Hope to cope with...

louiseyates1

How do you cope with a partner who is being difficult.

He's been great for the last there weeks (which is when I made a clear choice to change my eating and activity levels) but the baby had us both up at 5am this morning so as it's close to 8am now I've said once I've changed him I will go to the gym, then we have the whole gloriously sunny day to go the beach and fair and then have a BBQ tonight (with both our children) and he had decided it's a good time to go back to bed meaning I can't go.
He has also been stocking up on treats and chocolate and even asked me yesterday if we should get some doughnuts (we were shopping at the time) and I of course have him a stern look and a sarcastic comment to which he laughed and said probably not a good idea then and put then back. Before making a comment about never getting any biscuits as I eat them all (this is not true even before the change in lifestyle)

He's wanted me to make this change for the last 5/6 years and now I am he's being difficult about it.

So my question is why? Is it because I'm doing this and he isn't? He's not fat (overweight but he's a big stocky man with a labour intensive job) were as I'm obese

Help and advise please.. Starting to think that I'm making a big mistake even though I feel a million times better - health wise.

Lou

tomatoey

is he maybe a little envious of the time you're taking for yourself? is he having to do more with the baby around?

kindrabbit

The only one to answer the question is him. Why is he being difficult? It could be a hundred reasons but I'll bet he doesn't realise how serious you are. Maybe he's heard you say you want to loose weight before. You need to tell him that this time its different.I had to sit my husband down and explain how unhappy I was being overweight and that I needed his help. I had to tell him exactly what I needed him to do. That included childcare and not flaunting temptation. You do also have to take responsibility for your cravings though. If he wants a donut he can have one. Don't punish him with your diet. (Of course you can have a donut if it fits your calories!)

Once he sees your commitment I hope he will see how much happier you are and that a happy wife means a happy husband!

louiseyates1

He does take care of the baby while I'm at the gym (but that is literally the only time I have to myself - I'm even doing a law degree and don't get time alone for that I always have the baby with me)

Maybe you're right I hadn't consider that.

malovafarms

do this for yourself and straight up tell him he's being unsupportive and ask what u need resentment builds negative emotion appetites !
just coming from my experience take it with a grain of salt ..but donughts really ? that would be annoying, good luck !

louiseyates1

Karen_libert wrote: »

The only one to answer the question is him. Why is he being difficult? It could be a hundred reasons but I'll bet he doesn't realise how serious you are. Maybe he's heard you say you want to loose weight before. You need to tell him that this time its different.I had to sit my husband down and explain how unhappy I was being overweight and that I needed his help. I had to tell him exactly what I needed him to do. That included childcare and not flaunting temptation. You do also have to take responsibility for your cravings though. If he wants a donut he can have one. Don't punish him with your diet. (Of course you can have a donut if it fits your calories!)

Once he sees your commitment I hope he will see how much happier you are and that a happy wife means a happy husband!

I've told him how serious I am and how unhappy I am. He's noticed the change in my attitude already. I guess I'm going to have to sit and chat with him again and find out what is going on.

As for the doughnuts he asked me if I wanted them I didn't and he put them back. He could of had them I wouldn't of stopped him as I haven't stopped him having anything he had a kebab the other night and I didn't (I wanted one but chose better options for me) I know if he want to join me he can but if he doesn't I won't make him.

louiseyates1

malovafarms wrote: »

do this for yourself and straight up tell him he's being unsupportive and ask what u need resentment builds negative emotion appetites !
just coming from my experience take it with a grain of salt ..but donughts really ? that would be annoying, good luck !

I am doing this for me, it something I need to do for my own health physically and mentally. I enjoy the rush I get from working out and how much better I feel.
Thanks

neogramps

My wife was initially skeptical about my diet and fitness changes. She questioned me for having protein shakes for breakfast despite knowing nothing about them nutritionally and she got annoyed at me when I spent time working out in the evening (even though I only take the time after our daughter's asleep and all the chores are done). But after sticking with it for a few months and getting some good results, she has come around and has even started to change her diet for the better as well.

Your husband might be jealous that you're making the change and he isn't ready to. You have to be in the right frame of mind to change how you think about your body and your lifestyle.

Chrysalid2014

Some people don't like the idea of their partner becoming more attractive as it makes them feel insecure.

louiseyates1

neogramps wrote: »

My wife was initially skeptical about my diet and fitness changes. She questioned me for having protein shakes for breakfast despite knowing nothing about them nutritionally and she got annoyed at me when I spent time working out in the evening (even though I only take the time after our daughter's asleep and all the chores are done). But after sticking with it for a few months and getting some good results, she has come around and has even started to change her diet for the better as well.

Your husband might be jealous that you're making the change and he isn't ready to. You have to be in the right frame of mind to change how you think about your body and your lifestyle.

Thank you. So I'm not alone in this then. I thought maybe he was thinking along those lines and I just have to keep at my goals for him to see I'm serious (a little difficult when he's being hard work)

I want him to do whatever makes him happy as I am doing this to make me happier and healthier. If he joins me then great if he doesn't want to I'm fine with that too.

My head is seriously in this for the long run. I don't want to be the fat mother at the schools gates, or the one who can't chase her children round, I want to be here when they grow up and have children of their own.

louiseyates1

Chrysalid2014 wrote: »

Some people don't like the idea of their partner becoming more attractive as it makes them feel insecure.

I'm not sure that's what he's thinking as he's a very attractive man.

yesimpson

Might just be a temporary thing. I think we all have a point when we're losing weight where we think 'I just don't want to get up early to go to the gym' or 'I really fancy a massive dessert'. I think he's kind of at that stage himself even though he's not the one making changes, and misses lazy mornings in bed or eating treats together without worrying or calorie counting. It is illogical if he has been encouraging you to get healthier for a while and now he seems a bit resistant, but it sounds like you're sticking with it so he'll have to pull his socks up. Hopefully things will be better in a few days.
He might not even be doing it deliberately. Maybe he was just tired this morning and hungry for donuts yesterday, and there was no ulterior motive at all, just someone who didn't think things all the way through!

louiseyates1

yesimpson wrote: »

Might just be a temporary thing. I think we all have a point when we're losing weight where we think 'I just don't want to get up early to go to the gym' or 'I really fancy a massive dessert'. I think he's kind of at that stage himself even though he's not the one making changes, and misses lazy mornings in bed or eating treats together without worrying or calorie counting. It is illogical if he has been encouraging you to get healthier for a while and now he seems a bit resistant, but it sounds like you're sticking with it so he'll have to pull his socks up. Hopefully things will be better in a few days.
He might not even be doing it deliberately. Maybe he was just tired this morning and hungry for donuts yesterday, and there was no ulterior motive at all, just someone who didn't think things all the way through!

Thank you. Fingers crossed that's all it is

callsitlikeiseeit

i dont get upset when my husband buys donuts.

its not like i have to eat them

Liftng4Lis

First, go to the gym anyway. Secondly, why can't he stock up on treats? Is he trying to lose as well?

opalsqueak007

My husband misses the days when we used to enjoy food together. We don't now, as he eats 3 times the calories I have to eat to mantain my weight. He also likes candy, chips and fast food and I don;t eat that any more. I think it can drive a wedge between you if you let it.

I don't expect a lot of support from anyone in my real life - I have to do it on my own. It's worked so far - down 50lb. I don't go to the gym - I work out at home with my husband - it's fun. Perhaps try to include him if he is willing. Good luck - I'm sure it will be fine when he accepts that you're serious about doing this for yourself.

Lounmoun

Identify your feelings and needs and talk to your spouse. Tell him your goals and what you would like help with. Find out what he is feeling or thinking about your efforts. Let him know that you are feeling better and happier.
Does he know that you felt you would not be able to leave the house if he went back to sleep? Maybe he thought the kids are okay even if he is sleeping and you just are not on the same page in how much supervision they need. You don't need to go to a gym to exercise but maybe you need a break regularly to have time alone to recharge and he doesn't realize that at all if he is spending less time with the kids than you.
You describe that you told him what he would be doing all day instead of asking what he wanted to do that day or asking him if he was okay for child care duties. Maybe he would prefer to be asked instead of told. Maybe the thought of running around all day with the family made him feel more tired.
The doughnut thing- I don't know. You gave him a stern look and a sarcatic remark instead of just saying no thanks. Maybe responding too negatively to things makes him feel judged even if you don't intend to. Maybe he thinks you are being too restrictive in your diet and wishes you made more room for foods you could enjoy together. He might have just forgotten momentarily that you wouldn't eat them and made a stupid remark about biscuits out of embarrasment at your negative reaction.

Again, you really would have to have a conversation with him to find out what is up.