Family tension when tracking macros and eating a simple diet?
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I'm not married but have been in long term relationships where there were times when one of us was more focused on fitness and/or nutrition than the other. In my experience, that can cause some insecurity and uneasiness with the partner who is not focusing on fitness and nutrition. My guess would be there is something deeper going on. Maybe she's feeling insecure about her body and her food choices or feeling like if you keep improving, you'll leave her behind, etc. We've all heard the horror stories of the partner who gets super fit and leaves their spouse for someone else who is super fit and fits into their new lifestyle. It's possible she's worried that you're growing apart because of these differences and the different dinner is an easy thing to point to to say, "See, we're too different now! We need to be on the same page!" I would talk to her more about where the root of this problem is really coming from and reassure her that you can eat different food for dinner and be on the same page and on the same team as life partners.
Also, I agree with the other posters who have suggested variety and compromise as well but I do think the root of the problem isn't really the food itself.
Best of luck to you, OP! I'm sure that with some good, open communication you two will work this out!0 -
Maybe try different foods within your macros. I eat a Paleo/traditional foods diet with lots of variation. Get some good grassfed meat, pastured pork, wild caught seafood, etc and take a break from the chicken breasts for a bit and eat the lovely healthy fat! You can get cheaper cuts of good quality meat and throw them in the slow cooker to make them succulent. Make a chicken curry, bake a crustless quiche, make breakfast for dinner, vary your complex carbs even including the occasional white potato (gasp, did I just say that?), some carbs are good for feeding your gut bacteria. I just bought the "Performance Paleo" cookbook and it's fantastic! The recipes are easy and focused on eating clean, I think something like that might be right up your alley. Also "Practical Paleo" is good. I'm not saying you have to go Paleo or whatever but they have good healthy receipes that would fit your goals that are easy to make. While I'm reluctant to criticize you too much because my husband does NO cooking (although I've set our lives up that way and he's a great hubs so I can't complain too much) I would not want to eat chicken breast every day. On the other hand you should be commended for eating well and trying to get your wife to do the same.0
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I'm married with a kiddo. My husband works a labor intense job, and is rather active, my kiddo has SPD and struggles with certain foods, and here I am with lupus, PCOS, and working to lose weight. We still all eat similar foods together, just modified to meet our individual needs.
So basically I make a base meal and some sides, that works for everyone, and how much/what they take, and what's added (to their own helpings) is all dependent on their needs. Not that hard, keeps it varied, and allows us all to still eat together with out to much work.0 -
I'll add another similar idea to the taco/burrito bar style dinner -- Baked potato night! We do this once every few weeks and it's a big hit with all the eating styles in our family. I bake a bunch of really big russets, and set out butter, greek yogurt, sour cream, steamed broccoli, bacon, cheese, perhaps some chili....and everyone gets to build their own dinner. The face-stuffers load up (and often take two potatoes) and I take one and just add small amounts of bacon and cheese and lots of greek yogurt.
Other fun "make your own" nights can build on individual pizzas (use either fresh dough or build on naan or other flatbread) or noodles and zoodles (I put out some of each so people can choose their mix) with either Asian- or Italian-style toppings.
Oooh, and omelets! That's a fun flexible dinner, too!
Now I want a baked potato with chili, sour cream, cheese, and guacamole. Sabotage!
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ILiftHeavyAcrylics wrote: »I'll add another similar idea to the taco/burrito bar style dinner -- Baked potato night! We do this once every few weeks and it's a big hit with all the eating styles in our family. I bake a bunch of really big russets, and set out butter, greek yogurt, sour cream, steamed broccoli, bacon, cheese, perhaps some chili....and everyone gets to build their own dinner. The face-stuffers load up (and often take two potatoes) and I take one and just add small amounts of bacon and cheese and lots of greek yogurt.
Other fun "make your own" nights can build on individual pizzas (use either fresh dough or build on naan or other flatbread) or noodles and zoodles (I put out some of each so people can choose their mix) with either Asian- or Italian-style toppings.
Oooh, and omelets! That's a fun flexible dinner, too!
Now I want a baked potato with chili, sour cream, cheese, and guacamole. Sabotage!
Healthy, delicious sabotage.0 -
ILiftHeavyAcrylics wrote: »I'll add another similar idea to the taco/burrito bar style dinner -- Baked potato night! We do this once every few weeks and it's a big hit with all the eating styles in our family. I bake a bunch of really big russets, and set out butter, greek yogurt, sour cream, steamed broccoli, bacon, cheese, perhaps some chili....and everyone gets to build their own dinner. The face-stuffers load up (and often take two potatoes) and I take one and just add small amounts of bacon and cheese and lots of greek yogurt.
Other fun "make your own" nights can build on individual pizzas (use either fresh dough or build on naan or other flatbread) or noodles and zoodles (I put out some of each so people can choose their mix) with either Asian- or Italian-style toppings.
Oooh, and omelets! That's a fun flexible dinner, too!
Now I want a baked potato with chili, sour cream, cheese, and guacamole. Sabotage!
Healthy, delicious sabotage.
Healthy and delicious, but I don't have any of that stuff. It may have to happen this week though.0 -
ILiftHeavyAcrylics wrote: »ILiftHeavyAcrylics wrote: »I'll add another similar idea to the taco/burrito bar style dinner -- Baked potato night! We do this once every few weeks and it's a big hit with all the eating styles in our family. I bake a bunch of really big russets, and set out butter, greek yogurt, sour cream, steamed broccoli, bacon, cheese, perhaps some chili....and everyone gets to build their own dinner. The face-stuffers load up (and often take two potatoes) and I take one and just add small amounts of bacon and cheese and lots of greek yogurt.
Other fun "make your own" nights can build on individual pizzas (use either fresh dough or build on naan or other flatbread) or noodles and zoodles (I put out some of each so people can choose their mix) with either Asian- or Italian-style toppings.
Oooh, and omelets! That's a fun flexible dinner, too!
Now I want a baked potato with chili, sour cream, cheese, and guacamole. Sabotage!
Healthy, delicious sabotage.
Healthy and delicious, but I don't have any of that stuff. It may have to happen this week though.
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How much effort do you put into bodybuilding? If it is something that has become very important to you and your lifestyle is focused on it, which is not uncommon for people really into bodybuilding, then maybe this is time to have a discussion with your wife, listen to how she feels about the changes and figure out what you both can live with.
I personally exercise regulalry, watch my diet etc and have done so for years, definitely more than the aevrage person I know does. But still this is nowhere close to what some of the bodybuilders I know do, and to be honest, even as someone who spends quite some time at the gym myself, worry about my nutrients etc, I could not live or feel attracted to someone fully into the bodybuilding lifestyle. The spending endless time at the gym, focusing on weighing everything, calculating nutrients, looking into supplements, worrying about gains etc, it is not something that would appeal to me. If you were not like this when she met you, and if now it is consuming a big part of your thoughts, activities, conversations, she might be honestly confused and not sure she can support you on this. It is not for everyone.
As for the physical changes, it depends on what your goals are, and how much you wish to change from how you looked so far. Different people find different looks attractive. It is not always judgement or jealousy or whatever, not everyone likes the bodybuilder's look (I mean as in competitive bodybuilding, not just someone who strenght trains), it is just personal preference, same as not everyone like men with long beards, or certain styles of clothes etc.
Thank you for your comments! You bring up some good points. I don't put that many hours into working out (work out around 5 times per week, and I'm usually out by the time she's off work), but the weighing things aspect may have some impact. This is something I am actively communicating about with her, and I think we're slowly making progress.0 -
Protein and fat are satiating, meaning that fried chicken and other protein sources (eggs, steak, pork, turkey, fish) would also be satiating.
In this situation, if my significant other made something that she or he wanted to make and decided to weigh everything out and then weighed out the final portion, if it were something I enjoyed and I had the macros for it I would eat it. At the end of the night, satiety isn't a huge concern. If I were to get home and there was steak and potatoes all cooked out, and assuming it would enable me to hit my fat and protein needs, then I'd totally eat it.
I truly do not see a diet consisting of pretty much only chicken breast and veggies to last you in the long haul. Are you getting enough dietary fat with this kind of diet? chicken breast and veggies will not provide you with enough fat.
There is actually a satiety index that deals with more than just macronutrients. Are you aware of it? For instance, donuts are considered to be rather poor at satiating eaters, while boiled potatoes are very satisfying. Fried chicken is very densely caloric (and also tends to be very high in sodium), meaning I wouldn't be able to eat nearly as much of it as I would leaner chicken. That's also why I prefer to have big salads to get some of my carbs instead of having a small bowl of rice.
http://www.mendosa.com/satiety.htm
In terms of weighing things, as I said, it's something I'm really considering. I do appreciate your feedback on that point.
As for what my diet consists of, I'm afraid you're a bit off there. I said I eat a lot of white meats, healthy fats, and steamed veggies. I didn't say I eat only those things, and I didn't mention ratios. I pretty consistently eat fat for around 25% of my calories, and I get it from a variety of sources.0 -
kmsoucy457 wrote: »Sauces? If she doesn't mid the extra calories of a homemade sauce, eating the same thing makes it seem like something different. Easy homemade sauces: Sweet n sour with pineapple, cilantro lime, cheese (omnomnomnom), red pepper pesto, even tomato sauce from a jar (if you would like any of the recipes just ask!). Some of these are healthy, some are not. Most freeze well for individual portions. You can make this on the side, and she can top the protein and veggies with it for some kick.
Also, I'm sure you eat more than just chicken! Lean pork? fish? Lean ground turkey? Tofu? Tempeh? All of these above sauces work well in some combo with these proteins.
Sauces are a good idea! Unfortunately, I don't live in America. I don't have access to many lean meats (pork and beef are mostly fatty cuts), and turkey isn't commercially available. I do tuna sometimes (fresh and canned) and do like to use eggs, but she doesn't really like the latter.0 -
My husband works long hours and I work from home. We have two young boys. I do the majority of the cooking. Typically our meals are all variants of one meal. I add more veggies to mine and less starching stuff. More starchy stuff from the husband and for the kids typically the same item but with some stuff taken out (i.e. onions or tomatoes). Some days though, we all have different things. We try to as a family but it doesn't always work out.
Now, on the weekends, my husband sometimes gets an urge to get into the kitchen and cook. He makes an awesome breakfast with homemade hashbrowns and bisquits and gravy or he makes incredible blue cheese burgers with ortegas and grilled pineapple. Like your wife, he is always willing to weigh or do whatever I need. I tell him what I would like and he does it happily. AND I always eat when he cooks...1. because its a treat to not have to cook and 2. he does it out of love.0 -
In my house, we do the "Chipotle" style eating that the first poster suggested. It works well for us. (even with two little kids)
One thing, though: Is she active, healthy and in god shape? Or Did you by chance have the same eating habits before and suddenly you are getting in shape and have found new hobbies (gym, sports etc...) and she has remained the same? (these questions are meant for you to ponder, but they are none of my business)
I am asking because I don't think the separate food thing is really the issue here. I think that she might feel left behind and/or is insecure about your new lifestyle.
I mean "family time" should not be affected because one person has a chicken breast on the plate and the other one has a pork chop.
If she wants to cook for you a Paula Deen-style meal every once in a while, then indulge! (That is if you like the food, and if you don't, the you can always compromise on occasions)
But sometimes, when to people live a certain lifestyle (let's say drinking, partying, indulging in food) and one of the people suddenly starts changing; then the other person can feel left out, insecure about the future etc...
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4bettermenow wrote: »My husband works long hours and I work from home. We have two young boys. I do the majority of the cooking. Typically our meals are all variants of one meal. I add more veggies to mine and less starching stuff. More starchy stuff from the husband and for the kids typically the same item but with some stuff taken out (i.e. onions or tomatoes). Some days though, we all have different things. We try to as a family but it doesn't always work out.
Now, on the weekends, my husband sometimes gets an urge to get into the kitchen and cook. He makes an awesome breakfast with homemade hashbrowns and bisquits and gravy or he makes incredible blue cheese burgers with ortegas and grilled pineapple. Like your wife, he is always willing to weigh or do whatever I need. I tell him what I would like and he does it happily. AND I always eat when he cooks...1. because its a treat to not have to cook and 2. he does it out of love.
And it sounds like it tastes really really good??? :laugh:
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4bettermenow wrote: »My husband works long hours and I work from home. We have two young boys. I do the majority of the cooking. Typically our meals are all variants of one meal. I add more veggies to mine and less starching stuff. More starchy stuff from the husband and for the kids typically the same item but with some stuff taken out (i.e. onions or tomatoes). Some days though, we all have different things. We try to as a family but it doesn't always work out.
Now, on the weekends, my husband sometimes gets an urge to get into the kitchen and cook. He makes an awesome breakfast with homemade hashbrowns and bisquits and gravy or he makes incredible blue cheese burgers with ortegas and grilled pineapple. Like your wife, he is always willing to weigh or do whatever I need. I tell him what I would like and he does it happily. AND I always eat when he cooks...1. because its a treat to not have to cook and 2. he does it out of love.
And it sounds like it tastes really really good??? :laugh:
Oh well..there is that too!
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4bettermenow wrote: »My husband works long hours and I work from home. We have two young boys. I do the majority of the cooking. Typically our meals are all variants of one meal. I add more veggies to mine and less starching stuff. More starchy stuff from the husband and for the kids typically the same item but with some stuff taken out (i.e. onions or tomatoes). Some days though, we all have different things. We try to as a family but it doesn't always work out.
Now, on the weekends, my husband sometimes gets an urge to get into the kitchen and cook. He makes an awesome breakfast with homemade hashbrowns and bisquits and gravy or he makes incredible blue cheese burgers with ortegas and grilled pineapple. Like your wife, he is always willing to weigh or do whatever I need. I tell him what I would like and he does it happily. AND I always eat when he cooks...1. because its a treat to not have to cook and 2. he does it out of love.
Thanks so much for your comment! Yeah, I've talked with her, and she said she'd be happy to weigh things out. We'll try it, and I'll make an effort to find ways to make her things she enjoys.0 -
beachhouse758 wrote: »In my house, we do the "Chipotle" style eating that the first poster suggested. It works well for us. (even with two little kids)
One thing, though: Is she active, healthy and in god shape? Or Did you by chance have the same eating habits before and suddenly you are getting in shape and have found new hobbies (gym, sports etc...) and she has remained the same? (these questions are meant for you to ponder, but they are none of my business)
I am asking because I don't think the separate food thing is really the issue here. I think that she might feel left behind and/or is insecure about your new lifestyle.
I mean "family time" should not be affected because one person has a chicken breast on the plate and the other one has a pork chop.
If she wants to cook for you a Paula Deen-style meal every once in a while, then indulge! (That is if you like the food, and if you don't, the you can always compromise on occasions)
But sometimes, when to people live a certain lifestyle (let's say drinking, partying, indulging in food) and one of the people suddenly starts changing; then the other person can feel left out, insecure about the future etc...
Thanks so much for your comment. Well, I basically laid it all out on the table with my original post, so I don't mind your asking at all. It's hard to say exactly what all the factors are, but she's never had a problem with portion control or weight gain, and says she hates exercise. I don't push too hard past that.
You definitely have a good point, though. I feel as though part of her view of family time might be cultural, however: we're in Japan, where even at restaurants, people very rarely order their own food. It's customary for a couple to order 5 or 6 dishes a la carte and share them.
I'll take your insights into account, and I'm sure we'll find a solution. Thanks so much.0
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