One last time....

AshuhleeMarie

Hi all,

I think this is my first time starting a post, but I need help. I've been on MFP for probably 2 years now. I'll start logging, leave after 2 weeks, come back a month later with a higher weight. In fact, my graph shows nothing but weight gain. But, I know why. Every time I log in, i read the Success Story message boards, get motivated, read how they did it (by sticking to their calorie goals and exercising), and I don't listen to a damn word. I leave, basically starve myself, have no support, and binge after 2 weeks in. As of today, 26 years old, I have never successfully lost weight, nor remained on the healthy path for more than 2 week. I have never made it past that 14 day mark, and I'm ashamed. Even with my calorie goal set at 1530, i constantly feel like i need more food. I constantly think about binging. I could ingest 2 whole meals and not even think twice. It's as if I cannot get satisfied. I went from 135 to 235 in a matter of 7 years, and I never stopped and asked "what are you doing to yourself?"
Now, just 1 week after receiving a letter from my Dr. stating I am now pre-diabetic, with a slightly elevated blood pressure, and a family history of stroke, I'm laying down my guard and asking for help. Help to stay on track, help to control my appetite, help to get healthy. For myself, and for my 3 year old twins.
I'm now on Day 2 (i think my diary is open) and I'm actually listening to advice of successful posters here on MFP. I'm weighing and measuring my foods, I'm being more active, and I'm sticking to that calorie goal. The truth is, now that i've let myself spiral out of control, my life actually depends on it. I never thought in a million years *I* would be at (very) high risk of becoming a full-blown diabetic, especially after seeing my Grandmother suffer from it (and later pass of a stroke).

I'm the queen of excuses. I'll start tomorrow. I'm too tired. This fast food is convenient. It's too hot/cold. I'll never lose the weight. It'll take too long. Ugh, just shut up brain.

So, here I am, admitting I've failed, admitting I don't know what I was doing, admitting that starving just doesn't work, admitting that i feel like this is my last chance to get it right. But, even so, I'm still skeptic. I'm still hungry after an almost 400 calorie meal. I'm scared of the daunting task of knowing I need to lose 100 pounds to be where I should be. I need help, and I'd love the support of knowledgeable friends, and new friends, to start this journey, this new lifestyle, with me. I think I'm finally ready to listen, and to learn. I'm ready to be me again, because I certainly don't know who that is in the mirror anymore.

4legsRbetterthan2

Hi,

Feel free to add me if you want a friend. I have learned how to be successful at this but it did take me a while to get there so I understand how hard it can be starting out. Binge eating is an eating disorder so you can get professional help for that as well, which may help you finally stick to the plan. It is easy to get so focused on the science and CICO and forget just how mental weight loss really is. It can be really difficult to pinpoint what drives us to do the thing we do so there is no shame in having another set of eyes and ears help you figure it out.

~Best wishes on your new journey

BurningLove79

Hi there! Kudos to you for bearing your soul and putting it all out there. I was successful with MFP 5 years ago losing over 80 lbs and reaching my goal of 140. Pretty much as soon as I reached my goal, I slowing stopped logging food, then I stopped going to the gym. I gained all my weight back plus some! I felt so ashamed especially at work or seeing people who knew I'd lost all that weight. I had originally lost the weight because my dr had told me I was pre-diabetic. My numbers all looked great after the weight loss, but evidently it wasn't enough to keep me motivated. Now here I am for the second time starting this journey over again. I deleted my old account and started fresh. I have lost 14.5 lbs in the 5 weeks I've been back. I'm a binge eater and its a struggle everyday and will be for the rest of my life. I do best by setting small goals for myself so I don't get so overwhelmed.

I hope something I said helps and good luck to you!

Btbeam

Welcome and thank you for being so honest in your post. So many of us have these very same issues so your not alone. I recommend that you spend some time and think about why you want to get healthy. I call it "Why" power. We all need to figure out what our personal currency is. We simply can't count on willpower as it will leave you when you need it most. Where as "Why" Power will carry you through the tough days. I have gained and lost 100's of lbs in my adult lifetime. I am 46 years old and have lost 136 lbs with 114 to go. Feel free to add me for support. Good Luck