How to tame The Green Eye Monster?
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bkscott5
Posts: 53 Member
We are in our late 40's & we have finally decided we would like to be healthier & look better. So each of us has started making changes. Being disabled I can only change my eating habits. However my SO now works out all the time & is losing weight & getting a very toned body. So as happy as I am for my SO, I'm also jealous that I will never get a nice sculpted body. Have other couples had problems similar to this, maybe one person wants to change & the other doesn't, or since everyone is different maybe just one is improving & the other one is stuck? Do you worry that your SO will be more tempted to cheat if they improve & you don't? If they are at the gym all the time without you? If you have never had a good body & now you're getting all kinds of attention that you have never had before? If one gets really fit & the other stays the same overweight person they always were? I know everyone's relationship is different, but does finally feeling good about yourself & having other people liking the way you look make it possible for someone who wouldn't cheat if they never got fit? Do you know of couples splitting up once someone realizes they can do so much better than the person they are with?
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You lose weight in the kitchen
The working out makes it easier
So your disability means there's nothing you can do? Really? Just do whatever you can do under your medical team's guidance.
Also no I don't think my SO has ever thought I'd be tempted to cheat, it's just outside the realms of possibilities (I like to flirt though) he loved me when I was overweight and lazy, he loves me now I'm fit and healthy and smaller.
Long term relationships are based on more than physical appearances, if you feel yours isn't, or you have these concerns perhaps you should speak to your SO about it0 -
Nope, I do not worry about either one of my SOs thinking about cheating, and they do not worry about me cheating. Why? Because we are adults and discuss issues and feelings when they come up.0
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I'm not the jealous type. My husband and I are both using MFP at the moment but we have very different goals and body types. I have a desk job and am 5'1". He's plays rugby (he's a prop) and is a big guy (about 19 stone) but is solid and fit. He trains for rugby 2 evenings a week, cycles about 15 miles to and from work 4 times a week and sometimes does weights with mates. He needs to eat more than me which is the only time I get jealous! Oh and he loses quicker as he's heavier to start with. He's solid not blobby but wants to tone more.
He's pleased for me when I feel good about myself and vice versa.
To be honest, he gets more comments about his beard growth than his figure!
So no, I couldn't give a monkey's about other people thinking he looks hot. Because we're married, we're happy and I trust him.
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Relax! I think you are stressing far too much about this
It can be difficult watching the other person make progress whilst you feel left behind. In not quite the same vein, my SO is as skinny as a rake and has a very little appetite, doesn't particularly like sweet things....it's like he doesn't even have to try! Myself on the other hand, really struggles as I have an issue with binging and I love sweet foods and could happily spend the entire day eating. It can be very disheartening to see him looking so fit and trim without having to put any conscious effort in.
However, I keep telling myself that I am doing this FOR ME. Sure, I may struggle and it won't come easily or quickly, but one day I will get there, and so will you. Just keep telling yourself that. There must be some sort of toning exercises you can do, surely? May be worth speaking with a medical practitioner and seeing what they suggest.
As for your partner cheating, again, relax. I've gained 40lbs since my SO and I first met, and I know he still loves me and still trust him 100%. Sure, I get insecure about it sometimes, but I talk to him about it, and he always tell me how silly I'm being. I would recommend just voicing your insecurities; let them know how proud you are of them for their progress and how happy you are for them, but also say how you aren't doing as well as you wish you could and you are worried about being seen as physically unattractive because of it. You may be surprised at how understanding your SO is.
And on another note, before I gained the 40lbs I was a hardcore gym buff and had a pretty damn good figure (I got too comfortable in the relationship and piled a load of weight on lol). I would get comments from guys all the time, and so would my SO about how lucky he was to have scored a gal like me. Did it make me want to cheat on him? Absolutely not. In fact, it made me feel proud to be able to make him proud of me, if that makes sense.0 -
what rabbit said. Your disability means you cant move at all? Theres nornally exercise you cna do for wheelchair bound people and all sorts of other disabilities, so I wouldnt rule it out.0
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I'm another one asking ... are you completely unable to move at all?0
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It seems to me that if your relationship with your significant other is based on something so superficial, there is a very good chance that it isn't going to last, but not because of your inability to exercise.0
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Could you work with a physical therapist or trainer to find ways to be active? I don't know the nature of your disability but your profile says that you can't do most exercises, which makes me think that there may be at least one or two that could work for you. Regardless, as was mentioned above, weight loss starts in the kitchen. You could certainly make great headway focusing on that aspect.
As for relationship issues, I don't believe that my husband has ever thought that I would cheat on him after getting fit. It's pretty much outside of my realm of thinking so I haven't spent time thinking about that issue. The attention I get now is pretty much just family and friends who say "you look really good." I am pretty oblivious to attention from strangers (my husband can attest to this) so I can't say I've notice anything in that area. Bottom line, though, is that my husband trusts me an I trust him implicitly. I know he'd not be tempted to cheat and vice versa so I don't worry about it.0 -
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If changing your eating habits includes eating at a calorie deficit then you are going to lose weight and that doesn't qualify as being stuck.
Having a disability does not stop you from improving your health and fitness, you may need to judge your fitness using a different scale then your SO but you can improve your fitness and health.0 -
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I have always been jealous my husband's calorie allotment which is 900 calories more per day than mine!!!!!0
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