to hear.

That said, it may be going to see your doctor, if you know you're a comfort eater. I was a binge eater (well, am, just learning to control it better). I found that once I worked out the reasons I was binging, I began to control them and have started losing weight again, rather than constantly losing and gaining the same 5lbs.

And take it slow; exercise doesn't have to be boring! Try out a hooping class or zumba or something, basically anything that will get your heart rate up!

Good luck

TavistockToad

noobletmcnugget wrote: »

You yourself need to commit to losing weight.

You have two choices.

1. Continue the way you are, and maintain at this weight (or gain more) and be forever unhappy.
2. Commit NOW. Become the person you want to be.

The fact is that both of those options are hard, for different reasons. Pick your hard.

pretty much this...

Marchmallow

Do you count calories generally when you're trying to lose weight? If you do, and get sick of it, try joining a club like weight watchers or slimming world. It's the group and the support as well as the simplified eating plans that get you motivated each week.

TavistockToad

Marchmallow wrote: »

Do you count calories generally when you're trying to lose weight? If you do, and get sick of it, try joining a club like weight watchers or slimming world. It's the group and the support as well as the simplified eating plans that get you motivated each week.

yeah but MFP is free.... and theres MILLIONS of us here for support!

consistentz

I tried to master will power and discipline, but I found there is no transformation power in them for me. I am trying to change the way I THINK. I am just starting anew like you now. The difference is the way we do our thinking. Watch your defeating self talk and replace it with self fulfilling predictions of your success. You can do it this time. It is a new day. Think new and defy your past failures. I was a complete failure until NOW. One day at a time, don't give up!

GypsyByTheSea

Two things:

1) When you are ready to lose the weight, you will. It's hard. It takes patience. You have to make the choices and do the work. No one else can.

2) Building exercise/health habits trump motivation. If you rely on motivation, you will be posting this every week.

Get busy.

yash_hh

Ask Yourself Why. I've seen so much starters who lost their way after a few days. But those who got a strong Why inside of them those will suceed.

Next thing is... don't try all at once.

Here is a simple plan 4 you to start:

1. After you ended reading this post. Get up and go to a Store near you and buy yourself and your husband a healthy meal that you will eat the next time you eat together.
2. Go to your house and collect all your Sweets and bring them to one place. a Box maybe. Put a picture of yourself on the Box. A Picture where you can see your full body. So Everytime you will try to eat sweets you got to look 4 yourself.
3. Drink Water only for the next 10 Days. NO EXCEPTIONS! If you fail start again.
4. Start lifting weight! Even if you are horrible fat Lifting is the best way to lose weight on long term and get fit.
5. Stop telling us or anybody you have no Motivation. Whenever you think so ask yourself Why and hear your inner voice answering things like : "I do this to prevent myself from a miserable Life with heart diseases and other illness!" "I want to be a healthy and fit mom to my child!" "I want to be the Person i deserve to be!" "I wan't to be a real women and a good wife to my husband!". When your inner talk changes your outer behaviour will change too.


Sorry 4 my bad english but that's ll we germans learn in 10 years. Hope you get the Point. Feel fre to contact me if in Trouble.

And lokk at 5:2 Diet that's what i used to lose 40 pounds ^^ no idea how much stones that's.

So far.

LCSoulkat

One million of us in here can tell you..cheer you on to "Yay...Lose that weight..You can do it"..but you know what?? Nothing will change...because...that decision has to trigger from inside your head...

Once that happens and you are committed, you will be very surprised at the change that will happen to you. Trust me..by experience from my son and myself....

We lost a lot of weight and look better and feel better and now, wish I had done this years ago....

Don't wait for people to tell you or motivate you to get started cause that won't do you any good......Stand tall...look in the mirror and tell that person you see..."ENOUGH!..THAT'S IT!!

shamcd

If I had to narrow it down to one motivating factor for me that keeps me going, it is the fact that I finally got absolutely fed up with my self-loathing. I got to the point where I hated myself so much, that I honestly could not find one, solitary feature about myself that I did not hate.

That was much more motivating than being tired of my fat self. No one should hate themselves, so my solution is to change it. I'm not quite there yet, but I'm about 80%. When the alarm goes off at 3:00 am for me to go workout, every morning I have to remember how much I used to loathe myself and THAT is what gets me out of bed and into the gym, and keeps me logging my food. Life is so much better when you're comfortable in your own skin

BillRicks1

Losing weight is hard.
Being healthy is hard.
Being fit is hard.
It will take work. It will take dedication. It will take sweat and determination. It will be worth it!

999tigger

Am sure you got good advice from the above and i, going to eat breakfast and then off to the gym.

My point is get a grip and cut the pity party.
Your behaviour is illogical, you either want to get rid of the weight or you dont.
You havent got cancer. Its just 7lbs of weight loss.
You know how to get it sorted, but at the moment you are unwilling to commit to doing what it takes.
Its going to be maybe 2,3,4,5,6 months consistent focus and work.
Do you want to do it or not? Hard work but straightforward.

Weight loss is dull imo, screw the I eat everything I want in moderation, its true and I follow that, but it doesnt stop it being dull. The benefits are the reward though. Up to you whether you want to shake your fist at the sky or get off your *kitten* and do something about it. Nobody else cares. Do you care enough about yourself?

getinmabelly

Blimey - I only posted an hour ago and already overwhelmed with the response! Thanks guys! I really appreciate the tough talking - honest reflection is usually what's needed in these cases. During my more successful weight-loss days, I too was dishing out the tough-talk to people who had lost their own motivation. Why I can't dish it to myself is beyond me!

Thanks all!

Kasey_Ford

I've found that small victories are a big deal. When you don't eat a biscuit, celebrate your decision. When you park a little further away from your office, celebrate those extra steps you took. Every little thing you do positively, celebrate and be proud of yourself. Consider it a "step" in the right direction. And when you do have a lapse, don't beat yourself up. Ben and Jerry's ice cream and chocolate chip cookies are my weakness... I live in a fat country with fat people who like fat food. It's so easy just to get in a rut and just eat my misery. I know exactly how you feel. Today, this post shows you really want to change how you think. So, celebrate that too. It's like an AA meeting. When we admit there is a problem, we've taken the first step to recovery. Hello. My name is Kasey, and I have a serious addiction to food. It's nice to meet you getinmabelly. I look forward to seeing your progress, and I hope I can rely on you for support as well.

TavistockToad

getinmabelly wrote: »

Blimey - I only posted an hour ago and already overwhelmed with the response! Thanks guys! I really appreciate the tough talking - honest reflection is usually what's needed in these cases. During my more successful weight-loss days, I too was dishing out the tough-talk to people who had lost their own motivation. Why I can't dish it to myself is beyond me!

Thanks all!

because you don't htink that you deserve to be successful in your weight loss?

PowerKickChic

First thing, don't get me wrong because I am actually a really nice person but I am also a no bs kind of one too LOL Don't take this too hard because I am truly speaking from the heart and sometimes people don't need to be coddled and they need see the whole picture.

I have a hard time giving anyone pity or motivation when its something that they can change. There are many people out there that have disabilities or real bad circumstances in life that they didn't ask for but deal with and even flourish from. Unless you cant walk and don't choose your own groceries then you are 100% responsible for your weight. If you had hardships in your childhood/life, welcome to the world because all of us do.

It takes so much more effort to be miserable than it does to be happy. Think about it though, You can just bite the bullet and go walk for an hour or you can spend 24 hours being disgusted with yourself for not exercising. Then, because you feel bad that the day was a waste you think "I already screwed up so I might as well eat bad food" . That is like dropping your cell phone on the ground and thinking, well I already dropped it I might as well stomp on it a few times. It doesn't make sense.

Do something to make yourself proud every day and you will start feeling motivated. Just like negativity snowballs, so can positivity . Any time the little voice in your head says something negative, stop yourself and say something you love about yourself. It truly works.

JenAndSome

The first thing you need to do is learn to love yourself and your body and to have respect for it. It may not look exactly how you want it to right now but with all that self-hatred you will never be motivated to change it.

gingapeach

I really love Kasey's response. I just restarted yesterday for the umpteenth time. It is not easy and I agree admitting you have a problem is the first step. I hate logging food. I have a lazy problem. My name is Carolyn and I have a serious addiction to being lazy and potato chips and dougnuts. Nice to meet all of you.

dammitjanet0161

As other have said, I don't think anyone can provide the motivation for you.

a) something just has to click in you, you can't get motivation externally
b) going to the gym isn't in of itself the answer - I never stopped exercising throughout my gradual weight gain. It just became more sporadic and the weight went on because I was eating more than I was burning. So don't beat yourself up too much for Not Going To The Gym - try to get a grip of your intake first and foremost, and think of general ways to get more active in your daily life.

tinascar2015

I like Kasey's response too. Be conscious of all those little things. They matter a lot.

I see it this way. Other people can inspire you, support you and give you things to think about, but real motivation can only come from within yourself. There will be plateaus and little voices in your head will tell you to give up because you're a failure and it's not worth any more effort. It's up to you to tell those little voices to STFU and soldier on.

gramarye

We cannot motivate you, and you have to learn to talk yourself into things that aren't fun. I have to basically practice telling myself, "No," all the time. Can I skip the gym today? No. Would it be worth it to have that ounce of chips/candy bar? No. Should I have a beer? Nope.

It's negative, and I hate framing body topics in the negative, but once you're able to say no to yourself, you can learn how to moderately say, "Yes. I can totally eat just one serving of [whatever I couldn't do in moderation before]."

The good news is this: I PROMISE that you're able to do so much more than you believe you can.

gramarye

JenAndSome wrote: »

The first thing you need to do is learn to love yourself and your body and to have respect for it. It may not look exactly how you want it to right now but with all that self-hatred you will never be motivated to change it.

Also, 100% this. This whole thing started with me realizing that I deserved more respect than I gave myself, and that my body was not my enemy.

sofaking6

One thing that has helped me work up to that 'get up and do it' moment is just *thinking* about it a lot. Stick around here and read and post in the forums. Go on youtube and check out all of the workout channels and watch some badass workouts. Research recipes you'd like to try. Make your workout playlist. Just get your mental energy focused on the things you want to be doing.

And please keep saying "blimey". I love that word!