My weight loss journey: reconciling with myself

mdasilva3

Hello everyone,
I have been on this weight loss journey for 1 month now. A month ago, I was at my heaviest - 333 lbs at 23 years old. I have always struggled with my weight and had an unhealthy relationship with food. But despite the yo-yo dieting and the double weight gains, I did my absolute best to avoid this journey. This "lifestyle change"....this "new normal"... I wanted the quickest results but that came with an physical and mental detrimental price. I looked at pictures from when I was in high school and thought "I wasn't fat. Yes, I had curves but I wasn't fat..." I could do nothing but cry. What have I done to myself. I have hated myself for so long. The only thing that this 333 lb girl wanted was for me to love her. But I denied her everything. What I was doing - in the beginning to protect her - turned into hate and disgust. On March 3, I finally gave up my way of doing things after 12 years +. I don't want to live like this anymore. I want to love myself. Most importantly, I want to be able to forgive myself for everything I have done. In just one month, a lot has changed. I have lost 24 lbs - with the help of my trainer! She is awesome and she recommended MFP help keep track. I'm basically focusing on myself this year and giving this girl the nutrition, physical activity, pampering that she deserves. I guess I'm dating myself lol. That's ok - it's been a long time ccoming. I know this is a life long journey and I'm ready to live a long life. (Sorry for the long intro. I can't believe I said that much to begin with!)