How to "fake it 'til you make it"?

noobletmcnugget

I struggle with confidence in social situations sometimes. I overanalyse myself way too much, and always worry that people are judging me, which makes me reserved. I want to become more relaxed, confident and outgoing.

People always say that for confidence, you should 'fake it til you make it'. The problem is, I don't know how to do that. Anyone been successful before? Any tips? Thanks

PS: I'm a 19 year old female.

Timshel_

Well, the premise is if you act through certain situations that eventually your emotional response becomes more appropriate to the action. I know when I was having some love life issues I read a lot about going through the actions of love and romance can improve the feelings of love and romance. It seemed to work over time really.

I also used to HATE HATE HATE public speaking, to the point I felt like I would pass out. As I got into higher positions though it become one of the MOST important skills needed. So I just would let myself emotions of stress and anxiety 'float' and go through the motions of speaking. Usually just a bit into my talks I would start to relax and become more comfortable. Over time I would get less and less worried about it overall.

It takes a great deal of self-examination to learn how to distance yourself from unwanted emotions or defeat feelings, but practice does make perfect.

Cheers.

ClubSilencio

You have to be confident in yourself before you can be confident out in public. None of those people you're worrying about can validate you, it has to come from within.

What really helped me was this man named Moojiji on Youtube. He says that a thought is just a thought; don't make it part of who you are. So when you get nervous in a social setting, tell yourself it's just a feeling and that it will pass. Accept it; it's okay to be nervous, etc. We all go through that. Just be aware of it and look at it as if it were a painting on the wall. It doesn't make up who you are. It's just something that sprang up and in a matter of time it will be gone just like it always does. Eventually, hopefully, you'll start worrying less and less until it doesn't spring up anymore because it holds no value.

Good luck. In the grand scheme of things, our existence is pretty meaningless in this universe. The tree in my backyard has been around longer than me and will continue to be around after I die. Life goes on no matter what so don't worry if other people might be judging you today. Even they won't remember judging you by tomorrow.

LAMCDylan

No need to fake it. The worse thing you can do is have to act like someone else. Always be yourself even if it means no one likes you. What you have to keep in mind is every single person has their own complex lives. In other words, you are not the center of their universe. They are worried about themselves and what you think about them.

strozman

Too young for the liquid courage advice.

People only see what you project yourself to be.

noobletmcnugget

strozman wrote: »

Too young for the liquid courage advice.

People only see what you project yourself to be.

Haha not in the UK it's not. Alcohol does solve it, but that won't get me through 90% of social situations as I have no intention of drinking all day every day.

Hmm, yeah. I have problems projecting how I want others to see me though.

noobletmcnugget

LAMCDylan wrote: »

No need to fake it. The worse thing you can do is have to act like someone else. Always be yourself even if it means no one likes you. What you have to keep in mind is every single person has their own complex lives. In other words, you are not the center of their universe. They are worried about themselves and what you think about them.

Rationally I know that it's stupid. I know that most people couldn't care less about me and what I say or do. I know rationally I shouldn't care what other people think of me anyway because it doesn't impact me. I don't know how to translate that knowledge into reality though.

noobletmcnugget

ClubSilencio wrote: »

You have to be confident in yourself before you can be confident out in public. None of those people you're worrying about can validate you, it has to come from within.

What really helped me was this man named Moojiji on Youtube. He says that a thought is just a thought; don't make it part of who you are. So when you get nervous in a social setting, tell yourself it's just a feeling and that it will pass. Accept it; it's okay to be nervous, etc. We all go through that. Just be aware of it and look at it as if it were a painting on the wall. It doesn't make up who you are. It's just something that sprang up and in a matter of time it will be gone just like it always does. Eventually, hopefully, you'll start worrying less and less until it doesn't spring up anymore because it holds no value.

Good luck. In the grand scheme of things, our existence is pretty meaningless in this universe. The tree in my backyard has been around longer than me and will continue to be around after I die. Life goes on no matter what so don't worry if other people might be judging you today. Even they won't remember judging you by tomorrow.

That's a really interesting perspective he has! Everything is fleeting

I love thinking about that way about life. It keeps me calm and gives me perspective. Nothing really matters. I'm just one of over 7,000,000,000 people, on an infinitesimally small planet in the grander scaler of the universe.

And when I think like that it makes me feel so calm and I feel so stupid for worrying about trivial things like this. But when I'm in social situations something switches in my brain and I just can't help but feel anxious and nervous and uncomfortable.

My self-confidence is pretty low to be honest. I need to address that as well.... as I've been trying to do for years without much success.

Ugh, this all feels so complicated when it really shouldn't be.

Thanks so much for your reply.

MissMary75044

Ask yourself which is worse, trying and failing, or the regret of not trying. Putting oneself out there is a risk, but you don't want to look back on things you could have done. You can't get the moment back.

noobletmcnugget

Chaelaz wrote: »

Well, the premise is if you act through certain situations that eventually your emotional response becomes more appropriate to the action. I know when I was having some love life issues I read a lot about going through the actions of love and romance can improve the feelings of love and romance. It seemed to work over time really.

I also used to HATE HATE HATE public speaking, to the point I felt like I would pass out. As I got into higher positions though it become one of the MOST important skills needed. So I just would let myself emotions of stress and anxiety 'float' and go through the motions of speaking. Usually just a bit into my talks I would start to relax and become more comfortable. Over time I would get less and less worried about it overall.

It takes a great deal of self-examination to learn how to distance yourself from unwanted emotions or defeat feelings, but practice does make perfect.

Cheers.

Oh god, I hate public speaking too! I always get really shaky and breathless and my mind goes blank. I know I'm going to have to face that at some point too, as it'll probably be required at some point down the line like you said.

That's really great that you were able to overcome it! Sounds like a case of practice makes perfect. I remember when I was 11 I had to do weekly presentations to the rest of my class, and my nerves improved hugely after a while. Shame my public speaking skills have regressed again.

I'm going to make a conscious effort to just force myself to ignore my anxiety and hopefully things will improve.

Thanks for your response!

noobletmcnugget

MissMary75044 wrote: »

Ask yourself which is worse, trying and failing, or the regret of not trying. Putting oneself out there is a risk, but you don't want to look back on things you could have done. You can't get the moment back.

I know and I know that if I don't do something about it it's only going to hold me back more and more as I get older. I feel like I've been trying my whole life though. I hate being like this. It just feels so ingrained in me.