Losing weight, but cant tell...I guess

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jazzine1

I have an acquaintance who every time I see her (I see her a couple times a month) mentions how she is still on a diet and has lost weight then asks if I can see it. The first time she asked I was like, wow yea I can see it, congrats. But after a while it just get to a point that it becomes a bit irritating being asked time and time again if I see her weight lost.

LiveLoveRunFar

Oh they are noticing....they are just not saying anything. One thing about losing weight, you find out who your friends really are. I lost 30 pounds and 4 sizes...went to a meeting and my frenemies said "oh your hair is darker". My friends said "Wow! You look fantastic". People I see on a daily basis didn't say anything until around 34 pounds because they didn't want to say anything that might be offensive or hurt my feelings. Unlike MFP, most polite people will not talk about someone's weight or losing weight unless they are very close to that person. Frenemies will minimize it. And close friends will share the joy with you.

reese2282

I can totally understand where you are coming from on this one! There have been times when I lost 40 pounds and no one noticed. Meanwhile, my husband was doing what I was doing, lost five pounds, and everywhere we went people couldn't stop gushing about how great he looks. I even had my family members pull me aside and tell me I should follow his great example. It's incredibly frustrating! But ultimately, as many other people have said, we are doing this for ourselves and no one else. Eventually - they'll notice (or not), but either way we'll be feeling better. Keep up the great work!

bunsen_honeydew

People lose weight for bad reasons too, eg illness, stress. I know someone who lost heaps of weight on the "messy divorce diet". Someone else went from a sz 24 to a 12, and while she had been going to the gym etc, at the same time her dad was dying from a really horrible illness, so I don't know if that is what caused it, so I don't say anything.

Unless you make it clear that you are trying to lose weight (which is different from "trying to get fit"), polite people won't comment.

WickedPineapple

I've lost about 40 lbs over the last two and a half years. No one really said anything until I had lost over 30 lbs. However, I've had at least three co-workers (out of like 10 total) comment that they had noticed I'd lost weight, but didn't know how exactly to say it without offending. Honestly silence is a good choice when noticing a weight change. People don't know WHY you've lost weight. My sister lost a bunch of weight after a divorce. I had never seen her so small. However, she lost weight because she wasn't eating and was severely depressed.

Now? People WILL NOT shut up about my weight loss and it's a bit obnoxious (I'm not the type that likes it when people comment on my weight, a 'you look great' would suffice). It's like every pound I lose now is really noticeable. I spoke with one of my best friends who I've known my whole life. She said my weight loss has been a really dramatic change in my appearance. Then I really thought about it. People started commenting when I got to a weight I have never been at as an adult. I've always been overweight, just varying degrees of it. I'm basically a physical version of myself they've never seen before (13 lbs lighter than I was at 16). So I think that's the reason the comments started/continue.

qn4bx9pzg8aifd

TwoNinetyTwo wrote: »

extremelygrumpycat wrote: »

...a lot of people are probably scared to say something...

+1

Yep... just because people aren't saying something doesn't necessarily mean that they haven't noticed... there are various factors which come into play in determining comfort level in making such a comment (about appearance, weight, etc.), and especially when it comes to non-family-members, and people who aren't close friends... and a form of 'erring on the side of caution', and not wanting to risk offending or making someone uncomfortable, can 'take hold', and for an unpredictable, indefinite time...

And even when it comes to family, there can be reasons for 'being careful' in such a way... I know that with my parents, several years ago, I hesitated, and carefully considered what to say, and how to say it, because I didn't want them thinking that I thought anything negative about their previous/'original' 'form', and I didn't want them to feel awkward in any way if the weight was gained back (as I suspected that it might be, due to my knowing that the weight loss 'method' in question was not sustainable)...

There can be a lot going on, 'silently', if/when people are trying to take into account someone's feelings, and trying to abide by a kind of 'golden rule' (albeit while erring on the side of caution), and being kind in a thoughtful, considered manner. And in the context of the topic in question, the multi-variable -relevant 'outcome' of any such should-I-say-anything? 'decision' can result in people 'staying quiet' about someone else's 'new reality', rather than risk any unintended negative anything (and most of all, offending them, or making them uncomfortable, or hurting their feelings (we don't always know how a seemingly innocent way of saying something (and about 'this'), and that we think is positive or encouraging, might be construed as something other than what was intended, or somehow affects an unknown-by-others sensitivity that someone might have))...

...and so... and as unexpected as it might be to realize... others 'not saying anything' -- when taking into account the possible/plausible/positive reasons for such -- can represent a form of caring... and empathy... as well as caution...